So yes, I did end up going out with an Isaan (rural NE Thai) woman, who's from the Thai-Cambodian border region. However, I found that my experience dating her was far, far different from what most farangs (white folks) had been saying about their dates with Isaan women. My past experience dating rural Mexican women has certainly been a major plus; another thing is that being a young East Asian guy in his 20's who tries to "go Thai" does make a huge difference.
None of what I had ever read online would have prepared me for the wonderful times I've had dating this wonderful Isaan lady.
This is a long post with lots of savory stuff, so enjoy.
What's been written about Isaan women so far
Most of what's been blabbed about relationships with Isaan women on the Internet, in English, is about middle-aged farangs with young Isaan bar girls, from the lonely middle-aged farang's perspective. Anything else about Isaan women is virtually not written about. Usually, Isaan women have been getting a lot of flak as money-grubbing unfaithful leeches, but this is because the bar-hopping mongers and the well-off Bangkok expats have been by far the most vocal. From what I've seen, there is far, far more to Isaan women than simply the bar scene.
Isaan folks are everywhere in Bangkok, and they are the heart and soul of Bangkok's working class. Many of them work as street vendors, restaurant workers, taxi drivers, motorbike drivers, construction workers, janitors, and all sorts of very visible occupations. I've had many great conversations with taxi drivers and street vendors from Isaan. Yet there is surprisingly little English-language material about the Isaan men and women who work in these highly visible jobs.
Nevertheless, because I'm in Bangkok for professional purposes, I also interact significantly with upper-middle-class central Thais in top-notch universities and organizations, and also have some of them as online friends and chat buddies. However, I keep them and my Isaan friends completely separate from each other. Rock told me that it would be very risky to take an Isaan girlfriend to a Thai university or company, as that would often be seen as inappropriate. So, my Isaan girlfriend will have to kept secret from my urban central Thai acquaintances, in most cases.
About her
So, my Thai girlfriend is not at all a stick-thin 20-something-year-old girl in a bar girl uniform, and I have never been to a bar with her before. I met her while I was playing music on the street, and she approached me first while a Thai guy was still talking to me. She started chatting with me, and the rest was history.
My Thai lady is actually somewhat older than me (same case with Everdred and his gf), wears no makeup at all except for basic lip gloss sometimes, is not stick-thin, and has a very down-to-earth and genuine look. She is actually quite dark even for an Isaan woman, and is an ethnic Khmer from Sisaket Province. I've shown pictures of her to Rock, who then commented that he honestly she looks like an "obasan" (Taiwanese slang for an unattractive middle-aged woman) or that she'd be a maid. I found that to be really hilarious though and laughed it off; Rock also made sure he didn't offend me in any way.
Talking her talk, walking her walk, eating her grub (literally), and going temple-hopping with her are very, very highly rewarding. We cuddle a lot, sing together, dance together, and go exploring together. We're able to develop a kind of deep mutual understanding and care for each other that she said would have been quite difficult to do so with a typical middle-aged farang. Plus, I seem to be the closest equivalent she can get to dating a well-educated central Thai too.
Xiongmao has actually met my Thai lady in person. She took us to a hole-in-the-wall restaurant hidden in a poorer corner of town. Since the restaurant had karaoke set up, she sang a lot of catchy Isaan morlam songs, while she and I danced together, moving our arms in wave-like fashion. Xiongmao was intrigued at how the dancing seemed to look quite Indian. The songs were in Lao (Isaan), and had themes such as "Sao Phutai" (young Phuthai lady [the Phuthai are an ethnic minority from the Sakon Nakhon area of Isaan].
I then gave her 100 Thai baht to buy several big bags of insects for us all to eat. And voila! She came back with fried grasshoppers, big crickets, smaller crickets, water beetles, spicy red ant salad, and even silkworm pupae! Unfortunately she fed the spicy red ant salad to Xiongmao first, which got him choking and apparently a bit traumatized by the extreme spice. I think Xiongmao tried a few crickets later on, but then decided not to go any further. At least he got something checked off his to-do list!
The two of us have ridden public buses (often around 7 baht, but often free), songthews (pickup trucks), boats, taxis, and trains all over Bangkok. One of our favorite things to do together is to visit different temples, and she'd show me various that Thais would perform for good luck. She loves sticky rice and would prefer that to ordinary white rice anytime, so we're often on the hunt for that too!
So my Thai[-Lao-Khmer] girlfriend is indeed full of fun! She's a great singer, guide, and friend. Her familiarity with Thai, Lao [Isaan], and northern Khmer languages and cultures, and mine with American, Mexican, Chinese, Taiwanese, etc. would give us plenty of things to talk about. We converse in Thai most of the time, occasionally using pidgin English when necessary.
As Xiongmao has seen, she, like many other Thais in Bangkok, knows enough English to get by talking to foreigners, but strings the words together in very confusing ways so that we wouldn't really get what exactly she was trying to say -- only the topic or basic gist of it. Since she has experience selling toys, clothing, cosmetics, portraits, and other merchandise on the streets of Bangkok, she can say some numbers in an impressive variety of languages. Well, now I speak some Lao and Khmer phrases to her, and taught her some basic Mandarin Chinese and Spanish phrases too!
Sometimes the two of us would go shopping together, and I'd buy some basic apparel for my Thai gf like dresses, flip-flops, sunglasses and even underwear. However, since she came from rather poor circumstances, she has that classic Asian bargaining mindset. For instance, while looking around for dresses, she and I would both agree that paying 500 baht for a dress is too much, and we'd set our limit at 300 baht. She had aggressively haggled things down from 190 to 150 baht, and 600 to 500 baht with an Ayutthaya tour guide for 4 people. My Thai gf is certainly not the type of person who would through huge tantrums for not buying things costing 1,000+ baht! Plus, she'd be more than happy to help me find things that I'd need too. And no, she has never asked me to give her any monthly allowances, send money to her family, or help out some supposedly sick water buffalo.
On the other hand, we get cheaper rates for many things whenever she's leading, although inevitably money will run out faster if you're paying for two people going out together. Still cheaper, and better, than hiring shoddy Bangkok tour guides though. Sometimes when I buy her stuff, My Thai gf puts them to very good use too. Once I bought her a phone charger and some phone credit. And guess what? She started calling me nearly everyday, whereas I would rarely take the initiative to call her myself as I'm often quite busy with work. Every phone call would include asking me how I'm doing, and often whether I've eaten yet and gotten enough sleep.
When I took her to my place, she immediately started cleaning my room: mopping the floor, unplugging my shower drain, cleaning the bath tub, and dusting my furniture. She folded all my clothing, even though I kept telling her that she really didn't, and shouldn't, have to do all this for me. I was beyond stunned! She is a very, very clean person, which completely defies the ridiculous notion that poorer people have poorer hygiene.
Chinese men and Isaan women: not a common sight
On the other hand, ethnic Chinese dating dark Isaan women is quite rare, and my being with her was certainly surprising to a lot of people, even my girlfriend herself. Chinese Thais often have a very strong preference for being in serious long-term relationships only with other ethnic Chinese, although some of the older-timer ethnic Chinese in Thailand may also date the lighter-skinned central Thais and northern Thais. The recent arrivals (last 20 years or so) would usually date only ethnic Chinese. Everdred, some ethnic Chinese residents, and other guys I've talked to have said that they aren't aware of any ethnic Chinese acquaintances who have been in serious relationships with women from Isaan.
In fact, the old-timer Chinese Thais have become so well integrated in central Thai society that being "Chinese Thai" has nearly become identical with being "central Thai." And as we know, the central Thais do not view Isaan people as their equals.
Some positive opinions from ethnic Chinese here though; as a note, they are all recent arrivals and not the old-timer Chinese deeply integrated into central Thai society:
(1) One guy from Sichuan Province, China that I met in Bangkok said that a great option for me would be to consider ethnic Chinese women in Thailand. When I asked him "How about Isaan women?", he answered that Isaan women are likely to be very poor, but often have very good hearts (in Chinese, "心肠很好"). He said that there's nothing wrong with dating women from there if I'm feeling more adventurous. He's been working as a sales representative in Thailand for several years, and goes back once every few months to visit his wife and children back in China.
(2) Once I told a Guangzhou exchange student studying at a local Thai university that I was dating a Thai woman. He said out of the blue, "She's from Isaan, right?" I was surprised, and asked him how he guessed this right. He replied that he could tell by my vibe and personality that I would be into the country women, not the urban middle-class women. He was extremely positive though, and said that "many women from Isaan have very good hearts (again, in Chinese, 心肠很好)" and actually congratulated me for that. He told me that Bangkok middle-class girls are often quite materialistic, snobbish, and difficult to please, just like the middle and upper-class women from Guangzhou and Taiwan.
(3) I took my girl up to Ayutthaya once by train, and we met a young couple from Guangzhou, China who were also on their way to the Ayutthaya temple ruins. I approached them by asking about their camera, and then all four of us struck up a great conversation and ended up being together for the rest of the trip. The Chinese girl was quite impressed by how well my Isaan girlfriend would treat me: making sure I get enough water, constantly putting food on my plate, always holding my hand, and even doing temple offerings for me so that I'd have good luck. The Chinese girl told me, "Wow, she treats you so well! She seems to be so traditional too! (哇，她对你好好哦！她好像也很传统，对不对？)"
The Chinese couple was also extremely delighted when she took us to an Isaan food place that served very delicious sticky rice (khaaw niaw) and tom yam soup. They said that their Chinese-language guidebooks had never mentioned anything about sticky rice and Isaan food, and that this was by far the best food they've had so far in Thailand. In fact, they've been eating ordinary noodles and white rice for most of their trip, and said that they had trouble getting an authentic, local experience due to the language barrier. The Chinese girl even congratulated me for being able to get such a kind-hearted Thai lady who could show me how to really go local.
I had to translate between Thai and Chinese constantly though, since when my Thai gf and the Chinese couple couldn't really communicate with each other in English beyond some basic sentences.
(4) At Bangkok's Suvarnabhumi International Airport, I met some middle-aged Chinese women from Jiangxi Province who were on an organized tour. Their 12-day Southeast Asia tour had started out in Singapore, made its way up to Malaysia, and then to Bangkok and Pattaya. I showed them pictures of fun places in Bangkok and Ayutthaya, which they said they never got to see. I then showed them pictures of my Isaan girlfriend to see what they'd think. The first question I got from them was, "Why don't you find an overseas ethnic Chinese women?" I replied that it doesn't matter to me, and that she doesn't have any Chinese ancestry. Their attitude was pretty much "Chinese women aren't good enough for you?". They definitely viewed my being with her as a curiosity. The mainlander Chinese from interior provinces would usually be much more surprised, but not the coastal Chinese (Guangdong, Shanghai, Hong Kong)) and overseas ones. Of course, the guys from the interior would be much less used to seeing interethnic relationships.
So it does turn out that most the Chinese who go around by themselves instead of restricting themselves to organized tours would be much more open-minded and curious than the ones on tours.
Thai reactions
However, the worst reactions are from the Thais themselves, although many are quite supportive as well.
(1) While we on the train with the young Chinese couple, a Thai worker on the train who was selling food suddenly teased us by asking me, "Is she [my gf] pretty? (suay mai?)" He laughed and then grabbed his dark-skinned female Thai co-worker by the should, and barked out, "Is she pretty too?" It was obviously a really mean way of saying "Your preference for these dark-skinned women is laughably ridiculous." I was really indignant at this, and pointed to all the ladies -- "They're all pretty!" The Chinese couple didn't immediately get what was going on until me and my gf just told them what had happened. My Thai gf told me that nearly all Thai men do not like her looks, and that her very dark skin is heavily looked down upon by Thai society. She then added that I was actually the very FIRST Asian guy who really appreciated her dark skin for what it is, as well as going far beyond superficial looks.
(2) However, some Thais have been incredibly appreciative of my being with her. While in Ayutthaya, we met a middle-aged local lady who was curious about us. She complimented me on speaking as much Thai as possible (which is not what the Chinese tourists do), having a genuine relationship with a rural Thai woman (again, not what the Chinese usually do), and being such a cool guy in general.
(3) We do get funny looks from the middle-class Bangkok Thais, especially on the SkyTrain (rot fai faa) and other rapid transit systems. Since farangs with dark Isaan women are a common sight, they don't really get stared at, but a couple like me with my Isaan girlfriend do get curious and/or condescending stares. The SkyTrain is comparatively more expensive than the cheap city buses, and so has a relatively high presence of middle-class professionals. These folks would give us a look that seems to be saying, "What on earth is this tall, central-Thai type NE Asian doing with a very dark Isaan woman?"
Thais are extremely aware of skin color as a marker of social class. I've noticed that Thai men almost never be with women who are darker than them. Their girlfriends and spouses would always be at the VERY most only very slightly darker than them. I've plenty of chocolate-dark guys with lighter caramel-colored women, but never vice versa. But my Thai gf has a chocolate-like skin color that looks almost South Indian, whereas I'm light brown. As a result, I (and also Winston himself) am really an oddball case of an Asian guy dating a woman who is much, much darker than himself. I do feel self-conscious about this sometimes, but fortunately my Thai gf is not. She knows about this of course, but would tell me, "It's all right / Don't worry about it (mai pen rai)." And indeed, the middle-class Bangkok Thais will actually be quite polite to her and be more than happy to give her directions when she asks for help.
The Isaan folks are more laid-back about this, although they do stare at us sometimes, to a lesser extent.
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P.S.: Chinese-Burmese girl
That's not it! This has really been a "zero to rockstar" experience for me, as I'm actually having TWO women seriously interested in me now. This has happened in less than a few weeks, which is a far cry from getting absolutely ZERO long-term relationships in the US even after years upon years of making good friends, getting a great education, and joining social clubs. Thus, the cliche "It'll be much harder to date after college" is actually completely 180 degrees around for me, and as well as for many guys who go abroad after getting out of college in the US. The main thesis of Happier Abroad is seriously 100% true for me!
So, Everdred has introduced me to a Chinese-Burmese girl who works as a waitress in a Bangkok restaurant. She's a bit younger than me. Well, my Thai gf had called in while we were at the restaurant, hehe, but I don't think any of the waitresses really overheard any of it (which was in Thai).
Xiongmao was there as well. Haven seen both of my ladies, I think he's got a pretty good sneak peek of my future. When she first approached me, she was quite shy, but definitely appeared quite interested. The girl was standing around me for quite a while, and looked shy but really intent on talking to me. She also said pretty soon afterwards that she would like to go out with me sometime, maybe hang out at another restaurant.
Everdred later told me that she was asking him why I haven't responded to her messages and QQ friend request in a timely manner. That was definitely a really good sign of interest from her! So then I got on QQ and had a great chat with her. As it turned out, she, like most other ethnic Chinese in Burma, are descended from Yunnanese migrants. She has really attractive SE Asian features, which look more Burmese than mainstream mainland Chinese ("not the real China" according to Rock, haha). Well, we've both even talked about possibly visiting Burma together sometime next year.
I'm back in the Great Spirituality-free Corporate Monastery (aka the US of A) for now, but will head back to Thailand in a few months to see my two ladies. If the number goes up, hopefully things wouldn't get a bit unmanageable.
I'm looking forward to visiting Isaan, Cambodia, Burma, Taiwan, and many other fun places in the months to come.
