First move and selection

Mr Natural · Post by **Mr Natural** » January 22nd, 2016, 5:50 am

MarcosZeitola gave you the best reply but you don't want to hear it. Forget the online stuff and go there, there are guys that have made the online method work but in fact they are a very small percentage. But your question about "tactics" applies whether online or in person, and I would say it depends on your personality, how much time you have, and your standards. Traditionally minded girls tend to be quite shy and reserved so if you sit back and wait for them to come to you, well, you might wait a long time for the right one to approach you. Also the overwhelming percentage that approaches you will be the type you should actually avoid. But I can't emphasize enough - forget the online stuff and go there.

MarcosZeitola · Post by **MarcosZeitola** » January 22nd, 2016, 3:18 pm

Mr Natural wrote:MarcosZeitola gave you the best reply but you don't want to hear it.

The age-old tale of the horse you can take to the water, but cannot force to drink applies here. I've given up by now on mentor and the likes of him. It pains me to do so, but frankly my time is too valuable to waste on changing the perspectives of people too stubborn to change. If you are truly unwilling to change, nothing ever will unless one day reality smacks you over the head in a very unkind and brutal way.

The best method to get a good woman for a man who has no time to live in her country for months on end, is still a mixture of chatting online followed by a physical meet-up. This is what I believe member Davewe, Balmung and several others did; you chat several girls at a time, select the one(s) you like best and then meet them in personal. That is the moment where you know she is what you're looking for, or not. Before that, it's like reading the menu of a restaurant from your couch but never actually getting off your couch to pay it a visit... the dishes sure look tasty, they make you drool, but you won't ever have a taste yourself so what's the use?

Mentor is a man who watches a cooking channel, reads cook books, menus, but never cooks or eats. Like a monk glued in front of a a Jamie Oliver program stuck on repeat. It's painful for me to look at, so I stopped looking.

Mr Natural · Post by **Mr Natural** » January 22nd, 2016, 9:48 pm

But Marcos, he did ask a legitimate question that others might be interested in as well - whether you should pick them or let them pick you. I think that question is relevant either online or in person. If he doesn't want to follow up then it's his loss. But for me, there is no doubt which way is better. In this world, if you want something you have to reach out and get it. Waiting for someone else to drop it in your lap is a losers game.

Cornfed · Post by **Cornfed** » January 22nd, 2016, 10:04 pm

Mr Natural wrote:Waiting for someone else to drop it in your lap is a losers game.

Doesn't that mean that, by definition, you are dating/marrying losers?

Mr Natural · Post by **Mr Natural** » January 22nd, 2016, 11:16 pm

Cornfed · Post by **Cornfed** » January 22nd, 2016, 11:21 pm

Mr Natural wrote:No.

But they are loser people who waited for you to drop into their lap.

Ghost · Post by **Ghost** » January 23rd, 2016, 4:54 am

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chanta76 · Post by **chanta76** » January 24th, 2016, 3:36 pm

It's better to choose than have a girl choose you. At least you choose the girl you want...but in the end even if you choose that girl she has to agreed to choose you too. So in a way women still end up deciding if they want to be with you or not.

mentor · Post by **mentor** » January 24th, 2016, 9:56 pm

Let me tell you a practical situation that I face now:
A girl contacted me first, with a message, just a simple word.
Then I respond to her, asking her to tell me some things about her life.
She did, but she end up telling that 'she is not deserving a man like me'!
I am confused.
Low self esteem? Maybe hiding something bad? Or she just wants to chase her?
I tell myself that it is not the best way to chase, we 've already discussed it. She is a typical filipina girl, but I like her.
But, I 've decided not to chase, not western women, even more not asian ones!
I show my interest, after they give me a sign, if I like one.
But, active hunting will not be my style. Second mistake will not be done by me, once again, as I described in my first post.
So, what do you think for the attitude of this girl?
I don't know if I should continue contacting her.

Zambales · Post by **Zambales** » January 25th, 2016, 12:32 am

It could be any of those three you mentioned but at the end of the day it's a negative response in my book so I would move on.

As for your strategy Mentor, I echo on previous comments made. You need to go to the Philippines and don't rely on her coming to you. What about the visa? Who will be pay the airfare? If you're hoping she will you're reducing the pool drastically in a pool that wouldn't be very big in the first place due to your requirements. Unless they're a scammer I'd be quite surprised if a Filipina came to meet you even if you did pay for the flight.

mentor · Post by **mentor** » February 8th, 2016, 3:24 am

Zambales wrote: As for your strategy Mentor, I echo on previous comments made. You need to go to the Philippines and don't rely on her coming to you. What about the visa? Who will be pay the airfare? If you're hoping she will you're reducing the pool drastically in a pool that wouldn't be very big in the first place due to your requirements. Unless they're a scammer I'd be quite surprised if a Filipina came to meet you even if you did pay for the flight.

My experience in this online dating scene with filipinas, is little, indeed.
But even with this little experience, some girls told me 'i did everything to be with him, I even visited him in his country, but then we broke, etc'. And these guys had not been ever in Philippines! So yes, there are girls who could take this step for the man that they think they deserve to chase.
I am not telling it is not the ideal practice to visit her there.
But it could be done vice versa, I am not telling it by myself, the girls told this to me, from their past experiences.
Another vote for filipinas!

davewe · Post by **davewe** » February 9th, 2016, 9:23 am

mentor wrote:
Zambales wrote: As for your strategy Mentor, I echo on previous comments made. You need to go to the Philippines and don't rely on her coming to you. What about the visa? Who will be pay the airfare? If you're hoping she will you're reducing the pool drastically in a pool that wouldn't be very big in the first place due to your requirements. Unless they're a scammer I'd be quite surprised if a Filipina came to meet you even if you did pay for the flight.
My experience in this online dating scene with filipinas, is little, indeed.
But even with this little experience, some girls told me 'i did everything to be with him, I even visited him in his country, but then we broke, etc'. And these guys had not been ever in Philippines! So yes, there are girls who could take this step for the man that they think they deserve to chase.
I am not telling it is not the ideal practice to visit her there.
But it could be done vice versa, I am not telling it by myself, the girls told this to me, from their past experiences.
Another vote for filipinas!

There's an exception to every rule but for a Filipina to get a tourist Visa to a Western country - well it's unlikely, the process is costly and lengthy. A Filipina can travel to another Asian country (where a Visa is easy or not required) or she may have been working in a foreign country on a work visa and had a BF in that way.

So if your fantasy is that you will start a relationship online and that the girl will just be able to show up at your house as a tourist - again that's a fantasy and very unlikely.

It's easier, more fun and you will learn the culture better if you just bite the bullet and go.

Ghost · Post by **Ghost** » February 9th, 2016, 12:05 pm

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mentor · Post by **mentor** » February 9th, 2016, 10:05 pm

Some girls, although the made the first move to me, after a while they stopped messaging.
I am always very clear in my conversation, and kind, etc.
Maybe they looked for something else and they understood that I am not the guy they wanted.
I thought they would chase me further.
But if it was going to be a bad relationship, it is better they abandoned the ship early.

I think that Ghost's post is on the right track, though I will change it a little bit:
The trick is to get ('those')the right women to find you and choose you.