-----

[Ghost]

-----

[Johnny1975]

My hope tank for finding a good, appropriate, complementary foreign woman for marriage and family is running on empty. So in lieu of that, I've had an idea: explicitly dating leftover women, having relationships that last for several months or so, then moving on as needed.

By leftover women, I mean women who are 25-30+ years old who should have married earlier if they wanted to have families.

My moral code includes:
-not sleeping with a virgin unless she's going to be my wife
-that adultery is evil and should be punished by death (adultery = man sleeping with another man's wife, or a woman sleeping with a man who is not her husband)
-not stealing a marriageable woman from a man who will most likely marry her

So this leaves me with leftover women. The upside is I wouldn't need to compete, which frees up more time and energy working on things that matter, while also getting sex regularly so I won't be distracted when I need to be productive. There are also an increasing number of leftover women in the world, which means a larger dating pool. This is low-effort-low-reward dating but that's the nature of the beast. As long as my sex needs are taken care of, it's fine. The woman will be taken care of while she is with me: dinners, romance, couples' activities, etc. Perhaps the occasional gift or gesture showing I care. She will definitely benefit while being with me.

My question is, is there any moral or ethical problem with doing this? This is not whether or not it will feel bad - I already know it will - because such a lifestyle is inherently prone to emotional damage for the man and woman. My question is what, if any, are the moral/ethical problems with doing this? I think we would all agree that stealing a wife from another man is morally wrong, but dating leftover women I wouldn't be harming my fellow man. The women I'd be dating would be very unlikely to get married, so they are deriving a small benefit from me as opposed to reaping no benefit being single without hope of marriage.

Yes, there's a moral problem.

[cdnFA]

If you look at the stats, about 50% of left over women hitting 30 in China get married by the age of 40. I wouldn't be so sure that leftover means unlikely to get married.

There is nothing wrong with any set up if both parties are game but
1: You might start to like the girl and not be ready to let go.
2: She might fall for you
3: Both.

Also even if someone says they are OK with a relationship of a few months, it doesn't mean it is true, they could be lying either to you or themselves. Ask any guy who doesn't want kids about how accurate some statements are.

Sounds like you would be better off just renting a mistress, they are fairly cheap in Thailand and parts of China. Have her move in, provide the sex and other things you want on a 6 month contract and then get another one. If you got the cash for that.


I'm pushing 50 and am not all that wealthy by western standards. I would like to have a 20 something but the odds of her either messing about behind my back or leaving me the moment something better comes around is just too high. Someone say in China who is 35+ would probably feel less like a settler and me as a reacher, they got a few good years left on them and many are attractive. Not sure I'd want to do that for an Indian girl, they don't seem to age well. OTOH with an older girl at least you can get a grip on how she will age. That is just my take on the left over thing. We have very different views on the subject.

[Winston]

How do you get a mistress in china? Cdnfa? Do they advertise somewhere? I cant imagine any chinese woman wanting that arrangement. If i asked the chinese girls i know for that, theyd be insulted.

[MrMan]

Ghost,

Yes, there is an ethical problem. Sex with prostitutes or with unmarried women who aren't virgins is sinful, too. Not as bad as adultery, but still immoral.

[gnosis]

For god's sake, go visit a brothel or a girlie bar or a freelancer. You're over complicating things. I have no idea why.

[Ghost]

...

[Ghost]

...

[gnosis]

Ghost,

Yes, there is an ethical problem. Sex with prostitutes or with unmarried women who aren't virgins is sinful, too. Not as bad as adultery, but still immoral.

Sex with prostitutes is absolutely NOT immoral.

[Ghost]

...

[Ghost]

...

[MarcosZeitola]

I see absolutely no problem with you going after the leftover women crowd. Some of them are genuinely nice women, virgins at that, and just never got to find their true love. Or any love, for that matter. The argument that they are only spinsters for being ridiculously picky or closet lesbians, is too simple an explanation for me. In the Philippines if a family has eight kids, the youngest girl who happens to have an education would often sacrifice a love life and marriage just so she can support her elder siblings... now if this woman is 32, all her siblings more or less manage to support themselves (or their breadwinner just gives up on trying because they are hopeless), we have this relatively young woman who is responsible and fit for marriage still.

Sure these women will be considered "over the hill" by most people especially by local men. But chances are they are more responsible and make better wives then a lot of their younger, more selfish counterparts. Even though sexually speaking those younger counterparts are preferable, I take it you are looking at long-term happiness here. And I understand at this point, you do not want to take your chances.

So, I say go for it. These women will make you feel like a King and are most likely INCREDIBLY grateful for you to save them from a fate worse then death; the fate of dying alone in a culture that shuns rather then cuddles a lonely spinster surrounded by pets she treats as her children.

[Ghost]

...

[MarcosZeitola]

I'm completely against this Brave New World way of life, where marrying 30 something year old females is a thing.

I agree. Married mine when she was 20 and I know it was the right choice. In the Philippines I have seen sixty-year old men marry twenty-something girls. Unless you picked her up from a bar in Angeles, at that age when you ensure she's a proper Catholic or a proper whatever-she-believes-in, chances are you're good to go.

The leftover women is a temporary solution for you as you await greener pastures, or are you close to giving up on marriage altogether?

[Ghost]

...