Warning: Why Having Children Could Ruin Your Life and Be Your Biggest Mistake! Must Read!

[yick]

Dont you get it you idiot? Im f***ed up because my childhood was f***ed up. Just like a tree is f***ed up if its roots are f***ed up. Im a victim. Thats the truth. My parents didnt have f***ed up childhoods like i did. So they were able to be normal people. I cannot. Didnt you read my childhood story?

So f***ing what? I had a shit childhood as well, what the f**k do you want me to do about it? Legitimise your shitty behaviour and lifestyle choices, f**k off - you are man - act like one. Be a father to the child you have. That's what men do - that is what your dad did and you are thankful for it.

I need romantic love now. Thats my primary objective.

You would be far better in getting a running programme going, you might get the romantic love you crave in six months from now.

My dad is wiser than you.

You don't know me at all to make that assumption - don't be so f***ing sure matey.

I didn't ask for any advice in this thread about my son.

No you didn't, you wanted people to legitimise your shitty parenting skills, it isn't just me, it isn't just Marcos either who are calling you out -if I am right, Chanta76 and Yohan are calling you out also.

Bottom line, you made a conscious decision to have a child - yes, some of the responsibility goes on Dianne, but seeing as she isn't the genius in the realtionship - which is of course- YOU - you take the brunt of the responsibility, is that not fair enough?

The bottom line is that I'm not the nurturing fatherly type.

Well don't have children then! You weren't 16 and had your son, you were in your thirties.

[chanta76]

Winston.

When I meant unique and special it usually applies to the parent and child relationship. Most normal parents see their own children as being unique and special in their eyes. Do you see your son that way? Or is he no different from the many street kids in the Philippines? So if your son died just replace him with any random street kid and it will do? That's your logic your using and it is weak.


I had a shitty past too. I was abused partial from my strict parents and bulled in school. I'm Asian like you and I experience all the spectrum of the negative Asian male image. In school I was mostly a loner because other kids didn't want to associate with me. I didn't date or have a girl friend like normal people did nor had a prom date and so on. The point is almost everyone has issues and demons. Your not the only one. However, if you make your demons from the past clutch and use that as an excuse as to why bad things happen you never progress in life.

I think you tried to improve your situation but you also made bad choices . For example if Marcos said correctly you wanted a son it was you who choose that route. I find that sometimes your just looking at your own pain . I mean this as no offense. I never met you but I think half the problems stems from you. I think your very narcissistic and at times show behavior of man child.
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[yick]

Good post Chanta!

[chanta76]

Winston,

Getting back to the original post about having kids. Believe it or not your better off in the west to find some sort of acceptance of an idea of not having kids . In Asia it's traditional where having a family is requirement. I find it hypocritical that your searching for a Chinese wife who may exhibit traditional values and yes being a mother will be one of them but at the same time you complain about how screwed up the west is . When sometimes you exhibit the same western behavior.

Having kids is tough. Not everyone should be parents. And yes society saying you have to have kids is wrong because it's should be a choice. But Asia would be the last place to go because they believe in family over there. USA is better where the family is messed up or broken down already.
OK what do you do if you have a kid and realize it sucks. Like most parents do they make the best of it. Take it day by day ..other parents do run away or give up on their kids. I'm not going to judge because everyone has their reason why they couldn't be a parent and it can be a legitimate reason.

OK you think being father to your son is sucks but you had a dad that was their for you. In some ways you blame your parents because they moved from one location to another but your dad was there for you when you grew up. And I think when you visit Taiwan you get support from your parents. Am I wrong?

I 'm not saying you should be a father to your son. You have your reason but this shows me that I don't think finding a romantic marriage partner is for you. Your better off just mongering.

[Ghost]

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[Yohan]

I had a shitty past too. I was abused partial from my strict parents and bulled in school. I'm Asian like you and I experience all the spectrum of the negative Asian male image. In school I was mostly a loner because other kids didn't want to associate with me. I didn't date or have a girl friend like normal people did nor had a prom date and so on. The point is almost everyone has issues and demons....
...

This comment above could be written by myself, except that I am not Asian. As said, almost everyone has issues... regardless if you are Asian or not...regardless if you live in USA or elsewhere. We cannot choose our parents.

I always tried to forget about my past and to improve my situation, it's good to look into future and not looking back.

I am happy to say, in general I was successful. I do not regret anything I tried, but I made some mistakes in my life, too. However sometimes I was lucky too.

If I had the chance to live again, I would do it likely in a different way, but all in all, I have to say, I am quite satisfied with my present situation.

As a father I find the comment about 'to replace your child' very strange. Something is wrong here - or not?

I am not sure but Asian people are often thinking differently when comparing them with people in USA.

For example many Americans are obsessed with adoption, also people like myself from Europe like this idea.

However in Japan and in China too, no family will ever think about adoption of a child which is not related to them. Also in my own family nobody wants to have anything to do with my foster daughter in Cebu. Japanese are not greedy however, they give a lot of donations to orphanages to help these children, but they do not want to be involved personally. I receive many things from my family members and from Japanese co-workers which I send frequently to Philippines for distribution to the poor. However nobody wants to meet them face to face.

I don't know how Winston comes to such conclusion that his own child can be replaced, but as I said, Asian opinion is not always the same as my one...
Who knows? Winston was visiting China. He saw what is going on in China. There are more than 1360 million Chinese alone in mainland China, abortion was even forced on pregnant women to reduce the population in the past, human life is of less value in such countries than in Europe or USA.

While living in Asia since more than 40 years, I am still an outsider, I am not Asian, not by my looks, not by my way of thinking.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

Not having kids will make you feel empty and incomplete since you have no kids to love.

Perhaps I am naive, but I have never felt this emptiness or incompleteness. If I did, perhaps I would get a dog or a cat.

My only feeling is not having children to leave my wealth and estate to. And it is only for this reason that I am considering surrogacy with a lesbian friend of mine who would do most of all the child rearing with my assistance. It will also give me something constructive to do when I retire next year.

But if it does not happen, I would not be so disappointed. My university and my favorite charities will just have to benefit from my wealth then.

[Ghost]

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[Moretorque]

Anybody who brings kids to a planet where there is a full blown mass extinction taking place is an idiot and that is the end of the story.

Humans are IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Accept Winston of course , he has a vastly superior bloodline..........

[chanta76]

Ghost,

That's my main reason why I am afraid of having kids. My wife wants kids more than me. I'm not against having kids. But this is scary world we live in. The west is becoming more and more mess and unfortunately the Hollywood propaganda machine is forcing American values through out the world. I ask myself do I want to bring life into this world?

[OutWest]

The only reason we're even able to think like this is because the world has (artificially and temporarily) become very comfortable and easy. It's funny that the consequences of having children talk about the consequences of having children, and they always do in the decadent periods of declining societies.

I want to have kids someday, although it's far from certain. My main reservation is not whether or not raising kids is difficult, but what kind of world I'd be bringing them into, and whether or not I could adequately raise them and teach them how to survive without turning them into scumbags.

Most here may be the symptom if that declining civilization. Note all the whimpering going on....

We are setting out from port Townsend Washington tomorrow on our boat for a week in the San Juan's .
My "crew" consists of my wife and three kids.
My terrible tragedy of having kids is the best thing I ever did.

You can live life, or spend your time navel gazing.....

[Moretorque]

The only reason we're even able to think like this is because the world has (artificially and temporarily) become very comfortable and easy. It's funny that the consequences of having children talk about the consequences of having children, and they always do in the decadent periods of declining societies.

I want to have kids someday, although it's far from certain. My main reservation is not whether or not raising kids is difficult, but what kind of world I'd be bringing them into, and whether or not I could adequately raise them and teach them how to survive without turning them into scumbags.

Most here may be the symptom if that declining civilization. Note all the whimpering going on....

We are setting out from port Townsend Washington tomorrow on our boat for a week in the San Juan's .
My "crew" consists of my wife and three kids.
My terrible tragedy of having kids is the best thing I ever did.

You can live life, or spend your time navel gazing.....

The problem is your kids have to live here after you die, the reports I was reading stated by the end of this century if things continue unabated at minimum 50% of the living organisms here on earth will be extinct.

Be smart and don't have anymore please, next generations are screwed bad..................

[OutWest]

The only reason we're even able to think like this is because the world has (artificially and temporarily) become very comfortable and easy. It's funny that the consequences of having children talk about the consequences of having children, and they always do in the decadent periods of declining societies.

I want to have kids someday, although it's far from certain. My main reservation is not whether or not raising kids is difficult, but what kind of world I'd be bringing them into, and whether or not I could adequately raise them and teach them how to survive without turning them into scumbags.

Most here may be the symptom if that declining civilization. Note all the whimpering going on....

We are setting out from port Townsend Washington tomorrow on our boat for a week in the San Juan's .
My "crew" consists of my wife and three kids.
My terrible tragedy of having kids is the best thing I ever did.

You can live life, or spend your time navel gazing.....

The problem is your kids have to live here after you die, the reports I was reading stated by the end of this century if things continue unabated at minimum 50% of the living organisms here on earth will be extinct.

Be smart and don't have anymore please, next generations are screwed bad..................

You are illustrating my point. You speak of the numbers of children as if you are tallying sea cucumbers.
Fully cognitive functioning souls are in great shortage, while
Grunting skin covered broccoli abounds. It will take exceptionl
Great people to bring humanity back from the brink.

[MarcosZeitola]

You are illustrating my point. You speak of the numbers of children as if you are tallying sea cucumbers.
Fully cognitive functioning souls are in great shortage, while
Grunting skin covered broccoli abounds. It will take exceptionl
Great people to bring humanity back from the brink.

I find it funny how you, as one of our older posters are still so optimistic whereas so many of our younger posters are such sour, negative people expecting the apocalypse to be among them any day now... of our younger posters, I think I am one of the few who still have a somewhat positive outlook on life. You have to be some sort of an optimist to have children anyway, as you typically do so expecting them to do as well or better then yourself. However if you are negative, expecting the worst, what's really the point? There are even those who blame their own parents, for bringing them into this world. Saying life itself is to be "sentenced to life", and they never asked for it... it's quite depressing the way some would break it down.

Ultimately, we got to make the best of what we got. If you have children, at least you have a stake in the future. Unless you are an extremely selfless person, wouldn't anyone want that? Some people dedicate their lives to advancing humanity, but they leave no descendents behind. So the humanity they helped, is one disconnected, unrelated from them. Whereas those who have children and grandchildren to survive them, have a very tangible stake in our shared future.

[Ghost]

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