mattyman wrote:A lot of what's being given to Tsar looks like people ganging-up and belittling more than anything. Hardly anything I've seen in response to the OP is sympathetic to how he might be feeling.
Don't you get it? He's almost-certainly very socially-isolated and he's probably dealt with some right assholes in his time. Don't judge and don't belittle.
As for the belittling about the job situation, living at home and that load of jazz. I thought that this was pretty much against the mentality of 'you are what you do', 'without a job you're a worthless piece of shit' or you're a loser if you live at home' mentality.
This board is so rife with hypocrisy and pettiness. I mean, all the things ranted about here, all the things typical of 'the west' and 'western women' that people rant about on here, there's plenty of evidence of it's display here. In so many ways, this forum has become the very thing that it was speaking against, it's attracted exactly the same attitudes that.
Do you f***ing et it, you behave like that to people in a situation like that, they'll just get defensive and close off to you. There really is no need for aggression, belittling and down-talking. Whatever Tsar's situation, behaving like this towards him certainly won't help.
After all, this is just opinion at the end of the day. Some of you people have an ego that's too big for your boots that's the problem.
Of particular importance, he did say he has a hard time trusting people. He says he been betrayed many times in the past. I don't know his situation enough to give advice,, but I do think that this is of particular relevance to his situation. I don't know how comfortable he feels opening-up about his life yet.
With the sort of treatment I've seen earlier in this post, that looks very unlikely.
I'll share some examples of what happened at my first college. I dropped out of that college and it was one of major life-defining and life changing experiences.
When I went to my first college I lived on campus. I dropped out once I stopped going to classes and got really depressed.
Experience 1: Most of the girls were sluts. Walking out of rooms in their bra and panties carrying their clothes. Throwing themselves at guys when drunk. There wasn't a single respectable girl.
Experience 2: I asked out an attractive girl. It went okay but it wasn't the best. It takes awhile for me me to open up to anyone. We went to dinner. This was my freshman year. Her, her roommate, and another guy (one of my roommates in year 2. I'll call him John Doe). When I saw him he was the typical jock steroid-using Jersey Shore frat-type. Because the girl I asked out was much more attractive than her roommate I figured "What am I doing here? This guy is obviously the one she's interested in and I don't have a chance" so afterwards I never really called her back. Besides, I facebooked her and her previous boyfriend has a very low-cut almost bad hairstyle and looked like an ever bigger juiced-up Jersey Shore meathead. Anyway, I found out by taking with John Doe that he was in fact dating her roommate, not the girl I asked out. It wouldn't have worked out anyway.
Experience 3: My roommates (not by choice, because no one in my freshman year made any effort to be a real friend or get to know me) would pretend to be my friends. But they would always ditch me, some of them would mock me behind my back, and one time two of them snuck into my room drunk when I stepped out for a few minutes and they trashed it. They even flipped the entire mattress over, those drunken foolish brutes.
Experience 4: I was leaving the dorm room one night and John Doe was drunk. I was walking by and the juiced-up Jersey Shore guy that he is pushed me up against the wall and pinned me there. I'm not sure if I was off the ground or not. He said angry and antagonistically "What did you say?" I didn't say a single thing. I told him "I didn't say anything" and he let me down. I look back on that moment and I wish I had said "I said get your f***ing hands off me" and at this point I would probably add "you bastard!" to the end up it. I wished I had some brass knucles or a taser to get him to the ground and maybe break his legs turning him into a temporary cripple. I doubt I would go that far but I would knock him to the ground and leave to avoid a serious fight. He was a lot stronger than me.
Experience 5: One time I did go with my roommates to a party. I decided to try and approach a girl. She wasn't interested at all in talking or anything. But then I see her in our room's common room and she's here for one of my roommates. The next day or something I think I hear one of my roommates saying to one of the other ones something like he got that girl I was talking to or something, and mocking me. I was tired of those imbecile bastards mocking me behind my back. I sent him a facebook message. Later that evening he came back after losing some basketball game to a group of other guys. He read the message, came pounding on my door looking for a fight because I called him out. I wrote something like "If you have something you want to say to me then say it to my face." That infuriated him and being the brute that he is, he really wanted me to open my door so he could fight me. He was turning the doorknob, but I kept it locked, especially because that type is unpredictable. The next day he had cooled off but one of the other roommates explained the losing the basketball game and that I should probably avoid him for awhile.
Experience 6: When I was in middle school I was severely bullied. Even by many teachers. Instead of punishing the bullies, they would punish me. I was the victim and they were punishing me! I was even expelled for about one-year because they didn't want to deal with it. Only a few teachers actually punished the bullies. Many of them didn't care. One was a big-boned imbecile bastard who even when he saw some students throw insults and obscenities at me, would only say "Hey!" or something that was even less than a verbal slap on the wrist. But whenever he heard me insult back, he would talk a discussion about me and threaten to write me up or something. I was the f***ing victim and they would punish me. One time I had an outburst when his teacher's assistant was bullying me and writing me up, and I was in tears and screaming. I flipped my entire desk over and was yelling and screaming. That's one of the things I remember about those years.
Experience 7: In high school I became a loner after dealing with that traumatic stress inflicted upon me by the bullies, the teachers, and my parents the meek people they were never did anything about it. No one did. Meek folks that would always turn the other cheek. They wonder why they were always behind while other people were getting more than they were. Meek people don't get anywhere in life. They could have done more.
Experience 8: After I became a commuter, fast forward to 2012 shortly after I joined HappierAbroad. I'm not even interested in dating an American girl but I think that I should at least try and get some experience talking with a girl and having a friendship with a member of the opposite sex. So I try to stand out and make myself known. Anyway, I do something nice and she texts me that I brightened up her day. Anyway, because I'm a commuter I text her something like "Would you like to go out for lunch sometime and chat?" but it had more tact and it was better. I wouldn't see her otherwise and it's not really smart to text someone you don't know too well. So she replies something like "If you see me in the cafeteria sometime" but I think it was a little more considerate. I mention that I'm a commuter. She texts back saying "She's sorta seeing someone." First of all a girl can't sorta be seeing someone, it's either a yes or a no. Secondly, there is nothing that says or implies I am asking her out. Therefore I was spurned in friendship yet again, one of several dozen times throughout my life. Any attractive American girl ranking 6/10 or above must believe that any guy that does anything nice for her or even asks her for lunch must want to date her if he wants to get to know her. Never again will I do something that nice or even half that nice for an American girl.
I'm sure there are dozens of other examples I could give but those eight are great examples of what I dealt with. I have emotional traumatic stress disorder and major trust issues. I've been spurned, betrayed, rejected, and forced to endure more misery in my life than most people endure. It's a miracle I didn't kill myself (although I dreamed about it all throughout middle school, high school, and my first college) but I wanted to have my princess more than I wanted to end my life.
Here are some clips from Once Upon a Time. This is what my past was like.
Listen to what Cora says. Much of what she says relates to me. I was forced to kneel. I was forced to apologize when I didn't do anything wrong. I might not have actually kissed anyone's boots like Rumpelstiltskin but metaphorically I did that many times.
A few more clips from the spinoff.
This is one where Jafar is a child. He is betrayed. He was trusting, all he wanted was love, family, and friends. That would have been enough. But he was spurned, betrayed, and rejected just like me.
Unlike Jafar it wasn't exactly by a parent. My parents betrayed me by being too meek and always turning the other cheek to others. But I was betrayed by others and by society. Constantly mocked, ridiculed, and forced to be an outcast. Today parents are suing school districts for six-figure payouts and winning because bullying isn't tolerated. My parents never believed in litigation. During my childhood society didn't even see bullying as an issue.
More evidence of your being brain damaged.