Dating asian men: Things to consider

DanielleNguyen · Post by **DanielleNguyen** » July 17th, 2014, 12:14 pm

For those who don't know me, I am a American white woman married to a vietnamese man. However, there is a whole lot to consider before commiting to your asian man. First, your future in laws will play a big roll in your life. My husband Is family oriented. It is normal if they say mean things, my in laws do. It's normal to hear your doing that wrong or its better to do this, this way. They don't hate you, it is more or less giving you advice. Second, learn the language. Vietnamese so far has honestly been hard for me.

Lots of the words sound the same. I now can reconize some words here and there but not much. Learning the language is important because not everyone will be English speaking. Next is religion. I kid you not, my husband's grandma is a buddist monk. She has a shaved head and gold robes. She turned 92 this year. Her house is called the temple and there I learned there is more than one type of budda. I used to think budda was the heavy set gold guy, but no there are many types. I learned about meditation, chakras, and the third eye. I learned the stories behind some of the different buddas. It was a lot for me to take in.

So be prepared because your relationship will be a learning one. Food, is a big one. Any time there is a meeting, celebrating anything, it is usually over food. Don't expect hamburgers and pizzas. Expect things like egg rolls and wonton soup. Early in my current pregnancy the smell of the dishes to me was overpowering. And in all honesty, I didn't like the asian food. How ever, I ate it anyway. I didn't want to be a insult to his aunt who filled me up bowl after bowl. Just smile and eat.

I don't care if it's alive, eat it. Summing you up, the family will sum you up. As the elders get older they will expect the younger generation to take care of them in old age, as tradition dictates. That's right mother in law is moving in one day. Who cares if you're 60 yourself. Take care of grandma. Next weddings, omg did I screw up here. My husband and I had a court house wedding. He didn't tell me weddings were a big deal in his culture. I made my poor mother in law cry.

She felt deprived of her rights. She then told me how a wedfing was suppose to be and about the tea ceremony. I felt like crap. Second holidays, Chinese new year, if there is lettuce on the table don't eat it. It is for the new year dragon. Or lion. Also put lucky money in the Lions mouth. Enjoy the holiday with your beloved. Anyway, ladies, long story short to be with a asian man you need to be able to adapt to his culture. It will not be a cake walk, but if he's important to you you will change.[/quote]

chanta76 · Post by **chanta76** » July 18th, 2014, 10:44 am

Seesh ....no wonder we don't have too many asian men with white women. If what your saying is true it's too much work for the white women.

It's cultural easier for a white men or western men to marry an Asian women than the other way around. The reason being in Asian culture the Asian woman leave her family to join the husband family. That's why it's hard for white women to marry Asian men..because the in-laws are sometimes just f***ed up.

So what can Asian men do..they have to be in the middle ground somewhere ...and please both sides ..his parents but also if he has a white girl friend or whatever. This is also part of the reson why you don't see Asian guys dating out too much..Asian culture in a way holds Asian men back but not the Asian women. But I think in the future it will change because...there is a lack of Asian women in Asia so it will force Asian men to look abroad.

Jonny Law · Post by **Jonny Law** » July 18th, 2014, 11:00 am

Duty and being responsible towards your family. Foreign concept to Western Women.

DanielleNguyen · Post by **DanielleNguyen** » July 18th, 2014, 3:23 pm

Well being myself married to a Asian man its not easy but I put in a lot of effort to make him and his family happy. I see a lot of AM/WW combinations fall througj, because they don't consider the future sacrafice.

zboy1 · Post by **zboy1** » July 18th, 2014, 4:27 pm

chanta76 wrote:Seesh ....no wonder we don't have too many asian men with white women. If what your saying is true it's too much work for the white women.

It's cultural easier for a white men or western men to marry an Asian women than the other way around. The reason being in Asian culture the Asian woman leave her family to join the husband family. That's why it's hard for white women to marry Asian men..because the in-laws are sometimes just f***ed up.

So what can Asian men do..they have to be in the middle ground somewhere ...and please both sides ..his parents but also if he has a white girl friend or whatever. This is also part of the reson why you don't see Asian guys dating out too much..Asian culture in a way holds Asian men back but not the Asian women. But I think in the future it will change because...there is a lack of Asian women in Asia so it will force Asian men to look abroad.

Asian culture is so repressive towards Asian men...it's ridiculous. Asian men have to change their mindset--from a life of servitude, long hours of work and subservience towards their parents, to one of independence! But I don't see that happening with Asian men. ...

Luc Furr · Post by **Luc Furr** » July 18th, 2014, 6:07 pm

hmmm didn't know that women could be Buddhist monks.

DanielleNguyen · Post by **DanielleNguyen** » July 18th, 2014, 7:38 pm

Yeah I didn't either but she is one. Well my father in law said she's a buddist nun. She actually sacrafice a whole lot. But she is a monk/nun and it's considered a great honor.

Yohan · Post by **Yohan** » July 18th, 2014, 11:51 pm

Luc Furr wrote:hmmm didn't know that women could be Buddhist monks.

Yes, there are Buddhist nuns, too. The Gautama Buddha himself ordained women as nuns, including some of his female relatives.

You will see some Buddhist nuns in Thailand and also here in Japan. Tibet is known for Buddhist nuns in its history. However they are very few.

Generally said, Buddhism is not a religion/life-style/philosophy which is offering privileges and advantages to females - no form of Buddhism is known to me to be supportive to feminist ideology.

While Buddhism is not like Islam, the Gautama Buddha was teaching women to please their husbands, not to make them angry, to be obedient and to get up before them and go to sleep after them etc. etc.

DanielleNguyen · Post by **DanielleNguyen** » July 21st, 2014, 6:42 am

Yeah but ban Y is amazing. She is a amazing nun. Maybe I should post pics sometime

Bao3niang · Post by **Bao3niang** » August 18th, 2014, 8:50 am

I'm an Asian-Canadian and I've turned from a family / authority obeying sheep to a staunch individualist and a rebel. If I saw my sheepish self just 2-3 years ago I would have punched him in the face for how weak he / I was back then.

My parents are divorced and both of them aren't what I'd consider as good people. I am currently with my mom's side of the family and hell they are abusive. Not physically, but emotionally / psychologically. Living through all this crap has made me stronger but also a pessimist a lot of times. People often tell me that I'm more troubled by things than I should be. I've had to fight a lot, am still fighting, and I hope that all this BS will be over someday once I escape.

I'm in Vancouver now and quite miserable. The bad thing is since I'm attending university here I will have to endure the next 3-4 years (3 if I can get into an exchange program). As I often say, what good can you expect from the Anglosphere?

DanielleNguyen · Post by **DanielleNguyen** » August 21st, 2014, 2:00 pm

Like I said it's a lot of commitment. Family is a big deal in the asian culture and trust me they are hard to impress. I mean really hard. I think my inlaws look for perfection. My husband strayed from the path they wanted him on but he's happier in the long run. We are expecting a baby boy late september.

sea_dragon · Post by **sea_dragon** » August 24th, 2014, 7:50 am

The best way to deal with Asian parents is to comply with certain matters and not comply with others. Show them that you are your own person, not an extension of themselves. I have no choice but to stick with them and comply with their rules.

adamkevinlee · Post by **adamkevinlee** » August 24th, 2014, 9:01 pm

I think, Relationship is involved with both up and down's. So, Mutual understand in between of two persons is important and it will leds the life with more happiness. we are the responsible if the relationship is either becoming happy or sad.

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