What would you guys do if you had kids?

[chanta76]

I'm married..and yes my wife wants kids... I'm not too sure if I want kids. I think it's because I had a f***ed up childhood and have allot of fears but it does raise allot of questions.

I mean for the younger guys out there if you do find a decent traditional woman who is still young..almost majority of the case she want kids. The only way to avoid this is either find a girl who can't have kids or find a woman who CHOOSE not to have kids. From my experience woman who choose not to have kids tend to be more liberal or westernize. So it depends on what you want long term. The other option is never get married but you have to hop from one relationship to the other to avoid loneliness or something. As you get older it does get played hopping from one relationship to the other and it does get harder in some cases.

ANyway, this leads me to think.. what if I had son...and I live in USA because this is where I make my money...long term wise what if my son have the same problem I did growing up? I mean I can send him overseas to see how life is different and better prepare him in social interaction but still even overseas ...its becoming more and more westernize and superficial. It's like this world is becoming like one big America...
I mean if I had a son in 20-30 years from now I imagine it be worst but the flip side...maybe just maybe the Asian American male image will improve in USA and maybe just maybe he might have a bit easier.

Which leads me to another question?? What if I have a daughter. I mean she might grow up to be a feminist and honestly it;'s her choice but I think I would want her to be some sympathetic to how men are and that not all men are the enemy.

I mean for the guys that have kids. How are you raising them or preparing them? and for the guys that want kids . Do you think about these things?

[newlifeinphilippines]

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[Taco]

Which leads me to another question?? What if I have a daughter. I mean she might grow up to be a feminist and honestly it;'s her choice but I think I would want her to be some sympathetic to how men are and that not all men are the enemy.

Raising kids in a western country is definitely an issue to worry about, especially if their girls. There's no easy answer for this. If you do have kids make sure they don't get a cell phone until their out of high school, it causes a lot of problems. That's just my opinion.

I live in the Philippines. My wife has two kids from her first relationship. Her 19 yr old daughter has given us some problems. She dropped out of college last year after we kicked her out house for drinking, drugs and sleeping with her boyfriend. She has since moved back with us and things have improved. Someone in the family has been looking at porn on my laptop and I think its her.

[newlifeinphilippines]

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[fschmidt]

I mean for the guys that have kids. How are you raising them or preparing them?

I have kids, one son and one daughter, and they are teens now.

I told my wife that a condition for having kids is having no TV in the house. That helped. Since elementary school, I homeschooled my kids. This includes Bible study which definitely helps give perspective. Also we read original source material for history which helps give non-modern perspectives. And of course I teach critical thinking in all subjects. I have clear well-defined rules for dress for all family members, so this limits my daughter. She can be wild in her dress, but she can't dress like a slut.

I am not very concerned about my son because I think it is relatively easy to find a decent wife abroad. I am more concerned my daughter because I honestly think decent men are harder to find than decent women (worldwide).

The one thing I failed to do is to find a good religion. I think it is very important to have a community that one's family can socialize with. But modern religions are mostly horrible. I spent the most time with the Greek Orthodox church, but concluded in the end that they are worthless, as is all modern Christianity. I am trying to work something out with Orthodox Judaism now.

[newlifeinphilippines]

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[Moretorque]

This is the real thing you need to consider, if you bring a child here you are bringing them into a world where estimates are easily 50% of all living organisms will be extinct by 2100 due to the 6th mass extinction.

We are offered immortality through our children as far as our blood lines go so sustaining from not having children is tough for people who really want children to love, I love children therefore I am not having any because they deserve better.

The people who bring them here and do not want them screw us all, they told us in the bible you cannot eat freely of the midst of the center of the garden and man did not heed the warning so more than likely we could be turning to dust shortly!

[newlifeinphilippines]

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[Moretorque]

One good thing about getting older is my sex drive is very very very slowly going down and my need for companiionship also. Maybe in a few years when i have enough money i wont even find it worth it. After a certain age teh desire isn't strong enough for the risk financially for getting raped in divorce court or having to deal with the B.S of raising kids jsut for some sinless p***y LOL.

Smart boy, Yaa you dodge a bullet and it can be tough to do. Some races are going extinct if current breeding trends continue and this is what our rulers want for the 1st worlder's to go under.

[Jester]

Re the OP,

things will work out if you and your wife just love them, and don't try to push them.

FSchmidt's approach, homeschooling with no TV, eliminates toxic peer culture.

Homeschoolers, Waldorf schoolers and Un-schoolers have various networks, your kids will find sane friends there, and you will find like-minded parents.

[S_Parc]

Re the OP,

things will work out if you and your wife just love them, and don't try to push them.

FSchmidt's approach, homeschooling with no TV, eliminates toxic peer culture.

Homeschoolers, Waldorf schoolers and Un-schoolers have various networks, your kids will find sane friends there, and you will find like-minded parents.

I don't want to sound paranoid but I believe that today, homeschooling is imperative. The America we grew up in, only a couple of decades ago, is gone.

If Mel and I decide to start a family, we'll be looking at splitting our kid's time between American homeschooling activities and then, spending time in Brazil, with some of my friends there.

The idea here, is the create a child, who was born in the early 80s vs a child of today.

[newlifeinphilippines]

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[Jester]

The idea here, is the create a child, who was born in the early 80s vs a child of today.

So you're going to use the DeLorean?

[MarcosZeitola]

My Filipina wife and I have one child, a daughter. We intend to have more in the near future. There have been times were she would ask me if we could live "abroad", abroad being the West from her perspective. I told her I would rather raise my children in Asia. She asked me why, and I told her of my concerns for their future. My daughter plays with puppies and sniffs flowers outside, she grows up surrounded by nature and breathing fresh mountain air... I would be a horrible man to condemn her to living in a heavily polluted, toxic concrete prison during her formative years. My wife agreed; our daughter is much better off living a healthy and honest life in the Philippines, even if it means less income and even if it still is (and likely always will be) a third world country.

If you want to have kids, have kids. If you don't, look into the reasons why. If the main reason is that you worry for their well-being, then this means you are already a good father. It means you have great potential. Chances are, you'd be a better father then 90% of fathers nowadays. So, OP, you having children would probably work out fine. Either way, pro or con have to be weighed and decisions made. Your wife and you do not have eternal life or health, and if having children is a great wish for her and you rather not, you cannot hold her biological clock hostage by your indecisiveness.

Good luck, and hopefully you will figure out what is right. I'm sure you would make a great father. I can tell you from my personal experience that it is by far the most powerful thing I have ever been a part of, fatherhood. A very beautiful, strong and primal experience. It is not for all, but for the love of life, don't let your own bad childhood deny you of a family. When in fact my grandfather and father, who had horrible childhoods, used it as a motivation to become even better parents.

[MarcosZeitola]

My Filipina wife and I have one child, a daughter. We intend to have more in the near future. There have been times were she would ask me if we could live "abroad", abroad being the West from her perspective. I told her I would rather raise my children in Asia. She asked me why, and I told her of my concerns for their future. My daughter plays with puppies and sniffs flowers outside, she grows up surrounded by nature and breathing fresh mountain air... I would be a horrible man to condemn her to living in a heavily polluted, toxic concrete prison during her formative years. My wife agreed; our daughter is much better off living a healthy and honest life in the Philippines, even if it means less income and even if it still is (and likely always will be) a third world country.

If you want to have kids, have kids. If you don't, look into the reasons why. If the main reason is that you worry for their well-being, then this means you are already a good father. It means you have great potential. Chances are, you'd be a better father then 90% of fathers nowadays. So, OP, you having children would probably work out fine. Either way, pro or con have to be weighed and decisions made. Your wife and you do not have eternal life or health, and if having children is a great wish for her and you rather not, you cannot hold her biological clock hostage by your indecisiveness.

Good luck, and hopefully you will figure out what is right. I'm sure you would make a great father. I can tell you from my personal experience that it is by far the most powerful thing I have ever been a part of, fatherhood. A very beautiful, strong and primal experience. It is not for all, but for the love of life, don't let your own bad childhood deny you of a family. When in fact my grandfather and father, who had horrible childhoods, used it as a motivation to become even better parents.