Filipina Woman Here

[Caveat Emptor]

Hi! My name is Grazee. I love reading books (Sidney Sheldon and John Grisham novels to name a few) and watching movies. I am currently engaged in a DVD marathon for Prison Break. My interests are the legal profession and finding a perfect mate. I have a very conservative upbringing. I am pious and an obedient daughter. I am financially independent from my parents and have a house of my own. I am a homebody and enjoy cooking and doing household chores. And yes, I am oftentimes intimidating.

[gmm567]

well welcome to the site.....you might want to get on a site called tagged.com. There aren't that many guys who come on here to Winston's site, and you'll be exposed to many, many more guys on a regular dating site. And you can put up a bunch of pictures.

This site is more for informing americans of how things are different elsewhere; it just isn't geared toward being a dating site.

But welcome to the site anyway!

[Caveat Emptor]

Thank you for the not so nice welcoming spiel. Well, I am sorry if you think that I went here just to get a date. I am a member of a different forum which gives opinions and advisory to American expatriates living in the Philippines. I am not looking for a date because that is the least of my concerns. You sound discriminatory but I am not offended anyway. I don't need to put my pictures for some men who want to get laid. I am an educated and professional woman for a change. I appreciate that you have warned me ahead of time of what to expect from this site anyway. Thanks!

[Winston]

Caveat Emptor,
Sorry for the misunderstanding here. The poster was just trying to be helpful. I'm sure he didn't mean anything bad by it.

You are welcome here. If you are here to share your opinions or advice about the Philippines or anything else, then feel free to do so.

What do you think is the best way for foreign men to make a living in the Philippines? What's the best way to find a quality Filipina to date?

Do you think sites like Blossoms.com and FilipinaHeart.com are good for men to find Filipinas?

Congratulations on your independence.

Regards,
Winston

[Caveat Emptor]

Thank you, Winston. I am very sorry if I came in defensive of my character. It is unusual for me to do that by the way.

Some of the expatriates that I have in communication with earn their living by operating an internet café, bars and/or restaurants. All of them, however, depend on their pension coming from their respective countries. Most expatriates that I know come from the US, Canada, UK and Australia. They have Filipina wives or girlfriends and they opted to retire comfortably in the Philippines.

As regards to dating sites, I have never been to any one of them to find a mate. I believe I have an account in Filipinahearts.com which has been created by a friend of mine with the intention of getting me a foreigner husband. That account was inactive for almost a year now because I have never visited it. As I have said, getting a partner or landing a date is the least of my concerns. The friend of mine who created that account for me happens to have found her husband-to-be in that site. Marc is a retired Air force serviceman in the US. She’s already in the US via fiancée visa.

What do you mean by quality Filipina to date? Does it have something to do with education, age and/or family values perhaps? Please elaborate on the criteria before I can make a comment.

Thanks a lot and I hope to have a pleasant exchange of thoughts with some if not all of the members here. God bless!

Grazee

[Winston]

Hi Grazee,
Glad to see you back. By "quality" I mean good Filipinas who are nice, have good character, treat you good, and do not try to use you or take advantage of you.

Also, many of us are not sure what to do when we get asked for money or big loans in the Philippines. It feels rude to say no and they get disappointed, but in the real world, people can't just give out free cash to everyone either. Even rich Filipinos do not do that. So what is the best way to handle such situations properly?

BTW, how did you find this site?

[Caveat Emptor]

Well, with that in mind you have to find an educated and financially independent woman like me. Hahahaha. Kidding aside, you can seldom find those kinds of Filipino women in the internet. Most Filipino women who frequent the internet dating sites are desperate to hook up with a foreigner husband. Most of them have children from previous marriage, underage women who want to escape their financial obligations from their family and are dreaming of having a fairytale life abroad, and women who currently work or are previously bar girls. They are mostly uneducated women who got to learn the dating sites from relatives who were able to marry a foreigner and were given a better life. Undeniably, these women are genuinely caring, loving and will treat you nicely. If you are into having intellectual challenging conversations with your partner, I don’t suggest that you look for a partner from these dating sites. It’s like finding a needle in a hay stock if you venture in this kind of search using these sites. It is better to befriend a Filipino abroad who might give you a family friend who is most probably educated, caring and loving as well. It is a second nature of a Filipina to take care of their partners.

As regards to women asking for money, there are no more than better way of dealing them by simply telling them that you have nothing to give. It is called proper setting of expectations. If you open yourself to that kind of dealings, you will find yourself drowning to it. Women in general are naturally cunning. They will juice you up until you have nothing to give. I tell you, this issue is the most common problem of foreign expatriates here in the Philippines. If you think that you are attracted to a Filipina, find time to visit her family in the Philippines instead of sending her cash beforehand. That way, you will see for yourself the plight of the girl’s family. From there, you can decide if you are up to some charity work or not. At the same time, you will give an impression that you are not a milking cow although you came from the land of the milk and honey of some sort.

I found this site from the forum of the expatriates living in Cebu, Philippines which I have been moderating. I was intrigued to open up the link sent by one of the members and thought of joining when I saw it. I was disappointed at first because my intention for joining was prejudged by one of your members though. Anyway, since you made amends for that comment, I will probably stay longer in this site.

Grazee

[Winston]

Thanks Grazee.

That's good advice. But if you tell a Filipino family that you have nothing to give, doesn't it make you look poor? If so, is it worth it to use as a test to weed out those who only want to use you?

The Filipino guy friends that I have also seem pretty frugal too. I know they would not give out free money to girls and their families, especially if they just met them. So how do they usually handle these type of situations?

Of course it's ideal to find an educated Filipina, but those types are not so easy to meet or chat up in public. They tend to be more guarded and reserved. The truly open types tend to be the poor ones. For example, if I go to SM, the shoppers aren't that open to meeting me, but the girls working in SM, who are usually very poor and earning 130p a day, are the ones that will be the most open.

Often though, when you get to know retail store clerk girls in the Philippines, they begin to drop hints about how poor they are and how suffering they are in their bills and debt, as though they expect you to sympathize and offer help, because they assume that we all have "extra" money to give that we don't need.

So are you from the YahooGroups Cebu forum? What did the guy there say about this site?

Thanks,
Winston

[Caveat Emptor]

If you tell them that you have nothing to give, they would think that you’re just frugal (kuripot in Filipino term) but not poor. Do you want people to know that you’re rich at the onset of the conversation? The problem with most foreigners who were able to find Filipina chatmates is that they drop hints that they are rich and financially capable. This notion leads to an assumption of the Filipina that she will have a good life with him even if she doesn’t really love him. They see these wealthy foreigners as a milking cow. They are blinded by the gold being flashed to their faces. If you want to get a decent Filipina as a wife, you have to be honest with her and her family as to your financial conditions. Being true to yourself and to the person you’re talking to is not a bad thing after all. As I’ve said earlier it is called “proper setting of expectations.�

Sometimes, you can use your money as a bait to judge the character and upbringing of a woman in general. You can use that to determine if the girl is up to something other than love and romance with you. Don’t promise her the sun and the moon and don’t build castles in the air. I will share with you a story from one of the expats living here. This expat decided to retire in the Philippines bringing with him $800 only. He has a fiancée (she is 18 years old) who comes from a very poor family. He got sick here and the girl’s family took care of him giving him food and shelter. He does not give out money or anything to the girl’s family because he is relying only from contributions by other expats living in the community. The girl and her family still love and care for him even though the promise of wealth and fortune was never delivered to them. The lesson of the story is that; Filipinos are very forgiving and do not demand for something that you can not give.
I am an educated Filipina and I engaged in this kind of forum not to look for a mate but to have an intellectual conversation with anyone. I am still single and I have created several accounts on dating sites but I can not find the courage in me to pursue online dating. Probably, I am more scared of finding foreigners who are sexual offenders. If by any chance I am able to meet a sincere foreigner who would take me as I am and who would promise to take good care of me, then that would be fabulous.

The salesladies in SM would not talk to foreigners and give them information regarding their financial difficulties if you hadn’t encouraged them. Filipinas are naturally bashful and timid. They don’t open their mouths and confide to strangers about their financial problems or worries. They may be friendly to foreigners compared to Filipino shoppers but they would not get cozy with foreigners they don’t know unless asked and treated kindly.

I am not a member of the Yahoogroups Cebu. The site where I am a moderator has members (foreigners and former Filipinos) from all over the world either living or planning to retire in the Philippines or even living outside of the Philippines. They discuss about immigration, where to stay, where to work, and how to retire comfortably in the Philippines. All I have told you about Filipinas who want to take advantage of you financially come from their thoughts as well.

Grazee

[Winston]

BTW Grazee, how would you handle this situation with the deposit on my apartment rent? And how do local Filipinos usually handle such situations? I guess it's a matter of sympathy vs principles.

http://www.happierabroad.com/phpBB2/vie ... php?t=5915

[Winston]

I see. Well I guess some guys only have money going for them, so they have to use that as their primary asset to a Filipina. My ex-friend that I went to the PI with was one of those. She did not look happy when she met him nor did she look like she liked him. In fact, she looked annoyed. And of course, her excuse was that she was "shy". (but shy girls look happy when they are around their crush, not annoyed and unhappy!) Eventually, after he kept throwing hundreds of dollars are her family in poverty, she changed her mind. It's not hard to figure out why.

I swear I do not encourage SM salesladies to talk about money or their financial difficulties. They just bring it up by themselves. Even after only a few minutes of knowing me. Maybe if you were a foreign guy, you'd know, because obviously the salesladies are not going to do that with you. One girl who was very pretty even asked me for 5000p and asked "Wouldn't you love to be my savior?" lol

BTW, what do you think of this comment by my advisor?

http://www.happierabroad.com/phpBB2/vie ... c&start=10

The Philippines is a Latin Asian country, very friendly with very informal and easy to get along people. There is little racial discrimination and people are approachable and easy going. Foreigners are VERY welcome! They are great to hang out with and to have fun with. If you want social interaction and great social life and be included in groups, the Philippines is the place to be.
However, there is a price to pay, literally. Many Filipinos like to latch on to you and to milk you for financial help. Many also like to create dramas and exaggerate to make your pity them more and give them more help. Most people are poor and they are delighted to make a friend with someone richer than they are so that they could benefit from it.
People who will not take advantage of you are some 7-8% of all the 'friends' you will be making there.
It is not that they are money hungry per se, it is just that their lives are hard, there is no social net and the Catholic tribal Malay/Spanish culture expects the richer to take care of the poorer.
To give you a good example: I went with a girl to see her family in Mindanao. When I arrived at the airport, her entire clan was there- 47 people. They all wanted to party. They even rented a truck. Guess what! They now wanted me to pay for everything. How preposterous! A guest paying for the activities of the host which the host carried out without even letting the guest know? Strange indeed. The good thing was the whole thing cost me only some $130 but still. How can it be that the guest pays and the host takes liberty with the guest's money?
That is the Philippines for you.

Word of honor or agreements are easily broken and /or modified.
Loans are almost never paid back.
People make up sob stories that are not true to make you part with your money while 'helping' them.

Be careful!

[Winston]

Oh one more question Grazee,

It seems almost all Filipinas like to tell foreigners that they are "gwapo". How do you know when they really mean it? Is body language the only way?

Here is what my advisor said:

"4) Handsomeness is not only in the looks. It is also
in being charismatic. Filipinas pick up on the
kindness of the person, the vibes and all. The
STYLE!!! It all confluences into handsomeness. Hence,
Filipino guys do not have the same charisma. Not to
these girls. "

So do you live in the US now or in the PI? Did you grow up in a middle class family?

[Caveat Emptor]

You can consume the deposit you’ve made before you leave the rented premises. However, it is impossible for you to get the change for the PHP9000 after deducting your last month’s rent because she has no means to pay you. Don’t be afraid about the loan sharks. These people won’t hurt you because you are not the debtor. I understand that you feel sorry for your landlady but that is beside the point. If she won’t allow you to leave the premises or won’t allow you to consume the deposit, you may seek assistance from the Barangay officials of the place where the house is located.


I am confident that she will let you use the deposit as payment for your last month’s stay in the house. She is not discussing this concern with you because she does not want to loose you as her lessee because you’re paying her on time. Don’t fall into her emotional blackmail tactics. Filipinos have the gift of employing emotional blackmail to appeal their financial state to unsuspecting foreigners. Better find a place where the owner is financially stable for less complicated transactions. Tell her to look for possible lessee of the place as early as now and make sure that she knows your intention of leaving by the end of the month. Don’t be swayed by her plea. It would get worst in the future you’ll see. Just my two cents worth.

[Winston]

You can consume the deposit you’ve made before you leave the rented premises. However, it is impossible for you to get the change for the PHP9000 after deducting your last month’s rent because she has no means to pay you. Don’t be afraid about the loan sharks. These people won’t hurt you because you are not the debtor. I understand that you feel sorry for your landlady but that is beside the point. If she won’t allow you to leave the premises or won’t allow you to consume the deposit, you may seek assistance from the Barangay officials of the place where the house is located.


I am confident that she will let you use the deposit as payment for your last month’s stay in the house. She is not discussing this concern with you because she does not want to loose you as her lessee because you’re paying her on time. Don’t fall into her emotional blackmail tactics. Filipinos have the gift of employing emotional blackmail to appeal their financial state to unsuspecting foreigners. Better find a place where the owner is financially stable for less complicated transactions. Tell her to look for possible lessee of the place as early as now and make sure that she knows your intention of leaving by the end of the month. Don’t be swayed by her plea. It would get worst in the future you’ll see. Just my two cents worth.

W: Well she is a good person. I hope you're right. Are you sure the Barangay would ever side with a foreigner? A friend of mine told me that they see all foreigners are preying on the weak in their town and are not sympathetic toward them.

But I should say that the officials there tend to treat me pretty well in the past, better than the white foreigners it seems, perhaps cause I'm asian.

How do locals usually handle these situations?

Do you live in the US or the PI now?

[Caveat Emptor]

Oh one more question Grazee,

It seems almost all Filipinas like to tell foreigners that they are "gwapo". How do you know when they really mean it? Is body language the only way?

Here is what my advisor said:

"4) Handsomeness is not only in the looks. It is also
in being charismatic. Filipinas pick up on the
kindness of the person, the vibes and all. The
STYLE!!! It all confluences into handsomeness. Hence,
Filipino guys do not have the same charisma. Not to
these girls. "

So do you live in the US now or in the PI? Did you grow up in a middle class family?

Generally, Filipinas find foreigners handsome because they have pointed nose, white skin, different eye colors, well built and taller than most Filipino men. We Filipina, including me, find foreigners attractive physically. They would imagine having children with foreign physical features. If they tell you are handsome, you probably are. The money comes into play only after she knew that you have plenty of them. You will be then tagged as rich and handsome. You’re advisor has a point also; being charismatic, sweet and kind appeals to Filipinas as well. Its how you make the Filipina feel beautiful which makes her reciprocates that kind of physical adoration.

I see. Well I guess some guys only have money going for them, so they have to use that as their primary asset to a Filipina. My ex-friend that I went to the PI with was one of those. She did not look happy when she met him nor did she look like she liked him. In fact, she looked annoyed. And of course, her excuse was that she was "shy". (but shy girls look happy when they are around their crush, not annoyed and unhappy!) Eventually, after he kept throwing hundreds of dollars are her family in poverty, she changed her mind. It's not hard to figure out why.

I swear I do not encourage SM salesladies to talk about money or their financial difficulties. They just bring it up by themselves. Even after only a few minutes of knowing me. Maybe if you were a foreign guy, you'd know, because obviously the salesladies are not going to do that with you. One girl who was very pretty even asked me for 5000p and asked "Wouldn't you love to be my savior?" lol

BTW, what do you think of this comment by my advisor?

http://www.happierabroad.com/phpBB2/vie ... c&start=10

The Philippines is a Latin Asian country, very friendly with very informal and easy to get along people. There is little racial discrimination and people are approachable and easy going. Foreigners are VERY welcome! They are great to hang out with and to have fun with. If you want social interaction and great social life and be included in groups, the Philippines is the place to be.
However, there is a price to pay, literally. Many Filipinos like to latch on to you and to milk you for financial help. Many also like to create dramas and exaggerate to make your pity them more and give them more help. Most people are poor and they are delighted to make a friend with someone richer than they are so that they could benefit from it.
People who will not take advantage of you are some 7-8% of all the 'friends' you will be making there.
It is not that they are money hungry per se, it is just that their lives are hard, there is no social net and the Catholic tribal Malay/Spanish culture expects the richer to take care of the poorer.
To give you a good example: I went with a girl to see her family in Mindanao. When I arrived at the airport, her entire clan was there- 47 people. They all wanted to party. They even rented a truck. Guess what! They now wanted me to pay for everything. How preposterous! A guest paying for the activities of the host which the host carried out without even letting the guest know? Strange indeed. The good thing was the whole thing cost me only some $130 but still. How can it be that the guest pays and the host takes liberty with the guest's money?
That is the Philippines for you.

Word of honor or agreements are easily broken and /or modified.
Loans are almost never paid back.
People make up sob stories that are not true to make you part with your money while 'helping' them.

Be careful!

Those guys who don’t have the looks would brag about their money to compensate what they lack of. This makes the Filipina a financial predator. However, it’s not the throwing up of money to her and her family that would change her mind into loving the foreigner. It is actually the kindness of the foreigner that influences her to change her mind. Love can be learned in time. If you shower your Filipina wife with kindness and care for her family, you will get kindness, faithfulness and care from her and her family as well.

Well, I am sorry about those salesladies in SM who have attempted to milk you. You can avoid that by practicing sound judgment. You will be the one to say no to them anyway. They are just being flirtatious on you and were attempting to get you hooked up to them. Again, I am sorry.

As regards to the comment of your adviser, I can only say that Filipinas are naturally boisterous about their foreigner partner. It is a given fact in Filipino culture that foreigners have more money and financially stable. The Filipina girlfriend would brag about her boyfriend in family gatherings. In return, the relatives of the Filipina will think that she won the jackpot prize in the lottery and would like her to share her fortune. That happens when your adviser went to the Philippines to meet her girl. The relatives showed up to meet him expecting that their mouths will be greased by the fortunate foreigner. It is not actually bad for the foreigner (except that he will shell out money to treat the relatives) because he is building alliance with the relatives just like in any other place. The Filipino term is “pakikisama� or camaraderie.