Why do most normies dislike Winston for no reason, even if he did nothing wrong?

[publicduende]

He's my friend in Angeles City. All the Italian guys I've met there are very soulful and easy to talk to and connect with. I heard that Italian expats are more open and friendly and interesting than mainstream Italians in Italy. That's what publicduende told me. I've never been to Italy so I can't comment further. But you can PM publicduende and Eurobrat. They know a lot about Italy. And publicduende is Italian too.

I realise I have been away from Italy long enough that I don't know my own country anymore. I have to rely on what I read from newspapers, blogs and the occasional (usually depressing) insight from my parents and my relatives/friends who live there.

That foreigners abroad are usually friendlier and more open than the folk back home is usually true for foreigners from any country, actually. If they weren't adventurous or at least curious, open-minded and/or eager to trade the certainties of a homely life for a more nomadic and eventful existence, you wouldn't find them abroad in the first place!

The big question, W, is: what are these expats doing in a place like the Philippines? Are they long-term tourists or working? Are they young or old? I have recently met a young Italian man, in his late twenties, who just got a job at the Asian Development Bank (in Ortigas, Manila), perhaps the only truly international institution worth being an expat in Manila for. He gets paid an international salary, which means as much as he would get paid in London or NYC for a comparable job, but he's also working long hours everyday, having no time to go out, even on the weekend.

I met this particular chap a couple of times and, from what I can say, I did find him a bit more open-minded than usual. That doesn't mean we spent hours talking about New Age spirituality or the secret societies who rule the planet, or the damage done by some particular food or energy field. He probably wouldn't care about such topics, if anything because he wouldn't have time to do any in-depth reading about them and make himself an opinion.

And here lies your fallacy, W, if I may.

You tend to believe that people who don't pursue alternative sciences or philosophy, or other subjects you define "deep" have no open mind, even no consciousness. You may be right to say they are trapped into the routine of everyday life but - exactly my point - that is the very definition of life!

I have broken free from the London rat race and found myself working twice as hard for less money, in a place that makes it hard to even type on a keyboard without proper air conditioning. Not quite the definition of heaven.

By settling with one girl, I have given up what is perhaps the only competitive advantage of being in this country - a steady stream of mediocre-to-cute young women ready to believe your lies and go to bed with you at short notice.

That's where one learns that being free, from people, from ideas, from preconceptions, isn't really making one completely free.

Freeing yourself from the tenets of mainstream science, philosophy, religion means being free...to roam in the vast jungle or relativism, where everything is just as plausible as its contrary. To me this sounds like feeling lost, not feeling free.

Getting lost in the jungle can be exciting for a while. There's something worth checking out and savouring at every corner. Even just the web and YouTube are an inexhaustible source of information and pseudo-information, knowledge and pseudo-knowledge, blacks and whites, whistling dodos and flying chimeras.

That's fine, W, you do what you want with your life and you have a right to be happy with it, and with whatever definition of freedom you want to come up with.

What makes me a little uncomfortable is when you want to use this "freedom" to disassociate yourself from the rest of the world. The metaphor I have in mind is you sitting on a pile of stuff (your videos, your blogs and articles, your e-mail by these agents of the alternative and the esoteric) that touches the clouds, sitting proud like a king and looking down the rest of the world as if you were an Elect.

The memo, W, is that however knowledgeable you want to feel, the rest of the world is still tuned to judging people based on what they have done for the others, or at least what they intend to.

It's not about know much you know, but how much of what you know is being used to build something, improve something, maybe destroy and re-found something.

That's perhaps why your pragmatic if cold relatives aren't so keen to speak to you. They are probably your standard stock of Taiwanese-American people whose aim in life is study hard, find a good job and use that as a platform to live a decent life, support the wife and kids, send the kids to private colleges and maximise the chance that another spin of the same wheel will ensue.

I am not criticising you for your choice of disconnecting from the harness of mainstream life relatively early in life. So long the passive income from HA and whatever money your parents are providing (both very rare events in the life of a man our age) allow you to feel or be free...more power to you! I am happy for you.

Just, W, it's just not the case of looking down on people and call them robotic, soulless or "pre-Adamic" just because they don't have the inclination, the willingness and - indeed - the time to spend hours delving on some semi-secret, Google-sponsored repository of alternative knowledge.

As it's usually good advice in these cases - live and let live. Just like extreme conformism is bad, extreme anticonformism - the need to define ourselves as the opposite/nemesis of another category of people - is just as risible. My 2 centavos, of course.

Giovanni

[Winston]

Heres what Mr S had to say about my quesion and why most people don't like him either.

Winston:

Michael do u notice that a lot of mainstream dislike u too for no reason? Perhaps even the majority? Even if they dont know you or didnt get to know you?

Mr S:

Yeah, pretty much. I don't care anymore. I've pretty much accepted that I'll be alone or close to alone with very few friends or people that I can relate with. I'm jysr focusing on inner growth for the most part rather than worrying about external matters of life other than survival and basic needs.

Winston:

But michael. When i was in my teens and twenties, i wasnt a truth seeker. I wanted to fit in and be liked and accepted too. yet people still didnt like me and treated me bad. Why? Is it because i was different without knowing it even in childhood?

Mr S:

Because we have a different energy vibration, it carries on from birth to death. If you disconnected in previous lives and you've been progressing then the masses will still pick up on it. Most people are generating, some slower or faster than others, but they are degenerating. That's why occasionally avatars or prophets have to come back down to realign previous spiritual knowledge that has been distorted or forgotten. If most people are over 50% sinful and you are under 50%,then the subconscious will pick up on that and attempt to challenge your character and ethics and free will, whether it's truly valid or not not. That's where demons come around, they are challenging individuals who have supposedly professed their 'faith', but usually they are not true walkers of the path. If you are a true seeker and understand the laws of the universe you'll come to the the conclusion just like plants and animals, God will provide just what you need to continue on your spiritual path not more not less. It's when the ego gets involved, the mind when one deviates from this and starts operating through, lust, fear, greed, envy, anger, etc. Then bad shit happens to you which is just karma related because people aren't conscious of their thoughts and actions. Everything creates a consequence, if you operate through sin you reap that, if you operate through grace, ethics, honor, etc you will get what's returned for those actions. People don't trust the natural laws of universal action, only theirs or others egoistic wills, that's why the world suffers the way it does and why good people feel ostracized in modern society. If most people are basically doing and thinking evil, although they may not act upon it all the time, the purer ones will stand out, it's energy. You just have to stand true to yourself and keep moving through life.

Mr S:

The inner self is afraid to be challenged by higher evolved spiritual humans so they will come up with different defense mechanisms to validate why they don't want to interact with you or dislike you. Their inner self will be challenged to change and disrupt their world view. Everyone creates a ripple effect on others who they meet whether they realize it or not. Our energy personas can be quite powerful without us realizing it. This is why some people can be very charismatic and you're not sure why cause there's no logical reason for it. Some have developed these skills from previous lives and started utilizing them but because of the heavy negative influences nowadays they may have become distorted and using them in negative ways.

Also I can see through people, I don't look at their outer selves. People who can sense that are nervous around me because they know I can sense whatever they are hiding.

Winston:

Yeah thats so true bro. Amen. We ought to have a deep conversation about this and film it, like in the movie "my dinner with andre". It would be a masterpiece.

[Winston]

Why your cousins are not supposed to be your friends, and therefore it's not my fault if my cousins ignore me or are indifferent toward me.

@publicduende,
Thanks for your response and analysis. I'm not sure what your point is though. Do you even have a point or thesis? As usual you seem to have a lot of wrong and false assumptions, and you have things upside down. Let me explain. Please remember what I say so you don't keep making the same mistakes next time.

First, I did NOT start off as some great freethinker and nonconformist high on my horse and look down on everyone. No way. Of course I tried to fit in and be normal. I wanted to be liked and have friends and fun and be accepted and be normal. What young person doesn't? But I was rejected by the mainstream and normal world, ever since I moved to Fremont, CA in 1982. Not by choice. I wasn't liked or accepted. I never felt comfortable. People didn't like me and they didn't know why and neither did I. I didn't know how to be cool or popular. There was no logical way that I could see to be normal. People seem biased and predisposed to disdain me and treat me like a misfit, as though it were all pre-planned and pre-programmed. I had no choice in the matter.

So, being rejected by the normal world, I had nowhere to turn but to seek my own world and my own path. What other choice did I have? I was essentially forced to be a freethinker and nonconformist and find my own meaning and purpose in life. I had no choice. So you see, I was disliked and rejected by the world BEFORE I ever became a freethinker or intellectual or nonconformist. I don't know why. But Mr S might have some theories as he explained above.

Second, you seem to have a false assumption that my cousins are normal and sociable, and that if I had something in common with them, they would be my friends and buddies and be very social with me. But it doesn't work that way. Let me explain why. Pay attention.

1. First, mainstream normal people in California and Chinese countries like Taiwan, as well as Asian American communities in the US, do not talk to strangers, even if the strangers have a lot in common or are similar in looks, personality, beliefs and attitude. They only talk to people in their clique and to those introduced by mutual friends, and to people they work with or have a business association with. They do not believe in socializing outside of their clique and work or school. Did you know that?

Let's take a typical suburban neighborhood for instance in California. Even if everyone in that neighborhood was the same - white, middle class, Christian, loves football, baseball, basketball, and believes in equality and civil rights, and has the paranoid mentality that the media wants them to have, and all dress the same and think the same, etc. that doesn't mean everyone will be very social and open with each other, etc. like people in Eastern Europe, Russia and Latin America. NO WAY JOSE! (Perhaps you don't understand since you're not from the US) They will still ignore each other because they are strangers and have no business talking to each other, even if they live in the same neighborhood. It might have been different in the 1950s, 60s or 70s. But since the mid 1980s Americans have been that way - cold and closed toward strangers. (I know this because I remember in 1982 Americans were far more social with neighbors than today, which I experienced firsthand.)

You see, there's an unspoken rule there that everyone knows, which is that a stranger is a stranger and you are NOT supposed to talk to them, even if you have a lot in common with them. The only legitimate reason to talk to a stranger is if you have common friends or have a business-related reason to talk. Other than that, you are expected to ignore the stranger and treat them like they don't exist, and yes, even if you have a lot in common with him or her. It's an unspoken rule that people in North America knows and feels and obeys. The guys on the forum here who are from the US all know this too.

So you could go to Walmart in the US for instance, and see a lot of white trash types there. And rednecks too. Just because they are similar types of people, do you think they will all be open and social to each other? Hell no! They will still ignore each other, in accordance with the social rules. And of course, Asian Americans who are very conformist by nature, will adhere to such social rules the most, because of their Asian nature. This includes all my cousins as well of course.

It's not like this type of conversation exists in America between strangers:

Average American #1:
"I'm very closed and antisocial. I don't talk to strangers unless it's business related. It's abnormal to do so. I believe everything the media tells me. I think like everyone else around me. I'm paranoid of strangers. I'm very normal and ordinary. I dislike people who are abnormal."

Average American #2:
"Great. Me too. I'm the same way. We have a lot in common."

Average American #1:
"Cool. We should be friends and hang out. What's your name? We should exchange numbers so we can visit each other and invite each other over for dinner and go out together and have deep conversations together and share our deepest thoughts together like close friends."

LOL. It doesn't work that way dude! LOL. Come on. Get real publicduende. Even hot American women will not talk to each other, even if they are very similar and think the same way and believe the same things, etc. if they are strangers. In Taiwan I noticed that even though all girls there think alike and act alike, they will not talk to each other if they have no reason to. I took a photo of two female strangers standing next to each other waiting for a bus outside in Taiwan, and they both faced AWAY from each other as though it were too awkward to look toward each other, because that's what strangers are supposed to do! LOL. I will send you that photo on WhatsApp sometime. LOL.

2. Second, cousins do not think it's normal or expected to try to be friends with each other. They usually see each other as people they have to force themselves to be friendly and polite to at family gatherings. or when their parents meet up and visit each other. They do not talk or hang out privately when their parents aren't around. So they do not think it's even normal to try to be buddies or talk as though they were real friends.

When I was in my child and teens, when my parents would visit their friends, me and their friends' children or teens would watch a movie together or play video games. Even if we had something in common, we were "family friends only" not personal friends. We did not talk or socialize outside of the times our parents meet or visited each other. That's how it was. That's what was normal. At least with Asian Americans in California. Many here have experienced the same as well, even if they are white. Ask the other forum members.

So you see publicduende, the bottom line is this: Even if I was very NORMAL and had a stable job and career, a stable wife and family, a stable home and routine, etc. my cousins would STILL likely ignore me and treat me like I don't exist and act indifferent toward me, because they have no business talking to me or socializing with me. I am not seen as a friend. I am seen as a relative, and relatives are not buddies, they are people you act polite and superficial with at family gatherings only. But nothing beyond that. And yes this would be true EVEN if me and my cousins had a lot in common with me. Because we are not friends, we do not have mutual social circles, and we do not work together. Hence they have NO REASON to talk to me or be my friend or hang out together privately, because we aren't supposed to and they don't expect to. They don't need me. We don't work together. We aren't in the same social circles. We don't have mutual friends. Etc. All they expect from me is a superficial greeting at family gatherings, and nothing more.

Now, if my cousins were freethinkers, counter-culture types, nonconformists, hippies, New Agers, spiritual seekers, UFO buffs, conspiracy buffs, Truthers, the types that go to Rainbow Gatherings, total misfits, or HAers like us, etc then that would be a different matter of course. As mentioned in other threads, misfits and freethinkers tend to be more open to talking to strangers, and they will have an INSTANT connection when they first meet, as though they were old friends already. Because such types usually understand each other and vibe well and bond well right away, even if they just met. Conformists just don't have that kind of connection, even if they are similar or the same as each other. Nonconformists are more open and approachable with strangers than conformists are, and do not have that ice wall around them that conformist people do in first world countries. I'm sure you probably know that. We mentioned this in another thread here:

viewtopic.php?f=32&t=13232

Here's an example of what I mean. Check out this freespirit hippie YouTuber named Koi Fresco. He's a hippie type with long hair, looks like Jesus, a spiritual seeker, and New Age type. Very bohemian and nonconformist obviously. The type of guy you would see at a Rainbow Gathering. Look at him below.

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=koi+fresco

As you can see, if you saw that guy out in public, he would be very approachable and open and glad to talk to you. There would be no ice wall or awkwardness to talk to him. You could talk to him freely and openly, as if he were an old buddy you've known for years. But of course, you cannot do that with mainstream Americans or Chinese who are much more strict and narrow minded, and trying to be "normal". See what I mean?

However, if one of us, or both of us, were mainstream conformists who believe that one should not talk to strangers, and are uncomfortable talking to strangers, and are closed and paranoid like the mainstream are in USA and Taiwan, then there would be that boundary between us. Outside of family gatherings, we would be strangers and not try to be friends. We would not talk like you and I do on WhatsApp publicduende. If we were mainstream people and not in the same clique, we would not talk as freely to each other as we do right? Because mainstream people don't do that. They only socialize with those in their clique. That's what they are comfortable with. They aren't comfortable speaking their mind to people outside their clique, like I'm doing with you right now. No way! LOL

Now I don't know about Italy, but this is how it is in the US and in Chinese based cultures like Taiwan and Hong Kong. Do you understand what I mean? What I said above makes a lot more sense than your analysis, because you assumed wrongly and upside down and didn't look deeper into the matter like I've done above.

Now, sure some people are real friends or buddies with their cousins. Some people even date their cousins and fall in love with them and marry them (See the movie Godfather 3 lol). But I don't think most people are buddies or personal friends with their cousins. And for sure, most people do not date their cousins either, even if they have a crush on them.

Are you personal friends with your cousins? Do you talk to them freely and openly like you talk to me or your other buddies? How about the rest of you here?

Anyway, do you understand the situation and reality now? Do you see how I'm not at fault? This is just the way things are in the US and in Chinese dominated cultures. But outside of that in other countries that are not dominated by Americans, Chinese, Japanese or Koreans, things are probably different. For example, if my cousins were European, they'd probably be a lot more friendly and social and personal with me. There wouldn't be that strict line or ice wall that Americans and Chinese put up around them. Because in Europe, people are far more authentic and soulful in comparison and in general, and thus easier to talk to too, just like the nonconformist/freethinker/freespirit types I mentioned above. Also in the Philippines cousins are more likely to hang out as friends too because it doesn't have such strict boundaries about those things.

Do you get my drift?

Finally, @El_Caudillo told me that he thinks that people don't dislike me personally, they are just indifferent toward me because they have nothing to say or don't know what to say to me. He said that his New Zealand white cousins only greet him superficially at family gatherings too, but not outside that.

So you see, it's not normal to be friends with your cousin right? Therefore, it's not my fault if my cousins ignore me or are indifferent toward me right?

Thus if one of your cousins died tomorrow, why would you even shed a tear or feel anything? They aren't your friends. They don't care about you. They have no feelings for you either. So why should you care? It would be as sad as if a total stranger died right?

Besides, my cousins are not even cool or fun to hang out with anyway. They are very prudish and square and have no charisma or magnetism or any colorful personality at all.

[Neo]

Nobody is ever going to understand how or why, except possibly yourself. There is no one who can give you the proper answer. Only you can discover it. And once you've found the answer, only you, yourself will be able to believe and accept it.

It took me a long, long time to discover what was going on. And you will figure it out, once you figure out what the purpose of your life is, why you were born. But for that, a person might have to be a born again Christian and even then, probably a fundamentalist.

[Johnny1975]

Winston, you have a habit of bombarding people with questions. Also, there's something else that you do which I don't know if there's a name for it but I'll give an example. In Pride & Prejudice, there's a scene where some guy gives a girl a list of reasons why she should be interested in him and marry him. The point being that he's trying to be too logical. I've often seen you listing a bunch of logical points as to why what you're saying is correct rather than being more concise. It's too much, it's unnecessary.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with all of that, but when you do it a lot it gives the impression of you being too much. Another example, your book. I've read it and it's good, but you really do beat every last inch out of every point you make. You throw in 1000 things to make your point. Don't get me wrong, it makes for interesting reading, and it's very affirming, but sometimes even for me it's too much.

You need to try and be more concise. No need to ram every point. There's nothing wrong with you doing what I've described but just ease up a bit.

I've saying this an an example of something that might annoy some people. It only annoys me slightly, and even then not always, but I can imagine other people being more annoyed by it. It may come across as self indulgent.

However, having said that, it could just be that you have the type of personality that either goes down well or rubs people the wrong way, with very little in between. I've had it too. Most people think I'm alright, but for some reason there are people who don't seem to want to interact with me or they feel that we don't have much in common. Thankfully it's only a rare few people. It's just how it is. I'm willing to meet anyone half way if they are, even if we don't mix in the same circles or have much in common, but not everyone is willing to do the same. Also it could be that you do well in some cultures and not so much in others. Often it could be them with the problem and not you.

[Yohan]

Why do most people seem to dislike me for no apparent reason? Especially in Taiwan and America? It's like they snub me and look at me with disdain, even though I never did anything wrong to them. It's very weird and illogical. I don't believe it's my imagination
What do you all think? Do any of you experience these things too? If so, is there a rational explanation?

The explanation and truth might be with the presence of aggressive feminism.

Most people in Europe, especially women but some stupid men too, dislike every man who does not want to socialize with Western females, but is promoting leaving his native country and/or to look for a foreign wife.

It's not only in Taiwan and USA, in Europe the same situation.

If you look over the border and feel life in a foreign country is better for you, and foreign women are better than the local girls next door, you are considered to be a loser.

The solution is 'why should I care about what you think about me?'

In my case, I am now sitting here in Thailand next to a private large swimming pool in the restaurant within a huge condominium building, while some men complaining about me being a loser don't even know how to pay alimony for their ex-wives next month and some Western women who made fun out of me and rejected me are living of welfare with their kids all from different fathers....

[Guhji]

Looks, money, status determine your value as a man. If you grade low in these categories you will be ostracized in a wealthy country, as Winston has found out for himself. A loser must then flee to a poor country. But the rest of the world is catching up! There are ever fewer safe havens to run away to.

[publicduende]

Hey Winston,

Thanks for taking the time to explain and shed more light on the why's and the how's of you feeling outside the mold of mainstream society, that large majority you believe your cousin and much of the Chinese/Taiwanese community in America belongs to, squarely.

As you yourself say, the condition of being a teenage misfit isn't that uncommon at all. Barely anyone "fits in" and can be seen as an instant charm by people around them. Not many have this gift of extreme personability. At that age - and by that age I mean anything between 15 and 25 - we are all looking for our identity, our place in the world.

Temptation is always strong to define ourselves based on the others - sometimes in harmony, more often in opposition. I see this repeated in the kids of my generation, my cousin's generation and will see it in my kids' one, too, if I get a chance. It's a universal constant. However "abnormal" you felt back then, it was actually the most normal thing to happen.

Now, this is a feeling that usually lasts until after college, when life sucks you in and somehow forces us to make most of the choices we weren't so sure about, we didn't have the guts or heart to make. Life calls for a job, which is our front door to society, gives us the responsibility of living alone and having to pay bills, drives us to conform to the incumbent standards. It asks us to look good to try and impress that cute girl at work or at the corner shop. And so on.

So I guess not much of this happened with your life, W. You blame Taiwanese/American parents for being soulless and unnecessarily strict but, I must argue, your parents must have been overly lenient and permissive - certainly more than my Italian parents! - if they let you to skip the part where you're settling and securing your future (usually via the job/relationship combo) and allowed you to explore the world and help you financially while doing so. Please forgive me if I don't get all the details about your life right - this is what I could gather from many years of reading your posted accounts, many of them about your past life.

If you truly felt a spiritual call, a call to explore the deepest side of human existence, you would have made other choices. You would have perhaps gone on a pilgrimage in Nepal or maybe India, or even Thailand. Even the island of Bali, for the bustling tourist destination it is, oozes mysticism and spirituality at every temple, at every corner of forest.

You surely wouldn't have chosen to busk in the cheap and fake female attention of the seediest girls that can be found in the Philippines. You would have understood long since that the giggles and the flattering comments they give you, they would give to any male human specimen who flaunts a few hundred pesos in their faces. You rightly complain, yet fail to take corrective action.

You seem to long the dizzy heights of spirituality, want to reach for philosophical high planes, and yet remain grounded on the mundane and the dishonest. Only, as you have been doing all along, to complain and wonder what kind of obscure forces were ever at play to conjure up this sad state of things. Well, there is no other force up there, than the force of your own inertia. That's how it is Winston.

However boring and deep-seated on their routine lives, your cousins aren't to blame. Western society isn't the sole or primary agent of your misfortunes. It's the choices you made and, so far I can see, continue to make, which are not in tune with who you feel inside, or who you want to be.

As one of the eldest HAers, I have respect for you and what you did. I found HA right on the onset of one of the darkest moments - perhaps THE darkest moment - of my life and I held HA - and what it represented to me - as my escapist dream. I badly needed to believe that, despite having a lovely wife and a good job in London, all of that was about to end in the most Kafkaesque-surreal and cruel kind of way. My mind was dissociating from the pain ans stress of the ongoing uncertainty and convinced itself that somewhere, far away in South East Asia, there lied the promise of a better existence.

And you know what - I believed so hard in it that dream, that I made it happen...even at the cost of making the inevitable happen...lose my wife and my old life in the UK even when things turned out not as tragical as they initially appeared and I could have - with a bit more effort and sense of resignation - continue with that life.

Did I make mistakes? Of course I did, plenty of them. But I am not blaming the Universe, or my family. My choices and my choices alone. My choices and their consequences. And you know what, sometimes mistakes reveal to be great choices and those carefully planned, carefully researched life choices reveal to be the poorest. That is why I have simply given up tracing the cause-effect relatioships in my life.

Our reality, the reality of human condition, is that we are so small and meaningless, it's a miracle if we can find a grain of sense in our own lives, and even more of a miracle if we can live by it.

So, contrived tales apart, what is my point here? My point is: do not believe in anything else than what you can do for yourself. Feeling fully responsible for your choices and their consequences is the first - perhaps the only important - step towards gaining control of your life. You can't complain the car is swerving left and right if you're sitting at the back and noone is clutching the steering wheel.

"Guhji" on this last post made a cynical and rude statement but one which isn't so far from the truth of how society measures, judges and acts upon men. We are defined by what we do, how well we do and - if fail we do - at least how hard we have tried.

Nobody knows you when you roam Fields Avenue, and in that kind of environment nobody is supposed to. You don't know those girls, usually single moms, who will go to bed with you for a few hundred pesos. You don't need to know them and they don't need to know you. That cash buys you not only their services, but the promise of anonymity.

As soon as you are looking for a deeper and more serious kind of human interaction, whether a relationship with a decent young woman who doesn't see you as a walking open wallet, or a man who will gladly entertain intellectual/philosophical conversations with you, you step into a different realm.

You step into the realm of society, and society measures, judges and acts accordingly.

As Guhji succintly (and rudely) said, there are very few places left to hide. There are people I know whose spiritual knowledge has been built on dozen and dozen of scholarly books of gnosis, esoterism, kabbalah and alchemy, universal philosophy. Like most things, even touching the surface of esoteric knowledge may take years and - hear hear! - require practice.

Trying to learn the same topic from YouTube videos and the occasional blog article is probably not going to give you a great deal of knowledge, or at least won't make your knowledge on esoterism and spirituality consistent. It's the point about relativism I made on my previous post: once you have started to venture into the web-based repositories, how can you tell which theories, which methods, which ideas are worth a shot and which are completely risible?

That's how you end up spacing from Flat Earth to the Archons, believing in numerology, and so on. The part that saddens me the most is that, from what I can see, you seem like you want to espouse whatever theory, no matter how wacky, seems to bring ammo to the notion that you are different from the rest of us. Different from the rest of Asians, different from the rest of Westerners, even different from the average Angeles City punter.

I know you have already rejected this hypothesis of mine but I insist: at least to me, it does looks like that much of your "quest for the Truth" is simply a way to reinforce your desire to lift yourself above the others. You're better than your boring cousins because you watch YT videos on ancient souls and alternative science. You say you don't look down on anyone but - if I remember well - you were dismissing my arguments on a past WhatsApp chat simply because I don't believe - because I don't see any evidence - that Asians cannot be as deeply spiritual and truth-seeking as us Caucasians, you obviously being the shiny exception.

Now, this is not something quite normal for our age, Winston. As a teenager it's normal to define yourself as an antagonist to something or someone else. Doing it in your mid-40s, especially without much evidence to back up your claims (apart from a bunch of Internet videos that you quote as your Gospel), is probably going to make you look weird...and hence ostracized by much of mainstream society.

You have choices, Winston.

1) You accept the fact that you are, indeed, a non-mainstream guy who has chosen to ditch the typical socially-normative path and become a free thinker, a researcher of all things new age, esoteric and alternative. But then you should stop complaining about the rest of society ignoring you or worse, judging you negatively.

2) You put your life on a track where "the other people", like your cousins, will gain some respect towards you, your idea, your actions. For as much a you bash them for being boring, soulless and miserable, the very fact you bemoan your cousins ignoring you means you do care, at least a little, about other people's judgment. You do want to fit in, to some small extent at least.

3) A third way, which is something you might find worth exploring: you leave Angeles and move to a place where you can abstract yourself from the rest of us and truly become a Researcher of the esoteric, the spiritual and the alternative. You will read books, plenty of books, talk to real experts (as you actually already do) and make yourself a series or learned opinions that are respectable at least in the circle of experts in those fields. Again, it might take you time, effort and probably more money that you are prepared to spend. I went though a period where I was trying to study these topics and ended up piling up more than 80 books, more than half of which I read, with considerable financial pressure.

The conclusion I see is that you are in the middle of a HUMONGOUS cognitive dissonance between what you want to be and what you end up being. Or, at least, the persona you want to be seen as and the persona people perceive you to be BASED ON YOUR ACTIONS.

Your thoughts are good, Winston. You are a deep and introspective man and there are indeed few like you. You just have to align your actions to your desires and feelings and show the world that you mean to walk the walk.

[MatureDJ]

I think it's jealousy that a man of such poor aesthetics as Winston can be such a slayer of women. Being so unattractive, he's supposed to be incel, but he seems to get a lot of puussy.

[MatureDJ]

Looks, money, status determine your value as a man. If you grade low in these categories you will be ostracized in a wealthy country, as Winston has found out for himself. A loser must then flee to a poor country. But the rest of the world is catching up! There are ever fewer safe havens to run away to.

Agreed. Winston is woefully deficient in all of these, although he does have "status" with us incels (and yes, we who chase foreign women are incels in our homelands), but that doesn't count, LOL.

[Guhji]

People don’t like Winston because he is a dork. He continues to maintain his delusions of grandeur, unaware that he looks like a sorry, middle aged Chinaman taxi driver to the rest of the world. So I say again, “Winston, you are a dork!”.

The p***y arbitrage game is on its last legs. I suspect this website will die far sooner. Oh well. At least you have Daddy Wu to take care of you. That’s something, I guess.

[publicduende]

People don’t like Winston because he is a dork. He continues to maintain his delusions of grandeur, unaware that he looks like a sorry, middle aged Chinaman taxi driver to the rest of the world. So I say again, “Winston, you are a dork!”.

The p***y arbitrage game is on its last legs. I suspect this website will die far sooner. Oh well. At least you have Daddy Wu to take care of you. That’s something, I guess.

Dude, stop insulting Winston. I quoted you on my post because what you say has a foundation of truth. Winston isn't a dork. He's an intelligent and introspective man who has two very, very common addictions: being flattered and, well...p***y

His quest for the truth and a higher level of spirituality in his life is genuine. What he needs is to get rid of the mundane and dishonest environment he is in now.

[re85with]

Winston, you are not the only one who feels hated, ignored, ridiculed, or treated like dirt.

I do not care what others think about me.

I am not here on earth for their happiness and comfort.

I am here to do the purpose(s) of God.

I exist because of Him.

When I die, I would have to face and answer Him and not those who judge or belittle me.

I have my WordPress blog "Foreign Love Web"; I continue writing and publishing blog posts whether other people like them or not.

Sometimes, it is good that many people do not like you.

They are motivating you to become better.

[ErnieMagic]

The problem with Winston is "freedom of speech". If you bring up a legitimate complaint topic that Winston's beloved AFA is doing it gets censored and erased. Yet, if it's someone who is not paying Winston it's open season on them. Winston is nothing more than the Rev AL Sharpton or Rev Jesse Jackson of the international dating business. He creates an "open environment" and uses it to hijack companies to erase the comments for cash. He's Asian, so if he is offered some coin to advertise on his site he will block every legitimate compliant from forum members. Ask Winston why AFA has been banned on YOUTUBE for unscrupulous practices? Not a peep on this site about that matter because Winston has nipped it in the "bud" adams. I exposed the "paying" of women to attend the socials through local agencies and Winston quickly erased my comment for all the see..

[Guhji]

Oh, I'm sure Winston isn't bothered by what I, or anyone, writes about him. Besides, I'm just answering his question.