Is it Really Possible to be Faithful?

[Bitch_Slapper]

I have been married for 29 years. 5 kids. Well educated American Woman.

Lots of well-educated American women bail on their marriages.

1. A sense of honesty and personal integrity on the part of both partners. Big bonus points if the woman is a virgin. If she was a virgin at the time of marriage and does not screw around, then how much of an asshole is the husband who screws around?

So your wife was a virgin before you met her? How typical is that for American women? I'd say the odds of finding an AW who's a virgin are extremely poor.

2. Commitment to always make it work. There will be rough times, but if you put affection and love into it then that will be reflected back to you. You will get back what you put into it. This sounds like hackneyed advice and I suppose that it is, but there will be times when you are pissed off at each other. I mean REALLY f***ing PISSED OFF.

Yup. American women have a tendency to do that to you. And once you're locked into a marriage with an AW, she can really get away with shit.

If in the back of your mind you believe that after all is said and done that she is going to make it work and not walk out, then it is easier to have that attitude for yourself.

This is lame. I mean, REALLY lame. What husband hasn't hoped his wife would come to her senses and not walk out?

3. Willingness to compromise in all areas.

Very general, too general. Husband and wife each have different ideas of "compromise." And a husband never compromises his status as head of the household, which means he doesn't tolerate disobedience from his wife.

4. For the most part, sex is mandatory. Withholding sex as a method of manipulation has no place in a marriage. I would not put up with that.

This is interesting. And what exactly would you do if your wife did withhold?

At the end of the day I attribute the success of my marriage more to my wife than to myself. If I had married a different, more typical type of woman, I would probably be divorced by now.

The fact that your wife may not be typical is not in itself an adequate explanation for why your marriage succeeded, nor does it adequately explain why she is deserving of more credit than you for the success of your marriage. How is she not a typical AW?

Would some strange p***y be fun now and then? Of course it would. But my sense of fair play does not allow that.

One could define "fair play" as two spouses both fooling around. So fair play in itself doesn't prevent spouses from violating their marriage vows. What prevents spouses from cheating is whether they have the morals to commit to a sacred vow. So if you're married and take your vows seriously, then fooling around is out.

I have to admit, it's puzzling why you would be on this site if you have it so good with your American woman wife.

[Devil Dog]

I have been married for 29 years. 5 kids. Well educated American Woman.

Lots of well-educated American women bail on their marriages.

1. A sense of honesty and personal integrity on the part of both partners. Big bonus points if the woman is a virgin. If she was a virgin at the time of marriage and does not screw around, then how much of an asshole is the husband who screws around?

So your wife was a virgin before you met her? How typical is that for American women? I'd say the odds of finding an AW who's a virgin are extremely poor.

2. Commitment to always make it work. There will be rough times, but if you put affection and love into it then that will be reflected back to you. You will get back what you put into it. This sounds like hackneyed advice and I suppose that it is, but there will be times when you are pissed off at each other. I mean REALLY f***ing PISSED OFF.

Yup. American women have a tendency to do that to you. And once you're locked into a marriage with an AW, she can really get away with shit.

If in the back of your mind you believe that after all is said and done that she is going to make it work and not walk out, then it is easier to have that attitude for yourself.

This is lame. I mean, REALLY lame. What husband hasn't hoped his wife would come to her senses and not walk out?

3. Willingness to compromise in all areas.

Very general, too general. Husband and wife each have different ideas of "compromise." And a husband never compromises his status as head of the household, which means he doesn't tolerate disobedience from his wife.

4. For the most part, sex is mandatory. Withholding sex as a method of manipulation has no place in a marriage. I would not put up with that.

This is interesting. And what exactly would you do if your wife did withhold?

At the end of the day I attribute the success of my marriage more to my wife than to myself. If I had married a different, more typical type of woman, I would probably be divorced by now.

The fact that your wife may not be typical is not in itself an adequate explanation for why your marriage succeeded, nor does it adequately explain why she is deserving of more credit than you for the success of your marriage. How is she not a typical AW?

Would some strange p***y be fun now and then? Of course it would. But my sense of fair play does not allow that.

One could define "fair play" as two spouses both fooling around. So fair play in itself doesn't prevent spouses from violating their marriage vows. What prevents spouses from cheating is whether they have the morals to commit to a sacred vow. So if you're married and take your vows seriously, then fooling around is out.

I have to admit, it's puzzling why you would be on this site if you have it so good with your American woman wife.

The OP had a question which was directed to people with a certain range of experience. After considering it for a while I decided to respond to his post.

I am not interested in debating the points of my post in any detail beyond what I have given. If you read between the lines then you can flesh out some details. Disagree with some of my opinions? That works for me. Tell us about your success in the area of being married and faithful long term.

Why do I read and post on HA? Two reasons:
1. I like travel and am considering moving abroad.
2. I enjoy providing a counterpoint to the woe is me I am a victim attitude prevalent on HA.

[Bitch_Slapper]

I am not interested in debating the points of my post in any detail beyond what I have given. If you read between the lines then you can flesh out some details. Disagree with some of my opinions? That works for me. Tell us about your success in the area of being married and faithful long term.

Why do I read and post on HA? Two reasons:
1. I like travel and am considering moving abroad.
2. I enjoy providing a counterpoint to the woe is me I am a victim attitude prevalent on HA.

You were the one who talked about having a long, successful marriage to an American woman. Your claims are frankly too vague and general, and since we aren't privy to the details of your personal life, only you can flesh them out. Since you have apparently defied the odds, I think people would be curious how you did it. I have not disputed your claim, but I have raised serious and legitimate questions about it.

It should be of no signficance to you that I or others might not have such a successful marriage to an AW as you claim to have. If you're telling the truth, then you should have no problem explaining how you succeeded so that others less savvy or competent might learn from you. After all, you did say you "enjoy providing a counterpoint to the 'woe is me I am a victim' attitude prevalent on HA." So here is your chance right now to provide that counterpoint. Please flesh out the details for us.

[Cornfed]

I don't know why older men insist on giving advice based on their personal experience from decades ago when the situation was completely different back then. It is like giving career advice by suggesting that someone learn to fly helicopters by flying Hueys in the Vietnam War. There seems to be some kind of mental disorder whereby some people hysterically refuse to accept that the world is not identical in every way to how it was when they were 20. This seems to be surprisingly common. Very strange.

[Bitch_Slapper]

I know lots of older guys who got burned by their AW wives, and they counsel younger guys not to marry American women. It's very strange that someone who claims to have a successful marriage to an AW, and has no problem with his daughter as an ambitious career woman, comes often to this site specifically to scorn those who haven't attained the ideal model of success as he has. I suppose he could be telling the truth. Or maybe his being here is indicative of something else.

[Cornfed]

I know lots of older guys who got burned by their AW wives, and they counsel younger guys not to marry American women. It's very strange that someone who claims to have a successful marriage to an AW, and has no problem with his daughter as an ambitious career woman, comes often to this site specifically to scorn those who haven't attained the ideal model of success as he has.

Lets tell it like it is - corporate whore. It is indeed ironic that he should encourage young females to render themselves unfit for marriage and then blame young men for not being able to find marriageable females.

I suppose he could be telling the truth.

It is possible that he is. He grew up at a time when prosperity and relatively stable marriages were the norm. Society only collapses one marriage, job, business etc. at a time and maybe it hasn't been his turn yet.

Or maybe his being here is indicative of something else.

Hopefully he is some kind of shill. That there are people running around that sycophantic to the establishment despite the outright war the establishment is waging on normal society is fairly disturbing.

[Devil Dog]

I know lots of older guys who got burned by their AW wives, and they counsel younger guys not to marry American women. It's very strange that someone who claims to have a successful marriage to an AW, and has no problem with his daughter as an ambitious career woman, comes often to this site specifically to scorn those who haven't attained the ideal model of success as he has. I suppose he could be telling the truth. Or maybe his being here is indicative of something else.

As I mentioned, I responded to a question from the OP. I feel no need to try to convince you of anything or try to justify anything. Choose to believe that it is fantasy if that helps you to keep your world in order.

[Cornfed]

I feel no need to try to convince you of anything or try to justify anything. Choose to believe that it is fantasy if that helps you to keep your world in order.

Hilarious. You must be juggling all manner of balls in the air to keep your world in order.

[Bitch_Slapper]

I know lots of older guys who got burned by their AW wives, and they counsel younger guys not to marry American women. It's very strange that someone who claims to have a successful marriage to an AW, and has no problem with his daughter as an ambitious career woman, comes often to this site specifically to scorn those who haven't attained the ideal model of success as he has. I suppose he could be telling the truth. Or maybe his being here is indicative of something else.

As I mentioned, I responded to a question from the OP. I feel no need to try to convince you of anything or try to justify anything. Choose to believe that it is fantasy if that helps you to keep your world in order.

Nice try. But the fact remains: you still haven't answered my original questions. And if you're going to make a claim that runs counter to the experiences of many guys (both on and off HA) then you better expect that we're going to be curious and ask some very pointed questions.

So again, since you have such a long, successful marriage to an American woman -- "well-educated," "not typical" -- then please address those specific points I raised earlier. Not everyone is as successful as you claim to be. We all want to learn from our betters. Who knows, maybe some of us plan to marry an American woman. We could use some tips from an old hand like you.

[zboy1]

Maybe DevilDog got lucky and found a good 'American' women. They exist you know...their just hard to find these days. So, maybe his experience with American women hasn't been as negatively tainted like the rest-of-us have...?

[ringspun]

Yes. I'm a very sexual guy even at 40 and one woman I was with for 7 years in my early 20's I was fully faithful to for the whole time, til she decided to cheat on me!

Anyhow the fact was she gave me head when I wanted it, and sex most days... the ONLY girl I have ever found like that... every other girl I have been unfaithful to usually with whores abroad, and this is due to lack of sex back home.

[rudder]

Relax with the accusations towards devil dog. He presented some sound advice on how to be a faithful partner based on his experience. That's all I was asking for. I didn't create this thread to debate the validity of marrying an American woman these days, so I don't see why some of you hope to seize the opportunity to beat the same dead horse everywhere on this internet forum, hijacking other threads in the process. Notice how I said, "armchair bachelors need not respond"? Yes, that means you!

Even still, let's assume devil dog's advice no longer applies to the new, entitled generation of corrupted young women in America. We can still extrapolate that same advice to use in a commited relationship with a relatively sane foreign woman. So just take his response at face value. Take it or leave it.

One of you, for example, complained about what he posted and yet requested that he post even more details to describe the same post you complained about. Do yourself a favor and take a critical look at your own behavior in that instance. Why on earth would someone want to provide more personal information to another person who clearly doesn't appreciate what the other has to say?