You are perhaps one of the few men who are getting laid often, yet feels depressed and lonely about it. So having women in your life means you're lonely?Ghost wrote:I've had it with this thing people mistakenly call life. Perhaps for most it is just f***ing dandy and I just ended up being cursed to stumble around in loneliness for as long as I'm living on this earth. Regardless, it just never gets better. One man can't fight an entire world that is bound and determined to f**k up everything. One thing I've learned about people - watching myself and others - is that we throw away what is valuable and concern ourselves with what is worthless. And here we are.
Anyway, on to the story. Let's wind the clocks back a year. Little more than a year, actually. Ghost is preparing to return to China, which will be his second time. He's got a nice job lined up teaching English at a private uni in a provincial capital. It will be his second chance since his first time in China and his first real relationship didn't work out. He's looking forward to it. Anyhow, it's all fine. He hopes it will be a triumphant return to China. He's still looking for lovely young ladies on a dating site, hopefully something will come of it. A Filipina working in Singapore messages him. We'll call her G. Seems really sweet but the whole working-in-Singapore thing doesn't seem good. This is going to be an independent girl, right? Careerist. He doesn't respond at first. Then decides to message back because...why not?
What follows is like something out of a romantic comedy. Instant connection. Tons in common. Sweet girl, seems very loving and family oriented. We talk a lot on Skype and it feels great. Cloud 9 territory. And I ask her if she's a virgin. If she says yes, that means my search is probably over and this is a marriageable girl.
She tells me she's a virgin. Oh God, this could be it. It's so hard to find, but here is. Got to meet in person of course, but she's saved herself this long. It will all be worth it.
Everything seems perfect. That's when you've got to let it go, because things can only get f***ed up from there.
She lied. Not a virgin after all. Oh geez. Yeah, yeah, ghosts can cry as it turns out. One ex-boyfriend she says. One dick she says. One time she says. Oh, isn't always just one mistake she made? Just one. And yet it's supposedly always us men who can't keep in it in their pants. Such a rare type to find, and it's all ruined. This is one thing I always tell myself I will never compromise on. If she's not a virgin, I won't marry her. No hymen, no diamond. You can't and shouldn't try to do things any other way than how God says to do them. It's in the best interest of humanity.
Ghost tries to forget, goes to China. Job is great, lots of fun. City is shit. But most are. Some bad times, loneliness. I don't do well with Chinese women. Get to travel a bit. Even have some time and money to go to Philippines for a week. Around this time he starts talking to G again and wants to somehow forget her past and be with her. But there are a lot of problems. He feels like shit, otherwise known as a typical day.
He ends up going to Philippines. He meets a hot 21 year old pinay and sleeps with her for a few days. She's hot and knows it. Emotionless bitch. She lays on her back while Ghost f***s the hottest p***y he's ever f***ed. When it's time to go she takes me to the airport and waves at me dismissively, not even waiting until I get inside before she leaves. This hurts pretty bad. Not much later when I'm back in China and I'm trying to continue things with her. She nonchalantly tells me she's dating (i.e. vacation f***ing) a British guy. What a f***ing c**t.
Ghost returns to the city and work for a semester. It gets colder physically and figuratively, and then all of a sudden a sexy pinay shows up on the dating site. We'll call her M. In my city. We message, not far away. We meet. Hops into bed with me on our second meeting. Hot girl, big nice breasts. But a total slut, has had lots of guys before. Zero percent chance of marriage material.
Long story short Ghost grows increasingly frustrated because despite getting laid every weekend with a sexy pinay, he has no future. None of this is building towards a future. No marriage material out there. He gets along a lot easier and more naturally with pinays. The one date with a Chinese woman he had was awkward. No signals to read. It would be easier to read a stone. Language barrier is huge too.
He's frustrated with the city, his disjointed life (work thing, largely), and the lack of marriageable girls in his life. Still, the sex is good. He gets this idea that he just needs to relocate to a “better city” in China. He leaves everything behind and returns home. He tells his girlfriend that he wants to continue, and comes up with a half-assed way that they can. He goes home but keeps contact with her. Within two or three weeks he realizes something is up. Ah, of course. It's always obvious when women do this.
She had already hopped on new dick. What a f***ing whore.
Getting the new job in Guangzhou up and going is taking a long time. Several months of bureaucracy. Home is lonely except for his family. Isolation, solitude. Not always bad. Spends a lot of time reading and on other hobbies. Feels stupid for throwing away for what he had before, but is sure he'll get it back in Guangzhou.
Goes to Philippines for a few days, has blue balls for most of it. Girl he goes there specifically to meet doesn't sleep with him. She's not a virgin but wants to put her schooling first now to the exclusion of a relationship. (And Ghost had a flashback to his incel days in the U.S.) Last night there, he gets a single mom to come over and f**k. It's not fun, some mechanical act done out of loneliness. A little pleasure to numb the pain.
To make another long story short, when he does finally get to China, it's all f***ed up. Employer is neglectful, not because the company isn't legit, but because employers in first tier cities know they can get away with a lot more bullshit than employers in less liked or less known cities. Problems mount, he lasts there only about a week. During this time, Ghost starts talking to G again. He's planning to break his one vow to himself that he swore up and down he'd never break. Marry her, try to start a family, and somehow try to survive and do the right thing in this blind world. He'll forgive her past, even though for all he knows she's sucked a hundred dicks. They at least have a connection. He'll convince himself that they are soulmates and try to live out a happy lie.
They're talking. They'll take it slow she says. They talk about what a future together would mean, and their conversations feel a lot like before. He still makes her laugh, they still make each other smile. But there was a lot of pain before. A lot to work through. Probably will not find another girl like this again.
Something's different. She's a little harder in her heart. A little more brash. Curses a little more. There's that fear in Ghost's heart come back.
They're talking about how they can do it. But she wants more than Ghost has. She's got a career, and coming from a poor background, is paranoid about falling back into it. I tell her we can save a good bit in China working as teachers. Maybe I could even try to work in Singapore. She says she still wants a husband and children. But she doesn't want to give up her career. He tells her he has seen lots of girls say they could have it all and then end up barren and alone. A career will steal a woman's future. A family will give her one.
What he can offer is not enough for her. She needs more, she says. She's changed she says. She says they can't be together.
And all of a sudden, it hits him: this is the slow death that will eventually engulf everyone and all places. Humanity enslaving itself to coporations and feminism and making women barren and men impotent. Ghost has spoken about dispassionately many times, but this has hit him like a knife in the dark. This is it. There is no future. It has been cancelled. And all around the women of the world are being sucked into a soulless system, one for which they will ignorantly sacrifice their souls and wombs to in exchange for a counterfeit life. There is no hope, no resistance, no future. And this is it, all of us here just waiting to die the slow death of loneliness, all of it self-inflicted.
Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
You're having sex with women, but somehow you're upset they're not virgins?
You will only marry a virgin, yet you're having marital relations with women who aren't virgins? If you only want to have marital relations with a virgin, then why is it that you are not waiting for that virgin?
Why are you giving yourself to non-virgins who are unworthy of you and marital relations with you?
Why are you attempting to keep women around who aren't virgins if you only value virgins? Why would you have sex with non-virgins if you value virginity in women so highly?
If you value virginity in women, wouldn't it make sense to abstain from intercourse from women who you aren't married to? Just to uphold the general principle that women should only have sex within marriage, shouldn't you also practice this? Because really you are having intercourse with some other men's future wives, if this is about virginity.
If you're having sex with a woman multiple times, and it isn't prostitution, well guess what? That is your wife, your concubine, your girlfriend, your mistress. Whatever you want to call that relationship. It's only a title.