A few thoughts about Thai women and marriage.

[anamericaninbangkok]

Two theories:

Forgive me if you addressed this already, but I am very curious, although I dont have much interest in Thailand.

Ladislav stated previously that the racism against white foreigners is intense, with Thais making negative comments about his race in Thai behind his back. Have you experienced anything like this? If so, how pervasive is it and how do you deal with it?

As a foreigner you will never be Thai. They are very nationalistic but as far as some of the negative comments made by Ladislav, I disagree with most of them. The average Thai could give a shit where you're from as long as you pay for what it is you want and are decent to them. Once in a great while I'll come across some Thai with a bad attitude towards foreigners (or just me) but this doesn't happen very often. Certainly not enough to stop me from living here.

Melt into the culture as best you can, don't make any serious waves, and accept the Mai Pen Rai mentality and most people will have very few problems.

Here's the thing about breaking into the inner circle of the "rich, Chinese-Thai." If you're in America and want to break into the circle of the wealthy, you need wealth. So it's not so different than anywhere. If you want a hot chick with big money from a wealthy family, you better bring something special to the table.

Here are some kinds of foreigners that Thai women from different regions tend to marry, or be in long-term relationships with.


1. The taller, lighter-skinned Northwestern Thai women (from Chiang Mai, Chiang Rai) are actually popular with middle-class Japanese men in Thailand.

2. Isaan women tend to score middle-aged whites (usually English-speaking and German-speaking), as discussed many times on this forum.

3. Chinese-Thai women from Central Thailand are far more likely to stick to ethnic Chinese from anywhere.

4. Ethnic minority hill-tribes almost always marry within their own ethnic groups; sometimes cross-border marriages may happen, such as with Burma or Laos. Some rare exceptions include Matthew McDaniel's marriage to an Akha woman.

Just curious, where are you getting all of your information and how long have you been in Thailand?

Women from Chiang Mai and Chiang Rai are popular with most foreigners, not only Japanese. Most guys who come here as sex tourists will never hook up with these kind of women though, instead opting for the Isaan women. The Isaan women are laid back as long as they're getting money for themselves and for their families. I've had two girlfriends from Isaan. One was a cute, sweet girl who never asked for money but I eventually dumped her because we had very little in common and I figured it wasn't going to last. The other was slim and sexy but money hungry. I cut her ass loose after a couple of months. I stayed in Udon for about a year and there were farang from all over the world living there...Dutch, Austrians, Swiss, French, Germans, as well as Brits, Canadians, and Americans...you name it...

In my case, I married a girl from Southern Thailand. They have very little in common with Isaaners. They're willing to work hard for their money, stubborn, hard-headed, and are unwilling to turn the other cheek when you screw around on them. The southern women I've been with never asked for a dime and generally middle class.

[Falcon]

Just curious, where are you getting all of your information and how long have you been in Thailand?

Women from Chiang Mai and Chiang Rai are popular with most foreigners, not only Japanese. Most guys who come here as sex tourists will never hook up with these kind of women though, instead opting for the Isaan women. The Isaan women are laid back as long as they're getting money for themselves and for their families. I've had two girlfriends from Isaan. One was a cute, sweet girl who never asked for money but I eventually dumped her because we had very little in common and I figured it wasn't going to last. The other was slim and sexy but money hungry. I cut her a** loose after a couple of months. I stayed in Udon for about a year and there were farang from all over the world living there...Dutch, Austrians, Swiss, French, Germans, as well as Brits, Canadians, and Americans...you name it...

In my case, I married a girl from Southern Thailand. They have very little in common with Isaaners. They're willing to work hard for their money, stubborn, hard-headed, and are unwilling to turn the other cheek when you screw around on them. The southern women I've been with never asked for a dime and generally middle class.

I've stayed here for a few weeks, but made good use of it. I'm just a more inquisitive kind of person who tries to go more local.

Here's what I mean by going local: I went to a non-tourist wat (temple) with a Thai woman, where there were almost no foreigners at all, and performed rituals together with the Thais there. I've taken local buses where there were absolutely no foreigners at all, except maybe for a few savvy Chinese and Japanese residents. I ride songthews (covered pickups) sometimes, where everyone lining up for them is Thai. I like eating at the hole-in-the-wall food places where that Thais frequent.

[anamericaninbangkok]

Just curious, where are you getting all of your information and how long have you been in Thailand?

Women from Chiang Mai and Chiang Rai are popular with most foreigners, not only Japanese. Most guys who come here as sex tourists will never hook up with these kind of women though, instead opting for the Isaan women. The Isaan women are laid back as long as they're getting money for themselves and for their families. I've had two girlfriends from Isaan. One was a cute, sweet girl who never asked for money but I eventually dumped her because we had very little in common and I figured it wasn't going to last. The other was slim and sexy but money hungry. I cut her a** loose after a couple of months. I stayed in Udon for about a year and there were farang from all over the world living there...Dutch, Austrians, Swiss, French, Germans, as well as Brits, Canadians, and Americans...you name it...

In my case, I married a girl from Southern Thailand. They have very little in common with Isaaners. They're willing to work hard for their money, stubborn, hard-headed, and are unwilling to turn the other cheek when you screw around on them. The southern women I've been with never asked for a dime and generally middle class.

I've stayed here for a few weeks, but made good use of it. I'm just a more inquisitive kind of person who tries to go more local.

Here's what I mean by going local: I went to a non-tourist wat (temple) with a Thai woman, where there were almost no foreigners at all, and performed rituals together with the Thais there. I've taken local buses where there were absolutely no foreigners at all, except maybe for a few savvy Chinese and Japanese residents. I ride songthews (covered pickups) sometimes, where everyone lining up for them is Thai. I like eating at the hole-in-the-wall food places where that Thais frequent.

It's good you are going local. I know guys who have been here for 25 years and they speak ten words of Thai and never go outside of Bangkok. I've been in the rice fields, in the jungles...and eat in hole in the wall places at least once or twice a day. I personally didn't come to Thailand to live like an American. I'll take the buses sometimes but I prefer taking boat taxis if possible. Has Rock taken one yet?

While it's nice to have some creature comforts available, I prefer getting out of Bangkok, and staying on our land in Surat. In the middle of nowhere...just like I like it. No English spoken while we're there, other than perhaps between my wife and I.

[Repatriate]

Most of the men in relationships with older women who I have seen looking miserable are with lo-so Thais, not middle class or above.

Yes but most foreign men in relationships with Thais are in lo-so relationships. The economic gap from the statistics are striking especially considering that most foreign men are with Isaan women.

3) Thai women are poor mothers? Where did this rubbish come from? Focused on self-centered living? Jesus Christ...what a stereotype.

Handsfree? Definitely not my experience. We've had a maid and housekeeper and neither of us were absentee parents. While I agree that many Thai kids lack discipline, I would say my kids are probably the most well-mannered children I've seen here. Absolute gems and I personally think it's because the wife and I are both very strict with them, make them do their chores, make them do their homework as soon as they come home, keep them active, etc. That said, when I go to their school functions or take them to a friends house or have their friends over to our place, the children are well-mannered and listen when an adult speaks to them. I personally think the children who are the worst tend to be from the very poor or the very rich. The very poor are socially inept and haven't a clue while the extremely rich are too busy to care. Not necessarily a Thai thing though as many who are rich haven't the time for their children.

You might be an exception and i've seen quite a few exceptions around with Thai parents who were active in their child's parenting but overall this is _not_ true for most Thais. Kids are allowed to do whatever they want and even with middle/upper middle class Thais there is a propensity to send the kids off to an expensive school and dust their hands off and be done with it. There is very little parental guidance going on, at least compared with the NE asian countries. Keep in mind that the middle class in Thailand is still comparatively small but seems deceptively large in Bangkok. I knew people who were raised in Thailand their whole lives who had strict parents and grew up with a sense of discipline but this is not the case for most Thais.

5) My guess is you haven't hooked up with many decent women. I know and have slept with quite a few Thais who wouldn't dream of asking for money. They may expect you to pay for their dinner but that's it. Also, if a woman is in a relationship with some wealthy Thai as a mistress, chances are she is one of two things; in desperate need of money or she's not what people in Thai society consider to be a decent girl.

I've stayed in Thailand for nearly 7 years. I dated all kinds of women across the economic strata but the majority were middle class and up and many of them studied abroad in the U.S. or spent considerable time in the U.S. too. That really didn't change them that much. I don't date whores if that's what you're implying and I blend in seamlessly with the Thai-Chinese crowd so I tended to see and hear a lot of things that they probably wouldn't open up to around obvious farang.


Hey everyone.

I know I said I wouldn't post on this forum anymore but someone dropped me an e-mail telling me this thread was resurrected so I thought i'd post here for a limited time at least. I'm back in the U.S. at the moment doing some work but i'll be back in Thailand in a few months.

[Repatriate]

Do not jumble filipinas with thais....the only filipina you met are probably P4p BGs you meet in Angeles

Filipinas make the best mothers....they dont push their children to extremes like chinese parents do...but they do put an premium in education
There is a freaking reason why filipino-americans has the 2nd highest personal income and the 3rd most COllege graduates amongst asian americans

FYI in 2006 there were more marriages between a Filipina and a Japanese national then any other international marriage...

I didn't "jumble" Filipinas with Thais actually my post was about my experience with Thais in Thailand so I don't know what you're ranting about, sport.

[Rock]

Repatriate!!! Welcome back I missed having you here as I think Winston told you by PM. Now stay but and don't leave again lol. BTW, Winston is behaving much better now. He doesn't even post that much plus he's currently in the US. Perhaps you guys can meet up in Vegas.

[Repatriate]

Repatriate!!! Welcome back I missed having you here as I think Winston told you by PM. Now stay but and don't leave again lol. BTW, Winston is behaving much better now. He doesn't even post that much plus he's currently in the US. Perhaps you guys can meet up in Vegas.

Thanks. I think the time away has been really beneficial for me. We'll see how it goes for awhile. Is Winston living in Vegas?

[Rock]

Repatriate!!! Welcome back I missed having you here as I think Winston told you by PM. Now stay but and don't leave again lol. BTW, Winston is behaving much better now. He doesn't even post that much plus he's currently in the US. Perhaps you guys can meet up in Vegas.

Thanks. I think the time away has been really beneficial for me. We'll see how it goes for awhile. Is Winston living in Vegas?

Yep, for the time being anyway. That's where the parents are. BTW, how do u like my avatar? I don't think I had it up last u were here.

[Repatriate]

Repatriate!!! Welcome back I missed having you here as I think Winston told you by PM. Now stay but and don't leave again lol. BTW, Winston is behaving much better now. He doesn't even post that much plus he's currently in the US. Perhaps you guys can meet up in Vegas.

Thanks. I think the time away has been really beneficial for me. We'll see how it goes for awhile. Is Winston living in Vegas?

Yep, for the time being anyway. That's where the parents are. BTW, how do u like my avatar? I don't think I had it up last u were here.

Pretty good Not fat with an ass to bounce pennies off of that's rare in asian women.

[Winston]

Repatriate!!! Welcome back I missed having you here as I think Winston told you by PM. Now stay but and don't leave again lol. BTW, Winston is behaving much better now. He doesn't even post that much plus he's currently in the US. Perhaps you guys can meet up in Vegas.

Thanks. I think the time away has been really beneficial for me. We'll see how it goes for awhile. Is Winston living in Vegas?

Yep, for the time being anyway. That's where the parents are. BTW, how do u like my avatar? I don't think I had it up last u were here.

My parents already went back to Taiwan. I'm here in Vegas alone now. I may take another camping and hiking trip to Utah though. I love it there a lot. The nature there is amazing and rejuvenating, and the people are much nicer and friendlier than in general America.

I did meet MarkLambo here in Vegas though. He's pretty cool.

What did you mean about me meeting Repatriate in Vegas? He's here too? Why? How do you know?

Welcome back Repatriate! Some people have missed you, especially Rock. I've never seen him write three exclamation marks before to welcome someone. lol

This time, let's go easy ok? lol

Btw, Rock, Falcon and Xiongmao are in Thailand now. Where are you at? Maybe you can meet up with them? It's awesome when the guys here meet in person. We tend to vibe well together and have good memories together. Plus, more things tend to happen around us when we are together. For example, more things happen to me and Rock when we are out together than if we are separate. It's like our energy magnifies and produces more events when we are together with other HA members and friends.

[anamericaninbangkok]

Yes but most foreign men in relationships with Thais are in lo-so relationships. The economic gap from the statistics are striking especially considering that most foreign men are with Isaan women.

Empirical evidence? Please send me a link as I'd like to see what it shows. I'd also know what the statistics view as lo-so vs. mid-so and hi-so.

IMO - Short-term expats and tourists flock to the Isaaners because they're easy to hook up with. Long-time expats with any semblance of class or brains either end up with a decent woman or dead miserable. Most of the people I hang out with here, both Thai and Farang, are professionals or retirees. Out of them, only one has been with an Isaan girl and he divorced her. One friend of mine, a lawyer who has assisted me with several matters is a Southerner. He fell for an Isaan woman. They planned to marry however his family said she was unacceptable as a wife and they split up.

I had one girlfriend who was from Isaan. She was a student and while she wasn't well off, she wasn't the typical student bothering her family or I for money. Eventually I dumped her because I thought it was a mistake and I could not see staying with her for the long-term.

3) Thai women are poor mothers? Where did this rubbish come from? Focused on self-centered living? Jesus Christ...what a stereotype.

You might be an exception and i've seen quite a few exceptions around with Thai parents who were active in their child's parenting but overall this is _not_ true for most Thais. Kids are allowed to do whatever they want and even with middle/upper middle class Thais there is a propensity to send the kids off to an expensive school and dust their hands off and be done with it. There is very little parental guidance going on, at least compared with the NE asian countries. Keep in mind that the middle class in Thailand is still comparatively small but seems deceptively large in Bangkok. I knew people who were raised in Thailand their whole lives who had strict parents and grew up with a sense of discipline but this is not the case for most Thais.

I don't think I'm an exception at all and to say Thai women are poor mothers is a gross stereotype. Maybe the type of women I have associated myself with in the past are quite a bit different than the women other expats associate with, hard to say.

I have friends from the farms and rubber and palm plantations to a General who is now in the Thai Senate. I also live smack dab in the middle of a street where Thai kids and my own kids interact with each other on a daily basis. Maybe our block is the exception but I don't believe so. While there are times when unsupervised Thai kids running around in the mall or elsewhere can get on my nerves, the children my kids go to school with and their parents seem to take a much different approach than what you've experienced. The kids and their mothers often come over to our house and at least from what they've said to my wife, none of them are dusting off their hands of the children, nor do they plan to do so.

I have several very influential Thai friends - two Generals, a Thai-Chinese filthy rich real estate developer, the owner of a diamond shop, and two other guys. Out of these six, one sent his daughter to a private school abroad. All of the children of the others lived at home into their early twenties just after graduating. One is still in school studying to be a doctor.

My point is that saying that Thai mothers are poor mothers is a blanket statement. Are some Thai children undisciplined, certainly, but there are also many who are extremely disciplined in whatever they do. Are they less disciplined than some other Asian countries, yes. Does that make their mothers poor parents though? Not necessarily - I guess it depends on the definition of a good mother.

I'm not sure why you think I'm implying you date whores. What I wrote was that if a woman is in a relationship as a mistress with a wealthy Thai, chances are she's one of two things, in desperate need of money and/or not what people in Thai society consider a "decent girl," whether right or wrong.

I've stayed in Thailand for nearly 20 years not including the 3 years or so I came here before moving here. You may seamlessly fit in but
I've been in just about every possible situation a person could find themselves in. If my not being a drunken old f**k who sits out on his farm living off his 20,000 baht a month pension or some dirt-poor expat with some uneducated farm girl as my wife.

I've received the VIP treatment many times over and have done things and been to many places farang don't have a clue about. I too have dated all kinds of women across the economic strata. So...maybe in these instances I am an exception but I find this hard to believe considering many of my friends live similar lives. Some of the women I dated studied in Australia, the UK, Switzerland and the US and some still live there....but I'm not sure how relevant this is other than to state neither of us lives with Isaan sluts.

[Repatriate]

My parents already went back to Taiwan. I'm here in Vegas alone now. I may take another camping and hiking trip to Utah though. I love it there a lot. The nature there is amazing and rejuvenating, and the people are much nicer and friendlier than in general America.

Hello Winston.

What are you doing in Vegas btw?

Btw, Rock, Falcon and Xiongmao are in Thailand now. Where are you at? Maybe you can meet up with them? It's awesome when the guys here meet in person. We tend to vibe well together and have good memories together. Plus, more things tend to happen around us when we are together. For example, more things happen to me and Rock when we are out together than if we are separate. It's like our energy magnifies and produces more events when we are together with other HA members and friends.

I've been in the U.S. for the past 6 months. I'm going to be back in Thailand in Sept but I came back to the U.S. to plan out my parent's retirement. They are going to be going to Taiwan. I've been prepping their house for sale, arranging the loads of paperwork, and just getting everything ready. It's a pretty complicated process.

In my own life i'm selling the property I own in the U.S. and am planning on creating a sustainable life abroad where I can be anywhere I want to be.

I'm not sure when i'll return to the U.S. once I leave this time. Maybe when I find a stable someone and have kids in mind I may resettle in the U.S. again.

[Repatriate]

Empirical evidence? Please send me a link as I'd like to see what it shows. I'd also know what the statistics view as lo-so vs. mid-so and hi-so.

There was a couple studies done on foreign marriage with Thai women both came to the conclusion that the wealth gap was a real issue. One was in the Bangkok post many years ago and another was an independent study by a human rights org. Do I remember where those articles are now? Not really but if you look around you'll find various resources at least backing up those assertions.

IMO - Short-term expats and tourists flock to the Isaaners because they're easy to hook up with. Long-time expats with any semblance of class or brains either end up with a decent woman or dead miserable. Most of the people I hang out with here, both Thai and Farang, are professionals or retirees. Out of them, only one has been with an Isaan girl and he divorced her. One friend of mine, a lawyer who has assisted me with several matters is a Southerner. He fell for an Isaan woman. They planned to marry however his family said she was unacceptable as a wife and they split up.

Kudos to you for hanging out with the creme of Thailand or some such. I think what we have here is a perception gap based on age. I know you're in your 50's. I am a relatively young man in my 30's who was in Thailand in my 20's up into my 30's. The overwhelming number of friends I had were the 20 something children of middle to upper middle class Thais. Some of them were also very well connected in Thai society. I'm talking more about the Thai generation now and the general decline of the youth here. Thai culture especially the young generation doesn't remain static. In my opinion and in the opinion of some of the more candid honest thais they'll tell you it appears to have gotten much worse culturally speaking when it comes to ethics, marriage, and education.

And yes, to be quite honest I don't think Thai parenting is up to snuff with the other NE Asian countries. I saw first hand how a lot of the privileged and not so privileged youth in Thailand behaved behind closed doors. Yes, even those so called nice kids who studied abroad.

You might say that Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, and/or Korean parents are too strict but they certainly get the job done in creating educated competitive people who produce results in a global competitive economy. There is a reason why Thailand is still mired in so much corruption and is still small fry (despite having much greater resource advantages) compared with those powerhouses. It sounds like you've been drinking the Thai cultural kool-aid a bit too much. Look at the bigger picture, start with the CIA worldfactbook stats and look at all those countries side by side and why things are the way they are on a micro level as well. It's eye opening indeed.


I like Thailand for what it is but it's a far cry from NE Asia in just about every category.

[anamericaninbangkok]

Kudos to you for hanging out with the creme of Thailand or some such. I think what we have here is a perception gap based on age. I know you're in your 50's. I am a relatively young man in my 30's who was in Thailand in my 20's up into my 30's. The overwhelming number of friends I had were the 20 something children of middle to upper middle class Thais. Some of them were also very well connected in Thai society. I'm talking more about the Thai generation now and the general decline of the youth here. Thai culture especially the young generation doesn't remain static. In my opinion and in the opinion of some of the more candid honest thais they'll tell you it appears to have gotten much worse culturally speaking when it comes to ethics, marriage, and education.

I thought we were talking about Thai women and marriage and how Thais make poor mothers?

Before I go on though...what I've told you is only the tip of the iceberg but I don't deserve any kudos for hanging out with the crème de la crème of Thailand. Not everyone who comes here is hanging out in beer bars and go-go's or hanging out with with the scum of the country. Scum attracts scum, quality attracts quality. I didn't move here for the p***y, I'm attracted to white-skinned Thais as much or more than dark-skinned Thais, and I was friends with a few Thais in the US before ever traveling here.

I agree with the fact that Thailand is losing much of it's culture and the word ethics is virtually unknown here. The rising divorce rates and poor education system are also huge issues. But this doesn't necessarily mean it's because of mothers being poor parents. Blaming the parents is easy, it is more related to the society, culture, and government in general.

When corruption becomes the norm, ethics become abnormal and thus sets the trend for future generations.

I doubt the Thais you have spoken with were any more candid and honest than those I've spoken with. I'm assuming you're Asian and I do not doubt your relationships. However, as I said before, my own interactions and friendships have ranged from farmers all the way up to a man who is now in the Thai senate. The majority of which are very wealthy and very influential. Some of these friendships have grown over the course of 15-20 years. I've been to these people's houses, slept in their homes, been to their offices, hung out with their extended families, gotten drunk and laid with their kids in places like Colombia, and given presentations in board rooms and in front of the Thai press. I've traveled throughout Thailand with them and traveled halfway around the world with a handful of others. I've been written about in the Thai press and have been on television several times. I didn't look to do any of these things, but they all happened. So while you were here seven years — I've been here around 20+ years in total — there is no substitute for experience and I've experienced much more than you will ever know, including seeing what goes on behind closed doors.

Do you honestly believe that because you ran with Thais for seven years that other foreigners, especially Farang, are incapable of being close to middle-class or hi-so Thais or understanding them? It may be natural to assume so but of course it's untrue.

And yes, to be quite honest I don't think Thai parenting is up to snuff with the other NE Asian countries. I saw first hand how a lot of the privileged and not so privileged youth in Thailand behaved behind closed doors. Yes, even those so called nice kids who studied abroad.

I like Thailand for what it is but it's a far cry from NE Asia in just about every category.

The parenting skills and methods are certainly different, but then so are the cultures. That doesn't make the parents poor parents. Is the fact Thailand rates low compared to other Asian countries because of the parenting or is it because of the government, the culture, and the crappy education system? I believe it's due to the later.

The other thing is I could give a shit how the Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese and Koreans treat their children, seriously. What I do care about is how may wife and I treat our own kids and we turn out productive citizens. The big negative here is the education system. We've paid through the nose for what I feel is a sub-par education (approximately $900 a month for two kids). We've got a few options but none are acceptable; move back to the US, liquidate all my assets, some of which have been in my family for years, or start earning more money here. This will take time...This, as well as pollution, traffic, and corruption are issues I will eventually bend to my satisfaction.

You might say that Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, and/or Korean parents are too strict but they certainly get the job done in creating educated competitive people who produce results in a global competitive economy. There is a reason why Thailand is still mired in so much corruption and is still small fry (despite having much greater resource advantages) compared with those powerhouses. It sounds like you've been drinking the Thai cultural kool-aid a bit too much. Look at the bigger picture, start with the CIA worldfactbook stats and look at all those countries side by side and why things are the way they are on a micro level as well. It's eye opening indeed.

Drinking the Kool-Aid? You act like you're the only person on this forum who has any insight to Thai culture. Also, you're writing about cultural and societal problems and comparing countries. I was writing about Farang marriages to Thais and how I disagree that Thais are poor mothers. What does the CIA Factbook and where Thailand rates have to do with marriage to Thai women or mothers being lousy parents? It doesn't. When looking at the bigger picture parenting is a relatively small aspect of why Thailand rates low. Personally, I think the ไม่เป็นไร mentality of Thais, which endears them to so many tourists also adds to their countries dismal overall performance.

[ari]

I am engaged to an educated Thai woman. She appears to be a very sweet woman. She has a PHD & is currently working in Australia, when she is finished there she will come to USA to marry me then we return to Thailand to live. We were skyping & emailing but these have almost came to a stop. She has no experience in the real world, well traveled but has never had a boyfriend & is a virgin. She is not very thoughtful & seems to make me a second thought anymore. There will be more than a week or two before she emails me. Granted. the time is different between USA & Australia but there is no effort on her part to contact me. I work 75-80 hours a week & find time to at least email her. Is this type of thought lessness common with Thai women espcially educated ones?? Please let me know. She does not want american citizenship or any money from me. I am starting to have some second thoughts about this relationship. IS this cultural, a thai women personality or just her characterlogical make-up. Need some insight here from the professionals.