What America is good for and what it isn't

[Winston]

* Revised October 2009

What America is good for and what it isn’t

Lately, there has been a lot of talk in the alternative press and internet about America becoming a warmongering fascist police state that is invading other countries without justification, causing massive loss of innocent life and taking away our liberties and freedoms.

There may be a some truth in that, but what isn’t commonly mentioned is that there are other big weaknesses, disadvantages, and negative aspects in America besides its fascist elite and shadow government as well, which hardly ever get discussed in public outlets outside of private conversations.

Thus, these anti-government protestors make it out to be as though without the tyranny of the government and corporate elite, America would be a perfect country that is great in every area and the freest country on Earth. That just isn’t so, for it has some strong social, psychological and spiritual weaknesses that immigrants and foreigners often observe and talk about, but which are totally ignored in the corporate media and public forums. For some reason, there is a deafening silence regarding them. Every country has its pros and cons, including America, so why are these “cons� ignored?

When problems in America are discussed publicly or in the corporate controlled media, it’s mostly always about economic problems, jobs and crimes, but hardly ever about the social life, dating scene or mental health of people, which are just as important if not more. After all, quality of life in terms of social, romantic and psychological areas, are important and affect one’s mental health, relationships, happiness, and reason for living.

So anyhow, here are the real life disadvantages, problems, and weaknesses in America that no one has the courage to publicly discuss, but exist nonetheless, and are important. Since others don’t have the guts to speak about them, I guess I will.

So, here in plain truth is what America is good for and what it’s not. Any honest well- traveled expat with vast international experience who tells it like it is, having no fear of political correctness will vouch for these as well.

What America is good for:

- Finding a job / Making money
- Religious freedom
- Privacy / Being left alone
- Quality / Efficiency / Customer service

What America is NOT good for:

- Dating women (love, romance, sex for men)
- Inclusive social scene / Connectedness
- Mental health / Psychological well being

Description of each of the above:

Advantages and Strengths:

Finding a job/ Making money – Finding work, if you’re serious and persistent, is relatively easy in America, as long as you play by the rules. It may not be your ideal position, but you can find a job that pays, if your standards aren’t too high. And the pay rate for any position, even at minimum wage, is relatively high compared to most of the world. And if you are a workaholic, you will fit into the corporate culture just fine and be rewarded for your conformity, performance and work ethic.

Religious freedom – In America, you can practice almost any religion you want, as long as you don’t harm other people or infringe upon others’ rights, or do anything illegal as part of your religious practice.

Privacy / Being left alone – If you like being alone, not bothered, and having your own space isolated in your own home, America is a good place for that, as privacy and isolation are the dominant norm in the social culture. As long as you have income and can pay your bills (or live with those who can) you can have all the privacy you want, especially in the US suburbs, which is very isolated and segregated by its nature. (yet paradoxically, if you have no friends or can’t get dates easily, then you are considered a loser by more shallow aspects of the pop culture).

Quality / Efficiency / Customer service – Compared to developing countries of the 2nd and 3rd world, American products, services and infrastructure are first rate and high quality. Generally things run efficiently in both the private and public sector. Competition and the workaholic lifestyle help make this so. There is constant pressure and strive for efficiency, and things are well defined, specific and structured logically. Communication is literal and articulate to minimize misunderstandings too. Generally, things are run and maintained with rigid quality control standards and laws.

In addition, customer service in the corporate and business sector is superb, speedy, and quality controlled (in most cases at least, compared to the rest of the world). The motto that “the customer is always right� makes America very pro-consumer.America is also one of the few countries , even among industrialized nations, where you can get a full cash refund in retail stores for something you bought within a few weeks, whereas in othercountries you are only allowed to exchange your product if it was defective.

Disadvantages and Weaknesses:

Dating women (love, romance, sex for men) – Let’s face it, America has just about one of the ALL-TIME WORST dating scenes for men, if not THE WORST. It is a nightmarish hell of epic proportions and the whole process for men is one of the most frustrating and unnatural things in the world. See my essay about it here: http://www.happierabroad.com/introduction.php

So if you are a guy who enjoys being involved with beautiful women, hanging with them, dating them and making love to them (getting laid so to speak), you may find America to be one of the most frustrated, prudish and frigid places where you cannot unleash or express your desires, especially if you are just an average nice guy.

There are just SO MANY things and factors going against you in this area that make it extremely difficult or impossible, no matter what you do or how you act and project yourself. And this is the case even if you are good looking or wealthy.

But of course, all of this is taboo and forbidden to discuss publicly, because there is an unspoken Gospel Law in America that says that men are never to complain about women, who are innocent and can do no wrong. To do so would be anathema, regardless of the facts or reality. (after all, truth is anathema to the US media) And also, in any public discussion about men vs. women’s issues, the women must always come out on top, while men are to be shamed or laughed at as fools. Thus the media is biased only toward hearing the complaints of women, not men. Anyone who violates these politically correct boundaries will be attacked and condemned.

Nevertheless, the horrible lopsided dating scene for men in America is all too real, regardless of public denial and taboo. Here are examples of factors against men in the US dating scene:

- Women have become stuck up and paranoid, living in fear of male strangers, thinking that there are many psychos out there. All this is reinforced by the culture and media.
- Women are taught not to need men, but to look down on them and be independent instead. And in fact, many women on their day off prefer to be alone, walk their dog or visit a girlfriend rather than spend time with a man on a date. Any man who complains about this is considered “weak, needy or desperate�, thus the blame is shifted onto him.
- Women are not feminine anymore and in fact are conditioned to detest femininity. They neither act feminine nor dress feminine. This is a big turn off to most men, but most are afraid to complain about it because to do so would be taboo and politically incorrect. Also, they do not blush or giggle and are not moved by flattery.
- Women are very picky and hard to get. They have a sense of entitlement off the charts, and have a way of undermining men’s confidence and p***y-fying them. Getting a girlfriend or getting laid in America is HARD, and if you manage to get one every few years, you are considered “lucky�. Plus most women prefer only white men. Some like Blacks and Hispanics, but Asian men are in the worst position as polls show that they are favored the least by American women. (while Black women are favored the least by American men)
- More or less, something like 80 percent of the women go for the top 20 percent of the men, leaving 80 percent of men to settle, lower their standards drastically, or remain single. Clearly women have the upperhand, and they have all the power and choices, for the US is a woman’s market.
- Decent looking and above women who are not overweight in America are nearly unattainable to the average guy. In fact, to many guys’ standards, any girl who is not fat (or nerdy looking) is considered “hot�, sadly enough. The rest of the women who are overweight or unattractive have hateful angry personalities and demand that men submit to them (as they do on sitcom TV shows like Home Improvement).
- Most American women are either overweight or look/act too manly, thus making them physically unattractive to a man’s basic nature and taste. If she is thin or at least decent looking though, then she is almost never single (unless she wants to be or no one fits her standards), or she has loads of guys hitting on her to choose from, so that courting her feels like trying to win the lottery.
- Most average men in the US have a chance to get a girlfriend once every few years, so that they can have regular sex again. If she dumps him, he has to wait another few years, or longer. And that’s excruciating and it damn sucks as well. (But not so in most other countries) This is because meeting women in America is both hard and unnatural. You can’t just “go out there and get a girlfriend� as the cliché goes. In reality, American women are cliquey and don’t like talking to strangers (contrary to what Hollywood portrays), so you’ve got to meet them through school, work or mutual friends. Most people’s social interactions in America are limited through the connections of their clique (if they even have a clique). And even if you do meet them, you have to then pass her highly picky standards, or else she will just blow you off. To the average guy, this is a horrible nightmare where they have almost no choices or power at all. (whereas in some other countries, guys are living a dating paradise with many attractive choices) Worse yet, if you complain about it, you will be blamed and told that if you were worthy you’d get the women you want, so you must not deserve it.

With all that going against men in America’s dating scene, it’s no wonder that so many male expats overseas unanimously agree that foreign women are far better and that they’d never go back to trying to get American women again. With many of the above factors reversed, male expats find foreign women so refreshing beyond words, so that they ask themselves “Where have I been? Why didn’t I come here sooner?�

This is the one thing male expats who are dating or married to foreign women all agree about. Expats commonly talk about this in private conversations, but for some reason, it’s rarely ever mentioned in public media outlets, even on the internet, and even on expat websites, except for sites like HappierAbroad.com.

If you wish to contest any of this, then ask yourself this: Why there is such a large pickup artist community in America for frustrated chumps, whereas in other countries there isn’t? Why are there so many pickup artist gurus (Mystery, Ross Jeffries, David DeAngelo, etc.) with speed seduction books and websites, even offering seminars and training camps, for frustrated chumps who can’t get laid and can’t get chicks who have reached the end of the line? How come it’s not like that in other countries? Think about it.

Inclusive social scene / Connectedness – The social atmosphere and vibe in America is not generally inclusive, but highly exclusive and rigid. It just does not flow well. And most people, especially women, are uncomfortable talking to strangers. That’s why there is the term “break the ice� between strangers as an “ice wall� exists between people. Americans do not tend to be good at bonding with others, but meet for convenience and then go their separate ways when business is done. They are psychologically isolated and prefer being alone. Yet ironically, in shallower aspects of the pop culture, you are deemed a “loser� if you don’t have any friends and can’t get dates easily.
There is no sense of human connectedness at all in America. People are in isolated bubbles and only talk to you if it’s business-related. “Every man is an island� as they say. Thus, there is an inherent feeling of disconnectedness in America, which immigrants often notice immediately. (I’ve elaborated on this in my essay here: http://www.happierabroad.com/ebook/Page15.htm) Rather than an inherent sense of camaraderie like there is in most countries’ social atmosphere, there is an inherent sense of separateness and isolation in America instead. And that of course, is a breeding ground for loneliness and alienation, which contributes to lower self-esteem, increased feelings of insecurity, and poorer mental health, as we will discuss next.

Mental health / Psychological well being – It’s no secret that the US has the US has the highest rates of mental illness in the industrialized world (and perhaps in the whole world itself). Many studies and news reports have concluded this. For example:

http://msnbc.msn.com/id/5111202/

In some studies, the number of mentally ill in America has been estimated at a whopping 50 PERCENT!

http://nysun.com/editorials/are-we-really-ill?fark
http://www.happierabroad.com/phpBB2/vie ... php?t=3823

And studies show that Americans have fewer close friends now than ever before, as loneliness has become a national epidemic in the USA.

http://www.livescience.com/humanbiology ... iness.html
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/co ... 63_pf.html

Obviously America is a lonely fragmented country that is hard to make friends in, nevermind getting dates as well. Thus it’s no wonder why so many Americans have to go to therapists and psychologists to talk about their problems (whereas in other countries, almost no one needs them), since they don’t have real friends who care about them enough to listen to them.

One can only speculate as to the reasons why there is so much mental illness in America, but there’s no doubt that the above mentioned disadvantages contribute to it. Americans are psychologically fragmented and disconnected. Due to this as well as other factors, being in America tends to make one feel more “insecure� about oneself. But we are told that feeling insecure is normal and that you should be strong and independent. But alas, it is not natural. How can feeling insecure by natural? If it were, then you would feel insecure and fragmented in most other countries as well, but you don’t.

So it’s no surprise why many visitors to the US remark that Americans as a whole do not look happy at all, despite being the richest nation on Earth, but instead look very grumpy, irritable and fat. As spiritual leader Jiddu Krisnamurti said, “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society�

In most other countries, you feel more relaxed, less stress, and more “at one� and connected with everything. There is a wholesomeness and integration on the inside that you don’t have in America. It’s as if you were finally free to “be yourself�, and free from an insecure fake culture that forces you to be either a winner or loser in it. But in America, you feel alone, isolated, and insecure, like you’ve got to do something or else you’ll be trampled upon and looked down on.

Many expats, experienced travelers and immigrants I’ve known have concurred with this.

In summary, whether the strengths or weaknesses above matter to you more depends largely on your needs, values, priorities, personality and interests of course. But as for me, the three disadvantages of America mentioned above are more important to my quality of life than the pros listed. Hence, that is why I am “Happier Abroad�.

[momopi]

*

[Winston]

What is an AMP?

[momopi]

*

[ladislav]

I was going to write an article like that but got too busy with the girls in Manila.

America is good for making friends with guys? You are joking, right? Only if you are a girl. Guys are afraid of each other and any new man they meet is either a potential homo, pervert or someone out to cheat them. Unless you know people for a long long time since elemantary school, making friends with guys is very, very VERY hard in America.

If you do not act/think as an American or at least Anglo, though, you will be ostracized by most guys, too. And if you are a foreigner of color with an accent, nobody will often even talk to you. Leastways, guys. They will consider you subhuman!

Having business associations with guys is easy though and most will be punctual and responsible in dealings with you. Does not necessarily mean you will suceed in business with them.

I have lived in Slavic and Latin countries and there it is REALLY easy to make friends with guys. Even in Japan, it is easy. I had oodles of friends there.

America is good for making money? Yeah, if you want to be a lawyer or a doctor. Most people are living from paycheck to paycheck. You hear SOME success stories from business owners and other people who have suceeded in this and that but most do not live as good a life as them. Everything is credit based, too.

It is a winner/loser soceity. If you are not a winner, you are a loser. It is hard to just 'be'.

America is good for getting 'credit'. And getting a college degree is very easy and flexible.

Making money? Saudi/Kuwait and the Emirates is where people have money and live good lives. But only the nationals.

[momopi]

*

[Cyrus]

I feel like a victim of American culture because I've spent so much time wrestling with myself to be the "American male" that women seem to like. This has involved working out a lot (which is OK) and adapting my personality to act more like the guys who actually get any (not OK).

Acting intellectual or cerebral brands you "gay". Worse yet, this myth fulfills itself. Was at a club last-night and every other guy was a beer-drinking, blue collar type. I went up to a group of people and asked how the ladies were, and the ONLY person who was not blue-collar was this individual with an Obama T-shirt, alternative clothes and piercings. His response: "I'd tell you, but I'm gay so I don't really care about the ladies".

Likewise, the fact I usually dress and look different brands me as either: gay or European. The latter are fascinated by me; "Wow! What country are you from?" and this has worked to my advantage sometimes. But, it's very odd. (I tell them Sweden).

Physically, I'm just not fit to be the 20% of men that American women are actually attracted to. My metabolism is fast so despite my best efforts I tend to stay skinny, and I'm considered short at 5'9. In addition, my forehead is a bit large so shaving my head or getting a buzzcut makes me look like a Q-tip. So, the hair's gotta stay, which is a big disadvantage.

The fact I even have to think about this stuff is what drives me crazy. Being myself is NOT rewarded.

[jtest28]

In America, even having good looks doesn't get you a girlfriend. Just ask a Spanish friend of mine who women will actually pay to sleep with. Yet, he can hardly get a girlfriend. He told me when he was living in Mexico, he could date any women he wanted. And "if a man wants to marry them, that's just as easy. And if you want to stay married, you can, because unless you go and murder her family or raper her sister, she won't leave you." LOL His exact words.

And it's gotten worse too. I'm the type that women want to sleep with and are attracted to. Even American women. BUT, in the last two years, it's gotten to where even most fat and ugly American women act like I'm invisible. I noticed if I get really lean and look exceptionally well, like I'm some kind of athlete or bodybuilder, and dress in tight-ass shirts, I might, just might be able to attract a few rare fat chicks. And maybe once in a great while, I might be able to turn the head of an attractive women. A few years ago, I couldn't beat the women off me with a stick. No, none wanted to date, but I'll admit the attention was nice. This shit in the USA for men is out of hand. The answer for both genders, is for a woman to get a guy and stay with him. Even women were much happier in the USA when they did this. But now they are convinced no one is good enough for them. And this has actually hurt women to some extent too, though not as bad as what it's like to be on the receiving end of this stuff as a man.

[momopi]

*

[Winston]

I was going to write an article like that but got too busy with the girls in Manila.

America is good for making friends with guys? You are joking, right? Only if you are a girl. Guys are afraid of each other and any new man they meet is either a potential homo, pervert or someone out to cheat them. Unless you know people for a long long time since elemantary school, making friends with guys is very, very VERY hard in America.

If you do not act/think as an American or at least Anglo, though, you will be ostracized by most guys, too. And if you are a foreigner of color with an accent, nobody will often even talk to you. Leastways, guys. They will consider you subhuman!

Having business associations with guys is easy though and most will be punctual and responsible in dealings with you. Does not necessarily mean you will suceed in business with them.

I have lived in Slavic and Latin countries and there it is REALLY easy to make friends with guys. Even in Japan, it is easy. I had oodles of friends there.

America is good for making money? Yeah, if you want to be a lawyer or a doctor. Most people are living from paycheck to paycheck. You hear SOME success stories from business owners and other people who have suceeded in this and that but most do not live as good a life as them. Everything is credit based, too.

It is a winner/loser soceity. If you are not a winner, you are a loser. It is hard to just 'be'.

America is good for getting 'credit'. And getting a college degree is very easy and flexible.

Making money? Saudi/Kuwait and the Emirates is where people have money and live good lives. But only the nationals.

No I'm not joking at all. Maybe you misunderstood my point? Let me clarify.

I didn't say that it was easy to make friends with ANY random guy on the street. No way. If you don't have anything in common with a guy, there's no point at all in hanging out or trying to be friends. Both of you would agree that to do so is a complete waste of time.

I'm talking about guys that you have things in common with, as long as there isn't a personality friction. For example, two nerds are more likely to get along than two jocks, cause their personalities are more mellow and cerebral, whereas the two jocks are more aggressive, egotistical and have more testosterone pumping around that leads to more butting of heads.

And of course, misfits tend to get along great, as long as they have similar views and are misfits in similar ways.

Look at you and me for example. We have similar views about going abroad, dating abroad, and the injustice/frustration of US culture on us. I needed advice and you loved giving advice on forums like AWS, so we naturally got to know each other and became friends. Our natural paths crossed in shared interests and communication. No effort or calculation was involved in us being friends right? It all just came as a natural part of the flow. Agreed?

Same thing happened with me and Mr S and me and Momopi too. We all had something in common and found each other to be worthy of our time and interesting enough to correspond with.

Plus, communication with guys is upfront and straightforward and most of the time, it's obvious where we all stand with each other, very little guesswork is needed, as long as everyone engages in honest open communication.

Heck, even the guys on this forum who admit and rant about not fitting into America all have at least SOME guy friends they confide with, even if their friends are also misfits as well.

Do you get my point?

I'm not saying that every guy you have common interests with wants to be your friend. Not at all. Some guys, even if they have a lot in common with you, will just have casual talks with you. Or they may not want to invest the time in you much, especially if you are not around them on a regular basis.

But the point is, if you meet a lot of guys with common interests, inevitably SOME of them will become your friends. You agree?

That is what I mean about it being easy to make friends with guys, or at least talk to them. They are not as paranoid or stuck up or snobby as women are.

Guys are generally approachable everywhere, even in the US, and more upfront too. You agree with that right?

[Winston]

BTW Momopi, you mentioned to me one time about a guy you knew who owned a magazine about import cars and got laid a lot by girls cause of it. Can you elaborate on that and what we can learn from it?

Thanks.

[momopi]

*

[Hero]

I dunno, I think it's pretty hard to make friends if most guys your age spend all their time with their wives and kids. And it's even harder if you don't follow sports. Seems like that's all anyone talks about.

[jamesbond]

I dunno, I think it's pretty hard to make friends if most guys your age spend all their time with their wives and kids. And it's even harder if you don't follow sports. Seems like that's all anyone talks about.

If the guys are single, all they will talk about is getting drunk on the weekends and other intelligent things like that! LOL Your right Hero, sports is a big topic of conversation with single guys in the US along with getting drunk on the weekends. All great intellectual things like that! LOL No wonder why we are lacking in culture in the US, getting drunk and talking about sports IS the culture for most single people in the US!

[ladislav]

Guys are generally approachable everywhere, even in the US, and more upfront too. You agree with that right?

Well, yeah, sort of. Except that in the US it is not easy to make friends with them, just to connect to exchange info if you have something in common and only on that topic, in general. Hard to make a friend-friend.