My girlfriend I just met is pregnant in Philippines

fruit · Post by **fruit** » May 18th, 2010, 1:00 pm

Hi All

First post here, just wanted to pick you for some advice.

I am a 32yo white guy, I was married to an educated Thai lady for 6 years and we have 2 young boys together. However recently she wanted to return to Bangkok to be with her family/friends there, so we divorced and she has both he kids and I support them. This happened about 6 months ago and I'm still not very happy with the situation, and have been a bit sad recently. She never really made any attempt to assimilate in society here and I think she got depressed and just wanted to return to her family.

I am really into Asian girls and have spent the past 6 months dating a number of girls in Thailand and the Philippines, a lot of which was pretty disappointing. However about 2 months ago I met a 21yo girl from Mindanao who seemed to get along really well with me. She is a 4th year student but had to stop studying in her last semester due to money issues, and I am supporting her to complete her degree. I visited her twice and we spent 3 weeks and then 1 week together, basically travelling around Philippines on holiday. Now I am back home and she just texted me that she is pregnant, and I feel shocked and scared. We only had sex about 10 days ago, is it really possible to get a confirmed positive pregnancy so quickly?

I like her a lot but what are the options here. Do I bring her to my country to have the baby and live a family life here even though we have spent only 4 weeks together? I am afraid of making the same mistakes as before, in that she will be absent from her family and friends here, feeling isolated and depressed. Also I've just spent the past 4 years with 2 young babies and was looking forward to some free time to travel, date, and enjoy life with a girlfriend, without worrying about pregnancy and crying babies.

Any insight would be appreciated.

ladislav · Post by **ladislav** » May 18th, 2010, 1:09 pm

Ask for an official pregnancy test.

momopi · Post by **momopi** » May 18th, 2010, 2:23 pm

...and a DNA test.

globetrotter · Post by **globetrotter** » May 18th, 2010, 6:15 pm

*sigh*

Why did you not wear a condom?

fruit · Post by **fruit** » May 18th, 2010, 9:25 pm

ladislav wrote:Ask for an official pregnancy test.

Yes she's going to see an obstetrician, but her period hasn't arrived and has done 2 positive tests herself already.

momopi wrote:...and a DNA test.

I think it's very unlikely I wouldn't be the father as I'm only her 2nd bf. But due to the fact we've only spent 4 weeks together I would do a paternity test anyway, which I think are usually done after birth.

Which leads me to wonder whether it would be better for her to deliver the baby in Philippines, or in my home country. At least in the Philippines she will be surrounded by her family and friends for support, she will be comfortable, and I understand it is cheap. It also means if the paternity test fails it will be very easy for me to escape the situation.

But I don't want to repeat past mistakes, where I allowed my ex to deliver both babies overseas, and they ended up spending a lot of time there, and then my ex didn't want to leave, and it would be harder for me to get access or custody.

globetrotter wrote:*sigh*

Why did you not wear a condom?

It was supposed to be her infertile period. That, and she wanted me to feel "satisfied".

globetrotter · Post by **globetrotter** » May 19th, 2010, 12:43 am

fruit wrote:
globetrotter wrote:*sigh*

Why did you not wear a condom?
It was supposed to be her infertile period. That, and she wanted me to feel "satisfied".

1. She lied.
2. Couples who use the rhythm method, i.e. no condom and the woman is not on BC, are referred to as 'Parents'.
3. ..and you believed her?!

You are 32, not a boy. You have already f***ed up and NOW you come to us for advice. You should have been reading Leykis, Happybachelor, MGTOW, Niceguy Forum and others postss BEFORE this happened. Let's hope it is not too late. You can try a 'Hail Mary', but your actions so far reveal you to be a clueless dupe who cannot tell when someone lies to them. You don't act in your own self-interest.

You had unprotected sex with a young, fertile woman.

Just what did you expect was going to happen?

FuzzX · Post by **FuzzX** » May 19th, 2010, 6:32 am

That's not very nice Globetrotter!

Yeah guy... get a DNA Test and also an STD Test.. more than likely she dropped out of university cause she was pregnant already. Secondly... do you really think you are her 2nd boyfriend? If yes then how many cocks has she sucked and how many random guys in night clubs have given it to her... probably a bunch. Sweet innocent city girls get around as much as guys but are better at hiding it. Unless you met her in the rice fields she's probably had a few before you...or maybe her previous boyfriend showed up, laid the pipe then told her to fvck off.

Now you are putting her through school??? How the hell did she get all the way into 3rd year before you showed up? Would you giving a starving child $10 to eat for the rest of the week? I don't think so... but as soon as a woman flashes a bit of p***y, you are clamoring to 'save' her from herself. Women are not idiots or as innocent as you think, women in the 3rd world are especially money conscious. They know what they need to do in order to make it... isn't it funny that right after you hand her a couple hundred bills for school, she's suddenly pregnant and you aren't even there to get her tested... well I guess you'll just have to trust her and send her a couple thousand for the pregnancy tests... couple more thousand for the baby each month... couple more thousand to keep her in school... couple hundred to keep 'your new baby' in school. If you say your wife is there, get her to make sure. She won't lie to you hahaha.

Man, I swear a bunch of you guys are really gullible and just hand over cash as soon as girls make puppy dog eyes at you. Now that you've agreed to support her without even knowing her she's looking for a way to get more money out of you. I mean this is THAILAND.. it's almost part of the culture now where a white man comes over, meets a young girl, they have sex, she gives him a sob story, he falls in love, then he hands over cash to 'help her out'. My uncle was doing the same thing with a Thai bar girl 15 years ago when we were there.. he bought her a motorcycle and gave her $1500 US a month to 'stay out of that dirty bar and help her support the family'... I guarantee she was collecting his $$$ and probably 10 other gullible idiots at the same time. This guy was so cheap... yet as soon as a woman gave him a bit of attention and a tasty of p***y he was the most generous, giving soul ever...but he gave it ALL to her.

ladislav · Post by **ladislav** » May 19th, 2010, 7:25 am

I give all people the benefit of the doubt and treat them on individual merits. There is no room for prejudices here and generalizations about people we do not know. Some give 1500 to a bar girl, well, it is their business. I do not know this girl and/or her character. Also, there is no turning back the clock. Either it is abortion ( illegal in RP) or you will have to be the father, which is not such a bad thing. Gently but firmly ask for a DNA test. Then, go from there.

globetrotter · Post by **globetrotter** » May 19th, 2010, 8:04 am

ladislav wrote:I give all people the benefit of the doubt and treat them on individual merits. There is no room for prejudices here and generalizations about people we do not know. Some give 1500 to a bar girl, well, it is their business. I do not know this girl and/or her character. Also, there is no turning back the clock. Either it is abortion ( illegal in RP) or you will have to be the father, which is not such a bad thing. Gently but firmly ask for a DNA test. Then, go from there.

Based upon the merits of his actions, what would you conclude in this situation?

I conclude he has really f***ed up in exactly the same fashion as he has before as he writes in his relationship history.

She is either taking him for a ride to get big Buck$ from him or she is really pregnant and he screwed up.

I see very little upside to this and a new round of large monthly expenses for the poster.

Maybe someone else can help this guy but I have no patience for someone so clueless.

Post by **Winston** » May 19th, 2010, 9:03 am

Hi Fruit,
When was the first time you had sex with her? 10 days is too short usually. She has to miss her period first. This sounds suspicious. Perhaps she miscalculated her trick?

Tell us more about her. Where did you meet her exactly?

Do you have any pics of her? Especially of her face, that you can post here? If I see them, I can sort of read her character and intentions from them.

Or you can send them to me privately.

Try testing her. Tell her you will not support her through school. See how she reacts. That will test whether she really likes you or not. You should not make offers of support so early and so quickly, otherwise you won't know whether she really likes you or is just using you.

Remember you don't know her that well yet.

Some important questions to help narrow down the probability.

How many times did you have unprotected sex with her? More than once?

Did she ask you for money for the pregnancy?

How much are you sending her per month for tuition? Did you see her college books or uniform?

Finally, how serious are you about her? You know that you can easily find another Filipina right, and that you do not need to put all your eggs in one basket.

For now though, I would not send her any more money.

For some odd reason, every Filipina I've dated says she only had "one boyfriend" before me. lol

Post by **Winston** » May 19th, 2010, 9:08 am

Globetrotter, I know you're angry, but come on now. Have some compassion. He came here for help and advice. Insulting him is NOT going to help any one. No good comes out of it. I wish you had the wisdom to see that. Remember that everyone is doing their best with what they know.

Oh and guys, if he is not in the PH how can he get a DNA test for her and monitor the results? She can find a doctor to fake a DNA test. All he can do is send her more money for a DNA test and he wouldn't even be sure she is really getting one.

Fruit, where do you live? What country?

This is a stretch, but if you can get your girl to Angeles, I can give her a pregnancy test and make sure that she is pregnant. I can use a test with a special marker on the vial to make sure she doesn't switch it and does it honestly.

momopi · Post by **momopi** » May 19th, 2010, 9:30 am

You can do the DNA test after the kid is born. Quoting Ronald Reagan, "doveryai, no proveryai".

About a decade ago I was hooked up with a girl overseas who pulled the "I'm late" gig on me. I flew back and did some investigations, found out that she was not pregnant, and she was having an affair with a married guy at work, plus had another boyfriend on the side who travels a lot for work. Then there's me, the sucker from America, and whoever else that I don't know about.

I could've done one of these:

But you know what, I'm just not that nice.

Nate · Post by **Nate** » May 19th, 2010, 9:51 am

globetrotter wrote:
ladislav wrote:I give all people the benefit of the doubt and treat them on individual merits. There is no room for prejudices here and generalizations about people we do not know. Some give 1500 to a bar girl, well, it is their business. I do not know this girl and/or her character. Also, there is no turning back the clock. Either it is abortion ( illegal in RP) or you will have to be the father, which is not such a bad thing. Gently but firmly ask for a DNA test. Then, go from there.
Based upon the merits of his actions, what would you conclude in this situation?

I conclude he has really f***ed up in exactly the same fashion as he has before as he writes in his relationship history.

She is either taking him for a ride to get big Buck$ from him or she is really pregnant and he screwed up.

I see very little upside to this and a new round of large monthly expenses for the poster.

Maybe someone else can help this guy but I have no patience for someone so clueless.

GT- Keep in mind that Fruit could easily simply shine her on, like tens of thousands of US military did in the process of fathering about
50,000 fil-am children over the years that were not even supported at all by their fathers. Of course, shit happens, and sometimes as in this case it is dumb shit, BUT the one thing that is not dumb is that Fruit is willing to step forward, be a man, and take care of the child IF in fact it is his child. So Fruit- check it out..make sure you are not being conned any further, and if that child is yours, step forward and be a dad the best you can. You do not make it clear whether you would consider furthering your relationship with this girl. Would you really want to continue with her in any case? If the answer is yes, and the child in fact is yours, there are some things you can do, perhaps life-changing things, to be a dad to this child. If the child is yours, don't give up on the baby. I have no use for men who do not support their offspring, no matter what the circumstances. It sounds like you would be shuttling around..you have a really complicated situation with children in Thailand and all...SOMEHOW, beyond money do anything you can to be a dad to these kids.

>>>and for any guys with a young fertile Filipina within distance: Young filipinas can get pregnant almost by just looking at them and thinking about the deed! If you touch them, chances are pretty high that you are going to be a dad!

Post by **Winston** » May 19th, 2010, 10:52 am

Fruit,
If I were you, I'd also ask these guys on this board for their opinion on your situation too. Many of them have been through the same thing.

http://www.worldsexguide.com/forum/foru ... .php?f=996

fruit · Post by **fruit** » May 19th, 2010, 3:47 pm

Thanks for your replies, and I can understand where you are coming from and why you think the way you all do.

I do really like her and when we were together I assured her I would be back, support her study, and when she graduates bring her to my country so we can be together and she can work. So after she told me she was pregnant the plan of what was going to happen remains the same, except with the addition of a baby. It's not like I was being non-commital with her, so I think she doesn't gain anything by faking a pregnancy, and infact she will lose everything I assured her if her pregnancy is fake.

Yes I do believe I am only her 2nd bf. She is very naive and open, has shown me photos of her ex, and all her friends growing up. She has introduced me to all her family and friends (big family and a lot of friends). I have been to her medical college and seen her friends there, and saw the cashier printout detailing her tuition debts to the college. Her parents have a shop which they were using to support their 4 kids, but they had problems with staff, and business hasn't been so good, hence why she volunteered to stop her studies. I've been to Thailand 40 times over the past 12 years including living there for 2 years(with my ex), and been to Philippines 4 times now so would like to think I am pretty good and spotting the fakes, but of course one can never really be sure.

I have heard a lot of bad stories (as everyone has) hence why I am a bit suspicious. I met her online, not in a bar, not in Angeles or Manila or Cebu, she has introduced me to all her family and friends and people at her college. She doesn't drink or smoke, goes to church every week (was in the choir), and I am yet to catch her in any kind of lie or mistruth. She has never asked me for any money, but I was the one to offer it to her to cover her tuition when I left at the end of my first visit there.

All our sex was unprotected, just using withdrawal. But on the last visit there 1-11 May we didn't use that method as it was supposed to be her infertile period. So she had her missed period and positive pregnancy test sometime between 7 and 18 days after the event. I understand it is quick, but still entirely possible. I will do a DNA test regardless, but not until after the birth. And I think once I see the ultrasound and know the due date it will become more apparent that it is mine (or not). But there is still 8 months to wait, and many decisions to be made before then.

I know I can find another Filipina girl easily, infact I dated many who I didn't really like before I met her. I was always going to be with her in the future, but I would of course prefer it to be because I want to, rather than because I have to because she is pregnant and has our baby. So in some ways the end result is still the same, it is just a spanner in the works.

Winston I have sent you some pics and would appreciate your opinion, so you might need to check your junk mail.

Thanks,