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firahs75 wrote:I'm guessing it means travelling, going out to movies, eating, and drinking etc on all your dime....nothing wrong with that per say...I am willing to provide that in exchange for 100% unwavering devotion and loyalty....
No! Not necessarily the case at all. When I first visited my wife, she had a nice office/sales job in Cebu. She insisted that she pay for a few meals and I let her pay That was her way of letting me know that she wasn't a freeloader just waiting around for a two legged ATM machine.
I really appreciated her offer. Sure I ended up paying 80% of everything but she did put up a fight to pay more than she did. But this train of thought continues now that we are married. My wife has a good job. All expenses sent back to her family are paid by her.
I will preach to this forum until I'm blue in the face but it's extremely important to make sure that the girl that you marry is an ASSET to your family and not a LIABILITY. What do I mean by this? There are thousands upon thousands of ladies in the Philippines who fall asleep every night dreaming of meeting a nice foreign man.
There are a lot of Negative Nancy's on this forum. Truth be told is that meeting a Filipina is easy...kind of like fishing with dynamite. The prudent man will take his time, do his research and strive to find the higher caliber lady preferably with a bit of education and smarts. So if you do opt to bring her back to your home country you don't want her sitting around the house watching Eat Bulaga and snacking on bon bons all day. Get a girl that can go get a good job and contribute!!!!
Really, it's not all the difficult to do.
Ugghh...the idea of bringing another woman to this country chills me to the bone (see my brief post about my first marriage in the following thread at the end of the page: viewtopic.php?f=48&t=24853&start=45)
This 19 yo woman i am talking with seems like she would be a great asset...she is a college student in Mindanao studying elementary education and works for a rich family....she does everything for them from the accounting, to the childcare, to the yard work, to the cooking (and according to her boss she is a fantastic cook).
Such a woman would be a tremendous asset to any family. But my spidey sense tells me not to trust her...We have only known each other via skype video chats, so how can the love she professes be true?
I did not bring up the subject at all, but at first she told me that she would only sleep with me if I married her (she is not a virgin so ROTFLMAO)....i told her that was not going to happen....I once made the mistake of waiting until marriage with a girl from church, as I was stupidly trying to follow biblical principles in choosing a woman (it was my second marriage; the sex SUCKED!!!--missionary only, no BJ's). I will never do that again under any circumstances. I still have faith in God and all but I guess He just wanted to play a cruel joke on me there.
Anyways, now after one month she has kind of changed her tune and has subtly acquiesced to sleeping with me during my visit. She has sought assurance that i will not leave her if we sleep together. Apparently she has only been with one guy and he took her virginity and dumped her immediately after--leaving her heartbroken and traumatized (rolleyes; maybe its true). So she also sought assurance that if she gets pregnant i will take care of the child....i dunno...seems kinda weird?!?!?!?
But when you are 40 it is kinda hard to resist 19 y.o. poon. Don't wanna be a dick and just pump and dump, but I would love it if I could really trust her as I am far past the point of just wanting sex for sex's sake....she just seems a bit too eager to be in a relationship with me...something seems kinda off, but only slightly...at 19 years of age, can she really be that much of an expert in western male manipulation? The other girls I have met that were straight up gold diggers have been remarkably crude or stupid in their approach; laughably so.
Pardon me for sounding like a prude but I would put the sex on the back burner and focus on bigger issues like are you compatible. Gotta trust me on this one. If you marry a filipina and she's happy, there is virtually no way you won't be sexually satisfied. Consider it a given. I can almost guarantee she'll have you shopping at the vitamin store to keep up with her in the bedroom.
Other advice. Test her loyalty to you. Tell her it will take a year (and it should) for her to prove herself to you. During that year does you guys cam chat a few times a week? Is she reliable? Do you get the sense that she loves you and is excited to talk to you every chat session? Remove the sex and the short term variables out of the equation and see how she responds. Remember there are thousands of single filipinas available to you. Onus is on her to show STABILITY and maturity.
I did this with my wife for almost 2 years. I did visit her 3 times during those 2 years. My wife was a virgin when we married so you are right, it's not easy to lay off a stunning looking young woman but I did because I knew that in the long term it would pay off and it has.
If you really need sex (totally understand), make a pitstop to Angeles or fly thru Bangkok and spend a few days there before meeting your girl.
Firahs, like Pete said, sex isn't the main priority here but if you wanted to have an idea if she was willing it would have been better to be more subtle so she didn't feel uncomfortable.
"I'm thinking of going to Camiguin Island, would you like to join me? I'll book a hotel for us" Something along those lines. Anything else than a negative response would be likely to be a good sign.
But, yeah, finding out whether she's going to screw you over is the main objective. The worst thing you can do though, is to fall for her before you find out she's genuine. If that happens and she is a scammer, she's got you by the balls, basically.
As for the girl in question. Does she love you? Hmmm....I dunno. All I'm saying is that Filipina's are not like Western Woman. They do tend to let their heart rule their heads and get over excited and carried away quickly. For your own sake, be very cautious. She has to prove herself for you to put that ring on her finger so don't buy her and don't elevate yourself by buying gifts, sending money etc and helping out her family. She has to want you for who you are, not what you can offer financially.
Firahs, like Pete said, sex isn't the main priority here but if you wanted to have an idea if she was willing it would have been better to be more subtle so she didn't feel uncomfortable.
"I'm thinking of going to Camiguin Island, would you like to join me? I'll book a hotel for us" Something along those lines. Anything else than a negative response would be likely to be a good sign.
But, yeah, finding out whether she's going to screw you over is the main objective. The worst thing you can do though, is to fall for her before you find out she's genuine. If that happens and she is a scammer, she's got you by the balls, basically.
As for the girl in question. Does she love you? Hmmm....I dunno. All I'm saying is that Filipina's are not like Western Woman. They do tend to let their heart rule their heads and get over excited and carried away quickly. For your own sake, be very cautious. She has to prove herself for you to put that ring on her finger so don't buy her and don't elevate yourself by buying gifts, sending money etc and helping out her family. She has to want you for who you are, not what you can offer financially.
firahs75 wrote:I'm guessing it means travelling, going out to movies, eating, and drinking etc on all your dime....nothing wrong with that per say...I am willing to provide that in exchange for 100% unwavering devotion and loyalty....
No! Not necessarily the case at all. When I first visited my wife, she had a nice office/sales job in Cebu. She insisted that she pay for a few meals and I let her pay That was her way of letting me know that she wasn't a freeloader just waiting around for a two legged ATM machine.
I really appreciated her offer. Sure I ended up paying 80% of everything but she did put up a fight to pay more than she did. But this train of thought continues now that we are married. My wife has a good job. All expenses sent back to her family are paid by her.
I will preach to this forum until I'm blue in the face but it's extremely important to make sure that the girl that you marry is an ASSET to your family and not a LIABILITY. What do I mean by this? There are thousands upon thousands of ladies in the Philippines who fall asleep every night dreaming of meeting a nice foreign man.
There are a lot of Negative Nancy's on this forum. Truth be told is that meeting a Filipina is easy...kind of like fishing with dynamite. The prudent man will take his time, do his research and strive to find the higher caliber lady preferably with a bit of education and smarts. So if you do opt to bring her back to your home country you don't want her sitting around the house watching Eat Bulaga and snacking on bon bons all day. Get a girl that can go get a good job and contribute!!!!
Really, it's not all the difficult to do.
I did not bring up the subject at all, but at first she told me that she would only sleep with me if I married her (she is not a virgin so ROTFLMAO)....i told her that was not going to happen....
Anyways, now after one month she has kind of changed her tune and has subtly acquiesced to sleeping with me during my visit. She has sought assurance that i will not leave her if we sleep together. Apparently she has only been with one guy and he took her virginity and dumped her immediately after--leaving her heartbroken and traumatized (rolleyes; maybe its true). So she also sought assurance that if she gets pregnant i will take care of the child....i dunno...seems kinda weird?!?!?!?
Hey guys, just to be clear, I did not bring up the subject of sex in the first place...she did...
And when I said she changed her tune, she was the one who again brought it up by saying "If we sleep together, please don't leave me"
Last edited by firahs75 on November 19th, 2015, 9:09 am, edited 2 times in total.
pete98146 wrote:
Pardon me for sounding like a prude but I would put the sex on the back burner and focus on bigger issues like are you compatible. Gotta trust me on this one. If you marry a filipina and she's happy, there is virtually no way you won't be sexually satisfied. Consider it a given. I can almost guarantee she'll have you shopping at the vitamin store to keep up with her in the bedroom.
Other advice. Test her loyalty to you. Tell her it will take a year (and it should) for her to prove herself to you. During that year does you guys cam chat a few times a week? Is she reliable? Do you get the sense that she loves you and is excited to talk to you every chat session? Remove the sex and the short term variables out of the equation and see how she responds. Remember there are thousands of single filipinas available to you. Onus is on her to show STABILITY and maturity.
I did this with my wife for almost 2 years. I did visit her 3 times during those 2 years. My wife was a virgin when we married so you are right, it's not easy to lay off a stunning looking young woman but I did because I knew that in the long term it would pay off and it has.
If you really need sex (totally understand), make a pitstop to Angeles or fly thru Bangkok and spend a few days there before meeting your girl.
As always, Pete has given you very good advise. As I have said before he was my mentor during my entire process (still is).
Now does this mean you have to keep your hands off her until you are married? Frankly I wasn't able to - I think I lasted one night
But his point is still well taken. The sex will ultimately be great. And if you really have to take care of your needs before meeting her there are plenty of options. I remember that at Pete's suggestion on my first trip I booked a hotel in Manila in the EDSA district intending to partake before meeting any of the girls I was intending to meet. The flight was late and I never discovered EDSA. Didn't end up mattering; the trip was quite "satisfying" and while I did discover the joys of the Filipina, this was not the trip I met my wife.
Take your time, get to know not just her but the culture as well. It will be well worth it!
firahs75 wrote:
I did not bring up the subject at all, but at first she told me that she would only sleep with me if I married her (she is not a virgin so ROTFLMAO)....i told her that was not going to happen....
Anyways, now after one month she has kind of changed her tune and has subtly acquiesced to sleeping with me during my visit. She has sought assurance that i will not leave her if we sleep together. Apparently she has only been with one guy and he took her virginity and dumped her immediately after--leaving her heartbroken and traumatized (rolleyes; maybe its true). So she also sought assurance that if she gets pregnant i will take care of the child....i dunno...seems kinda weird?!?!?!?
Actually this scenario is completely common. The girl probably does like you (and at 19 believes she loves you). Is reluctantly willing to sleep with you but is scared at the consequences. Losing her virginity to a Filipino who dumps her afterwards is a pretty common story, and often true. Worrying about what will happen if she gets pregnant would also be true. There is no governmental safety net in the Philippines for when a girl gets pregnant.
Now could it all be a lie - maybe. That's why you have to put in the time to find out. But the story and her feelings could very well be 100% genuine.
firahs75 wrote:
I did not bring up the subject at all, but at first she told me that she would only sleep with me if I married her (she is not a virgin so ROTFLMAO)....i told her that was not going to happen....
Anyways, now after one month she has kind of changed her tune and has subtly acquiesced to sleeping with me during my visit. She has sought assurance that i will not leave her if we sleep together. Apparently she has only been with one guy and he took her virginity and dumped her immediately after--leaving her heartbroken and traumatized (rolleyes; maybe its true). So she also sought assurance that if she gets pregnant i will take care of the child....i dunno...seems kinda weird?!?!?!?
Actually this scenario is completely common. The girl probably does like you (and at 19 believes she loves you). Is reluctantly willing to sleep with you but is scared at the consequences. Losing her virginity to a Filipino who dumps her afterwards is a pretty common story, and often true. Worrying about what will happen if she gets pregnant would also be true. There is no governmental safety net in the Philippines for when a girl gets pregnant.
Now could it all be a lie - maybe. That's why you have to put in the time to find out. But the story and her feelings could very well be 100% genuine.
Many thanks to everyone for your feedback...it is much appreciated
Well guys, I have ended up altering my plans quite a bit to spend as much time as possible with this 19 y.o. girl from Butuan.
I could be totally wrong here, but if she is stringing me along she deserves an Academy award...that smile on her face every day when we video chat, the way she bites her lower lip; the way she giggles and puts her hand to her mouth when she sees me ; the way she rocks back and forth; just the look in her eyes and face as she gazes into the video cam...seems pretty sincere to me...
She is a part-time nanny, and one time the little boy she was taking care of (her boss' grandson) called me "daddy" and told me he loved me. I reciprocated the sentiment just to be nice and she got visibly upset and jealous (though she apologized after)!!! Her jealously was kinda sweet and endearing, albeit in an immature and misguided way...lol....
My point is she seems to have genuine feelings for me...in 1.5 months of almost daily video chat she has never come close to mentioning money and the two times i tried to dump her (because I had serious reservations about her age), she really fought hard to win me back over. Can't wait to see her! Which brings me to two questions:
1. Wanted to spend about five days in the beginning of Dec somewhere nice and was considering one of the following: Boracay, Bohol, Camiguin, or Siquijor. Which would you guys recommend? Just wanna chill on a really nice beach and enjoy nature and hopefully good weather and decent food....I'm not really into nightlife or any kind of extreme sports
2. I plan to get a local SIM card for my 4g LTE phone upon arrival in Phil...can you guys recommend a specific carrier or plan? Where would the best place be to get the SIM? In Cambo they have booths at the airport...Many thanks!!!!
firahs75 wrote:
1. Wanted to spend about five days in the beginning of Dec somewhere nice and was considering one of the following: Boracay, Bohol, Camiguin, or Siquijor. Which would you guys recommend? Just wanna chill on a really nice beach and enjoy nature and hopefully good weather and decent food....I'm not really into nightlife or any kind of extreme sports
2. I plan to get a local SIM card for my 4g LTE phone upon arrival in Phil...can you guys recommend a specific carrier or plan? Where would the best place be to get the SIM? In Cambo they have booths at the airport...Many thanks!!!!
I have been to 3 of the 4 places you mentioned. My wife won't go to Siquijor because of the witches Any of the other 3 are nice for different reasons. Boracay is busy and touristy but can be exciting and the white beach is nice. Bohol has Alona Beach (a mini Boracay) and lots to do inland. CAmiguin is very peaceful; it's an island of 7 volcanoes. Nice beaches but not white beaches.
As to SIM cards you can get them most anywhere including the airport. Globe, Smart or Sun - take your pick. They all have their minuses. For ease you might just get the one she uses.
mentor wrote:I see many profiles telling 'I am beautiful with a heart'.
Does it sounds....good?
Lol... I'm not surprised to see that line popping up recently. It's a quote from the Miss Universe contest (held at the end of last year). Miss Philippines won of course. The "beautiful with a heart" was part of her "why I deserve to be Miss Universe" speech.
Note that she was actually half Filipino (mother) and half German (father). My girlfriend likes to remind me how often mixed babies grow up to be movie stars and models and pageant winners. It's another reason Filipinas are so enthusiastic about foreigners.
mentor wrote:I see many profiles telling 'I am beautiful with a heart'.
Does it sounds....good?
Nope. They've got a high opinion of themselves by saying they're beautiful. Why say it anyway? They have photo's uploaded so men should be able to judge for themselves. We don't need to be told .
mentor wrote:I see many profiles telling 'I am beautiful with a heart'.
Does it sounds....good?
Nope. They've got a high opinion of themselves by saying they're beautiful. Why say it anyway? They have photo's uploaded so men should be able to judge for themselves. We don't need to be told .
This is true.
When a girl says is beautiful I try to skip her.
Maybe it is a typical phrase, maybe not. I suppose only experienced members could have a more realistic opinion.
A girl told me twice that she imagine the relationship , among other things of course, that we will be 'contended to each other'.
Is this just another phrase to say 'help each other in circumstances of life', or it is a hidden message focusing mainly on 'giving money'?
mentor wrote:Maybe it is a typical phrase, maybe not. I suppose only experienced members could have a more realistic opinion.
A girl told me twice that she imagine the relationship , among other things of course, that we will be 'contended to each other'.
Is this just another phrase to say 'help each other in circumstances of life', or it is a hidden message focusing mainly on 'giving money'?
If you are not sure what she means, then I think the best thing to do is ask her rather than trying to guess or assume what she means. I think you can reply "What do you mean by 'contended to each other'" and see how she responds. That will also give you a deeper understanding of her and what she is looking for in a relationship.
I have seen this suggested in the past on this forum regarding chatting with women. I think that advice can be applied to any topics that are brought up.
That was her way of letting me know that she wasn't a freeloader just waiting around for a two legged ATM machine.
The "beautiful with a heart" was part of her "why I deserve to be Miss Universe" speech.
.