DateinAsia help

[MarcosZeitola]

Other ones changed the 'having kids: no' to 'yes'!

Care to explain why this kids thing is such a big deal to you? You say you are a Christian man, and quite traditional. You prefer a girl who is simple, traditional, religious, and does the household. You prefer her not to have a job. This is the type you want to marry. This is also the type LEAST likely to want to stay childless... the type of woman that wants to remain childless by choice tends to be career-minded, overachieving, less traditional and less religious.

Virtually all women that fit your description of an ideal, simple Christian girl, would say having a family and pursuing motherhood is her ambition in life. It's what such girls are raised to want, taught to pursue, from an early age. Virtually none of these women will go through life never wanting children. So, in short, your criteria work against you. The woman you are looking for is either an older woman who cannot have children anymore, or a young educated professional. She's not a simple provincial girl from DateinAsia. If anything, you will find her in a convent.

I urge you to seriously reconsider your criteria.

[Ghost]

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[Balmung]

Other ones changed the 'having kids: no' to 'yes'!

Care to explain why this kids thing is such a big deal to you? You say you are a Christian man, and quite traditional. You prefer a girl who is simple, traditional, religious, and does the household. You prefer her not to have a job. This is the type you want to marry. This is also the type LEAST likely to want to stay childless... the type of woman that wants to remain childless by choice tends to be career-minded, overachieving, less traditional and less religious.

Virtually all women that fit your description of an ideal, simple Christian girl, would say having a family and pursuing motherhood is her ambition in life. It's what such girls are raised to want, taught to pursue, from an early age. Virtually none of these women will go through life never wanting children. So, in short, your criteria work against you. The woman you are looking for is either an older woman who cannot have children anymore, or a young educated professional. She's not a simple provincial girl from DateinAsia. If anything, you will find her in a convent.

I urge you to seriously reconsider your criteria.

My girlfriend and I, early in our chats (before meeting), were talking about what kind of family life we each wanted. She asked my how many kids I might want; I said somewhere from 3-5 seemed like a good number. She said she thought 4 was an ideal number (note that she's the youngest of 4). She also said, "Honestly, I can't imagine myself being with a man who didn't want children." I think Marcos is right: among traditional, conservative young women, nearly all will want children. Not only are marriage and children the path to being seen as a true adult and respectable member of society, but children are also a safety net: you take care of your kids, and they take care of you when you get old. You're fighting an uphill battle looking for a woman that doesn't want kids, especially one that will be a housewife.

[mentor]

I appreciate your postings.
I do not want to make any public declaration here about I do not want to have kids.
I love kids. I really do.
But I have been 'burned' in the past, so I do not want to add anything more here, anyone can suppose anything, I will not analyze it.

I declare 'want kids: no' in my profile.
Isn't this enough?
Should I write it with an additional phrase in my profile, as a statement?
If you think so, tell me, and I will add it in my profile to avoid future problems.

If a girl is not looking my profile but only my photo or she thinks 'maybe I can change it', it's a problem.
I declare it, so I want to be respected from any possible future mate.
As I avoid girls that declare 'wants kids: yes/undecided', even though I like them much.
Good explanations from the start, in order to avoid future problems.

I hope there will be a traditional simple girl, which for her own reasons (not career), will accept my preference.
There are millions of girls, there should be some like I want them.
I know I search for something rare, but I don't think it's impossible.
She could be chubby, she could be even ugly, she could be misfortune in her life, she could have a medical problem.
There should exist girls, traditional and simple, that could accept having no kids.
I don't think it is mission impossible in millions of asia girls.

[MarcosZeitola]

I'm sorry but I'm afraid you will get 'burned' many more times, then. You have a much better chance finding a girl who doesn't want children in the West, or in a wealthier Asian country such as Japan or Korea, then you will in the Philippines. One with a medical issue might work, but even if she has a medical issue preventing her from falling pregnant, she may still want to adopt. Adoption is a lot less common among Filipino people, besides the universal culture of taking in the children of (distant) relatives for some period of time when the parents are having a rough patch.

I'm curious why this kids thing is such a big deal to you? A traditional Christian would typically be family-oriented. Whereas you seem to want little to do with your in-laws, do not want to help out financially, and want to remain childless. Traditional values and strong religious beliefs collide with your proposed lifestyle.

You seem rather stubborn. It's not in your own best interest. I could help you with better advice if you would be more specific about your reasons.

[mentor]

Can you tell me your opinions about my core question?

It's like I am telling 'I don't want girls who smoke', and receive many messages from girls that smoke and they tell so in their profiles!
What's the point and what they expect? Is it a logic 'let's try contact him and let's see how he goes'?
But, this approach, even if a girl seems good, it make me think that she does not respect me, so, once again, the rejection is inevitable.

[mentor]

For the first time, as far as I know, DIA gives the opportunity to upload more than one images in the profile.
I am not sure if this is good or not, yet.

[mentor]

Is it better to choose a girl's profile which is there for a long time around,
or a newly one?

I am not having good impression for new profiles that disappear after a while....

[mentor]

Why an asian girl would make her profile 'hidden' for a period of time, and then again visible?
Some of them that I have a close eye on them, seem to be good girls, but I have a difficulty to explain this attitude.

[chanta76]

Mentor,

Having kids is a must for a traditional Asian women . My wife wants kids...for me I prefer not to but in order to keep my marriage...well maybe try to make one baby. I understand why you don't want kids...it's BIG responsibility and costly and well..maybe you have personal issues that made not want a family.

It's tough really..most traditional asian female who are still young want kids.

[mentor]

chanta76 I know it, I can understand.
But, as it is said, 'there is an asian girl for anyone', so I hope that I will find the one that is suitable for me.

[Ghost]

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[mentor]

Ghost, thanks for your analysis.

[mentor]

I could never imagine myself, having a problem of selecting which ones of the dozens of profiles that showed interest in me (& already selected in a first stage by me-not any girl that contacted me is in the list) should I focus,
but it happens!
Nice problem though, but quite challenging.

[mentor]

I sent messages to some girls I am interested, but still they did not get online!
So, I have no responses from them.
I do not want to send more messages to more girls, because if they decide to go online and start messaging me, I don't have the time to handle too many multiple conversations!

On one hand, the fact that a girl connects to the dating site every few days, maybe it's a sign that she has not any contact with men yet, but this is only a simple assumption from me.
One the other hand, I can wait for a response even a few days (in the beginning) if a girl is really good and worth it (in case she has not internet in her home), but this pose extra difficulties in order to have a proper connection and try to know each other.
I am puzzled with all these facts.