What guys don't understand about fear of approaching women

[ErikHeaven]

I have numbers given to me. Not to brag about it yet it is true. It may be because i am black but that cannot be it. Its because i am an open guy who likes to laugh and be carefree and smile. A smile and staring directly in a woman's eyes will turn them on. Many women told me that. Look directly into her eyes and smile and just talk to them and get to know them. Not pick up crap just talk to her like you would another human being.
Now i can easily get American women i just do not want them for the long term as most of them have high mileage sexually, or they have children and that is not what i am looking for. Or most of them cannot cook or many other issues. Many American women honestly are only good for easy quick sex.
Someone told me a long time ago when i was younger "If she wants you let her come to you"!
Works for me everytime.

[jamesbond]

Look, its pretty much you either got it or not in the States. Looks, build, and overall image are a lot more important than height. But more importantly is your total look. If one girl finds you desirable at first glance, chances are a lot will. If you don't fit into one of the cooler looking images, you're probably invisible to most women. There are some exceptional women who can look beyond all this but its rare.

Lets be real. If you don't look right and are not able to compensate in some special way, you are going to be ignored by almost all women in the States for anything except platonic friendship.

I couldn't of said it better myself! In America you will have a hard time succeeding with women UNLESS you have money, looks and whatever else American women want.

When it comes to dating, in America women do the choosing, in eastern Europe, Russia, Philippines and South America, MEN do the choosing!

[lovesong]

Hello all, I am replying to this thread as I made an earlier comment calling many of you losers. I will NOT take back that comment but I would like to add that I include my former self in that category, and thus in hindsight, sense the negativity in the post. (Thanks DaRick) and could've said it in a more positive manner. Also, considering the fact that I am new to the forum, not the best way to introduce myself.

Buuuut..

Lemme say that this is HOW WOMEN VIEW THIS ATTITUDE.

So while my opinion may hurt, please know it's better to hear the painful truth rather than lying to yourself.

In the past, when I saw a beautiful girl, I would also feel immense fear. I would tense up, couldn't speak and barely look at her. Now, luckily I would have braver friends who in turn would at least whistle or yell out the car window at her.

It was a hard, painful process, but I dealt with my inner insecurities and largely in part of a trip to Asia (which is why I feel connected to Winston and this website), re-invented myself or rather chose to be my "true, best self"

And this true best self is a guy who is confident and able to approach women, AND ONLY women who are gorgeous and tell them upfront, unapologetically that they're attractive. Now, have I been successful every time? Hell no??? I too have felt the same feelings that Winston bravely confesses where I'd think "what the hell am I doing?? Am I a freak for starting this conversation here in the card section of a Walgreens?? Am I trolling??" All this negative self talk that would only reinforce itself. Shit, my voice would start cracking at the fear "eee e.. ee. excuse m.. m.. mee"
and then the girl would look at me with a "wft" expression on her face.

BUT I GOT OVER IT!

And before you start saying I must be some stud, (i like to think i am), i'm 5' 5". Asian. So not exactly the top search on Match.com

But f**k it, turn a negative into a positive. If I see a girl I like, I have the biggest balls out of everybody and a girl feels it! And the fact that I'm not a Brad Pitt type probably makes me seem even more ballsier since it shows my inner self is strong vs if Brad Pitt himself made an approach.

So what has my experience been?? Well, I've been laughed at, given countless weird ass "wtf" looks? Buuut I've also been on several instadates, met my previous gf (who was a model in Asia) and my current gf of almost two years (who's 9 years younger than me).

AND LISTEN TO THIS!!!!

MY CURRENT GIRLFRIEND IN HER OWN WORDS WILL TALK ABOUT "LOSERS" WHO EITHER LOOK AT HER LIKE A WEIRDO AND NOT SAY SHIT OR PRETEND TO BE HER FRIEND WHEN SHE KNOWS IN A SECOND (IN A SECOND) THAT A GUY IS BEING FAKE CUZ HE'S ATTRACTED TO HER BUT DOESN'T SAY SHIT.

So don't get mad at my earlier post. You should be thanking me for letting you in on how a hot chick things.

On a related note, if I can approach a hottie in public and tell her my honest feelings, you don't think that doesn't help me in all my other interactions with ppl. In business, family, etc.

It's a way of being. You choose your way of being.

Life's too short. You can either model yourself after someone who's insecure and feels unworthy of all the good things in life or you can make a change. You can think this is some marketing this, dude, I'm not making any money by typing this f***ing post. I'm typing this because in the past, other guys have busted my balls and shared their stories that influenced me to change myself so this is me paying back thru the cosmic universe that which was given to me.

Good luck to all in this adventure called life!

[lovesong]

Lovesong I disagree w/ some of your points, i agree with some

Look at the pathetic lot of guys who are surrounding them or leering at them.

VERY TRUE. In the USA, a lot of guys supplicate (kiss ass/buy her dinner/nice guy/doormat) to women(especially to the beautiful women). Also, a lot of beautiful women get a lot of "looks" and get hit on a lot the wrong way (especially at bigger cities)

That's why the women are so closed off, b/c they get hit on so much(the wrong way)
most guys supplicate or kiss ass, which means you lose your power(unless you are very good looking or rich)

Now, what's the key?? MY ENERGY!

this is what they call "state". The biggest fallacy about "energy" or "state" is that, it doesn't always work. Some nights you are not in state, other nights you are. Yes, being in the right mood/energy will determine whether or not you get rejected/not, you can't always have good energy.

... even if you are feeling confident/in-state, that doesn't mean you will f**k the girl. I've had good energy in the past and i've gotten rejected before... Or a woman would chit chat with me then eventually leave and say (nice to meet you). That doesn't necessarily lead to sex. EVEN IF I GET A GIRLS NUMBER, most women(especially the beautiful ones) flake out on me.

Oh, by the way, I'm asian, not tall at all, so don't give me that lame excuse of race or looks. Change your life and perspective now! Otherwise, you really are living a sad existence.

again, it depends what kind of women you approach, and how desirable they are. A 22 year old blonde hair attractive thin woman probably has a shitload of options, and even if you have a fun/playful vibe, if she sees you as "not her type" she will just be polite and eventually dismiss you. However, a woman who has less options, average looking, and havn't had dick in a long time will probably give you a chance.

Hey Sexter,

I hear ya in regards to "state". When I think about some of the times I've failed miserably, it was due to me not having a positive energy or not having enough energy to lead the girl. This is where we as guys, or people in general, have to continue to improve ourselves. Whether it be our diet, our lifestyle, exercise, living our passions, hobbies, career, etc. I know for myself, when I have been on vacation, I've been okay financially, would be in good shape and be playing music and thus found I had limitless energy. But when I was barely paying the bills, driving a lot and stressing out over something, would find it very difficult to meet women. But it's something that's in our control.

As for a 22 year old blonde girl, I actually went out with one who was German and she wanted me to come back with her to Thailand where she worked. Now, I met her in Asia so perhaps her attitude was different than one who's from Texas or Cali, but that shouldn't faze me. If your internal is internal is strong, the external should have no effect on your inner view of yourself. Hell, 99 blond girls could shoot you down, but if one of them said yes, it would all be worthwhile. Trust me on this one guys. For all the shoot downs, the times you're successful is like no high you have ever felt before. You truly feel alive.

[lovesong]

Read this article and be free of your self imposed matrix.

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-girl- ... damn-date/

You're welcome

[lovesong]

Don't forget to read the comments below the article in the link written BY WOMEN.

[well-informed]

There we have it folks apparently the answer to AW is Energy..... sounds like recycled BS to me . You mean to tell me because you have a gf you're going to come into the forum like a Messiah and refer everyone here as losers. Get outta here, someone here had the guts to post that he couldn't find ONE decent girl after 5000 approaches. I admire the mental strength for Sexter to even keep approaching these broads.

Your response for Sexter to improve with women is more positive energy... really, really?
What good is energy when the average man isn't even being given a chance huh.

Look your advice sounds as useful as the PUA rhetoric that thrives so much here in the Anglo countries. I wonder why they never hold PUA Bootcamps in countries like Brazil or Colombia care to answer oh wise one?

[Sexter]

Hey Sexter,

I hear ya in regards to "state". When I think about some of the times I've failed miserably, it was due to me not having a positive energy or not having enough energy to lead the girl. This is where we as guys, or people in general, have to continue to improve ourselves.

agreed

very true. You can control your "state" or your "energy level" by core confidence such as (working out, traveling a lot, have a happy proactive lifestyle). However, if you cold approach on a daily basis, there are some days where you are "not in state"(lacking confidence).

As for a 22 year old blonde girl, I actually went out with one who was German and she wanted me to come back with her to Thailand where she worked.

again, she probably has less options compared to america. A thin, cute 22 year old blonde living in LA probably has a lot of options. More so than a blonde living in asian. Also, the environment play a big factor (it's not really socially accepted to approach women in USA compared to tourist locations or most asian locations) Due to her being in a different country, i'm sure the blonde you met in asia is there to meet people too... A blonde living in USA aren't really looking to meet new people outside of her social circle.

Hell, 99 blond girls could shoot you down, but if one of them said yes, it would all be worthwhile. Trust me on this one guys. For all the shoot downs, the times you're successful is like no high you have ever felt before. You truly feel alive.

your theory is good in paper but is it worth it? If you approach enough girls, you are bound to have someone to say yes to you.

However, in america, you literally have to approach a lot of women to get the results you want. Ask yourself this...

IS it worth hours just to get laid?

This is the reason why I agree with winston on going abroad. More girls will say "yes" to you because the culture of russia isn't anti-men and cliquey

[rome86]

i'd rather be in a country where i have tons of options ..

[jamesbond]

i'd rather be in a country where i have tons of options ..

Amen to that!

[C.J.]

ENERGY...sounds interesting! But let's not get into the supernatural... most are not comfortable with that.

General fear of approaching these CUTE MEN IMO come from being raised around just females, and not having enough guidance from males. I see this all the time... I know one guy who was raised by women and he can't even approach or get far with girls, despite the fact that he's PRACTICALLY A CHICK MAGNET! He lacks the general guidance one would get a from a father figure. Once he actually got in the presence of REAL MAN, he started to grow some chest hair. He had a safehouse of knowledge and guidance he was freely giving away. And to top it off, a ton of encouragement and belief in people he thought were worthy. Real men, an endangered species in this country.

But as far as America's concerned, you're only gonna get women if you're as messed up as they are. I tried my best to get women in this hellhole of a country, but the problem is they've been relegated to CUTE MAN status. They act JUST like MEN, accept they have perky bewbs and you get mile highs looking at them, fantasizing about them, a little crazier, etc.

I don't know, something's in the water, they've been given too much independence, they're possessed by demonic entities etc. But American women are MESSED. UP. The thinking processes that go on in these creatures is mind-boggling and quite dangerous. I have a ton of them in my family, so I know how to deal with them.

I wouldn't ever suggest hooking up with a AW, even if she was into you. IT'S A TRAP!

[keius]

AND LISTEN TO THIS!!!!

MY CURRENT GIRLFRIEND IN HER OWN WORDS WILL TALK ABOUT "LOSERS" WHO EITHER LOOK AT HER LIKE A WEIRDO AND NOT SAY SHIT OR PRETEND TO BE HER FRIEND WHEN SHE KNOWS IN A SECOND (IN A SECOND) THAT A GUY IS BEING FAKE CUZ HE'S ATTRACTED TO HER BUT DOESN'T SAY SHIT.

And what kind of putdown would she go for if those "losers" actually approached her? Most AW can be very vicious. DON'T buy into their warped perspective. Gotta be open minded here.

A lot of guys look at girls to evaluate whether or not they are worth the trouble/hassle. Many guys get friendly to...get this...evaluate whether or not they are worth the trouble. Worst thing is for a guy to hit on a gal just to go on a date and find out she's a psycho bitch. It's happened before.... Not to mention, scoping out whether or not the gal is already attached to someone else (in a relationship)...looking for a wedding ring or signs of commitment.

Also, with AW, if a guy just walks up to a women and hits on her, smooth or not.... most AW look at the guy like he's crazy. I just saw this 2 weeks ago at a mall. Attractive woman started swing her head left and right, looking for other people. She looked relieved when she saw a security guard around the corner. I didn't wait to see what happened. Most AW don't like being approached at, supermarkets, stores, restaurants, etc. (unless you're a really hot guy of course) The PUA's who say differently are full of BS.

Personally, i don't think there's anything wrong with staring. When a really hot, dolled up woman walks by, especially if she's leggy, I like to look (only look, as i'm married. Wife has no problems with looking.). I'm not ashamed to admit it. Women shouldn't be pissed about this. That's why they dress all sexy in the first place. To get attention. To look hot. To make themselves feel good. Whatever. They should feel GOOD about the admiring looks they get from men. WTF was the point of looking good in the first place? So they can complain about the men ogling them????

[jamesbond]

Also, with AW, if a guy just walks up to a women and hits on her, smooth or not.... most AW look at the guy like he's crazy. I just saw this 2 weeks ago at a mall. Attractive woman started swing her head left and right, looking for other people. She looked relieved when she saw a security guard around the corner. I didn't wait to see what happened. Most AW don't like being approached at, supermarkets, stores, restaurants, etc. (unless you're a really hot guy of course) The PUA's who say differently are full of BS.

This has happened to Winston and Ladislav along with a lot of other guys on this forum. You strike up a conversation with a woman at a book store or grocery store and she looks at you like you are crazy!

In anglo countries you are not supposed to talk to strangers. You need to rely on your friends to introduce you to people, or try to meet people at bars and clubs.

[S_Parc]

This has happened to Winston and Ladislav along with a lot of other guys on this forum. You strike up a conversation with a woman at a book store or grocery store and she looks at you like you are crazy!

That's because they can't converse. And when they hit the ~5 min threshold, they freak out and think, 'OMG! This guy is hitting on me !'

I've always had a 5 min rule with that. I introduce a topic, spend 3-5 mins on it. If the person in question is confused, not interesting, or is having an emotional or even non-emotional response, I make up an excuse and leave the conversation. Then, if I run into this person again, they usually then play hard to get (but start the game with a near flirtatious one liner as a hook/link/sinker) because I was challenge at first. It's quite trite now and after 10 years of it, been there done that AWs are boring.

[Iawesome60]

I think a forum member typed what I'm going to type before. Another reason why men are afraid of approaching women is because of their interactions with women in the past. Men can get rejected consecutive times, they've been rejected in harsh ways, women treated them the wrong way, and etcetera. These things can take a toll on a man's mind. I'll give examples of situations men can go through.

-Women could embarrass a man while rejecting him
-Women could make fun of a man (the way he dances, the way he talks, the clothes he wears, his teeth, his glasses, and etcetera). The names women in America call men are extremely cruel (geek, nerd, creepy, and etcetera)
-Women could lead men on by saying they're taken (when they're not), give fake phone numbers, give numbers and no responding, initiate sex and not want it, want men because of the money and etcetera.
-Women could act hostile towards men
-Etcetera

I'm nice to women. When a woman tries to seduce me and she isn't my type, I'm polite. I don't talk about the way they look, I don't play games and I don't act hostile. I don't do mean things to women because I wouldn't want women doing those things to me. One woman tried to seduce me by giving me a letter and a picture. I politely rejected her and I didn't throw away her note and her picture. Even though this occurred weeks ago, I still have her note and picture.

Men and women have feelings. We need to respect them.