Falcon wrote:Thanks for your great advice Marcos. I always enjoy reading your posts.
And I yours. I can tell from your old posts regarding Winston, Angelo and Dianne, that you are a decent human being. A rare breed in today's world, and especially on this forum and others like it.
Falcon wrote:1. Yes, the ex is indeed completely out of the picture. He's never really been interested in the children, and our daughter doesn't him.
He has a younger woman to distract him. At twenty years her senior, chances are she keeps him very busy. I doubt he will be back, unless things don't work out with his new woman and he gets lonely later in life... by then his youngest daughter would hardly know his face, so it's not much of a risk at this point for your position in the family. There are also, as you mentioned, no laws forcing him to stick around and support them.
Falcon wrote:2. Yes, one issue is that I'll have to decide really quickly whether I want to have a biological child with her or not. She has personally told that she wants one with me too. We will have to go to a fertility specialist of course. She has 5 more years left.
Don't think of the five year window, you don't have such a window. After forty, there is a lot of chances of complications or having a child with Down's Syndrome or other birth defects. You are a young and healthy man which may cancel some of the bad effects, but the risks are very, very real. My advice? Don't wait. If this is something you both want, you should get busy yesterday rather then tomorrow. Forty is a risk, 42 a bigger risk, 45 may be an impossibility; keep that in mind. It's a trap many Western women fall for - they endlessly postpone childbirth in favor of their careers until it is too late. Do not fall for that trap, because typically the only women who have kids after forty are Hollywood women, rich women. In the real world it is rare.
Falcon wrote:3. I do completely understand the biological vs. foster child issue, and I personally have many of the same thoughts as you.
You are a young man. I hope your new woman can give you everything you want. In ten years when you are only 35, she is already 50... by then she's likely already a grandmother, as her oldest daughter would then by 32 and her son 29. You'll be a step-grandfather in your thirties, and your child with her may be an aunt or uncle to kids their own age. I am not saying that is a bad thing, it is just an interesting set-up.
Falcon wrote:4. I do recognize that the drive to seek a younger, fertile woman is hard-wired into the male brain, but I really think that in my case, that was been strongly overwritten by many things that have happened in my life. In addition to be being able to connect with many younger women, I also keep ending up with women who are like mother figures or at least a big sister. It's not like I'm consciously looking for them. I just keep ending up with them.
The heart wants what the heart wants. Now you found a woman and fell in love with her, you already know you can give her everything she wants in life. Just make sure that she can also give you everything YOU want in life. That requires some deep thinking, and then some rapid action. Good luck on figuring all this out, and the best wishes for the both of you. You are now part of the exclusive club of true family men, an even rarer breed on this forum then the club of decent human beings.
