ABC worried about dating and height in China

[Malcolm Z]

I'm about 5'4 on a good day. What are the chances I could find an attractive woman in China who won't automatically ding me for my height? I have the same type of "aspergers" personality as Chinese women haha (a little uptight, study and work too much for my own good).

[MarcosZeitola]

Chinese women want a tall man, it's hard-wired into their biology, especially now with the One Child policy their reproductive options are vastly limited. A short son is much more likely to die a bachelor and leave them without grandchildren, whereas a tall and attractive man will do his biological duty by them in most cases. The odds are against the shorter Chinese men. Women have a lot of options in terms of which men to date, so they'd date a man 5'8" and above anytime of the day above a man 5'4" unless he's either a millionaire or able to take them abroad.

Your best bet is in Indonesia or the Philippines, where even at 5'4" you will considered average at most instead of short. With many women barely reaching five feet, you won't be the odd one out any longer. I have noticed that Chinese, Korean and Japanese men have been getting taller the last generation(s) and competition is fierce. Play your cards right and go somewhere where the odds are more in your favor. In China, they aren't at the moment.

[MrBlueLight]

Go to more rural areas in China and play the "green card" game.

[zboy1]

I'm about 5'4 on a good day. What are the chances I could find an attractive woman in China who won't automatically ding me for my height? I have the same type of "aspergers" personality as Chinese women haha (a little uptight, study and work too much for my own good).

Haha, I see attractive Chinese females with short Chinese/Asian men all the time. I don't know what everyone is talking about here?

You'll do fine as an ABC in China!

I've seen Chinese men who are skinny, short, fat and even ugly--holding hands and kissing some very attractive Chinese females...The fact is: women here (and most Asian women), are with Asian men most of the time, and they aren't as judgmental as Western females (although this is changing!).

That doesn't mean Asian women in Asia aren't changing; they are! And, sadly, I blame Westernization for this. Parts of Asia are already like the West, such as S. Korea, Taiwan and Singapore. So better come here quick before things get really bad here and become like America as well. ...

[Malcolm Z]

So one poster says china is great for a guy like me; another says it is not worth it. I tend to be wary of positive platitudes and prefer a more honest and realistic perspective. So be blunt with me, I will have no luck in china correct?

[MarcosZeitola]

So one poster says china is great for a guy like me; another says it is not worth it. I tend to be wary of positive platitudes and prefer a more honest and realistic perspective. So be blunt with me, I will have no luck in china correct?

There's a fair chance you won't do well, correct. Unless you can make up for your lack of height in other ways, and get lucky. It's not impossible for you to do well in China, but you start at -1, and at 5'4" you simply are at an undeniable disadvantage stepping onto the scene. No need to sugarcoat it. It's not mission impossible, but a clear disadvantage nonetheless.

Women almost universally prefer their men to be taller then themselves. With better nutrition and health care, Chinese women nowadays are a lot taller then they used to be and many will be your height or taller. For some this will not be an issue, but for quite a few it will be.

Tell us a little more about yourself aside from your height. That might be helpful to determine how well (or bad) you might do.

[MrBlueLight]

Put cash bills as lifts in your shoes. Chinese women love that. Jokes aside. I think having money is more important in China than height.

[Rock]

Put cash bills as lifts in your shoes. Chinese women love that. Jokes aside. I think having money is more important in China than height.

Yes, this might just be true. The most popular guy I happen to know in China is like 5'5". But he's got money and loves to act like a big shot lol.

If you haven't lived in China nor speak Mandarin and/or a major Chinese dialect, you really only know what others tell you or what you read. Nothing beats experiencing things first hand.

As far as height is concerned, I would say ideal height there (maximum attractiveness) is probably 183-190 cm in 1st tier cities and certain taller 2nd tier cities and certain areas in north. But in southwest, Yunan, and even Guangdong and other more southern regions, people are still generally about as short as Vietnamese. So once you get above say 173 cm, your getting tallish and over 178 cm you are tall.

[hammanta]

What is an ABC? American Born Chinese?

Honestly I think a white/black man who is short is at a larger disadvantage in Asia than actual short Asians. My reasoning is that a lot of the aura of dating a foreigner stems from physical attributes such as height. Why date a foreigner who looks very similar to what you can already get?

But when its all said and done, try not to let to bother you. Find a look that works for you and just keep stepping up to the plate.

[Malcolm Z]

Would Sichuan be a good place to approach? Are all northern Chinese women this stuck up about height even in northern rural areas? Finally is Vietnam facing this issue as well?

[Malcolm Z]

I'll be honest. Sometimes I ask myself what is the point in living. I see how many people go to China (the country my family from) and do well and how they all talk about escaping from the horrors of Western dating/marriage. But for me, the nightmare doesn't end if I move back to China. My height is the biggest curse. It truly is a miserable experience.

[Ghost]

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[Malcolm Z]

There are lots of variables. If a woman's going to judge you on height, then don't bother with her. On dating sites, you'll be able to weed out women in such a way. Yes, women love tall men. Or at least that is one quality they look at. But as I said, there are many variables.

Location will be extremely important if you are not Chinese yourself. Depending on where you go, you may not find even a single woman who wants to date you. In certain regions, it is rare for women to date/marry outside their race. In others, it happens a lot. I won't reveal my info on here in any more depth than that. You can figure out that part by yourself.

Are you looking for a serious relationship leading to a marriage, or just a temporary thing? China reviles and trounces mongers. One reason I like China is that mongers put their lives on the line if they try it, in many cases.

What is your total set of qualities? No need to get hung up only on height. China is heavy on looksism, so bear that in mind. A short, handsome guy will usually be better liked than a tall ugly guy. I'm a tall ugly guy, and I experienced how stupid Chinese looksism can be. For example, they'll treat handsome guys as better at their jobs regardless of the reality. Same could be said of the U.S., and perhaps any country, but just something else to bear in mind.

I'm a white collar professional making about 200K. I am Chinese American. I don't know if dating sites are the best places for me to look since I am looking for a relationship that will eventually lead to marriage. Really depressed about how my height screws things up for me though. I will never have a Chinese girl of my own race and blood love me.

[MarcosZeitola]

I will never have a Chinese girl of my own race and blood love me.

I never had a girl of my own race love me too. I have been with a few, but there was no love and definitely no marriage. I lost my heart to a lady of a different ethnicity and we are very happy together. You don't need to be with your own race and blood to be happy, and for your own sanity and future happiness I advice you to let go of that notion. Be open to a girlfriend or wife of a different ethnic background, and you'll have much more options. Chinese women aren't the be-all, end-all of life. They are just one variety, one particular flavor, in an endless sea of women. Another type of woman may be more compatible with you.

Good luck! Keep your optimism.

[MrBlueLight]

There are lots of variables. If a woman's going to judge you on height, then don't bother with her. On dating sites, you'll be able to weed out women in such a way. Yes, women love tall men. Or at least that is one quality they look at. But as I said, there are many variables.

Location will be extremely important if you are not Chinese yourself. Depending on where you go, you may not find even a single woman who wants to date you. In certain regions, it is rare for women to date/marry outside their race. In others, it happens a lot. I won't reveal my info on here in any more depth than that. You can figure out that part by yourself.

Are you looking for a serious relationship leading to a marriage, or just a temporary thing? China reviles and trounces mongers. One reason I like China is that mongers put their lives on the line if they try it, in many cases.

What is your total set of qualities? No need to get hung up only on height. China is heavy on looksism, so bear that in mind. A short, handsome guy will usually be better liked than a tall ugly guy. I'm a tall ugly guy, and I experienced how stupid Chinese looksism can be. For example, they'll treat handsome guys as better at their jobs regardless of the reality. Same could be said of the U.S., and perhaps any country, but just something else to bear in mind.

I'm a white collar professional making about 200K. I am Chinese American. I don't know if dating sites are the best places for me to look since I am looking for a relationship that will eventually lead to marriage. Really depressed about how my height screws things up for me though. I will never have a Chinese girl of my own race and blood love me.

Just go to China. There will be plenty of Chinese girls who would marry you. Just make sure you let them know what you do for living