Winston wrote:Ok I know what you mean. But what are you proposing? That I give up China and go back to Philippines and do all that? Then I'd regret and blame you for it and then go back to China again eventually, all of which would make me waste more time and money.
That's what I am suggesting, yes. You are your own free man, and you can do whatever you wish. You are not bound by anyone or anything, no laws prevent you from doing exactly what you wish. But as a father myself, I could not just father a child and leave it behind for the mother to raise it alone. I'd want to be involved with my child's life, and be a part of its upbringing. So that one day, he or she will look back fondly on me as a father. That despite my flaws, I tried to do my best. And that I put his interest before my own, which is what a father ought to do. You don't have to do this, but if you are old and alone one day you will regret having missed out on Angelo's childhood. Especially if it jeapardizes your future relationship with him.
Winston wrote:You also assume that I can put my son's needs before my own just like that (snapping fingers). It's not that simple. If your heart is not in it, then you don't care that much. Just like if you had to go to a job you don't like just because you need the money, your heart will not be in it and you will probably screw up or something will go wrong. You can't be something you're not.
It is that simple, Winston. You can not be someone you are not, sure, but you can
try. I had a great-uncle once who cared more for chasing women and drinking. His son broke off all contact with him since he was never around, and eventually the old man died alone. He never even got to see his grandchildren being born, because his son refused to let him see them. On the other end, his brother (my grandfather) was a bad father too but he tried his best. And even though he screwed up many times he never gave up trying. In the end, he and my father buried the hatchet and he ended up having a fulfilling old day. When he died, he had redeemed himself. But he would never have been able to do so if he hadn't tried. When his brother was buried, no one was at his funeral. The choices you make now, might influence the outcome of your life. And what may seem like no big to you now may be a heartbreaking regret for you in the future.
Winston wrote:Some men's hearts just don't care about children that much. Maybe a little, but not enough to put them before everything. My heart is all about romantic love. Kids don't fulfill me or move my heart or dominate my mind and heart, so I'm not moved to do what you say. To me, kids are "out of sight, out of mind". Not everyone is the same. I told you, I do not have a nurturing instinct that makes me want to live for others' needs.
If you knew this before, you should not have made the conscious decision to make a child with Dianne. But you made that decision, and now to run away from your responsibilities to chase your own needs and desires, is a very selfish thing to do. And I know not everyone is the same, of course we're not. But just because some people are by nature bad parents does not mean you have to accept that and freely be a bad parent. Or not a parent at all. You decided to become a parent, to father a child. You made that choice, you cannot undo it. What do the Chinese women you date say about this? Or do you not tell them like it's some shameful secret that may make them judge your character harshly? What if you have a child with one of these Chinese ladies, what will you do? Will you raise that one and ignore your first born?
Winston wrote:Also men are not like women. Men get bored being around kids all day. They need some hobby or goal in their life. That's why child rearing has always been given to women, they are able to endure it better. Raising kids is boring to be doing everyday. Have you ever done it?
I am a part of my child's upbringing, and every chance I get to be with my wife we spend it not only together but with our daughter. I don't change her diapers but I held her sometimes when she was taking a bath, I cradled her to sleep, I read her stories and blew her tummy. I told her many stories of my own, I made her smile. I heard her speak her first words. This does not bore me. Most of the child-rearing is done by my wife, but I am as involved as possible. I agree men and women have different roles to fulfil, but a little boy needs a father, just as a little girl does. It was my father who taught me to stand up for myself, who taught me to fight, to be proud, to be strong. Who taught me how to drink, even, haha. Who would advice me on matters I would not discuss with my mother. Sometimes a boy needs his father. I could not live with the knowledge that another man would fulfill the role of the father with my son. That an uncle or grandfather would be asked those questions, would teach him those lessons. I would want to do it myself. Because that's what being a father is all about.
Winston wrote:I also don't like doing things that aren't part of my goal, plan or dream. I don't like living for others. Not all guys are self-sacrificing like you and society and the media presume they are.
I am self-sacrificing. My dreams are for myself and for others as well. Sure not all men and not all women will be the same, but there are certain basic responsibilities that we are all bound by. You can forsake them, if you wish to do so. But to do so is a highly selfish and immoral thing. Not because I say so, not because society says so, but because it is common knowledge. And deep in your heart and soul you know this to be true, you are just finding excuses for your behavior.
Winston wrote:Also, what's the "right thing" is not always the best thing. And the "right thing" is not always what should be done either. Nature and the Gods that rule this universe do not often do the right thing either. Sometimes there is a higher destiny that trumps doing "the right thing". Let me explain.
For example, if Buddha had done "the right thing" and stayed with his wife and child and became a good father, instead of going on his spiritual quest for truth, then Buddhism would not exist. Buddhism has helped many people throughout history. You know that. So what do you think? Should Buddha have stayed and been a family man, since it was "the right thing"? Some people have a higher calling or purpose.
You are not Buddha, Winston. You are a middle-aged man chasing sex and romance making money off the internet and neglecting your only son in the most important part of his life. You don't meditate to come up with a philosophy that may benefit billions of people, you are a monger and a romanticist at the same time, a man driven by lust and attraction and other selfish vices. At least you're being honest about it, but it's still immoral all the same.
What is your "higher calling", dating and sleeping with Chinese women? Marrying a Chinese woman?
Winston wrote:Same with nations. For example, it was NOT "the right thing" to do for America to steal all the lands from the Indians and wipe out most of their people and force them onto reservations. That was not right at all. It was morally wrong and cruel and a crime. But that's how history goes. The strong win against the weak. America obviously had a higher calling. It had a destiny to become the most powerful nation in the world and the new Rome or Atlantis. That's why God allowed it to commit so many wrongs like that. That's why America could get away with stealing land from Indians, Mexico, Spain, etc. without karmic retribution. Because it had a higher destiny that trumped such morality and karma.
The fact that karmic retribution has not yet come does not mean it never will. Perhaps it's simply been delayed? What goes around comes around and in the end, most will reap what they sow. Your little history lesson, of which I am well aware, does nothing to justify your actions.
Winston wrote:So you see, there is no absolute law that says one must always do the "right thing". Sometimes there is a higher destiny or purpose involved. The universe, Gods, Nature, etc. are not fair and do not always do the right thing. That's how life is. Try to see the big picture. Look at all of history and you'll see what I mean.
All I am seeing is a man who knows he's doing something that is not right, and who is trying to justify it with unrelated examples.
Winston wrote:Bottom line: If your heart is not in something, even if it's "the right thing" you won't last very long doing it. Not everyone is suited to be a parent. And you cannot be something you are not. Do you understand?
You may not last very long but that's simply because you are weak. The least you can do is try. I understand your motivation, and the way your brain twists and turns to come up with excuses, but none of the excuses sound even remotely convincing to me. I am curious for your further plans... you say you are looking for a Chinese woman, but the more I read the more I feel you are not the marrying type at all. And what will you do if you have a child with a Chinese woman? Think about the consequences of your actions, like you so clearly neglected to do when you had Angelo.
Winston wrote:PS - I think you got something backwards. lol. Telling Dianne that "I'm not attracted to you" would be far hurtful than telling her that I'm not attracted to her race anymore. Come on think about it. The former is more personal. The latter is more impersonal. Think about it. If a girl told you "Marcos, I'm not attracted to you" wouldn't that hurt more than if she told you "I'm not attracted to white guys"? I think you had a mental slip up there and got it backwards. lol
There are Filipinas who look just like Chinese girls. Some are of mostly Chinese heritage even. You could go for one of those, you know. They come with the added advantage of still being a part of Filipino culture and therefore probably are a million times more approachable and less cold and calculating. And it was not the "I am not attracted to your race" that bothered me as much as you saying that having a half-Filipino child felt "unnatural" to you. Because that is a direct insult to the very existence of your own son. Because that is calling him unnatural.
Winston wrote:Thank you all for the constructive advice and help. I'm glad none of you tried to use this thread as a chance to try to slam me or maliciously attack my character or defame me.
I would not maliciously attack your character, Winston, but I do believe that what you are doing is immoral and that your son deserves better then this. So on this matter, my opinion on you has become lowered. I understand you have your needs and that your dreams and goals matter too, but I am suggesting you think over things a little deeper and try to still find a workable compromise. I know you disagree with me on this, but I do believe that when you father a child you are supposed to
be a father to that child as well.
Ultimately whatever you do is up to you. But think of the impact your actions have on the lives of others, and how it will affect your own life.
