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Re-visited GF in Philippines to get engaged....she got mad and wanted to break up....now crying to take her back..??

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Horahngee
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Re: Re-visited GF in Philippines to get engaged....she got mad and wanted to break up....now crying to take her back..??

Post by Horahngee » July 8th, 2018, 10:03 pm

Zambales wrote:
July 8th, 2018, 9:23 am

When I went over to see my Filipina I didn't spend much time around the family. I used to go for three weeks usually and only a few days was spent in the city where they live. There's no rule to say you have to be around the family 24/7.
yeah, but Grace and her family lives out in the distant provinces. They do not live near Manila area.

Grace is more of a country side type of Filipina.

I agree. I also don't want to be around her family 24/7. However, I also want to save money and do not want to spend a shitload of money on hotel fees and other miscellaneous fees. There are not too many hotels in Illocos/La Union area up there. Hence, I decide to stay at Grace's house while I visit her.


So in your case, since you only spent a few days in your girlfriend's hometown, where else do you both spend your guys' time together?

Grace does not know how to swim. So she seems to dislike visiting domestic vacation places like Puerto Princessa or Boracay Island (even if that place was opened...Grace would not visit there).




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Re: Re-visited GF in Philippines to get engaged....she got mad and wanted to break up....now crying to take her back..??

Post by Zambales » July 9th, 2018, 8:52 am

Horahngee wrote:
July 8th, 2018, 10:03 pm
Zambales wrote:
July 8th, 2018, 9:23 am

When I went over to see my Filipina I didn't spend much time around the family. I used to go for three weeks usually and only a few days was spent in the city where they live. There's no rule to say you have to be around the family 24/7.
yeah, but Grace and her family lives out in the distant provinces. They do not live near Manila area.

Grace is more of a country side type of Filipina.

I agree. I also don't want to be around her family 24/7. However, I also want to save money and do not want to spend a shitload of money on hotel fees and other miscellaneous fees. There are not too many hotels in Illocos/La Union area up there. Hence, I decide to stay at Grace's house while I visit her.


So in your case, since you only spent a few days in your girlfriend's hometown, where else do you both spend your guys' time together?

Grace does not know how to swim. So she seems to dislike visiting domestic vacation places like Puerto Princessa or Boracay Island (even if that place was opened...Grace would not visit there).
I was with my ex for nearly four years and she came from San Fernando, not the one in La Union, the one in Pampanga near Angeles City. The city is most famous for the festival at Easter where people participate willingly in being nailed to a cross.

Not much to do here apart from visit the mall or hang around the family's home so I decided to see more of the country and even when I split up with Maria I still travelled around with a Filipina on other visits. They had no money so I paid for their food and flights and stuff. For three weeks I had a budget of around $3000 and that included my international flights. I've visited around a quarter of the 80 or so provinces in the Phils so far and that includes most of the popular tourist spots like Boracay, El Nido, & Bohol.

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Re: Re-visited GF in Philippines to get engaged....she got mad and wanted to break up....now crying to take her back..??

Post by Horahngee » July 10th, 2018, 7:17 am

Zambales wrote:
July 9th, 2018, 8:52 am

I was with my ex for nearly four years and she came from San Fernando, not the one in La Union, the one in Pampanga near Angeles City. The city is most famous for the festival at Easter where people participate willingly in being nailed to a cross.

Not much to do here apart from visit the mall or hang around the family's home so I decided to see more of the country and even when I split up with Maria I still travelled around with a Filipina on other visits. They had no money so I paid for their food and flights and stuff. For three weeks I had a budget of around $3000 and that included my international flights. I've visited around a quarter of the 80 or so provinces in the Phils so far and that includes most of the popular tourist spots like Boracay, El Nido, & Bohol.
Dang, you are lucky that your ex-Filipina girlfriend liked to travel. Grace,...she's more of a shy and timid person. She does not swim, so she had no desire to travel to Boracay Island.

Wow, I guess I should have been more gentlemen and complain less of spending towards Grace. But it was not Grace whom I was upset with. It was her older sister who came along (my fault though) who was not nice to me...so why spend a single penny for a girl who does not want to talk to me and have a sulky expression towards me.


-------
I still don't want to leave Grace. I know she was a dick for showing her "tampo" by not talking to me when I visited her in the Philippines because I complained to her that I felt like she was using me.

It was her who opened up my life, and I started to communicate with my younger sister, some of my former friends and even co-workers from previous companies i used to work for. I also stopped being depressed and more happy with my life.

Anyhow, I will also seek advice from a professional counselor this week to see how I should handle this problem with Grace. Right now, we are still chatting by sending each other messages. But there is no "honey" or "yobo" (Korean word for honey) in our messages anymore....or at least not yet again. :lol:

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Re: Re-visited GF in Philippines to get engaged....she got mad and wanted to break up....now crying to take her back..??

Post by MrMan » July 10th, 2018, 12:19 pm

I am just responding to the OP and the posts on the first page. I haven't read all the pages yet.

I've never been to the Philippines. I have spent over 10 years in Indonesia.

I can relate to some of what you have written. I have been in situations with my wife's family where they wanted me to pay for stuff, like when I first got engaged, and they wanted me to buy them groceries. I really wanted to marry their daughter, and I was young and didn't know how to handle these things, and stuff was cheap. My wife and one of their daughter's apologized for how things went down. Someone must have talked to my late mother-in-law because that sort of thing stopped. Her children probably talked to her a bit, too. A couple of times I felt like they were trying to get the rich foreigner to pay for everything. We do help her dad now, sending a bit of money each month. That's the normal thing to do over there, and it isn't a huge amount, and if my parents needed it and I could, I'd send them money. I can't talk my parents out of giving me money sometimes. But in Southeast Asia, the retirement program, typically, is grown working children giving you money.

The dirty mouth joke might have been something really sensitive for Grace. Maybe it means something worse in the Philippines. A friend of mine who lived in the Philipines said American humor is a lot more cruel. Filipinos like plays on words instead. If you date a Filipina, tell her American humor can seem 'cruel' to Filipinos sometimes, but they are just jokes. If you say something that offends her, she should realize the intention to hurt probably isn't there and try not to be offended. Tell her this stuff up front. And be sensitive to what offends people. In Indonesia, calling someone a dog or a pig is a huge insult. If you said someone eats like a pig, that might be like cussing them out with the F-word and talking about their mama.

Sulking.... so you dated a sulker. Not everyone gets over a little conflict easily. Sometimes a woman takes a while to get over an argument. But if she sulks now, it is likely she will sulk later. I have heard the advice before that before you get married, you need to see the other person angry. If my wife gets upset, she needs longer to cool down than I do. Usually, I'm calm in 2 seconds. On the positive side, my wife has gotten to be a lot more mature about this over the years. We didn't fight much, maybe a couple of minor arguments during the first year of marriage or so. But moving house, extended stays with in-laws coming in from overseas, having a baby and post-partum hormones, etc. have led to times where we did not get along well. We got past them. But from this, I've learned she can take some time. If you marry a woman who needs a little time, you'll learn you standing there telling her nice things isn't always going to bring her back around.

If she had no intention to 'use you'-- or maybe even if she did--what you said was insulting. The gas to pick you up might have beena big deal for them financially. If her and her family's intentions were noble, in spite of their short-comings, she would likely find the accusation of using you to be quite insulting. I can see why that would bother her.

If you had just gotten on her case if you felt like she was bossing you around, IMO, that could have been legitimate. That doesn't attack her character and goodwill in the way saying she was using you financially did. It also would help set the tone for an important issue in future marriage--- your wife cannot try to boss you around.

Chaperoning, and paying for stuff.... This is apparently a bigger deal in the Philippines than in Indonesia. I have read that nice girls from the village rarely go out alone. The traditional idea is that a good girl, or woman, stays home. If she goes somewhere, she goes with someone. That may not be the case as much in the big city as it was. You wanting the girl to have a chaperone was probably a good thing from a traditional perspective. I am not a Filipino culture expert, but my guess is if you invited her to town to show you around and had her bring a chaperone, you should feed them both, including buying the grumpy sister a hotdog or some mangoes. It doesn't sound like they were asking for lobster and fancy French wine.

Btw, what do chocolate-covered mangoes taste like?

Dealing with her family.... When my wife and I were ready to get married, we were a team together on the same side trying to work through the 'political' within her family of our getting married. Her culture has a very complicated 'adat'-- set of traditions related to all kinds of things including marriage. She was on my side when it came to that. It was like it was us against the world. You've online dated this girl and gone to visit her. Filipinas will probably always be loyal to family, but at some point, she should become loyal to you. It should not be an either-or situation where she has to choose either them or you. But a girl should try to help you navigate social issues with parents. Young girls may not be wise to this, so you have to tell a girl what you need up front, that she needs to help you smooth over issues with family. Tell her that may mean not confiding in her family about problems she faces with you. She could find a friend good at keeping secrets if she needs that. Women like to talk to each other about their problems, especially women from collectivist culture. But that can 'poison the waters' of the family liking you or accepting you, so she may need to find another emotional support network when it comes to issues with you.

Engagement in these countries means you got her parents' permission, not you just giving her a ring. I'd imagine you'd know that being Korean.

Your mom.... I don't have a problem with parents being involved in chidlren's selection of spouses-- especially dads. I've got kids and I explained to them no girlfriends or boyfriends until they are close to marrying age. And dad has to approve them if not pick them out. These tweens and young teenagers dating on the Disney channel is fantasy just like Disney fairies and pixie dust as far as they are concerned. In Asia, socially, probably that was easier to enforce. I"m in the US now, so I'll need to be more vigilant.

That being said, you know what your mom is like. I think you've got to be careful in using mom as emotional support when it comes to relationship problems. If things don't work out, tell her you don't know if things will work out with a girl. You are still thinking about it. You don't have to tell about any specific problems or insults. Just like you want the girl to run interference for you with your family, you'll have to be careful what you share with your mom. You'll need to keep certain disagreements with your wife between you and her, and not share all of these things with your mom. If you had a different mom, maybe she could get involved. If you get married, your wife might think it makes sense to ask your mom for marital advice. But she'd probably learn not to do that fast based on what you wrote, unless she is clever and can get your mom on her side and it would be two against one. So whatever girl you end up with, try to persuade her to minimize your mom's involvement in personal problems. Your mom may oppose her, or, if the girl is winsome enough, the both may oppose you. It's best to think through these things and persuade whatever girl you are going to marry to defend you to her family and not to share too many internal relationship issues with your mom.

As for this girl, you haven't even asked her parents right? You didn't complete the engagement as far as Filippinos are concerned, I'd imagine. You might have broken her heart. She might have also thought you loved her enough to overcome some sulking in the airport.

If you had it to do over again, I think you should have had a frank conversation with the sister about why she didn't like you to clear the air. You may not get the chance if the relationship with Grace is over. If you don't want to marry a sulker, find out if she is a sulker before you put a ring on her finger. You can ask her friends and family how she acts when she gets upset. That is only a little information, though. They might not have seen her upset the way she'd get upset at someone she might marry.

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Re: Re-visited GF in Philippines to get engaged....she got mad and wanted to break up....now crying to take her back..??

Post by MrMan » July 10th, 2018, 12:30 pm

Horahngee wrote:
July 7th, 2018, 8:21 am
The only thing I don't like right now is the older sister, Jonnalyn. Whenever I have the flashbacks of her yelling/screaming at me in the hotel room,...and I also pissed her off because I told her "ah, I now know why your ex-husband left you"....I do not feel like going back to the Philippines, or moreso, going back to even stay at Grace's house. Even though the older sister does not live with the family, because she lives in another house 6-8 miles away.
If you have a way of contacting the older sister, you could send her a letter (Facebook message, etc) of apology for the comment about her ex-husband. Whoever you marry will likely have a relative or a number of relatives who present you with some difficulties. Having a yelling match with a girl's sister is not a good way to start off a relationship with a girls' family, but it is not an impossible obstacle to overcome.
Getting back to the topic of straying away from my mom,....let's say that I marry Grace in the near future against my mom's objection, and my mom DOES end up dis-owning me.
I have to be more financially independent and save up a lot of money. That is what I am doing right now.
Set some high goals and pray about them. If you want to marry grace, set goals like her family agrees and accepts you and your mom (and dad) will be on board with it, participate in the wedding, etc. If God wants you and grace together, He can help you accomplish those goals.

But do you want to marry Grace. Forget about the same career stuff and the condo supposedly being for her. There are lots of women you could choose from to marry to fill the other side of a queen bed in a condo.

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Re: Re-visited GF in Philippines to get engaged....she got mad and wanted to break up....now crying to take her back..??

Post by Zambales » July 10th, 2018, 10:27 pm

Horahngee wrote:
July 10th, 2018, 7:17 am
Zambales wrote:
July 9th, 2018, 8:52 am

I was with my ex for nearly four years and she came from San Fernando, not the one in La Union, the one in Pampanga near Angeles City. The city is most famous for the festival at Easter where people participate willingly in being nailed to a cross.

Not much to do here apart from visit the mall or hang around the family's home so I decided to see more of the country and even when I split up with Maria I still travelled around with a Filipina on other visits. They had no money so I paid for their food and flights and stuff. For three weeks I had a budget of around $3000 and that included my international flights. I've visited around a quarter of the 80 or so provinces in the Phils so far and that includes most of the popular tourist spots like Boracay, El Nido, & Bohol.
Dang, you are lucky that your ex-Filipina girlfriend liked to travel. Grace,...she's more of a shy and timid person. She does not swim, so she had no desire to travel to Boracay Island.

Wow, I guess I should have been more gentlemen and complain less of spending towards Grace. But it was not Grace whom I was upset with. It was her older sister who came along (my fault though) who was not nice to me...so why spend a single penny for a girl who does not want to talk to me and have a sulky expression towards me.


-------
I still don't want to leave Grace. I know she was a dick for showing her "tampo" by not talking to me when I visited her in the Philippines because I complained to her that I felt like she was using me.

It was her who opened up my life, and I started to communicate with my younger sister, some of my former friends and even co-workers from previous companies i used to work for. I also stopped being depressed and more happy with my life.

Anyhow, I will also seek advice from a professional counselor this week to see how I should handle this problem with Grace. Right now, we are still chatting by sending each other messages. But there is no "honey" or "yobo" (Korean word for honey) in our messages anymore....or at least not yet again. :lol:
My ex was the opposite. She was confident as she was a singer who performed in front of audiences all over Asia. She couldn't swim either but that's common amongst Filipino's.

I wouldn't bother with a counselor. Your situation is what's known in the trade as an LDR (Long Distance Relationship) which is totally different to a relationship that involves someone local. Filipina's are sensitive and insecure anyway and because you're thousands of miles away it can exacerbate the situation especially if regular contact isn't made. They do have a habit of becoming paranoid and accusations can occur :wink:

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Re: Re-visited GF in Philippines to get engaged....she got mad and wanted to break up....now crying to take her back..??

Post by Horahngee » July 14th, 2018, 8:44 am

MrMan wrote:
July 10th, 2018, 12:19 pm
I am just responding to the OP and the posts on the first page. I haven't read all the pages yet.
Wassup, MrMan! Long time no chat. Same here. Been busy with new job and studying for school. :)

I have been in situations with my wife's family where they wanted me to pay for stuff, like when I first got engaged, and they wanted me to buy them groceries. I really wanted to marry their daughter, and I was young and didn't know how to handle these things, and stuff was cheap. My wife and one of their daughter's apologized for how things went down. Someone must have talked to my late mother-in-law because that sort of thing stopped. Her children probably talked to her a bit, too. A couple of times I felt like they were trying to get the rich foreigner to pay for everything. We do help her dad now, sending a bit of money each month. That's the normal thing to do over there, and it isn't a huge amount, and if my parents needed it and I could, I'd send them money. I can't talk my parents out of giving me money sometimes. But in Southeast Asia, the retirement program, typically, is grown working children giving you money.

Yup, I heard from a friend of mine that culturally, Filipinos, but not all of them, expect the "western guy" (regardless if you're Asian-Ameriacan, white/Caucasian, black/Afro-American) to pay for their meals, their transportation, etc. Oh well. I think my ex learned her lesson. She's very sorry for her tampo tantrum/sulking (just sitting there and pouting like an idiotic stone statue) and handing me back the engagement ring that I gave her when she left the hotel room.

The only obstacle between me and Grace is my crazy mom. But at the same time, I also have this feeling that I don't want to go back to see Grace, because of how her older sister yelled at me. I was shocked at the older sister's behavior.
The dirty mouth joke might have been something really sensitive for Grace. Maybe it means something worse in the Philippines.
Or maybe she does not practice good dental hygiene! Hahahahaha!!! some times she has gum problems where it hurts or is swollen. that is what she has told me via text message. She does not have any dental insurance in the Philippines (do they even have health or dental insurance in the Philippines?!), so she only gets her teeth cleaned once a year.
Sulking.... so you dated a sulker. Not everyone gets over a little conflict easily.
I did not know that Filipina's are big time sulkers….if there is a word like that. But the terminology that people in the Philippines use when a person is mad and does not want to talk to you is "tampo."

I have NEVER experienced tampo in my entire life, because Grace is the first FIlipina girlfriend that I had ever dated in my entire life.

When she is mad, like when I joked to her "is your mouth clean?" when she wanted to bite and rip open my sauce package,....she just sits there, crosses her arm, and ignores you. Just stares at the wall or fixes her eyes on something, and does not respond to anything that you tell her.

She did that on the bus, and the same crap "tampo" when I confronted her in the hotel room about her "using" me for my money, for the meals, the dried mango that she wanted me to purchase, the taxi fare, bus fare.

Sometimes a woman takes a while to get over an argument. But if she sulks now, it is likely she will sulk later. I have heard the advice before that before you get married, you need to see the other person angry. If my wife gets upset, she needs longer to cool down than I do. Usually, I'm calm in 2 seconds.
True. Which is why although I want to get back with Grace, and forgive her, there is the other part of my mind that is cautious of Grace because of the way she sulks and sits there with an angry/upset expression on her face, not wanting to talk to me to resolve problems.

her aunty, who lives in Hawaii, scolded Grace for doing that tampo shit. Her aunty told her that if she is not satisfied or is upset with something, Grace should open her mouth and speak up.
If she had no intention to 'use you'-- or maybe even if she did--what you said was insulting. The gas to pick you up might have beena big deal for them financially. If her and her family's intentions were noble, in spite of their short-comings, she would likely find the accusation of using you to be quite insulting. I can see why that would bother her.

I actually would not have mind spending money for Grace, buying her the dried mangos and paying for the taxi fare if she came along with me by herself. My big mistake was bringing along her older sister on our trip to Manila. However, I thought the older sister was the same nice,chatty, social girl whom I had met back when I visited Grace and her family back in January.

However, after the January visit, and the damn stupid older sister posting Grace and my photos on her facebook page, which somehow, made it to my facebook account (which is how "J" the other Filipina I was chatting with caught me with Grace and got shocked and really pissed off,...and same for her friend "L" who was my former co-worker who introduced me to "J"), Grace's older sister really changed personality. Like a total f--king change!

I understand that the older sister underwent a mammogram and the doctor found couple of cysts in her breast. Plus the older sister had arm pain and was diagnosed with Gout. So her health condition has been going down south since March of this year.

And yes, older sister was dumped because her ex-husband, some kind of Filipino muslim guy, ended up marrying another Filipina and ran off to Saudi Arabia with another Filipina wife.

So I can see how the older sister is bitter with life. But does not mean that she has to keep silent, make a big face at me, and ignore me in the house. Terrible behavior.

And after Grace's older sister yelled at me in the hotel room after I confronted Grace about her and her bitch ass sister "using" me for money, I did not want to see the older sister ever again.


I know them picking me up and using their gas to drive all the way from the far province to Manila cost a good chunk of their money.

However, for me, I had to pay a LOT for airplane fare, I have to take days off from work and burn off my paid time off that I had accrued, I also bought Grace birthday present, as well as presents for her mon and dad.


Only to have me pay for the bus fare, the stupid older sister's hot dog at the bus stop, the taxi fare, the aquarium entrance fee. So damn stupid mentality.

If you had just gotten on her case if you felt like she was bossing you around, IMO, that could have been legitimate. That doesn't attack her character and goodwill in the way saying she was using you financially did. It also would help set the tone for an important issue in future marriage--- your wife cannot try to boss you around.

Yes, I also did not like the way she was bossing me around. When we were at a supermarket in Manila, Grace just took two bags of dried sliced mangos into the cart I was wheeling around in the supermarket. Yeah, stupid me. Those were just two bags of dried sliced mangos. However, the way she just took those bags off the rack and told me "you are going to buy me these mango's" really irked me. She also took off a bunch of red grapes from the fruit section, placed the grape bunch in a plastic bag and told me "hey, I also want to eat some grapes tonight for snack." That I understood because she was going to wash the grapes and share them with me and her bitchy older sister.

However, I am glad that I confronted Grace about the issue of me keep having to pay for breakfast, hotel feel, taxi fees, bus fare, zoo entrance fees,....because if I said nothing to her about what was on my mind, she may keep continuing to do this in the future.


This is apparently a bigger deal in the Philippines than in Indonesia. I have read that nice girls from the village rarely go out alone. The traditional idea is that a good girl, or woman, stays home. If she goes somewhere, she goes with someone. That may not be the case as much in the big city as it was. You wanting the girl to have a chaperone was probably a good thing from a traditional perspective.
No no no, Mr. Man.

I did not know that Grace's older sister really changed TOTALLY her personality and that the older sister harbored (and probably still harbors) resentment towards me.

This stemmed from the disaster back in early February where Grace's older sister posted photos of me and Grace standing next to one another at various locations in the Philippines. Those photos somehow were available on my Facebook timeline where "J" and "L" (former a-hole coworker...also from the Philippines) and "L" 's friends in the Philippines saw those photos and made them really really upset.

Anyhow, after that big hoopla, Grace's older sister did not really like me. I also had to break up with Grace in early March because my mom wanted me to marry this young Korean girl back in Korea. That further made Grace's older sister even more angry with me.

Strange, but guys here who are more knowledgeable with the Philippines .........are "break ups" really taken that seriously in the Philippines?
It seems to be that way.
Because when couples here in the US break up, they either divorce in court, or simply go their merry way. None of this begging and working long hours type of work.
Btw, what do chocolate-covered mangoes taste like?
They taste very well damn good! I like the dried mango SQUARES that are covered with dark chocolate. Ooh ooh! Yuuuummmmyyyy!!
You can go to any large supermarket in the Philippines....I hope (so don't quote me on that).....to find and purchase these dried mangos. The stores would sell dried mango slices, but also chocolate covered mango slices.

You've online dated this girl and gone to visit her.
Haha, no, MrMan. I did not online date Grace. I only chatted with her via Messenger text since the first day we had met, but long distance. It was my mom who asked one of her Filipina clients if she knew of any single girl. And that lady, who happens to be Grace's very distant aunt (but a different lady, not the aunt who lives in Hawaii whom I was talking about earlier), introduced me to Grace's closer aunt in Hawaii, who then gave me Grace's facebook account and told me to start chatting with her.
Filipinas will probably always be loyal to family, but at some point, she should become loyal to you. It should not be an either-or situation where she has to choose either them or you.
AMEN!!! AMEN!!! AMEN!!!



Your mom.... I don't have a problem with parents being involved in chidlren's selection of spouses-- especially dads.
Why especially "dads"? For me, my dad is very chill and laid back. If my mom was chill like my dad, I would definitely be able to marry Grace next year.

I've got kids and I explained to them no girlfriends or boyfriends until they are close to marrying age. And dad has to approve them if not pick them out. These tweens and young teenagers dating on the Disney channel is fantasy just like Disney fairies and pixie dust as far as they are concerned. In Asia, socially, probably that was easier to enforce. I"m in the US now, so I'll need to be more vigilant.

Wow, I have never heard of a white American dad telling his kids "no boyfriend or girlfriend until close to marriage age."
It is usually that your typical white American family tends to be chill, laid back, don't really care much about what goes on with dating.
As for this girl, you haven't even asked her parents right?
Yes, I did ask BOTH of Grace's parents if it was okay for me to marry their daughter. Heck, her dad was like "do you want to take my daughter with you to the US?" when I visited Grace and her family back in January.

I was like "hmmmm…..she needs to first pass her board exam and then get a license to work, and then need to financially support me, even if we are living in the US."

Coz shit, I am not going to be working my ass off in my job, financially supporting Grace if she comes to the US after her spouse immigration paperwork gets cleared, and she stays home, watches TV, and basically becomes a bump on the log. She too, will eventually have to work to help support the family (and sadly....also may have to financially support her own parents :evil: ).



You didn't complete the engagement as far as Filippinos are concerned, I'd imagine. You might have broken her heart. She might have also thought you loved her enough to overcome some sulking in the airport.
heh? She did not sulk at the aiport.

She sulked "tampo" in the bus, on our way from San Fernando City in La Union province to Manila, when I joked to her if her mouth was clean, because she wanted to bite my plastic sauce bag to open it up. No sulking at the airport.

she also became upset and angry on the second night of our hotel stay (the last three days of my trip to the Philippines were spent in Manila) after I confronted her on her and her bitch ass older sister "using" me for money,...such as lunch, sandwich, aquarium entrance fee (and these were not the basic entrance passes.....these were expensive entrance passes that I had to buy).




If you had it to do over again, I think you should have had a frank conversation with the sister about why she didn't like you to clear the air.

Number one, the older sister is usually not living in the main family house. The older sister lives alone in a large two-storied house, couple of miles away from Grace and the parents. Although it's a large house, the bathroom looks dirty as hell, and some of the roads are bumpy.

So no, I did not have time to talk to the older sister. However, I did send the older sister text messages, asking her why she was not talking to me while I stayed over at Grace's house. Stupid older sister was not specific, but told me that she was sick, and did not want to talk.
She also responded to me via text message that "time will go by and heal me."
Yeah right. Probably 10 years can go by, and I bet you, the older sister will still resent my guts.


I can tell that the older sister does not like me at all. I guess it was the condition where "J" saw me in a photo with me hugging Grace somewhere in Baguio. But that's the past. What can I do?

You may not get the chance if the relationship with Grace is over.
Well, the relationship is not completely over. I still send text messages via Messenger to Grace,...every single day regardless of whether it is morning time, or evening / dinner time here.

I even called her up tonight, via Messenger, to say hi to her. However, I only address Grace as "po" rather than "honey" or "yobo" (equivalent to "honey" in Korean language...….)

We are just in conversation mode right now. No lovey-dovey conversations that we had in the past (i.e. "good night honey ko" or "I miss you yobo.").

Just the "good morning, po"....basic conversation.


--------------------
I will type more tomorrow. My head is bobbing down right now because I'm sleepy as hell...... and I had to re-edit a lot of my sentences because I was randomly typing stuff that did not make sense! Sleepy time.

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Re: Re-visited GF in Philippines to get engaged....she got mad and wanted to break up....now crying to take her back..??

Post by Horahngee » July 15th, 2018, 8:36 pm

MrMan wrote:
July 10th, 2018, 12:30 pm

If you have a way of contacting the older sister, you could send her a letter (Facebook message, etc) of apology for the comment about her ex-husband. Whoever you marry will likely have a relative or a number of relatives who present you with some difficulties. Having a yelling match with a girl's sister is not a good way to start off a relationship with a girls' family, but it is not an impossible obstacle to overcome.
Sorry MrMan, but I do not feel like having to apologize to the sister. Especially since the older sister of Grace is younger than me, and she was really aggressive that night where the older sister looked as if she wanted to hit me. That's how bad it was.

I told Grace the condition to have me to return back to the PI is to have the older sister start sending me text messages FIRST, and to be back at the older sister's behavior (bubbly and friendly) that she was back when I last visited them in January of this year.


I am still hesitant to go back to the Philippines mainly because of the older sister and how she yelled at me and was very aggressive towards me that night. I will not forget.

MrMan wrote:
July 10th, 2018, 12:30 pm
Set some high goals and pray about them. If you want to marry grace, set goals like her family agrees and accepts you and your mom (and dad) will be on board with it, participate in the wedding, etc.
Oh my,....hahahahhahaha!!! My dad is okay with me marrying Grace, and he supports whatever decision I will make.

My mom, on the other hand, hates Grace and still sees her as a mismatch between me and her.

I even got into a verbal argument with my mom over the phone last week Tuesday. I told her that I am still sending text messages to Grace. I do not want to lie to my mom, so I was honest with her.

Guess what? She starts to go ape shit on me, threatened that she will sue me, because she helped pay for the downpayment for my condo, and she wants that money back. However, I think it is too late anyway, since the mortgage paperwork and escrow paperwork are all done, and the mortgage is now under my name. Same for this apartment.

My mom also threatened to cancel all of her credit card payments for the purchase of furnitures for my new apartment. At first, I was afraid and scared.

I then went to two of the furniture store that I have purchased the furnitures from and cancelled the transaction and placed the orders under my credit card.

I am dreading now having to pay off the credit card debt, since the amount is quite high. However, if I play my cards right, and pay off the credit card debt in increment, I think I can pay all the furniture payments off in three months.

So right now, I am not even talking to my mom because she said that she does not want to talk to me, called me various names via text message that I am stupid for going back to Grace, etc, etc.

If God wants you and grace together, He can help you accomplish those goals.
I hope God can help me and Grace get together again. If that is His will to allow us to be together. Otherwise, I think God is helping me dodge some kind of bullet with Grace.
But do you want to marry Grace. Forget about the same career stuff and the condo supposedly being for her. There are lots of women you could choose from to marry to fill the other side of a queen bed in a condo.
*sigh* It is easy said than done.

I even went hiking with my old high school friend yesterday.

He told me to forget about Grace because of all the drama that has happened. But it's easy said than done to forget about her. Grace opened me to up talking to my sister, because I stopped talking to my sister after she got married. Out of all relationships I have had with girls in the past, Grace was the best GF relationship I have ever had. Despite the argument that we recently had during my June visit to the Philippines and her asshole sister yelling at me.

I also work in the hospital, so my friend told me to find dates within the work place. However, in my past experiences, a lot of the girls either state that they are currently in a relationship, they are already married, or have been divorced (and I tend to want to stay away from divorved women and single moms).

As of now, my mom recently visited me here in my area around two weeks ago, and signed me up for a Korean Christian match-making service.

There was this one young Korean girl, two years younger than me, who works in the same field that i do.

However, like many American women (regardless of their race, ethnicity, religion, etc..), that Korean-American girl did not want to date me because she does not want to marry somebody who works the same job she does. Such bullshit.

Then there is this other Korean girl I was recently introduced to. The downside is that this other Korean chick lives in Korea. So another long distance relationship if things were to go well with this other Korean girl. The goodside to this most-recent Korean girl is that she has studied here in teh US and knows some English.

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Re: Re-visited GF in Philippines to get engaged....she got mad and wanted to break up....now crying to take her back..??

Post by Horahngee » July 15th, 2018, 8:47 pm

Zambales wrote:
July 10th, 2018, 10:27 pm
]

My ex was the opposite. She was confident as she was a singer who performed in front of audiences all over Asia. She couldn't swim either but that's common amongst Filipino's.
I am surprised that Filipino's in general do not know how to swim. Considering that their nation is surrounded by water and there are a decent number of beaches along the shorelines.

Even if a person is allergic to salt water and cannot swim at the beaches, there are good numbers of swimming pool parks and amusement parks in the Philippines.
I wouldn't bother with a counselor. Your situation is what's known in the trade as an LDR (Long Distance Relationship) which is totally different to a relationship that involves someone local.
Well, I have already seen the counselor last week. I told her everything about what happened and the problems with my mom and her being hard-headed, arrogant, non-forgiving, and even abusive towards my dad.


I am a little skeptical now about Grace and immigration marriage, because my mom is a classic example of immigration marriage. She's originally from S. Korea and married to my dad, Japanese-American born in Hawaii. The problem with my mom was that when she married my dad and first moved to the US (Hawaii), she did not work for nearly three years. Just stayed home and was a stay-at-home type of mom, and then my mom went to work for a beauty salon because her background occupation was a hair stylist which she also worked as back in Korea.


Anyhow, I still think it's refreshing to talk to a counselor about my situation and issues with Grace and also issues with my mom,...rather than let it fester and bother me.

Filipina's are sensitive and insecure anyway and because you're thousands of miles away it can exacerbate the situation especially if regular contact isn't made. They do have a habit of becoming paranoid and accusations can occur :wink:
oh my! I find it annoying how Filipina's, and it was not just Grace, but also "J" who I was chatting with last year, always sending you text messages. Everything from "good morning"...which is fine with me to "So what are you doing right now?" and even when she sends me text of "It's lunch time now, let's eat!"

I think that even if Grace and I were to get married in the future, she would still think of me as a cheater or someone not to trust. It's all because of the incident with "J" the other Filipina, and Grace did not know I was chatting with another Filipina at the time she was introduced to me, and also the time that I visited Grace in the philippines in January.

I can sense some paranoia in Grace in her text messages. :cry:

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Re: Re-visited GF in Philippines to get engaged....she got mad and wanted to break up....now crying to take her back..??

Post by Zambales » July 15th, 2018, 11:27 pm

Horahngee wrote:
July 14th, 2018, 8:44 am

Yes, I also did not like the way she was bossing me around. When we were at a supermarket in Manila, Grace just took two bags of dried sliced mangos into the cart I was wheeling around in the supermarket. Yeah, stupid me. Those were just two bags of dried sliced mangos. However, the way she just took those bags off the rack and told me "you are going to buy me these mango's" really irked me.
There were a couple of incidents similar to yours with my ex too.

The time when we arrived in her home town and as soon as we got off the bus she bought buko pie, pizza and other stuff for her family and expected me to pay for it.

The best one was on my first trip over. The evening before I was flying back home the family invited me out to dinner. I accepted, so me and Maria met up with about a dozen of the clan at a restaurant. When the meal was nearly over I told Maria I was happy to pay half. She looked at me irritated and said I was paying for all of it. :shock: :shock: :shock:

I can laugh now but back then I didn't find it amusing.

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Re: Re-visited GF in Philippines to get engaged....she got mad and wanted to break up....now crying to take her back..??

Post by Horahngee » July 26th, 2018, 8:00 pm

Zambales wrote:
July 15th, 2018, 11:27 pm


There were a couple of incidents similar to yours with my ex too.

The time when we arrived in her home town and as soon as we got off the bus she bought buko pie, pizza and other stuff for her family and expected me to pay for it.

The best one was on my first trip over. The evening before I was flying back home the family invited me out to dinner. I accepted, so me and Maria met up with about a dozen of the clan at a restaurant. When the meal was nearly over I told Maria I was happy to pay half. She looked at me irritated and said I was paying for all of it. :shock: :shock: :shock:

I can laugh now but back then I didn't find it amusing.
Wow, sounds like you had it worse than I did with Grace!

However, during my most-recent visit to the Philippines, Grace and I sat down at a restaurant with her sister-in-law and older brother, and a guy who was going to order us our wedding tuxedos.

Towards the end of the meeting with me, Grace and the tuxedo designer guy, the sister-in-law and older brother literally just left the restaurant and went into their car. It's like they did not want to take responsibility for pitching in for the lunch. I paid half and Grace paid the other half.

I am still praying to God that somehow, I can overcome obstacles to go back to the Philippines to see Grace again.

But the thought of her older sister yelling at me and our argument in the hotel room makes me not want to go back to visit them again.

I forgive Grace and I want to be with her. But her older sister, bleh, ....when I keep thinking about the older sister, and how she REALLY HATES me,....I do not want to go back.

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Re: Re-visited GF in Philippines to get engaged....she got mad and wanted to break up....now crying to take her back..??

Post by Horahngee » July 26th, 2018, 8:10 pm

UPDATE:

So I signed up for a Korean Christian match-making agency in my area. One of my former Korean church friend, she recommended that I sign up for this service. Cost a lot - $1000 for the fee.
The problem is that I am not too fluent in Korean, and the guy and lady who runs the marriage consulting/ dating agency speaks mainly Korean and understands just a little bit of English.

Signed up two weeks ago. First girl was a Korean-American, four years younger than me. The lady at the agency asked that Korean-American girl if she wanted to meet with me. However, that girl turned me down as she did not want to date a guy working in the same profession/career as she was. So that was a bummer to me. Saw her photo and she looked decent.


Fast forwards to last week Friday, and the Korean lady at the agency called me and told me there is a Korean girl, but living in Korea, who was interested in meeting Korean-American guys living here in the US.

My first thought was "bleh, I do not want to meet with a Korean girl living in Korea."

I am sick of having to travel to meet girls. My Korean language skill is not super fluent and I tend to mis-spell Korean hangul when I write text messages. That have turned off some Korean girls I have dated in the past.

Another issue is that my lastname is a Japanese lastname, so many Koreans do not like Japanese people, so in some instances, the Korean girl's parents did not allow her to date me.

To make a long story short, that girl looks decent, and she used to live in the Fairfax County, Viriginia / Maryland area for around 9 years. While her English is not 100% fluent, she knows a lot of conversational English.

I don't know. I am starting to think that maybe this Korean girl will be a better fit for me compared to Grace.

--------------------------------

I am having this "epiphany" about Filipinas. Kind of like how Winston first liked Diana, and eventually, realized that he was not getting sex from her and his relationship with Diana went downhill.

While Winston currently wants a white/Caucasian female companion, I know that in his other postings in the past (two to three years ago), he wanted a Chinese girl.

This is probably an opportunity for me to hook up with a Korean girl, plus she's from my mom's ethnic background, and culturally, it will be easier for her to interact with my bitchy Korean mom.

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Re: Re-visited GF in Philippines to get engaged....she got mad and wanted to break up....now crying to take her back..??

Post by Guhji » July 26th, 2018, 11:14 pm

Why the hell are you paying anybody 1000 bucks to meet girls? smh...

EVERY Korean church I have EVER attended has been full of, mostly, friendly Korean girls. Just join a bible study and I'm sure you'll meet one. I suppose you could work on your Korean language skills in the meantime.

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Re: Re-visited GF in Philippines to get engaged....she got mad and wanted to break up....now crying to take her back..??

Post by CannedHam » July 27th, 2018, 12:28 am

Guhji wrote:
July 26th, 2018, 11:14 pm
Why the hell are you paying anybody 1000 bucks to meet girls? smh...

EVERY Korean church I have EVER attended has been full of, mostly, friendly Korean girls. Just join a bible study and I'm sure you'll meet one. I suppose you could work on your Korean language skills in the meantime.
Another GREAT place to meet FOB Asian women is at ESL schools. Me and my wife went to check one out a local community ESL center and HOLY CRAP it was filled to the brim with cute Chinese, Japanese, Korean, thai etc. women, and they had a huge "LOOKING FOR VOLUNTEERS" sign right at the entrance...

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Re: Re-visited GF in Philippines to get engaged....she got mad and wanted to break up....now crying to take her back..??

Post by Horahngee » July 27th, 2018, 4:53 pm

Guhji wrote:
July 26th, 2018, 11:14 pm
Why the hell are you paying anybody 1000 bucks to meet girls? smh...
Why? Because it is freaking damn hard to meet decent girls here in the US! I have already mentioned this dude. But I have tried e-harmony, match.com, coffee meets bagel.

I did meet have other girls contact me. But these were only one-time coffee shop meet ups ,or one-time lunch together, or I did date a girl for around one month, and bam...she ghosts off on me by not even responding to my text messages.

I will give this Korean Christian match-making agency a chance, as they have a better pool of girls for me to choose from.

Are you even Korean? Or are you a white westerner with that "guhji" username?

EVERY Korean church
LMFAO!!!! :lol:

"EVERY" Korean church!?? Hahahahahah!!!

Come to my area, there are plenty of Korean churches here, but cater to mainly old fart halmunee's and harabuhjee's. heck, I even went Korean church hunting in the area I used to live in, attended a morning service, and I was the ONLY young guy sitting in the church. Everybody else were old halmunee's and harabuhjee's. the only other young folks were the pastor's kids only here on summer vacation.

I went to another Korean church in my area. LOL! The so-called "youth" group were really TOO YOUNG for me! They were mainly high school and college students. No middle age young adult members. I am not going to date someone who is 10 - 20 years younger than me!

Tell me which area you live in where "EVERY" Korean church has a young adult group in their late 20's to mid 30's age range.
Just join a bible study and I'm sure you'll meet one. I suppose you could work on your Korean language skills in the meantime.
Wow, easy said than done. Work on my Korean language skills? Like I have time to do that kind of stuff. I only speak 60-70% Korean fluently. My hangul spelling is shit. This is why some of the FOB type of Korean girls whom I have been introduced to stopped responding to my text messages, or made bullshit excuses like "oh, I am too tired to meet up." It's all because my Korean grammar is incorrect or the spelling of many of the Korean words in my text messages were incorrect.

You must live in either L.A./SoCal area or Washington, DC/Fairfax County, Virginia because those two areas have a LARGE Korean community. And due to those large Korean communities, they tend to have a lot more churches with a wide range of young adults.

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