Gold Digger v. Stuff that Attracts Women

[MrMan]

When I lived in Indonesia, I soon learned that whites were considered to be high class and assumed to be rich. If a typical monthly income was less than $200, then foreigners with their higher salaries are perceived as rich. The Dutch were white and they were the upper economic and ruling class when the Dutch colonized the country for so long. So the idea of whites as being high class seems to have survived in the culture. Even other Asian foreigners from more developed countries seem to be considered from the higher social class in some ways. For some Indonesians, there can be some prestige attached to marrying a foreigner.

A friend of mine married to an Indonesian Chinese woman said that the Chinese only wanted to marry Chinese, but his wife's family thought whites were equal to Chinese, so Chinese could marry whites, too. Status must trump a desire for keeping racial purity in this case.

If we think about what attracts women, there are a number of things. Of course, women are attracted to good-looking men and men who are physically fit. Then there is the softer side of things, being a good listener, empathetic, supportive.

Women are also attracted to 'masculine' things. The ability to build, fix, and accomplish things. I believe women are designed to want the man to be a protector and provider. If you ask women about it, some of them are impressed with men building things with their bare hands, fixing the car. But also in business a man who can build a business from scratch, a man respected for his cancer research, a man who can outsell others in real estate-- all these men have demonstrated some sort of extra-special skills at accomplishing something.

Women are attracted to different things. One woman may love a man who can make music. Another likes the businessman who builds an empire. Another prefers a doctor. Social prestige is also a factor.

My point in writing all this is to point out that an Asian woman from a developing country may be attracted to a western man's status and his ability to have made money without really being a 'gold digger' per se. I think it's normal for a woman to want a man who works hard or has accomplished something in his life to establish himself. It's not abnormal or particularly greedy to want a man who can take care of her. That's part of her make-up as a woman.

A gold digger loves money. The really bad kind want to marry and get the money and divorce and leave. Or else she wants to marry into the benefits of money without taking care of her spouse (e.g. sex, clean home, cooking, or else working outside of the home or pulling her weight in some other way.)

Something about Indonesian culture is if you ask Indonesians to name off attractive traits they may say 'hidung manchung'-- a nose that sticks out, and fair skin. The attractive traits happen to correspond with Caucasian traits. There are plenty of movies featuring macho white guys who save the office, village, city, country or world. A man get some positive looks points just for being Caucasian. Other foreigners can also benefit from status, though being African probably works against you. Still I saw Africans with local wives and girlfriends there, too.

I'd read a comment recently that poor Filippinas may show more interest in foreigners. Someone commented on them being gold diggers. It's possible. But the poor Filippina or Indonesian may also be attracted to the foreigner for a variety of reasons including social status, liking the looks of white guys, and even some status that comes with perceived wealth, without really being a gold digger. She may not be any greedier than the average person.

My wife found my Caucasian features to be attractive. I've got a big nose and when we finally talked about this stuff, she liked that. I'm unusually hairy and she liked that, too. Maybe the issue of foreigners played into attraction in some unconscious way. We didn't marry just based on attraction. We married after we were convinced marriage was God's will for us. But as far as attraction goes, I don't think money per se was an attraction issue. There were a lot richer foreigners around than myself on an English teacher salary at the time. I could tell she wasn't a gold digger. She didn't want me to spend too much money on phone calls. She was hesitant about me buying her food when I took her out all the time until I assured her. She'd try to find cheap specials when we ate out, and order cheap stuff off the menu. She was conscious about that sort of financial stuff and I could pick up on that. She's also been a very frugal wife and she's put up with lean times of unemployment and graduate school.

That's one thing I'd advise men looking for a wife to consider, if a girl shows some sense of consideration when it comes to money.

[newlifeinphilippines]

If your potential wife is a virgin I would hope she is not spending yor money too much since its a plutonic relationship at that time.

Do you think chinese women are better than indonesian women? I think im gonna check out china instead of indonesia the next time i travel cause its such an interesting country and all. I feel indonesia is just another version of phil.

[MrMan]

I don't remember my wife asking me for money for stuff until we got engaged, and then it was wedding related. The groom's side pays in her culture. She was a Bible college student. Soon after we met, when we were just friends, I asked her if how much her tuition was and paid it. She didn't ask me or drop any hints. She'd been praying for tuition money.

Before she met me, my wife was staying with an uncle who was moving to a smaller house. They didn't directly tell her she couldn't move with them. The uncle asked her if she'd found a place to stay yet-- his way of telling her. She didn't have anywhere to go and just prayed about it. Then, this woman at church that she didn't know well told her that God had told her to let my (then future) wife stay with her. She'd been praying about what to do with the empty room. She didn't know my wife's situation. So they kind of became a foster family for her in Jakarta. Anyway, my wife would pray for financial needs back then.

She went on a missions trip and I gave her money for that. She did ask me to buy a cell phone so I could talk to her on the trip. I did. It was my first cell phone and quite a junker, and there was hardly any reception in the cities in Borneo so we didn't get much use out of the phone. She was up some river in a primitive village for most of the trip where there was no reception most of the time before that.

After we got engaged, I paid for engagement related stuff. She was a student and not working, and I was making 10 times what a lot of folks there made.