Why Assholes/Bitches with Big Egos are the Norm in America

[Winston]

Hi all,
After some observation, reflection and discussion, I've realized some sad depressing truths about America that explain why being an asshole or bitch (if you are a woman) with a big ego is so common in America and why so many are like that. Please read this. I think you'll find a lot of enlightening truths in this that put the pieces of the puzzle together and make sense.

If you grow up in the US, especially in CA or NY, at some point you are told the depressing cliche: "It's a cold uncaring cruel world. No one will take care of you. So you have to take care of yourself and become tough (an asshole or bitch) in order to survive."

It's a terrible thing to hear, especially when you are a child. It contradicts and shatters the wonderful creative rosy world of Disney and Mr. Rogers that we were exposed to in our early years. I've never accepted this cliche, and never could. It's sad that many people in America accept this and literally do become uncaring assholes and bitches in order to cope with life in America. No wonder why there are so many assholes and bitches in America. It's no accident or coincidence.

But this is a false cliche with false assumptions, because it assumes that America is "The World" and nothing beyond is any different or worth mentioning. Not true. There are many other countries where people have caring social networks and families that care about them.

Also, the cliche applies mostly to big US cities such as NYC and LA. Those are definitely "cold uncaring cruel worlds". But there are many small towns in Colorado and Utah where people are warm, friendly and caring, and have good values. So this depressing cliche primarily only applies to big US cities. Not to all of America and definitely not to all of the world. Thus it's awfully narrow minded of people in big US cities like NYC or LA to see their city as "the world". So stupid and untrue.

But sadly, most Americans don't know any better and falsely assume that the whole world is isolating, lonely, cold and uncaring. How sad and depressing to carry such an attitude and belief around. It's a terrible terrible thing. What a sad horrible way to see the world.

Why are immigrants so f***ing stupid to bring their kids to the US just so they can be given such bad news and depressing cliches? So they can turn into assholes and bitches in order to cope? And made to feel insecure about themselves and develop inferiority complexes? It's so sad and foolish. Yet all immigrants care about is making money and business opportunities. Such immigrants don't have a soul nor care to have one. That's what's common with immigrants in America. These are the type of immigrants who tend to be drawn to America - highly materialistic and status seeking types.

Not only do you have to become an asshole or bitch to cope in America, but you have to develop a BIG EGO as well, to cover up your insecurities. Nowhere else on Earth do people have big egos like in America. It's uniquely an American thing, as American as apple pie. Even people in England and Canada act far more modest and humble in comparison to Americans. But ironically, the typical big American ego at its root is insecure, as if masking an inferiority complex.

The big American ego is usually accompanied by extreme arrogance, narcissism, and self-absorption. Nowhere else in the world are people as arrogant, narcissistic, and self-absorbed as in America. These traits are at their extreme in America, while humility is very hard to find.

Also, in America you have to SUPPRESS YOUR SOUL as well because America is a soul sucking culture that doesn't have room for it. Only those who worship money, status and careers thrive in America.

Further, you have to become LESS SOCIAL to fit in as well, because America is a "mind your own business" type of environment where people only talk to strangers for business purposes, and only socialize within their own cliques. So you have to find a clique to join in order to be social, which is not easy because most cliques are closed and exclusive. Also, to fit into cliques, you have to become "cliquish" as well, which is narrow minded in nature and not for everyone. This means that most of the time you will feel lonely and isolated and will have to learn to accept that as normal. If you conform to this, then eventually you will assume that the "lack of human connection" in America is normal as well, which is sickening and sad.

So overall, America is toxic to your mind and soul because to cope in its lonely, isolating, super competitive, status-obsessed culture, you have to:

1) Become a tough unfeeling asshole or bitch who acts cocky and arrogant, which is known in America as "confidence" (but which I call "pseudo-confidence") and is considered cool.
2) Develop a big pompous ego to cover up your insecurity (that ironically is insecure at its root) and along with it, arrogance, narcissism and self-absorption as well.
3) Suppress your soul or spirituality, because there is no room for that, and become materialistic and status driven instead.
4) Become less social, mind your own business, don't talk to strangers, accept loneliness and isolation as normal, and find your own clique to socialize with. In other words, become "cliquish".

None of these toxic traits are good, healthy or natural, but if you don't develop them, you are left feeling insecure, weak and vulnerable. And people don't have the guts to complain because they are programmed to blame themselves if they can't develop the above traits to cope in America. Also, being nice has no value in America except in customer service.

What's more, most Americans who never travel assume that the above traits are required to cope in the whole world, because they see "America" and "The World" as the same thing. But nothing could be further from the truth. Fortunately, in most of the rest of the 200 countries of the world, you DO NOT have to adopt the above traits to cope. And that's the GOOD NEWS here which is NOT being publicized (outside of my website).

What's worse, America falsely assumes that everyone deep down wants to develop the toxic traits above because they represent the highest level of individual self-actualization, which is NOT true. The greatest psychologists such as Carl Jung would not agree with that at all. There is also a myth in the US that America is a country where everyone fits in, and that inside every foreigner is "an American waiting to come out".

But the truth that's not being acknowledged is that people who are authentic, deep and soulful CANNOT develop the above toxic traits because it's counter to their nature. You see, people who have REAL SOULS are the ones that suffer in America's isolating soulless culture and do not feel validated. (Me and Monkro talked about this for a long time on the phone, and we both agreed on this)

People with real souls, especially if they are deep and sensitive, do not believe in having to become assholes or bitches in order to cope with a "cold uncaring cruel world". They can't accept that. Thus, to survive and cope in America, you have to suppress your soul and become "soulless". It's a terrible thing and what's worse is it isn't even allowed to be talked about.

America doesn't acknowledge this and that's where one of the rifts between myth and reality lies. America may think it has it all, but one thing it definitely doesn't have is HUMILITY and HUMBLE PEOPLE. People raised in America act way too unnaturally arrogant, as we all know.

Also, people who think too much also suffer in this culture as well, because they eventually see the insanity of it. This is why the elite and system in the US prefer that people not think too much. Instead, they prefer that people act impulsively without thinking, and watch sports or the news, so they can be distracted.

When you are in a waiting room, for example, you are supposed to pick up a magazine like Time or Newsweek to read. You are not supposed to sit and think (like I do). When I'm in a waiting area, I'm usually the only one who sits and thinks while everyone else is reading something. lol. That's because I find my own thoughts to be far more interesting than what's in a standard magazine with superficial articles. lol. But of course, the elite don't want that. They prefer you to read Time or Newsweek rather than think. Those magazines are supposed to do the thinking for you.

Magazines like Time or Newsweek contain mostly tragic stories of economic struggles in other countries. It's all designed to try to get you to appreciate your boring stressful job in America so you will put up with it, by getting you to think that others have it worse than you. What the mass media produces has a purpose. And this is probably one of them.

And fashion magazines are there to make you feel inadequate and insecure, so you will buy and consume whatever they promote in order to feel good about yourself, all of which is illusory. All all the negative local news is designed to keep you in fear so you will be too fearful and weak to change anything.

Isn't life in America so SAD and MEANINGLESS when you think about it? I mean you have to work a daily stressful job in order to pay all the bills, car insurance, health insurance, license tabs, fees for this and that, etc. and keep up with it all. And all for what? To live in a LONELY, ISOLATING environment where there is NO human connection and no true friendships, where you have to become an asshole or bitch to cope, and where women are unfriendly, unapproachable and have a bad attitude?! Wtf?! It's NOT worth it at all! And it's INSANE if you think about it. Yet most Americans feel they have no choice and no better options. It's so sad!

Isn't that so sad? That you work so hard in America just to live a lonely depressing life in an isolating unsocial environment where people are paranoid and segregated? Who would want that? It's crazy. No wonder why the brainwashing and propaganda in America is so strongly promoted and reinforced constantly with extreme cliches, forced optimism and patriotism. After all, who in their right mind would put up with this insanity?

Sorry for my long rant. Any of you feel this way too? Any of you think about such things too?

Fortunately, the Good News is that most of the rest of the world isn't like this. But America doesn't want you to know that for some reason. So it doesn't get publicized.

In Europe for example, people are more down-to-earth and social with each other. There is more equality and cooperation between people, rather than competition for status. Hence, people are more open and social with each other, rather than isolated, cliquish and exclusive as in America. They also act more humble and modest, and seek to cultivate the soul rather than worship materialism and money. These are important differences that America doesn't like to talk about.

And in Russia, where people have had to cope with extreme harsh conditions, people have developed "rich souls". Observant travelers and expats in Russia have noticed this. They remark that Russians have "something" that Americans lack, but they can't really define it except to say that it's like a rich soulful spirit, attitude, energy and camaraderie that you don't find in America. But of course, the US corporate media will never talk such things because all it cares about is economic issues, and doesn't care about "rich souls" (or any soul for that matter).

[zboy1]

That's because in the big cities, and especially in places like LA or NYC, you have to be tough in order to survive the environment (which consists of gangs, criminals, hoodlums, racists and other assorted baddies). Also, you encounter a lot of negative and rude people in those places, so you need to have a tough skin in order to deal with the day-to-day stresses of everyday life. ...

[Winston]

That's because in the big cities, and especially in places like LA or NYC, you have to be tough in order to survive the environment (which consists of gangs, criminals, hoodlums, racists and other assorted baddies). Also, you encounter a lot of negative and rude people in those places, so you need to have a tough skin in order to deal with the day-to-day stresses of everyday life. ...

True. But what did you think of the four toxic traits I listed above that you need in order to cope in America? Are they pretty accurate? Do you notice them too? Aren't they so sad and dysfunctional?

Why is it that upper middle class people such as the Asians in the Bay Area don't have to deal with "gangs, criminals, hoodlums"? They just stick to their Asian cliques and grow up to work in corporate America and the IT world. How are they able to avoid traits #1 and 2, yet they still usually adopt traits #3 and 4? I mean, they don't become assholes with big egos, but they do become cliquish and soulless.

And why do white guys commonly become assholes with big egos even if they didn't grow up around "gangs, criminals, hoodlums"?

[Hero]

That's because in the big cities, and especially in places like LA or NYC, you have to be tough in order to survive the environment (which consists of gangs, criminals, hoodlums, racists and other assorted baddies). Also, you encounter a lot of negative and rude people in those places, so you need to have a tough skin in order to deal with the day-to-day stresses of everyday life. ...

Same deal in Washington, D.C. The most toxic environment I've ever lived in.

[ntm1972]

Good observations, Winston. Currently, I'm living in rural Minnesota. Even though the social climate is demonstrably better than it is in the big cities, there are aspects of the experience, namely "Minnesota [N]ice" as well as the usual "man bad, woman good" narrative that pervades American culture, that make living here difficult at times. While I enjoy helping men in need, as I'm doing now, I feel the need to roam once more. It's the curse of being an incurable wanderer. Next time I hit the road, I'd like to do it as a house sitter. To me, housesitting seems like the perfect way to live with minimal expenses for a short time while having the chance to soak in a new culture, to learn about different ways of doing things and thinking about things.

[Killhoffa]

Amazing observation, you wrote about what a lot of us deal with day to day. The propaganda is also a big part of the social disfunction, note; that my African friend talked about how f#cked up the culture here is. This whole idea that foreign women are so impoverished and want out of their Country. I talked with a guy in the army reserve that was stationed in Italy and number of his friends married Italian women and their wives returned with them. Well, needless to say from what he told me after about 6 to 8 months their wives could not handle this society and wanted out, but not leaving their husbands the whole family moved back to Europe! So this post was a bullseye. Great job Wu'ster

[Introvert]

Amazing observation, you wrote about what a lot of us deal with day to day. The propaganda is also a big part of the social disfunction, note; that my African friend talked about how f#cked up the culture here is. This whole idea that foreign women are so impoverished and want out of their Country. I talked with a guy in the army reserve that was stationed in Italy and number of his friends married Italian women and their wives returned with them. Well, needless to say from what he told me after about 6 to 8 months their wives could not handle this society and wanted out, but not leaving their husbands the whole family moved back to Europe! So this post was a bullseye. Great job Wu'ster

In my limited experience talking to ladies outside of the US, many say that they would prefer NOT to come here to live, choosing Canada instead. The reason? Too dangerous. And these are ladies in developing countries. The word about the US is getting around.

[Deformed]

in Canada where I live, people just give you the silent treatment if you cannot benefit theme in some way. its one big antisocial group of people.

[Tezcatlipoca]

[Enticer]

East coast here...

NY, DC. Balt and Philly.....all a state of mind of "f**k you, get out of my way....survival of the fittest etc etc"

People aren't capable of handling stress and a busy life...and turns into an asshole or a bitch. So, you have nice folk who move to the big city and either move away...or turn into assholes. Survival of the fittest...

I read on here once that basically, the American way is a Sociopathic mindset. I believe that to be true. There are pockets of really great people....but for the most part, all Americans are greedy and entitles and spoiled. This myself included. However, I try to change that daily and recognize it...and am vocal about it.

[Taco]

Being told your "well adjusted" in America is not exactly a compliment. The American media tries its best to popularize sociopathic behavior with TV programs. Its hard to find a TV program these days doesn't a least one asshole in it.

Growing Up Gotti
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLHeuPIMSxc

[Rayn]

Sweet girl? More like Jerkette.

Many of those boo hoo sweet girl goes after jerks ignores nice guy tales were exaggerated and biased. Oftentimes the nice guys complaning about it were too busy placing their beloved idols on a pedestal to actually view them for who they really are.

[Winston]

Note: I updated the title of this thread to "Assholes/Bitches" and put the word "bitch" next to "asshole" in the content of the post as well. The reason is because "asshole" usually applies to a guy, whereas "bitch" applies to a female, and we are talking about both here.

[sushiman]

Haha, that's the American lifecycle.

It amazes me people don't grasp this simple wisdom; your environment will influence you, if you do not want to become the way people are in a given environment, leave and goto the environment that will influence you in the direction you want to go...