Is it a waste of time to be just friends with a girl?

[polya]

Is it a waste of time to be just friends with a girl? Answer: YES it sure is!! Most people only have their family & spouse and can't be bothered talking to anyone else. For example, at my time share we had a lunch to meet other owners. I sat and ate lunch with soccer-wives and oldies. A couple of the soccer-wives husbands entered the room, gave us a dirty look and left 4 seconds later. This is why guys have no support and are screwed during their divorce. So all male and "platonic" female friends are equally shunned by guys.

[Teal Lantern]

Question for you guys: Given a choice between zero female companionship and having some female friends (who don't leech off you), which would you prefer?

Winston, I would like to see a photo of some of your "female friends (who don't leech off you)".
Do they not leech because they already have another host or because they are expecting one to come along that's better than you?

[Billy]

Friends and relatives are only important when you are in an unsafe area then you need a "team" who helps you. So we should get rid of the moralistic hype of these terms. It´s the alliance of the weak.

[polya]

Friends and relatives are only important when you are in an unsafe area then you need a "team" who helps you. So we should get rid of the moralistic hype of these terms. It´s the alliance of the weak.

My point exactly, guys aren't interested in friends - except when they need help, but I never help fair-weather friends. And I especially never lend money - except in tiny amounts for a real emergency e.g. someone needs a taxi home.

[ladislav]

Most of my friends have been girls, at least since I left the Ole' Country. Anywhere in the West, including L. America, if you want to be friends with guys, you are immediately and by default assumed to be gay so you need to put on blue collar airs and act tough. Something that is totally alien to me. The problem with girls is that eventually they get a BF or a husband and then the man is jealous of you. Some husbands did not mind that I would hang out with their wives because they knew we were just friends.
Good friends, male and female are hard to find period. In the US, it is double tough because women think you are hitting on them and men always suspect a strange man to be gay especially when he is into arts and writing and poetry like myself. So, it sucks. I do appreciate the few friends that I have and they have helped me a lot. Males did so more than females.
I do not think we should discriminate in friendships because of a person's sex.

[Jester]

Most of my friends have been girls, at least since I left the Ole' Country. Anywhere in the West, including L. America, if you want to be friends with guys, you are immediately and by default assumed to be gay so you need to put on blue collar airs and act tough. Something that is totally alien to me. The problem with girls is that eventually they get a BF or a husband and then the man is jealous of you. Some husbands did not mind that I would hang out with their wives because they knew we were just friends.
Good friends, male and female are hard to find period. In the US, it is double tough because women think you are hitting on them and men always suspect a strange man to be gay especially when he is into arts and writing and poetry like myself. So, it sucks. I do appreciate the few friends that I have and they have helped me a lot. Males did so more than females.
I do not think we should discriminate in friendships because of a person's sex.

If it work for you, more power to you.

For me having female friends does not work, because they either seduce me, or get mad when I don't make a move on them.

And nowadays they would get mad about my focus on geting a young gf or two.

But I do miss some good female friends from the past.

I just wanted to say that I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree with the difficulty of making male friends in the USSA. You have to provide them with a cool vibe/image as a wingman, or you are toast. Thank God for immigrants who haven't yet learned to be self-conscious and "cool".

Sorry to hear that this insecurity-driven isolation extends to Latin America.

i think it is much less of a problem in Armenia and the Middle East - in my limited experience.

Where in your experience is it easier to make male friends? This would be meanigful to a lot of us.

[ladislav]

Sorry to hear that this insecurity-driven isolation extends to Latin America.

It is the mainstreaming of gays that is doing it. And any non thug is gay.

i think it is much less of a problem in Armenia and the Middle East - in my limited experience.

Where in your experience is it easier to make male friends? This would be meanigful to a lot of us.

Non Anglo Europe and that includes Argentina and possibly Ireland. Africa maybe. French Canada is great. Both men and women invite you to sleep over at their house and no strange thoughts are given to that.

[Winston]

Question for you guys: Given a choice between zero female companionship and having some female friends (who don't leech off you), which would you prefer?

Winston, I would like to see a photo of some of your "female friends (who don't leech off you)".
Do they not leech because they already have another host or because they are expecting one to come along that's better than you?

90 percent of girls I've met in the USA and Taiwan will NOT let me pay for them, even if they are poor. They say they don't want to feel obligated and are ashamed to make a guy pay for them. That's very common. Why is that unusual for you?

Russian girls and Filipinas are the exception. In Taiwan, I beg girls to let me pay for them (so I can feel like a man) but most won't. I had two girls from Couchsurfing.org stay over a few days ago. They were students and hitchhiking around, and were so poor that they only ate those packaged meals you get at 7-11 and wouldn't let me treat them to anything better than that.

In Taiwan and USA, I try to get girls to leech off me, but they won't! They don't like to use others. That's their mentality. Why is that unusual to you.

You can see my long time friend Amber on my biography page:

http://www.happierabroad.com/biography.htm

She doesn't leech off me. Sometimes she'll let me treat her, but she never takes advantage of me.

Remember my Taiwanese friend Ann, whose photos I posted in this forum? See here:

viewtopic.php?t=14259

Well she doesn't leech off me either. If I treat her to dinner, she treats me back next time, to keep things even. You can ask Rock about her. He's met her too. She doesn't leech off anyone. And she is pleasant company.

So those are two examples above.

I don't understand your narrow view of women.

In Chinese culture, it is considered WISE to be friends first with a girl, because a good friendship is a GOOD FOUNDATION for a relationship. That makes sense, doesn't it? Notice that when a couple break up, if they were friends prior to the relationship, they usually can go back to being friends again. And they also say that the best relationships usually start off as friends.

So why is "friends first" such a bad word to some of you guys?

It is true that if I don't find a female to be attractive, I may not spend much time with her (unless she is a real best friend or kindred spirit like Amber) even if I call her a "friend". Unless of course, I am attracted to her and am hoping to turn it into something more? Then I will call her a "friend" and try to build up something or escalate it from there. That's normal, isn't it? Haven't you all done that too, or tried to?

Important Note:

Filipina friends are a different matter, because even if they are just your "friends", they can still leech off you, but at the same time, you can flirt with them (they are totally cool with it), touch them and seduce them, develop a "friends with benefits" thing with them, or even exchange favors (sex for financial help). Thus, friendships with Filipinas are not as platonic as friendships with Western women, and the boundaries aren't as strict. I can personally attest to that for sure. So I just wanted to note this important difference. Ladislav can attest to this too.

[Teal Lantern]

I don't understand your narrow view of women.

Well, let's be careful with labels. My "view" is wide enough that I can decide for myself whether or not to be friends with females. And also wide enough to not label them as "perfect goddesses" for being attractive.

In Chinese culture, it is considered WISE to be friends first with a girl, because a good friendship is a GOOD FOUNDATION for a relationship. That makes sense, doesn't it? Notice that when a couple break up, if they were friends prior to the relationship, they usually can go back to being friends again. And they also say that the best relationships usually start off as friends.

So why is "friends first" such a bad word to some of you guys?
As stated before, it depends on your purposes and the culture. A lot of guys pretend the friend zone is fine, when that's not really where they want to be.

It is true that if I don't find a female to be attractive, I may not spend much time with her (unless she is a real best friend or kindred spirit like Amber) even if I call her a "friend". Unless of course, I am attracted to her and am hoping to turn it into something more? Then I will call her a "friend" and try to build up something or escalate it from there. That's normal, isn't it? Haven't you all done that too, or tried to?
Many years ago, yes. Now, in the USA, I never let them closer than the "friend zone".
Actually, W, at your age women should be trying to escalate things with you, right about now.

Important Note:
Filipina friends are a different matter, because even if they are just your "friends", they can still leech off you, but at the same time, you can flirt with them (they are totally cool with it), touch them and seduce them, develop a "friends with benefits" thing with them, or even exchange favors (sex for financial help). Thus, friendships with Filipinas are not as platonic as friendships with Western women, and the boundaries aren't as strict. I can personally attest to that for sure. So I just wanted to note this important difference. Ladislav can attest to this too.
Fair enough. That's why I say cultural context is important.

[jamesbond]

[sea_dragon]

American women, especially white women are utter scum, only good for pumping and dumping. Yes, I hate to generalize but it's the harsh truth. If I ever have sons of my own someday, I'll tell them that white American women are only good for sexual purposes and nothing else.

[drealm]

It's more so a violation of boundaries. If a woman belongs to someone else then you should not step over that property line. If she's unclaimed and you have no interest in her, then you should not lead her on because she only has a small window to attract her best suitors.

[DanielleNguyen]

I think it depends on your view point Winston. I'm friends with my husband's Co workers. (Who are male) Some even came to our toddlers birthday and recently to welcome the new born. I mean we have some really good friends. But, I can say two had tried to get out of the friend zone with me. I don't associate with them anymore. The way I saw it, they didn't care for my husband's feelings by coming on to me, so there for they are not friends. I mean I NEVER hang out with any males without my husband. And the same goes Vice Versa. If you are married and alone with another person friend or not of opposite gender you leave room for assumption s and rumors to start.

[jamesbond]

American women, especially white women are utter scum, only good for pumping and dumping. Yes, I hate to generalize but it's the harsh truth. If I ever have sons of my own someday, I'll tell them that white American women are only good for sexual purposes and nothing else.

White American women should be avoided like the plague, their sense of entitlement is off the charts!

[DanielleNguyen]

Oddly that pic you have posted I have seen happen, but only if you got big boobies.