Serious to Quickly....

[The_Adventurer]

Does this happen to anyone else in Asia?

I knew the Philippines was infamous for girls falling in love in record time and wanting to get serious, but now it's starting to seem like this is happening to me everywhere. I chat with a few girls in different parts of China, but 2 in particular seem to falling way too quickly. I have not any of them in person, just chat and often use voice and video chat on Skype. These are not acts of desperation. Both have good jobs and are very well educated. One is months from her PhD and works in a lab. The other works in fashion, and judging by their dress and the rooms I see them in, they aren't hurting for money. One of them already has a boyfriend! One already wants to take me home to meet the parents. I haven't even met her yet!

So this is something I wonder about. One thing that I hear over and over, and that girls have told me here, in Japan, Philippines, Korea and even in the U.S. is that they feel so comfortable with me. These two girls have told me the same thing. Girls I know all of five minutes will start totally opening up to me and sometimes start telling me private shit I really don't want to know. They also say that just talking to me makes them feel good, or even happy.

My last Philippines girlfriend came from a very wealthy family that owns plenty of property and a big company. We met for about 20 minutes over coffee in a mall. The next meeting we went straight to bed. She said she felt very comfortable with me. My Korean girl just came up to me when I was swimming and introduced herself. In fact, in nearly every case, the girl chose me, which is the way I like it, as I prefer to do my thing and let them come to me. I haven't approached a girl since I left Philippines, and it doesn't seem to be working against me at all.

Now, I'm pretty easy going, always joking and like to just flow with things. I am always flirting, throwing in comments about the nearest hotel or something and I guess I am generally fun to be around, but does this happen to anyone else?

[Winston]

Not to me. Consider yourself lucky. Maybe you have a magnetic vibe? Girls do get comfortable with me quickly though, cause I'm easy going and nonjudgmental, so they open up and tell me things I would rather not know. But they do that out of feeling that I'm a good friend listener, not cause they want to sleep with me. I've never had Asian girls become easy with me outside of the Philippines.

[Fenix]

Terrence, I am a black guy just like you and I have the same effect. Women talk to me like they have known me for years and they tell me everything. Things they wouldn't tell anyone else, even people they have known longer than me. It is crazy and I know what you are talking about.

You are not the only one, not by a long shot.

[The_Adventurer]

Not to me. Consider yourself lucky. Maybe you have a magnetic vibe? Girls do get comfortable with me quickly though, cause I'm easy going and nonjudgmental, so they open up and tell me things I would rather not know. But they do that out of feeling that I'm a good friend listener, not cause they want to sleep with me. I've never had Asian girls become easy with me outside of the Philippines.

They don't always want to sleep with me. This happens to me a lot, even with girls I meet once and never see again. The language barrier may play a part in why it doesn't happen as much in other Asian countries besides the Philippines. It rarely happened to me in Korea, and in the cases in China, it happened with 2 people who speak good enough english to be able to express themselves.

Once in Korea, I sat on a bus and this girl spoke to me, which is odd because I think people generally don't talk to strangers there. I immediately noticed her English, and it turns out she had spent time in Canada or something. Lo and behond, in just a few minutes of talking, she is getting deep and telling me stuff I really don't need to hear. I got her number, but never called her. I was living with my girlfriend who would have killed me anyway.

Terrence, I am a black guy just like you and I have the same effect. Women talk to me like they have known me for years and they tell me everything. Things they wouldn't tell anyone else, even people they have known longer than me. It is crazy and I know what you are talking about.

You are not the only one, not by a long shot.

Heheh I figured you were a black dude, reading all your blog posts. It's is good to know it's not just me. I was, at one time, starting to think I had shrink tattooed on my forehead. I hadn't thought about it since I've been in China and the language barrier probably prevents a lot of it. Then it happened with two girls on the same day! One wants to take me to meet the parents already.

[aozora13]

Possibly it is a sign? I was wondering though it it happens to you while you are in a non-western country. I talk to non-western girls and they usually tell me something that is usually too personal too. The only time it did not happen was a Western Euro girlfriend which kept things to herself and I usually had to pry it out of her. I believe other than that situation, most girls generally would tell me things that I probably should not hear (family problems, issues with themselves) while I am trying to actually not want to talk about that.

[ladislav]

It has to do with people whom you attract. For example, in my case I always attract virgins and very few want to jump into bed with me. Many want to get serious because they have been hunting for a boyfriend for a long time. It is like this- compare it to jobs. Say you have been looking for a job for a long time and finally you have found one. But the boss is telling you they do not yet want to hire you because they want to get to know you. A lot of these girls are lonely, they are not getting any younger and they want to see themselves as having a boyfriend already. A boyfriend means stability. A husband is also just a role someone plays. They want to have a husband, not necessarily you per se,
In my case, I long ago stopped being attracted to girls who are not virgins.
I guess I am spoiled. If I want a lay I just pay a hooker but my girlfriends must be mine and mine alone!

Also, in Asia traditionally marriages are arranged and the principle is: marry first, fall in love later. They already know their role in a relationship and they will fulfill it. Love comes later on as people get used to each other.

[Winston]

Maybe it's because we here are open minded types and when people sense that about us, they know that we will not judge them by narrow standards, and so they feel more comfortable opening up more?

[wuxi]

Theres no such thing as casual dating in China, except in maybe Shanghai or Beijing, there seems to be a growing hookup culture. If a woman invites you to meet her parents in China its the same as a wedding anouncement in the US, this is probably not a good thing.

Also, money is a synonym for love in China. If you bring home a big paycheck to your chinese wife it means you love her. When you stop bringing home a big paycheck to your chinese wife it means you don't love her anymore.

[YoucancallmeAl]

Terrence,

When foreign girls online start getting too lovey-dovey serious right away with me it's usually the sign of a scammer. I've already caught one and suspect several others. For example, here's an email I got from a girl after just a couple communications in which I simply made some small talk and asked her about herself:

"I want believe that you are my soul mate and nothing will stop that, and Yesterday was my birthday, i had little Party with my very close friends here, Our friendship is the link that holds our two hearts together and if I could put into words how you make me feel when I think of you, and how much you excite me when I see your sweet messages, I would be reading forever. You're all that I need and want, I just need you as a wonderful friend beside me. I live for the day that I can sit next to you and whisper into your ear and tell you or we tell each other about ourselves. I live to live, to spend a lifetime with you as your wife, whose knows? and to grow old with you, I believe and have faith in this relationship okay, take care and reply soon."

WTF?!? She doesn't know a damn thing about me. So this is obviously a scammer IMO.
What about you? Haven't some of these girls you're meeting online been scammers? Or are you just a very lucky motherf***er that I should be very jealous of?

[The_Adventurer]

Al,

What country is this girl from? After just a few emails that seems a bit overboard. Before now, I hadn't done too much online. When I was in Philippines, and used Date In Asia, I was already in the country and only searched girls in my immediate area. I would meet them the same or next day in person.

Some girls in the Philippines are really lonely. They don't get much attention and latch on to anyone who is nice to them, and may really feel such strong feelings. I would be very wary of one who speaks and writes English so well, though.

EDIT

To add to this, as I had to run to the airport before I could finish, from my experience, most scammers online are not interested in people who are in their country. I knew two girls like that in Philippines. One I chatted with via yahoo webcam, I eventually bought a couple of Red Horse beers and went to her place for some fun. She told me she had two American guys sending her money every month supporting her. One had promised to come out there and marry her.

Scammers of this type want to snag a lonely and desperate guy in his own country and give him sob stories that will allow him to feel like a hero as he rescues her, usually with his dollars or pounds.

The other girl I knew had a German older gentleman supporting her monthly, and he was coming out in just two months to marry her. Yet she was at a club with me and my girl, where she met a young white American and went home with him. Two days later I asked where she was and she was at a hotel with an older Japanese club owner I knew.

I don't think it is difficult to avoid scammers, or maybe they don't go after black guys as much, as they may already have an image in their mind of what a "target" should be like, who knows? I guess I have been lucky, but I think it makes a real difference to actually be there when you chat, rather than developing a "relationship" from thousands of miles away.

[The_Adventurer]

Theres no such thing as casual dating in China, except in maybe Shanghai or Beijing, there seems to be a growing hookup culture. If a woman invites you to meet her parents in China its the same as a wedding anouncement in the US, this is probably not a good thing.

Also, money is a synonym for love in China. If you bring home a big paycheck to your chinese wife it means you love her. When you stop bringing home a big paycheck to your chinese wife it means you don't love her anymore.

Wuxi, you maybe quite right. I talked to her last night and she hinted that she likely wants to marry me. But that's only the beginning. I was talking to her about some possible opportunities in Japan (related to momopi's posting on the Tokyo government manga sales ban, which I will write about later) and she started saying how she not only wants me to stay in China, and live with her, but that even if I didn't have work, she would work and take care of me!

After I went to sleep, she later called me at 1:00 AM saying she like me so much, and she didn't want to teach me Chinese anymore (she has been helping every night for a while now) because she thinks if I learn Chinese I will find another girl. If I find another girl she will "go to die" to use her words.

Rock, I haven't yet run into anything like you mentioned, but then I have only been here a short time, don't speak enough Chinese and really don't get out as much as I'd like. How much would you say your language skills played a part in your being able to hook up as you did? The girl I speak of seems like she doesn't want me to become to good at speaking Chinese now. hehehe

[Rock]

Theres no such thing as casual dating in China, except in maybe Shanghai or Beijing, there seems to be a growing hookup culture. If a woman invites you to meet her parents in China its the same as a wedding anouncement in the US, this is probably not a good thing.

Also, money is a synonym for love in China. If you bring home a big paycheck to your chinese wife it means you love her. When you stop bringing home a big paycheck to your chinese wife it means you don't love her anymore.

With all due respect, what makes you say all this? Is this what others told you or did was it your personal experience spending a lot of time in China and traveling around quite a bit? Either way, the experiences I last had in China do not agree much with what you say so I wouldn't generalize like that for a whole country.

I casually dated and got physical with many girls in Chengdu and Chongqing several years ago. In some cases, I even 'met the parents'. But I was introduced as a foreign friend, not marriage prospect. Some of the students just like going out and spicing-up their lives a bit. Presumably, China has opened-up even more since then.

In Qingdao, I had dinner at the family of a girl I met on Asia Friendfinder. We were not even that interested in each other but we went out sometimes as friends. Another Qingdao girl I met online lived in the city away from home and invited me to 'spend the night' at her apartment but did not cling or expect anything.

In Zhuhai, I met an Australian Chinese girl (again online) originally from the northeast (forgot which city). Her family was well-off and they owned a vacation property in Zhuhai where she was visiting with her mom. I met her mom twice and the few other times I took the daughter out alone, she went back with me to my hotel for fun. There were no expectations for a long term relationship since she lived in Australia and me in Asia.

Another girl I met online and visited in Changchun would come to my hotel for the evenings (not all night) and told her parents she was meeting me.

A girl I met in Guangxi visited my hotel and invited me to her home for dinner after just meeting me once.

During my recent trip to Shekou (last month), a 29 year-old who worked as receptionist at Nan Hai Hotel offered to go back to my hotel (a different one) as she hadn't had a boyfriend in over 2 years.

My friend met a girl online who was a student living at a dorm in Mianyang, Sichuan (3rd tier city) and she stayed with him for several weeks in his apartment even though she had a local boyfriend somewhere else. Since he didn't speak any Mandarin or Sichuanese, he depended on her for everything there.

I've been to Beijing and Shanghai as well but didn't find them any easier for hook-ups, perhaps even more challenging). The girls I met in those cities tended to have busy stressful jobs making it more difficult for them to go out and relax with me.

[zzzz]

After I went to sleep, she later called me at 1:00 AM saying she like me so much, and she didn't want to teach me Chinese anymore (she has been helping every night for a while now) because she thinks if I learn Chinese I will find another girl. If I find another girl she will "go to die" to use her words.

That sounds a wee bit crazy to me, be careful!

[wuxi]

Terrance, if the chinese woman your dating is a virgin she's likely sizing you up as a husband, thats what good chinese girls do. Typically, chinese virgins have never had a boyfriend before and will push the relationship very fast despite not knowing you very long. Also, they will want to have sex with you in an attempt to "seal the deal". If her parents find out you banged there daughter and you have no intention of marrying her then the shit will hit the fan. Its not uncommon for foreign guys to get there asses kicked by a bunch of chinese guys who happen to be family of the woman in question. Chinese guys only marry virgins thats why a womans virginity is prized in China.

However, if she's not a virgin she's considered damaged goods(not marriage material). She will be much more open to a casual sexual encounter with no strings attached.

[pete98146]

Terrance for what it's worth. The timeline that I met my wife online until the day we got married was...................3 years. Now this may be an extreme but I made VERY sure she was not a scammer, was a good girl who could get by on her own and she was dedicated to me 100%.

Why be in a hurry? Flat out tell the girls that you are not in a hurry to jump into a relationship! This will get rid of the vast majority of scammers. Heck, I'd put that statement right in your profile! In the end, it won't scare off the good girls because they'll be doing their due dilligence on you as well.

The only girls that are in a big hurry are desperate and have nothing to lose.