Warning: Why Having Children Could Ruin Your Life and Be Your Biggest Mistake! Must Read!

[chanta76]

Having kids are not easy. Simple just don't have kids if that is the life you choose. Saying that don't get married or marry a woman who don't want kids. The problem is if you marry a young traditional woman. 9/10 times she wants kids.

With woman having kids define them or it's a calling for them. If your traditional and want a family I guess this will be the path you take. I met dads and some are happy being a father.

Everyone is different. Everyone wants a different lifestyle.

[celery2010]

A few things explained:

1. Replacement of children. How would you feel if your father replaced you one day and said that you were too much trouble or too untypical? It doesn't work that way does it? A child will always search for their parent and meaning from their parent, as you do even well into middle age.

2. Murphy's Law. You suffer from Murphy's Law from all of the negative karma in your life. It is that simple.

3. Why you can't understand lots of concepts. You have never held a job with responsibility or been married or had kids. That's a triple whammy against maturity. That's why you still have a "child like" fascination. Women can see this after spending a little time with you.

Get saddled with a real job, a wife and kids and your perspective would change real quick.

4. Your past. Asian immigrants are actually in fact famous for being able to "defy" the past, like refugees from the Vietnam war. People have been abused, had poor parents, no parents, had a family background of slavery, etc. But what is their answer? You have to get past it at some point in your life.

Even prisoners are considered "recovered" after 20-30 years.

You need to learn to be able to at least listen or no progress will ever be made for you. You should also consider finding a new goal outside of HA

[Kradmelder]

A few things explained:

1. Replacement of children. How would you feel if your father replaced you one day and said that you were too much trouble or too untypical? It doesn't work that way does it? A child will always search for their parent and meaning from their parent, as you do even well into middle age.

2. Murphy's Law. You suffer from Murphy's Law from all of the negative karma in your life. It is that simple.

3. Why you can't understand lots of concepts. You have never held a job with responsibility or been married or had kids. That's a triple whammy against maturity. That's why you still have a "child like" fascination. Women can see this after spending a little time with you.

Get saddled with a real job, a wife and kids and your perspective would change real quick.

4. Your past. Asian immigrants are actually in fact famous for being able to "defy" the past, like refugees from the Vietnam war. People have been abused, had poor parents, no parents, had a family background of slavery, etc. But what is their answer? You have to get past it at some point in your life.

Even prisoners are considered "recovered" after 20-30 years.

You need to learn to be able to at least listen or no progress will ever be made for you. You should also consider finding a new goal outside of HA

That is the difficulty of getting it across to people with no kids. having kids changes you and you become far less selfish and self absorbed. Not all, but most if they are good parents. It is difficult to convey the joy and pride of kids, and how you willingly accept these responsibilities and are happy with it to those that don't have kids.

From being there when they are born, to giving them a bath then they sleep in your arms, there is an inner peace and joy. Then when they succeed at sport and academics, win all sorts of awards and start to make their own way and tell you thanks for showing them the right way, the whole collection of little things makes everything worth it.

If you complain your kid is badly behaved, well look in the mirror and blame yourself. Poorly disciplined and behaved kids come from parents who cant be bothered to be parents and let kids go their own way. Kids are not born bad. It is how they are raised and whether you take responsibility and are not just a sperm donor.

My kids are teens, the most rebellious and talk back stage of kids. I was away and the kids let in the gardener. The gardener told me the kids said Uncle to address him (Oom in afrikaans is the correct way for kids to address and adult more than 10 years older). Even if he works for us and i am not there, they know to show respect to elders. It doesn't just happen. You teach it. If you allow kids to call you by your Christian name, will they address others properly?

I can see the difference with women as well. I find women with no kids are too self absorbed. Some with kids as well, but they are horrible mothers and their kids delinquents and teen pregnancies. Now i prefer women who had kids young,focussed on them, and kids are now late teens wit their own lives and the woman is still young enough to pomp and is free to do so without pressing you for relationshits and marriage. Such women have done their duty and now want to enjoy life without demanding all the costs of child rearing from a man.

If I had a choice to live life again, would i have kids again? Absolutely. Would I have kids again now? No. You get past an age for it. Raising kids requires a lot of energy and sacrifice. I've done my bit for God, the Volk and Race; been fruitful and multiplied and reproduced myself and the volk. Physically I wont have the energy to do things with a growing kid in 10 to 15 years time. When the kids are successful, have found decent white partners, and raised good kids of their own, then my time and my work is done.

[Falcon]

Here are some YouTube videos about being a responsible father.
Obama makes some excellent points about the necessity of a caring father to be a child's life (and that's true whether you like Obama or not).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0C6lQkkBa7I

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRJBkoq1DXs

And please also check out the National Center for Fathering's website: http://www.fathers.com/

I now have a daughter. Although she is not my biological daughter, she looks similar enough to me that everyone assumes that is indeed my biological daughter. She follows me around like a magnet and is very, very attached me. I chose to bring her into my life and do not regret it at all. She is so close to me that she feels like a real biological daughter. Thais even say that it's because she might have actually been my daughter in a past life, and they literally mean it because Thai Buddhists believe in reincarnation.

Many guys my age are still going to clubs and living the carefree adolescent dating life. I'm 26 with a 7-year-old daughter and a somewhat older but compatible partner. We have already spent about a year and a half together. We have no regrets at all, and are thankful for each others' presence.

I think of things this way: I am living life WITH my child. We do things together and are creating a life story together. Our interests do not compete with each others'. For some folks like Winston, that would be the case. But I guess I'm hard-wired to be more of a nurturing type.

I taught her how to ride a bicycle, and now we go bike riding together every afternoon after she comes back from school. We go swimming together, watch videos together, play Pokemon together, joke together, and eat together. She is my best friend. I am her best friend. No way she is just a burden. I found that fatherhood brings me far more joy than philandering.

It's only slightly more expensive to raise a child in Thailand than in the Philippines. I send my daughter to a private school and pay for her elementary school education, which is about $500-$600 USD per semester, and am proud of it. I could have chosen to send her to a Thai government school where tuition is free, but those places provide low-quality education that would stunt my child's mental and intellectual development.

Unfortunately, a significant proportion of Thai parents are not very nurturing, although my girlfriend / common-law wife is definitely not one of them. They have a very laissez-faire approach to childrearing, providing minimal supervision and mentoring. My family is thankful that they have me as an above-average nurturing husband and father.

For some people like me and Marcos Zeitola, it's the right choice. For others, it's the wrong choice.

[Cornfed]

I now have a daughter. Although she is not my biological daughter,

The word cuck gets thrown around a lot these days, but jeese you are a total cuck. And what does your cuckishness do in the long term? It allows dirtbags to impregnate females with the knowledge that cucks like you will raise their bastard offspring. Although it may seem you are doing the right thing in the particular situation you are in, in fact, you suck. Hope this helps.

[Falcon]

I now have a daughter. Although she is not my biological daughter,

The word cuck gets thrown around a lot these days, but jeese you are a total cuck. And what does your cuckishness do in the long term? It allows dirtbags to impregnate females with the knowledge that cucks like you will raise their bastard offspring. Although it may seem you are doing the right thing in the particular situation you are in, in fact, you suck. Hope this helps.

Why do some people love their pet puppies and kitties but not their blood kin, even if Homo sapiens isn't even directly genetically related to Canis lupus?
Why do people love puppies and kitties despite their having dirtbag biological cat fathers and dirtbag biological dog fathers?
I know it's not the perfect analogy, but just some food for thought.

Cornfed himself wrote here viewtopic.php?t=15918:

If you want companionship, buy a dog.

Point is, it's not just about bloodline. That's feudalistic medieval thinking. Pre-agricultural societies adopted non-related kids all the time. Native American tribes adopted non-Native children and adults into their tribe all the time. And nature is full of examples of animals exhibiting adoptive behavior too.

And see what Yick wrote here.

For example many Americans are obsessed with adoption, also people like myself from Europe like this idea.

However in Japan and in China too, no family will ever think about adoption of a child which is not related to them. Also in my own family nobody wants to have anything to do with my foster daughter in Cebu. Japanese are not greedy however, they give a lot of donations to orphanages to help these children, but they do not want to be involved personally. I receive many things from my family members and from Japanese co-workers which I send frequently to Philippines for distribution to the poor. However nobody wants to meet them face to face.

I most likely wouldn't raise any other kids though. This kid is special. Guess you have to see it to believe it. Most biological kids are not even that close to their biological dads.

[Falcon]

To my dad:

"Btw please read this post about how my life was totally f***ed up in 1981 and went from heaven to hell.

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=31451&p=265157#p265157

You should feel some deep guilt and regret about it. Its a lot more serious than you imagine. You dont know what its like to be teased, ridiculed, mocked and bullied for 7 years EVERYDAY by 30+ kids from 1982 to 1989. It totally f***s you up for life. You can never forget it. Like a damaged root inside a tree, it stays with you forever. You never forget it. You are lucky you didnt experience this. Its much much worse than you can imagine. Much much worse. The psychological damage i incurred goes far beyond any words can describe.

My childhood was much worse than that of an abused or raped child even. My suffering was much greater than theirs. Yet the media and psychology literature only talks about their suffering, not mine.

Even God cannot understand how much damage and suffering i went through. Jesus only suffered on the cross for one day. On the other hand, i suffered everday for 7 years! So theres no comparison. Therefore, even God does not understand what i went through.

When i googled the schools in palo alto i went to, including springer elementary, i find that people said they were wonderful positive environments. This means that had i stayed there i probably would have had a much happier childhood. And become a normal adult.

You cannot keep ignoring this issue. You should feel deep regret and guilt about it. I still do. Because its true and real and it happened. You cannot repair a permanently damaged root. Think about it please. Dont avoid this topic or brush it aside stubbornly."

I had a pretty messed up childhood too just like you, Winston. Rock says that many NE Asian kids have horrible childhoods but better adulthoods, whereas many SE Asian have wonderful childhoods but not necessarily good adulthoods.

I was teased, ridiculed, and bullied everyday during my elementary school days. My mother was emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive, and I had fundamentalist Christianity forced upon me too. I did not have a happy childhood at all. It was dysfunctional and horrible. The older I got, the better things turned out for me. I'd say that the first 15 years of my life were hell, mostly due to having a perpetually angry, abusive, controlling mother. I never felt like I had a real, caring mother than I could turn to for hugs and protection. She did not make me feel safe. Instead, I was constantly afraid of her and terrorized by her.

Now I did not let my traumatic childhood turn me into a degenerate. I wanted to be resilient and come out stronger because of all that. Self-pity is not part of who I am. Plus, my ancestors had it way worse than I had. About a century ago in mainland China, people were facing wars and famines. At least I was fortunate enough to be in an environment where I could have different options.

This is what made me a nurturing father and partner at age 24, because I did NOT want my future family to experience what I had went through. I was able to compensate for my bad childhood by being kind and loving to my new family in Thailand. It does a lot of wonders and heals a lot of your own wounds when you are healing someone else's wounds.

If you are a truly resilient man, your difficult past should make you stronger, not weaker. It's like turning lemons into lemonade. Or better still, like forging strong iron using the hottest coals and most brutal fires.

So is Winston a truly resilient man? It's something that only he knows in his heart. He has truly been a blessing to many and contributed to the world in a very unique way. Despite his flaws, his legacy is more positive than negative.

[Falcon]

Furthermore, when he knew about this mistake, he did NOTHING! Once he knew how unhappy I was in Fremont, he could have moved me back to Palo Alto, but he didn't. Instead, he just dismissed it and expected me to adjust to my new school. You gotta understand that a lot of men and fathers are STUBBORN, not logical at all.

Um, Palo Alto is ridiculously expensive. Fremont is more affordable. I've been to both cities many times.

But I know what you mean. Maybe there's something weird about bullying in that part of the Bay Area. My relentless bullying took place while I was an elementary school student in Milpitas and North San Jose, just adjacent to the Mission San Jose part of Fremont that you had grown up in. Even the teachers were harsh.

Also, your dad's response to your letter was so soft and tender. My own dad, like most typical Taiwanese dads, would have taken control and scolded me back.

[chanta76]

I don't know. Most asian dads are traditional . Too traditional and cold. I think Winston dad is better than many other Asian father. I mean Winston father is trying to understand and I guess OK with Winston life style. Correct me if I'm wrong.

For me if I went a different path my father wouldn't understand. It's like I'm just waiting for him to die so he won't judge any more.

[MarcosZeitola]

I now have a daughter. Although she is not my biological daughter,

The word cuck gets thrown around a lot these days, but jeese you are a total cuck. And what does your cuckishness do in the long term? It allows dirtbags to impregnate females with the knowledge that cucks like you will raise their bastard offspring. Although it may seem you are doing the right thing in the particular situation you are in, in fact, you suck. Hope this helps.

I don't think that's an entirely fair assessment. If Falcon would never impregnate any other woman in his life and die leaving no biological offspring, he would indeed be a cuck from a biological point of view. But as he is only 26 years old and will likely father a child of his own at some point in his life, it's too soon to just call him a cuck like that. I think you have to make a distinction here; a biological cuckold would be a man who dies without fathering a child, while spending his own resources on raising the offspring of others. However if this man had children of his own in addition to the ones he adopted, he is not a cuck, he is simply being a kind man and perhaps overly generous with his love and wealth.

Of course there's a psychological factor behind this too... Falcon feels a lack of love in his own upbringing, I sense, therefore he finds a much older lover who also serves as a bit of a motherly figure, caring for him. He sees himself in her young child, who grows up fatherless and destitute, and decides to help out and give her a better life. When he plays with her he feels young again... he is, in essence, playing with the young child within himself, who longed for a big brother to play with. He's catching up, on his sad childhood. Taking care of the older woman and her child is therapeutic. Maybe, it's just what he needs at this time? Not what you or I would do, Cornfed, but it could just be a part of Falcon's healing process.

[chanta76]

MarcosZeitola,

So a person can be only a true parents if it's their biological kids? I have to disagree. It's up to Falcon to decide what he wants to do with his own life. It's up to him if he wants his own biological kids or not.

I see it this way. Being a parent is about raising a child to adulthood and guiding them with your wisdom. You have to love and care for that child. You eventually have to let them go and hopefully gave them enough wisdom to make the right choices in thier own life. I don't think it matters if your child is your biological or adoptive child. It involves the same work . I seen many biological parents that are horrible parents.

I think many of you are seeing it from a very male perspective. You care about if it's your blood line as if your blood line is so special. Maybe for some but for others it's not as important.

I met guys that got girl pregnant but are horrible dads where as I met guys who wanted to be dads so much but couldn't make a baby but wanted to be a father and decided to adopt.

I respect people that really wants to be dad or parents. It's choice that they want. Maybe this is Falcon. I don't think blood line is that important. For some people it's about the joy of being a parent regardless if it's your blood kid or not.

[MarcosZeitola]

I think that's an oversimplification, Chanta. I never said one can only ever be a parent if the child is yours biologically. But I am saying, however, that to father a child yourself and raise this child is the thing that makes the most sense from a purely biological sense. Which is where I agree with Cornfed. I disagree with Cornfed, however, in the belief that caring for a child that is not yours will inherently make one a "cuck". It's more complicated then that. Some women seek out a stable man just for the sake of providing for the kids they already had with an unstable man. They spread their legs and allow themselves to be impregnated by strong, handsome, dangerous or otherwise irresponsible men who tend to be good looking or have some other quality they desire. And after giving their bodies to these men in the prime, gave them their beauty, their fertile young wombs... along comes a poor sucker who is manipulated by the woman into caring and providing for her children by another man. The first man has already moved on, he may be sleeping with younger, prettier women. Father more children. Perhaps he will finally settle down into a serious relationship by now. From a purely evolutionary point of view, this man is a winner. The man who provided for the other guy's offspring, is doing the deadbeat dad a favor... and himself a disfavor. He will justify his actions as being "noble" and "the right thing to do", but more often then not the notion of nobility and kindness is just another fruitless coping mechanism.

Now don't get me wrong here, Chanta, I am only talking about fatherhood in terms of evolutionary mechanics, genetics, and I realize there is a lot more to it then that. It's just my own personal opinion as a traditional man, that it's important for a man to spread his seed in this world. Because it is the only way we will ever have a tangible stake in the future beyond our own lifespan. I believe that quite strongly. Falcon's a good guy, he has a lot of admirable qualities. I happen to believe admirable qualities aren't just born from one's life experiences, but are also a result of one's genetic coding. So it would be a pity if all Falcon left in this world was the daughter of his wife by some Thai lowlife that he adopted, while never having any offspring of his own. Maybe he fears, it will be like a competition? That perhaps his daughter will feel less loved if he had a biological child of his own beside her? I cannot know his thought process for sure. All I'm saying is, he tied up his life with a far older woman. A barren woman, as it just so happens. And it would be a shame if he missed out on pivotal life experiences because of that. As a friend, I feel like it's my duty to make him aware of this.

Chanta, you have never fathered a child of your own and held this child in your arms. Neither have you, Falcon. Or Cornfed, for that matter, but ol' Corny seems to have some minor degree of understanding of the concept and its importance, at least. I can just assure you, the feeling is deep, powerful, strong and primal. It will not lessen your devotion to your stepdaughter, Falcon. It will not lessen your love in any way, shape or form, I can assure you. But it will fill your heart with a greater joy. And if you truly love a woman and want to always have her with you... I don't know, it's just something I think you are putting off and trying to avoid, while the clock's ticking. Tick, tock, tick, tock... don't do things you may later regret. And don't avoid things you may later long for. Life's too short to stick our heads in the sand.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

It is amazing how people throw around the term Cuck to describe men who deign to live life the way they see fit.

Cuck is short for Cuckold which refers to a husband of an adulteress OR a man who UNWITTINGLY raises the child that is not biologically his.

Men who CHOOSE to raise adoptive children are by no means Cucks. In fact, some of these men might have good reason not to sire biological children. Whatever the case, if they are aware they are not the fathers, they are fine.

Please ignore any reprobate who tries to shame you into the nonsense that you MUST have biological children in order to be successful in life. BS! Any idiot can sire scores of children yet still be a colossal idiot.

I know of at least 3 Presidents of the USA who were raised by men other than their biological fathers, Ford, Clinton, and Obama. Say what you want about their politics, the men who raised them were huge successes!

If you want to invest in making a child a huge success, choose a high IQ mother with a child and invest in that child's future. That is far better than simply siring a slovenly and worthless child for bragging rights among your drinking buddies.

[MarcosZeitola]

If you want to invest in making a child a huge success, choose a high IQ mother with a child and invest in that child's future. That is far better than simply siring a slovenly and worthless child for bragging rights among your drinking buddies.

How about the child's father, is he high IQ too? You can pick a very intelligent accomplished woman, highly educated, an entrepreneur, whatever, and the guy who knocked her up in the first place might still be stupid as hell. Whereas if you father the child yourself by this smart woman, well, at least you know more or less what you're gonna get. You won't have to deal with the stepfather issue, you won't have to compete for the child's affection, there will not be rival father figures and you have all the rights.

At the end of the day, you are still investing your own resources, your own money, time and effort into raising another man's child. And you do this knowingly. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I mean a lot of women are left by their baby daddies, some are widows, it's not always their fault necessarily. But the facts remain; you are helping out another man in doing his duties for him. It may win you the woman's heart and the child's affection, some degree of societal praise perhaps, but Charles Darwin shakes his head. Oh well, live and let live I suppose. A large part of it is just ego on our parts, anyway lol, I won't deny that. But there is a reason most men and women have the desire to leave something behind, it's just a part of nature, evolution, instinct, whatever. And those who do not answer the call of nature tend to end up rather miserable in the end. Then again, so do plenty of those who do answer said call.

My main concern with Falcon's particular situation is that by choosing a much older and infertile woman to be his life partner, he is no longer making the choice for himself; the choice is being made for him. That's a legitimate concern that could cause some trouble in the long run, as clearly he is a family-oriented individual otherwise; he wouldn't click with his stepdaughter the way he does, if he wasn't.

[Falcon]

...as clearly he is a family-oriented individual otherwise; he wouldn't click with his stepdaughter the way he does, if he wasn't.

I have my limits as well.

Most other stepchildren from other women would probably annoy me. I do not think I would want to have a stepchild who does not physically resemble me very much. I am not just going to raise any random malnourished little brown kid. And I am not raising any non-Asian kid, no matter how much I like non-Asian people in general. It's just in our instincts to want to have family members resemble ourselves, whether adoptive or not.
Everyone thinks she is my child, especially when they see me next to her mother and me. Many people even say that she resembles me more than her mother. That seriously does a lot to make us feel like we're "authentic." No one suspects that she is non-biological unless someone explicitly says so.

This girl is a once-in-a-lifetime exception. I am just as close to her as I am to her mother. In fact, I met the little girl before I met her mother, when she was playing around in the neighborhood. She introduced me to her mother, and that was how it began. She is very intelligent, and even tells her mother that she is the one who chose to bring me into their lives. Now how many kindergarten kids get to feel like they chose their own stepdads?

There is a very small chance of this kind of stepfather-stepchild relationship happening. Many of the stepfathering / stepchildren articles that I read on the article simply didn't apply in my case.

you won't have to compete for the child's affection, there will not be rival father figures

Fortunately, I don't have these issues at all. This girl does not feel like I am taking attention away from her mother. The girl is clearly possessive of me and wants me to spend time with her. I am her father figure, period.

Now in most other stepfather-stepchild stories, you just don't see all the above happening. I most likely wouldn't accept being in a typical stepfamily scenario. But the one I'm in is likely much more exceptional. This is the only reason that I actually feel blessed to be in such a situation.