The Taboo Truth about Openness in Anglo/Oriental Cultures

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The Taboo Truth about Openness in Anglo/Oriental Cultures

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The Taboo Truth about Openness in Anglo/Oriental Cultures
By Winston Wu (Founder of HappierAbroad.com)


I've often wondered about something:

Why is it that on TV and in movies, Americans are so open, friendly, sociable, communicative, and easily invite you into their cliques, taking you out for fun and introducing you to others? They act so warm, emotional, full of life and feeling, and are easy to talk to and get involved with. And in romance/drama films of old (less so nowadays) people were so passionate and full of feeling in their eyes and expression, as though they were fully aware and conscious.

But in real life, people are generally uptight, closed, cliquish, paranoid, anti-social outside their clique, difficult to meet, don't talk to you unless its business related, and basically ignore you and expect you to mind your own business while they mind theirs. People are in a bubble and there is an "ice barrier" between strangers. They seem like zombies/automatons who are totally unaware and oblivious to others around them, as though they were not fully conscious. They are always in a rush to get through their daily routine. They seem totally uninterested and unconcerned with human connection. And if you are not like that too, you stick out like a sore thumb, like you are in a sort of Twilight Zone - in a different reality from everyone else!

Why is there such a HUGE difference that no one ever talks about?! It's so bizarre, like the Twilight Zone!

My friend and cultural advisor, a former US immigrant himself, made the same observation in my forum:

viewtopic.php?t=8855

"I think generally, the biggest culture shock that people experience in the US is not between their country and the US but between what they thought the US would be and what it actually is. Books and movies about America make the place appear very free and exciting and happening and the people are so interesting and emotional. There is sex and fun and romance going on. When they arrive, the place looks very conservative and the people appear robotic and quiet. Sex is subdued and hard to come by. The people are not open at all, they look closed and mistrustful. Everybody is just working and looking tired and apathetic. Talking to strangers is taboo. There are thousands of little rules and laws and social mores that seem as dogmatic and strict as those in a Muslim society. And every time you are at risk of breaking yet another law and facing very dire consequences. That is the biggest culture shock of all."

This is so blatantly obvious, yet no one talks about it. To do so would make you look like a loser, so no one dares to. It's like an "Emperor's New Clothes" syndrome. Either that, or people don't see it due to the cognitive dissonance of their programming.

There is also an unspoken social law that says that anywhere you go, you MUST say that people are very friendly and wonderful, or you say nothing at all. Or you can blame yourself. But you are NOT allowed to say that people are anti-social. That is a big taboo and No-No.

But the truth is that in Anglo countries (e.g. USA, Canada) and Oriental East Asian cultures (e.g. Taiwan, Hong Kong, Japan, Korea, etc.) only middle aged people and little kids are open and casually talk with anyone who is friendly. But people in between are a different breed (especially females). They are closed, uptight, cliquish, paranoid and go about minding their own business and expect others to do the same. You have to play complicated tricky mind games to try to get into their cliques, and then MAYBE you will get in.

This difference between old people, children and young adults (especially females) is as obvious as 2+2=4 in Anglo and Oriental cultures, and is the norm and easily demonstratable. Yet NO ONE talks about it except me for some reason. Why?! It's as if it were "hidden in plain sight" from everybody, or the truth is forbidden!

In reality, Anglo and Oriental cultures are workaholic, robotic, cliquish, non-social, slave cultures built purely for business and productivity. They are devoid of passion, soul and romance. Everything in these cultures is geared for business, not passion, human connection, or expression. (though America has fake versions of these in its Hollywood culture) People are treated and groomed as economic resources and defined by their economic functions (e.g. workers, tax payers, consumers, etc). They live highly materialistic and segregated lifestyle devoid of human connection.

As a result, they become machines, stiff and repressed, devoid of romance and passion. The regimented socializing that does take place in such cultures is usually fake, artificial, uptight, pretentious and a cliche rather than a truly flowing interactive experience.

But you wouldn't notice all this if you've only spent time in Anglo/Oriental cultures for you'd have nothing to compare them to. You'd have to live in cultures that are the opposite to truly know the difference.

On the other hand, in countries that are poorer with large peasant classes or have more open and passionate cultures (e.g. Latin America, Russia, Ukraine, Spain, Holland, Philippines, etc.), meeting people happens as easily as blowing in the wind! Literally! The difference is astounding, like a BILLION PERCENT, but one has to experience it firsthand to truly see it. Why is there such a huge difference?

In social environments, there is an unspoken social law that says you are allowed to say statements such as the following:

1) Everyone or most people are so friendly and wonderful! (which most travel sites and travel programs say about people everywhere)
2) I am very busy with work and have no time to meet people.
3) I lack social skills and am not very outgoing.

Or you say nothing at all. Thus you are only allowed to praise the majority or blame yourself. These are the "norms" and boundaries of what you can and cannot say, and as you grow up, you learn them gradually. Truth is not the highest value in society, and the saying "Honesty is the best policy" is not followed. Therefore, to say something like the following would be a big taboo:

"I have trouble meeting people here. I am very open and friendly, but people here are so closed, stuck up, anti-social, cliquish, non-inclusive, and don't want to meet me. They don't talk to strangers unless it's business-related. They just mind their own business and expect me to do the same. So I find it hard to meet people here."

No matter how TRUE and justified it is, you are NOT ALLOWED to say that! It's like truth itself has become a taboo, which is the sign of a sick society.

In fact, in any culture, it is taboo to say that the people there are anti-social, even if it's true. Thus, you will not find such statements in any book in the largest public library or in any news publications. It is totally forbidden, no matter how true or justified.

In fact, if you say the unacceptable statement above, not only is it taboo and politically incorrect, but it is freakish and disturbing to people because it VIOLATES their paradigm of reality, which holds the false assumption and fallacy that:

1) The majority of people are right, normal, sane, friendly and sociable.
2) Misfits and people who don't follow the herd are crazy, insane and weird. They are the problem and to blame for any incompatibility with others.

However, many great thinkers and intellectuals with deep insight, from ages ago to recent times, have seen through this fallacy, and realized that the reverse was true. Here are some quotes from them:

“The object in life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.� - Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." - Jiddu Krishnamurti

"The men the American public admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth." - H. L. Mencken

“Even if you are a minority of one, the truth is the truth.� - Gandhi

"Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule." - Frederich Nietzsche

"Ninety-nine percent of the people in the world are fools, and the rest of us are in great danger of contagion." - Thornton Wilder

"Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong." — Oscar Wilde

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Frederich Nietzsche

"Men have been taught that it is a virtue to agree with others. But the creator is the man who disagrees. Men have been taught that it is a virtue to swim with the current. But the creator is the man who goes against the current. Men have been taught that it is a virtue to stand together. But the creator is the man who stands alone." - Ayn Rand

"Honesty is such a lonely word. Everyone is so untrue..." - Billy Joel, in his hit song "Honesty"

"The sick individual finds himself at home with all other similarly sick individuals. The whole culture is geared to this kind of pathology. The result is that the average individual does not experience the separateness and isolation the fully schizophrenic person feels. He feels at ease among those who suffer from the same deformation; in fact, it is the fully sane person who feels isolated in the insane society — and he may suffer so much from the incapacity to communicate that it is he who may become psychotic." - Eric Fromm (The Anatomy of Human Destructiveness)

(Fromm's statement above perhaps explains why the majority do not see the obvious social realities I described.)

This parable illustrates the truth that Fromm described very well:

"The parable of the poisoned well

There was once a wise king who ruled over a vast city. He was feared for his might and loved for his wisdom. Now in the heart of the city, there was a well whose waters were pure and crystalline from which the king and all the inhabitants drank. When all were asleep, an enemy entered the city and poured seven drops of a strange liquid into the well. And he said that henceforth all who drink this water shall become mad.

All the people drank of the water, but not the king. And the people began to say, "The king is mad and has lost his reason. Look how strangely he behaves. We cannot be ruled by a madman, so he must be dethroned."

The king grew very fearful, for his subjects were preparing to rise against him. So one evening, he ordered a golden goblet to be filled from the well, and he drank deeply. The next day, there was great rejoicing among the people, for their beloved king had finally regained his reason."


Thus it is sad and no wonder that we live in an upside down world, as Michael Ellner describes in this profound statement:

"Just look at us. Everything is backwards. Everything is upside down. Doctors destroy health, lawyers destroy justice, universities destroy knowledge, governments destroy freedom, the major media destroy information, and religion destroys spirituality."

What all this means is that if you are even aware of the social realities described above, you will have the hardest time breaking into cliques in Anglo/Oriental countries, because cliques and groups in rich cultures are full of fakeness and conformity, and one has to be on a similar vibration with the social clique to even have a chance at breaking in (besides playing the tricky social games too). This means that if you are on a "truth vibration" and see things the way they are, you will not be compatible with most cliques, thus if you recognize the reality above, you are already a misfit. This is the sad reality. Also, people who always tell the truth tend to have few friends and won't fit into large cliques.

So the question we must ask is: What is the value and price of truth, freedom and liberation of mind? And is the price worth it?

Most people though, prefer the practical benefits of conformity, rather than the truth or the value of owning oneself.

For more of my freethinking articles, visit http://www.happierabroad.com/articles.php
Last edited by Winston on December 26th, 2011, 9:30 am, edited 16 times in total.
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globetrotter
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Post by globetrotter »

All cultures are like this. No one likes for someone to criticize their culture or country, anywhere. It's taboo in all nations and all cultures to criticize the dominant social meme and attitude. No organization tolerates too much dissent or criticism. If you are working for a company and you disagree with corp policy, then why are you working there? If you dislike a country, then why are you living there?

In Russia people are friendly, open and the women are hot.
The media portrayal of Russians has no mention of those qualities.

Mexicans are portrayed as scarred face criminals.
Most Mexicans are educated, light skinned, and moderately cosmopolitan.

Europeans think Americans are idiots.
Those idiots went to the Moon 42 years ago and no one else has been there, yet.
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jamesbond
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Post by jamesbond »

It's funny, in America if your young and single your supposed to have this big group of friends to hang out with. You and your "clique" of friends go to bars and clubs, meet people and occassionally get laid.

Now if you don't belong to a "clique" of friends, your supposed to lie to people and say, "yeah, this weekend me and my friends went out to this club and got wasted." This makes you appear "cool" and part of the "in crowd." We all know most people in America are trying to "fit in" so what better way to "fit in" than to lie and say you have a cool group of friends to go out with and get wasted! lol :D

I love how in Hollywood movies, the women are always seen as friendly towards men, easy to meet and date and even easy to have sex with. Nothing could be further from the truth! Women in the US are paranoid of men, unfriendly and anti-social. The only way to meet women in the US is either through your friends or at bars, clubs and parties.

I just saw a movie last night that showed a girl flirting with a guy in public. He comes over to her and she give him her phone number. On the first date they had sex. If only this happened in real life in America! lol :lol:
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Post by momopi »

Speaking purely from business interaction & hospitality perspective, when the Chinese factory send people to US, they're expected to book their own hotel, car, and we just take them out for lunch/dinner and show them around town.

When we go to Shenzhen, the China factory manager book upscale hotel, car, driver, translator, banquets, and the owner himself comes over and take us to sing in KTV.

Quoting the engineer at my company, "Chinese hospitality is way better than American".

But we can also argue that they need us more than we need them at this point, because we're the money and they're the labor.

I'm booking a flight to Canada now, and I'd be lucky if the Canadian mining company even bother to buy me lunch when I get there. ;p
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Post by globetrotter »

"Quoting the engineer at my company, "Chinese hospitality is way better than American". "

Yeah, no kidding. Dirt poor peasant farmers buy me drinks and give me cigarettes.

"But we can also argue that they need us more than we need them at this point, because we're the money and they're the labor. "

Not for long. They will OWN the USSA shortly.
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Post by Winston »

Jamesbond, isn't this so true?
In social environments, there is an unspoken social law that says you are allowed to say statements such as the following:

1) Everyone or most people are so friendly and wonderful! (which most travel sites and travel programs say about people everywhere)
2) I am very busy with work and have no time to meet people.
3) I lack social skills and am not very outgoing.

Or you say nothing at all. Thus you are only allowed to praise the majority or blame yourself. These are the "norms" and boundaries of what you can and cannot say, and as you grow up, you learn them gradually. Truth is not the highest value in society, and the saying "Honesty is the best policy" is not followed. Therefore, to say something like the following would be a big taboo:

"I have trouble meeting people here. I am very open and friendly, but people here are so closed, stuck up, anti-social, cliquish, non-inclusive, and don't want to meet me. They don't talk to strangers unless it's business-related. They just mind their own business and expect me to do the same. So I find it hard to meet people here."

No matter how TRUE and justified it is, you are NOT ALLOWED to say that! It's like truth itself has become a taboo, which is the sign of a sick society.
Last edited by Winston on October 23rd, 2010, 11:18 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Post by jamesbond »

Winston wrote:Jamesbond, isn't this so true?
In social environments, there is an unspoken social law that says you are allowed to say statements such as the following:

1) Everyone or most people are so friendly and wonderful! (which most travel sites and travel programs say about people everywhere)
2) I am very busy with work and have no time to meet people.
3) I lack social skills and am not very outgoing.

Or you say nothing at all. Thus you are only allowed to praise the majority or blame yourself. These are the "norms" and boundaries of what you can and cannot say, and as you grow up, you learn them gradually. Truth is not the highest value in society, and the saying "Honesty is the best policy" is not followed. Therefore, to say something like the following would be a big taboo:

"I have trouble meeting people here. I am very open and friendly, but people here are so closed, stuck up, anti-social, cliquish, non-inclusive, and don't want to meet me. They don't talk to strangers unless it's business-related. They just mind their own business and expect me to do the same. So I find it hard to meet people here."

No matter how TRUE and justified it is, you are NOT ALLOWED to say that! It's like truth itself has become a taboo, which is the sign of a sick society.
In a way your supposed to go along with the majority of what society believes. Your not supposed to admit that maybe the society you live in is the problem. I guess people don't want you to "upset the apple cart."
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Winston
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Post by Winston »

Some new paragraphs I added and revised:

- In reality, Anglo and Oriental cultures are workaholic, robotic, cliquish, non-social, slave cultures built purely for business and productivity. They are devoid of passion, soul and romance. Everything in these cultures is geared for business, not passion, human connection, or expression. (though America has fake versions of these in its Hollywood culture, it does not have them in its daily life and social culture of the masses) People are treated and groomed as economic resources and defined by their economic functions (e.g. workers, tax payers, consumers, etc). They live highly materialistic and segregated lifestyle devoid of human connection.

As a result, they become machines, stiff and repressed, devoid of romance and passion. The regimented socializing that does take place in such cultures is usually fake, artificial, uptight, pretentious and a cliche rather than a truly flowing interactive experience.

But you wouldn't notice all this if you've only spent time in Anglo/Oriental cultures for you'd have nothing to compare them to. You'd have to live in cultures that are the opposite to truly know the difference.

- In fact, in any culture, it is taboo to say that the people there are anti-social, even if it's true. Thus, you will not find such statements in any book even in the largest public library, or in any news publications either. It is totally forbidden, no matter how true or justified.
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Post by Winston »

I've added the following paragraphs to this essay:

- In reality, Anglo and Oriental cultures are workaholic, robotic, cliquish, non-social, slave cultures built purely for business and productivity. They are devoid of passion, soul and romance. Everything in these cultures is geared for business, not passion, human connection, or expression. (though America has fake versions of these in its Hollywood culture) People are treated and groomed as economic resources and defined by their economic functions (e.g. workers, tax payers, consumers, etc). They live highly materialistic and segregated lifestyle devoid of human connection.

As a result, they become machines, stiff and repressed, devoid of romance and passion. The regimented socializing that does take place in such cultures is usually fake, artificial, uptight, pretentious and a cliche rather than a truly flowing interactive experience.

- My friend and cultural advisor described the same observation in my forum:
viewtopic.php?t=8855

"I think generally, the biggest culture shock that people experience in the US is not between their country and the US but between what they thought the US would be and what it actually is. Books and movies about America make the place appear very free and exciting and happening and the people are so interesting and emotional. There is sex and fun and romance going on. When they arrive, the place looks very conservative and the people appear robotic and quiet. Sex is subdued and hard to come by. The people are not open at all, they look closed and mistrustful. Everybody is just working and looking tired and apathetic. Talking to strangers is taboo. There are thousands of little rules and laws and social mores that seem as dogmatic and strict as those in a Muslim society. And every time you are at risk of breaking yet another law and facing very dire consequences. That is the biggest culture shock of all."
Check out my FUN video clips in Russia and SE Asia and Female Encounters of the Foreign Kind video series and Full Russia Trip Videos!

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"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne
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Post by Benj »

I've never been out of the US but want to...but I digress.

I feel the real reason why everyone just wants everyone else to mind their own business is because anyone sticking their nose into your business (in the US) is going to be a religious nut or any other control freak who wants you to become "just like them". As if any freak (control or otherwise) has any clue how to live a normal life. The shame is that the US is saturated with them. Just look at all the special interest groups out their. Hell, just go to any American college/university campus and look at all the propaganda from special interest groups.

And it seems to me that just about every clique in America has some kind of boorish, pretentious control freak at its center.
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Post by jamesbond »

Benj wrote:And it seems to me that just about every clique in America has some kind of boorish, pretentious control freak at its center.
There does seem to be some control freaks within some cliques in the USA. Of course, people are trying to "fit in" in America so they go along with the people in their clique. Even if it means doing things they would not normally do.
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Post by woodwater »

Winston wrote:Jamesbond, isn't this so true?
In social environments, there is an unspoken social law that says you are allowed to say statements such as the following:

1) Everyone or most people are so friendly and wonderful! (which most travel sites and travel programs say about people everywhere)
2) I am very busy with work and have no time to meet people.
3) I lack social skills and am not very outgoing.

Or you say nothing at all. Thus you are only allowed to praise the majority or blame yourself. These are the "norms" and boundaries of what you can and cannot say, and as you grow up, you learn them gradually. Truth is not the highest value in society, and the saying "Honesty is the best policy" is not followed. Therefore, to say something like the following would be a big taboo:

"I have trouble meeting people here. I am very open and friendly, but people here are so closed, stuck up, anti-social, cliquish, non-inclusive, and don't want to meet me. They don't talk to strangers unless it's business-related. They just mind their own business and expect me to do the same. So I find it hard to meet people here."

No matter how TRUE and justified it is, you are NOT ALLOWED to say that! It's like truth itself has become a taboo, which is the sign of a sick society.
thus the article also apply to the UK and Australia?
They dont strike me as so hostile
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Post by DaRick »

woodwater wrote:
Winston wrote:Jamesbond, isn't this so true?
In social environments, there is an unspoken social law that says you are allowed to say statements such as the following:

1) Everyone or most people are so friendly and wonderful! (which most travel sites and travel programs say about people everywhere)
2) I am very busy with work and have no time to meet people.
3) I lack social skills and am not very outgoing.

Or you say nothing at all. Thus you are only allowed to praise the majority or blame yourself. These are the "norms" and boundaries of what you can and cannot say, and as you grow up, you learn them gradually. Truth is not the highest value in society, and the saying "Honesty is the best policy" is not followed. Therefore, to say something like the following would be a big taboo:

"I have trouble meeting people here. I am very open and friendly, but people here are so closed, stuck up, anti-social, cliquish, non-inclusive, and don't want to meet me. They don't talk to strangers unless it's business-related. They just mind their own business and expect me to do the same. So I find it hard to meet people here."

No matter how TRUE and justified it is, you are NOT ALLOWED to say that! It's like truth itself has become a taboo, which is the sign of a sick society.
thus the article also apply to the UK and Australia?
They dont strike me as so hostile
Yes, to varying extents.
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Post by sushiman »

Benj wrote:And it seems to me that just about every clique in America has some kind of boorish, pretentious control freak at its center.
There is some sort of obsession with the dream if being in control of everything here. We saw Limitless last night, entertaining, but if you look deeper there are all these weird American obsessions it plays to. Besides being about the American obsession with drugs, is also about this weird thing of having all the answers and having them fast! And knowing the future, and controlling stock markets, and getting all the money, and impressing the girl with learning French in 1day, and then buying isolation, like an island surrounded by money.

Dood what the f#%^. How about calm down. Most big budget movies here seem obsessed with some derivative of this control freak idea.

Anyhow I dig it when Winston writes these 20pg essays, because I've been walking around this country for decades wondering why are they all like zombies? Don't they have any emotions or fun? Why not just enjoy the present moment? Man it's one weird place for sure, but I only got 3months till I'm gone baby!!! :D
firethrower1000
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lol thats right

Post by firethrower1000 »

the only reason to be antisocial is usually because of racism in society since some races are looked down upon....and in america men start wearing skinny jeans, men purses, pink clothing a good example are the jonas brothers who look like a bunch of girly boys yet women in america are into that type of comformist dudes its becoming ridiculous
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