Honest Opinion - Am I f***ed?

[Fenix]

Everyone that has talked to me or has read some of my posts about my life know how deeply passionate I am about my atheism, not getting married and not having any children. I turn 27 this year and I feel a little guilt. Many women want to have children. I have met some that don't want any. My best friend, she is married to some asswipe I don't like. If she didn't move to another state, we would be together. She was atheist and doesn't want kids. I met her on MySpace and then met her in person. That's the only way I can meet women like that. That is why I want to move to Scandinavia, particularly Denmark. Marriage is not a big issue. Maybe I will find a cool girl and pretend I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Cool. However, forcing myself to have kids? I don't think so. It's like your parents want grandchildren. Family members asking you how come you don't have any kids by now. You get tired of hearing all of the bullshit about kids. It's retarded guilt. Then you are like, "Yeah! Maybe I should find someone and start making babies!"

Honest opinion: I am f***ed with regards to finding a woman that doesn't want to be a mom? I mean, this is getting to me. I don't want kids. I am usually the type of person that makes a decision and I know it is final. I usually don't change my mind. I am content with not having kids. Do not want to be a father. I just feel I have no reason to be one. Maybe it is because of my biological dad leaving me and I haven't seen him since 1993. Or how American society or young kids today are so f***ed up and I don't want my kid being like that even though you raised your kid and taught them everything. You can't really control another person. They are going to do what they are going to do. I know I don't want to be a father.

I believe I f***ed myself from finding a girlfriend or "wife." I have pretty much eliminated South America from my destinations (besides flings). Women in South America are the most family oriented. The Philippines is not even on my top 100 destinations. I would go to the UK before I go there. You probably know why. Why am I making a thread about this subject? I go on Mark Edward Davis' website almost daily and I hear all of the stories and see his videos of how the women in Ukraine want family oriented men or I hear stories of women around the world that want family oriented men. That's just not me. I love kids, but they are not for me. I am good with kids. I worked at an elementary school in high school and all of the kids loved me. They wanted me to do things for them and all of that.

Anyway, this has really got me thinking. It's one thing to get married, it is plausible. It's one thing to move to a country that is liberal with regards to atheists. There's a different story when you are dealing with kids. I know most of Europe is liberal, but I am afraid I might meet a Danish girl and she wants to have a kid. It is possible.

Maybe I am overanalyzing this? I am content with moving to Denmark or Sweden. That's not the issue. It's just the kid thing. The Danish women I talked to don't want kids, but that doesn't mean the other ones I meet in Denmark are the same way.

Please give your honest opinion. I want to know if I f***ed myself on no kids or not. 86% of Danes are atheists and 89% of Swedes are atheists. Usually when you don't believe in a deity or God, you do not want marriage or children. We'll see if this is true!

[Rock]

Everyone that has talked to me or has read some of my posts about my life know how deeply passionate I am about my atheism, not getting married and not having any children. I turn 27 this year and I feel a little guilt. Many women want to have children. I have met some that don't want any. My best friend, she is married to some asswipe I don't like. If she didn't move to another state, we would be together. She was atheist and doesn't want kids. I met her on MySpace and then met her in person. That's the only way I can meet women like that. That is why I want to move to Scandinavia, particularly Denmark. Marriage is not a big issue. Maybe I will find a cool girl and pretend I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Cool. However, forcing myself to have kids? I don't think so. It's like your parents want grandchildren. Family members asking you how come you don't have any kids by now. You get tired of hearing all of the bullshit about kids. It's retarded guilt. Then you are like, "Yeah! Maybe I should find someone and start making babies!"

Honest opinion: I am f***ed with regards to finding a woman that doesn't want to be a mom? I mean, this is getting to me. I don't want kids. I am usually the type of person that makes a decision and I know it is final. I usually don't change my mind. I am content with not having kids. Do not want to be a father. I just feel I have no reason to be one. Maybe it is because of my biological dad leaving me and I haven't seen him since 1993. Or how American society or young kids today are so f***ed up and I don't want my kid being like that even though you raised your kid and taught them everything. You can't really control another person. They are going to do what they are going to do. I know I don't want to be a father.

I believe I f***ed myself from finding a girlfriend or "wife." I have pretty much eliminated South America from my destinations (besides flings). Women in South America are the most family oriented. The Philippines is not even on my top 100 destinations. I would go to the UK before I go there. You probably know why. Why am I making a thread about this subject? I go on Mark Edward Davis' website almost daily and I hear all of the stories and see his videos of how the women in Ukraine want family oriented men or I hear stories of women around the world that want family oriented men. That's just not me. I love kids, but they are not for me. I am good with kids. I worked at an elementary school in high school and all of the kids loved me. They wanted me to do things for them and all of that.

Anyway, this has really got me thinking. It's one thing to get married, it is plausible. It's one thing to move to a country that is liberal with regards to atheists. There's a different story when you are dealing with kids. I know most of Europe is liberal, but I am afraid I might meet a Danish girl and she wants to have a kid. It is possible.

Maybe I am overanalyzing this? I am content with moving to Denmark or Sweden. That's not the issue. It's just the kid thing. The Danish women I talked to don't want kids, but that doesn't mean the other ones I meet in Denmark are the same way.

Please give your honest opinion. I want to know if I f***ed myself on no kids or not. 86% of Danes are atheists and 89% of Swedes are atheists. Usually when you don't believe in a deity or God, you do not want marriage or children. We'll see if this is true!

As I know, Scandinavia has a very high percentage of single/unmarried mothers, I mean something like over 70% in some places. I don't know off the bat what fertility rates there are but I suspect they are not too high. So it sounds like a lot of women are not getting married at least but not so sure how many are foregoing motherhood. If Scandinavia is your choice to find a wife, I think your best strategy would be to use the 'no kids for life' requirement as an upfront filter. You will surely scare away a lot of prospects. But a small subset will probably be open to that condition and there's where you should concentrate your focus. If you date around and only bring-it up much later, you may have developed feelings for the wrong girl making it very difficult to part. In fact, if you fall too much in love, you may even compromise your principle by giving in to have a kid in order not to loose her. Be upfront from day 1 to avoid that risk.

Another area you might consider is NE Asia. I think I know why you have written-off the PI (its cus most of the girls there are very short and plain to butt ugly, right?). But Taiwan is completely different. There are plenty of stunners with real bodies in better areas of Taipei who I would say could even give Russians or Ukrainians a run for their money. And Taiwan, like the rest of developed NE Asia has the lowest fertility rates on the planet. So apparently, lot of people are not having children. Young people here often follow Daoist and Buddist traditions, but usually just at a superficial level. I would not consider most people here at all religious. Perhaps superstitious would be a more fitting term. Of the last 6 girls I dated seriously here, I believe at least 4 of them would have agreed to remain with me permanently and never have children.

[djfourmoney]

Its simple and your not f***ed PS, you're just playing in the wrong park.

What you desire is basically apart of the Jet Set Culture. These are people generally too rich and too busy to be bothered by domestic issues like raising children and maintaining a home. If they have children/home they have enough money for somebody else to take care of those issues.

That's where you need to be. That is not the mainstream of the general world population where people want what many other people want, which is families, marriage and children. If you want to hang out in mainstream circles its going to be a uphill climb.

The only mainstream pool you should be fishing in and I'm sorry but that's the reality, is woman over 40 or seeking women who already know they can't have children. There are more woman than you think out there that don't want to have children or can't have them. But those types of women are usually career driven, so you need to be where they are. I know your a freelance writer but then you don't want a license and don't want to drive. You need outward appearances of either success, wealth or that you at least make some money when your freelance pursuits.

Even if women don't want to have children or apart of any religion, c'mon dude there are also many things women in these positions won't accept unless you run into some bohemian broad who likes to live outside the box so to speak. A majority of women will want you to earn some type of income, at least enough to say "okay we don't have kids, so we can have nicer things that don't need to be kid proof" = $$$$ Nicer cars, unless you want to live in NYC which you can more effectively use the I don't have a car excuse.

I say don't do thing that will make you unhappy. But at the same time, you're going to have to revisit some of your rhetoric. If you don't want kids and you don't like organized religion, then shop where those women exist usually heavily career minded women.

About Scandinavia I wouldn't put too much stock into finding some country that is a haven of woman that want what you want. That's very unlikely and also they recently passed a law that all immigrants must have $30,000 available in some type of account that can be accessed easily. If you had $30K somewhere in an account we likely wouldn't be having this discussion, you would likely have some sort of girlfriend that found it difficult to find a man that accepted her pursuit of career achievement and like you didn't want to have kids.

I have my reservations about religion and when called out, I voice those opinions at times. But generally religion should be private, its the Religious Minority Right Wing that wants our Government run by Conservatives and Religious values, returning humanity back to before the enlightenment. As I have said before, keep it to yourself that you don't believe in organized religion, it causes less friction especially in a country founded on religion like the United States. Europe is not any less holy, it is however correctly very secular after all prostitution is legal or tolerated in most countries even with high membership in the Catholic Church.

In closing you should be chasing career minded, college educated women. I honestly don't see how you do that from a materialist Western Culture perspective with a Freelance Writing Job and no outward appearances of success.

[Truthville]

I don't think that you are "f***ed" Phoenix as much as you seem to be quite rigid about what you want and what you don't want. Nothing wrong with that, I'm the same way. However, sometimes I find, at least in my life, I am willing to bend a little in order to find happiness. Compromise can lead to happiness, BUT it also can lead to Hell. It's often a tricky path. I tend to bend a little on the things I can bend on, and stand fast on the things I can't. I won't lie and say that I haven't done too much "bending" in relationships and have been burned for it, BUT those experiences actually allowed me to define what I should bend on and what I shouldn't bend on. Experience is always the best teacher. Am I making sense?

Everybody SHOULD know their own mind, of course, but you might be surprised at how your views/wants/expectations change as you live your life. I am different person now, in some ways, then I was at your age. My views have changed quite a bit. But the core of who I am hasn't. In fact, it's actually gotten stronger and MORE defined. Some of that is due to being able to figure out what is REALLY important to me and my life and what's not. Trimming away the fat, so to speak.

For instance, you state you only want to date an atheist like yourself, BUT what if you met a women you were totally "in" to whom attended church once and awhile AND didn't expect you to join her? IF she respected you being an atheist, would it be impossible for you to respect her "beliefs?"

Marriage? The only reason I'm not married, and I do believe in it, is because I never met a person I couldn't do without. Someone whom actually takes marriage SERIOUSLY. It' s the same with kids. I would LOVE to have children BUT the woman I've dated were NOT mother material IMHO, even though some of them have kids now.

The best you can do, about your wants and needs, is be upfront as djformoney said, and perhaps look a little closer at other countries as Rock mentioned.

My advice, if you want it, is to just continue doing what you are doing and being whom you are. Don't beat yourself up so much. BUT every once and awhile, or more often, re-examine your beliefs and wants and your commitment to them. I believe our personal happiness is an evolving thing that CAN be redefined as our experiences grow, our minds expand, and our bodies age.

[skateboardstephen]

Its simple and your not f***ed PS, you're just playing in the wrong park.

What you desire is basically apart of the Jet Set Culture. These are people generally too rich and too busy to be bothered by domestic issues like raising children and maintaining a home. If they have children/home they have enough money for somebody else to take care of those issues.

That's where you need to be. That is not the mainstream of the general world population where people want what many other people want, which is families, marriage and children. If you want to hang out in mainstream circles its going to be a uphill climb.

The only mainstream pool you should be fishing in and I'm sorry but that's the reality, is woman over 40 or seeking women who already know they can't have children. There are more woman than you think out there that don't want to have children or can't have them. But those types of women are usually career driven, so you need to be where they are. I know your a freelance writer but then you don't want a license and don't want to drive. You need outward appearances of either success, wealth or that you at least make some money when your freelance pursuits.

Even if women don't want to have children or apart of any religion, c'mon dude there are also many things women in these positions won't accept unless you run into some bohemian broad who likes to live outside the box so to speak. A majority of women will want you to earn some type of income, at least enough to say "okay we don't have kids, so we can have nicer things that don't need to be kid proof" = $$$$ Nicer cars, unless you want to live in NYC which you can more effectively use the I don't have a car excuse.

I say don't do thing that will make you unhappy. But at the same time, you're going to have to revisit some of your rhetoric. If you don't want kids and you don't like organized religion, then shop where those women exist usually heavily career minded women.

About Scandinavia I wouldn't put too much stock into finding some country that is a haven of woman that want what you want. That's very unlikely and also they recently passed a law that all immigrants must have $30,000 available in some type of account that can be accessed easily. If you had $30K somewhere in an account we likely wouldn't be having this discussion, you would likely have some sort of girlfriend that found it difficult to find a man that accepted her pursuit of career achievement and like you didn't want to have kids.

I have my reservations about religion and when called out, I voice those opinions at times. But generally religion should be private, its the Religious Minority Right Wing that wants our Government run by Conservatives and Religious values, returning humanity back to before the enlightenment. As I have said before, keep it to yourself that you don't believe in organized religion, it causes less friction especially in a country founded on religion like the United States. Europe is not any less holy, it is however correctly very secular after all prostitution is legal or tolerated in most countries even with high membership in the Catholic Church.

In closing you should be chasing career minded, college educated women. I honestly don't see how you do that from a materialist Western Culture perspective with a Freelance Writing Job and no outward appearances of success.

elaborate a little more on this law they just passed about the 30k

[Fenix]

@Rock

I don't want a wife. It's highly unlikely that I would get married. I just don't believe in marriage. The girl has to be special like her p***y is made out of cookies and cream ice cream, her ass feels like silk, her skin feels like satin or she can read my mind, something along those lines where she is that diamond in the rough, the hailey's comet; once in a lifetime woman. I just don't see it happening, but never say never.

The reasons why I do not want to go to the Philippines?

1. I love the female voice. I like women that sound feminine over the phone or in person. Kind of like what most white women sound like (not the bimbos or dykes). Filipinas sound like Yogi the Bear on LSD. I talked to Filipinas over the phone and I am not aroused. Yeah, I have a weird fetish for female voice, but you have to sound like a woman, not Darkwing Duck.

2. All the expats I have seen with FIlipinas look like shit. Many of them are 5 or below. I like Filpinas like Loni, Lily Thai, Teanna Kai, etc and I haven't seen many Filipinas that attract me. I was talking to this Filipina on Facebook from Miami and she looked like a white version of Tia Carrere. Most of the FIlipinas I see are busted in the face. I like women that are petite, but FIlipinas are uhh. I have seen these stunners lmao. I know this is bad, but the Filipinas I see in porn like Trike Patrol are what I like. It's funny though because American Filipinas look much better than Filipinas I have seen online. There was this American Idol contestant named Jasmine that was from the Philippines and she was the perfect example of the type of Filipina I like. I just don't see Filipinas like her.

3. Philippines is getting too overrated. I listened to Ladislav and Winston (pssh) and I had the obsession about the country around 2007-2008. I decided it wasn't the place for me. The horror stories about the country doesn't help.

4. I like women with intelligence or some type of sense. Filipinas have the charm I like in women like they look adorable, innocent and sweet. They pull that off quite well. If they only had a brain, scarecrow! This is why I like white women so much (intelligence). I can usually have an hour conversation on the phone with a white girl with no problem. With a Filipina? It has been difficult. I am usually good at making conversations, but it just wasn't there.

5. I liked the darker skinned Asians because they have the same skin type as Latinas, but over time, I have started to like Chinese and Japanese women much more. Japanese women look 2134567543 times better than Filipina and Thai. Thai women are overrated too. I don't find them attractive anymore.

6. The main reason why I won't go to the Philippines is because I don't want to go to a place where Americans are. I might as well stay in America. What's the point of me going to RP and I see Americans everywhere? I am different than most men on here. I don't want to be a part of an expat community. I will befriend expats, but that's it. I don't want to go to popular destinations where everyone is going. Setting yourself up for failure. I try to do things others haven't done or take risks. I don't find anything wrong with Scandinavian women. I don't see all of the hoopla about feminized women. All the Danish women I talked to since 2008 have been nothing but amazing. Nice, friendly, intelligent, sweet, young women. They don't act like American women. I talk to other European women in other countries men on HA won't even consider (like Sweden and Netherlands) and it's the same results. I let you guys have all the fun in Asia and I have mine in Europe.

7. Philippines is the default country for men. I don't like this. 200+ countries in the world and all the men flock to this country. I find it ridiculous. I have a list of countries written down that are far more interesting to me.

8. I actually want to live abroad. I don't like the visa requirements. I cannot become a permanent resident without marrying a FIlipina and I forgot the other option, but it has something to do with retirement and I am not retiring anytime soon unless I age in dog years. The countries I want to go to have better visa and residency requirements.

Rock, I do agree with you on SE Asia now. I like women with vanilla, French vanilla and honey skin tones. Basically, if you are have European or Latin look, you're in.

As far as the going to NE Asia thing: I just don' t think Asian women would like black men like they do white men. Asian women seem to worship white men. Listen to the way Ladislav talks about Filipinas. The only places where I see success for black men is Japan and China. Trust me, if Japanese wasn't so hard, I would be in Japan. I always liked Japanese culture. Asian women just like white men the most (by DEFAULT). I have never talked to Asian women in real life. I went to Anaheim, California in 2009 for Disneyland and Chinese women were everywhere. They were staring me down like I was their prey and they were predators. Maybe I would get the same effects moving to an Asian community? It happened in Arizona. As soon as I moved to Arizona, Latinas stuck to me like glue. I lived in Illinois and there weren't many Latinas living in my town, but Arizona? In abundance and I was getting the same attention from Latinas that I do with white women. I don't really see that effect with Asian women. I just always had reservations about Asian women. I find Asian women to be attractive. They are the body type I like the most (petite) and they are short. I don't mind the height, but the girl has to be petite in frame.

@djfourmoney

Elaborate on what you mean by outward appearance of success.

@Truthville

I agree with you and Rock. Be upfront about my intentions and keep to myself. Honesty is the best policy.

[djfourmoney]

Outward appearances of success -

Apartment, Condo or Home in an exclusive or expensive neighborhood.

With a wardrobe to match...

"Toys" (Boats, Motorcycles, Jet Skies, etc)

A car that cost more than 30K US, usually not an American Car.

Upper-Middle Class and Career Women notice these things. Also shoes, wow I almost forgot. Don't wear cheap dress shoes! A nice watch helps, TAG's are "affordable" to a point.

You don't have to have all these things, but since you don't want to drive a car for some reason, that money you save can be spent on a nice pad. As I said living in New York will give you cover if your talking about the US. Outside of the US, I doubt you would be deeply questioned about not having a car. Most women just don't play those types of games. You would be in the minority of expats that don't drive, but it wouldn't be strange by any means. A friend of mine in Germany lost her Jeep in a electrical fire on the side of the Autobahn one day. She took the insurance money and pocketed it. She rides her bike from her apartment to IC (Inner City) and goes to work every day that way. She also visited her friends that way down country. I haven't talked to her in awhile so she might have bought another one by now.

[Winston]

What do you think of the Czech Republic? I heard Czechs are mostly atheists.

Aren't there any dating sites for people who don't want children? Maybe you can ask the folks on the Child Free Life forums about it?

http://www.thechildfreelife.com

[LarryLaffer]

Honest opinion: I am f***ed with regards to finding a woman that doesn't want to be a mom? I mean, this is getting to me. I don't want kids.

I believe I f***ed myself from finding a girlfriend or "wife."

I really don't see why you would have a problem. I think it is smart of you to not have kids. Look at how upset Winston is by his mistake of having had a kid. Having a kid is like agreeing to be burdened with an immense responsibility for 20+ years. I don't think it is a rational choice unless you are so rich that you can pay someone else to take care of them.

Most women might want to have kids someday. However, there are many that don't and I don't think the fact that most women want kids necessarily would mean that you would have trouble finding a woman. You are just limiting yourself to the 20% (my guess) or so that really don't want to have a kid. As others have said, just be upfront about this. Don't think that you are going to change the opinion of the woman you are with. Just find a woman who already doesn't want to have a kid. If you find a woman who wants to have kids and stay with her because you like her anyway, that is a bad decision because it will later lead to conflicts. Imagine if she lied and said she was on birth control, and you had a kid without your permission. Think how terrible that would be. So definitely limit yourself to women who DON'T want to have kids.

I also don't see anything wrong with the Atheism thing. Even people who believe in God aren't necessarily that religious these days. I doubt being an Atheist will cause problems for you.

Maybe I am overanalyzing this? I am content with moving to Denmark or Sweden. That's not the issue. It's just the kid thing. The Danish women I talked to don't want kids, but that doesn't mean the other ones I meet in Denmark are the same way.

Please give your honest opinion. I want to know if I f***ed myself on no kids or not. 86% of Danes are atheists and 89% of Swedes are atheists. Usually when you don't believe in a deity or God, you do not want marriage or children. We'll see if this is true!

Denmark and Sweden both seem like very nice places to live. One of the concerns I have when moving abroad is safety both in terms of crime and government corruption. Both Denmark and Sweden rank low in both crime and corruption. However, one of the downsides is that the cost of living in those areas is high.

Denmark cost of living
http://www.numbeo.com/cost-of-living/ci ... rrency=USD

The cost to rent a 1 br apartment in the center of Copenhagen, Denmark is
Rent Per Month [Edit] Avg.
Apartment (1 bedroom) in City Centre 1,320.47 $

Compare that to Buenos Aires, Argentina
http://www.numbeo.com/cost-of-living/ci ... enos+Aires

Rent Per Month [Edit] Avg.
Apartment (1 bedroom) in City Centre 490.00 $

So Copenhagen is almost 2.5 times as expensive.

Also, look at Riga, Latvia
http://www.numbeo.com/cost-of-living/ci ... &city=Riga

Rent Per Month [Edit] Avg.
Apartment (1 bedroom) in City Centre 492.28 $

I see that you are a freelance writer. So that means you can work from anywhere you have an internet connection. So it really makes sense to move to a place with a low cost of living so you can maximize the advantage of the fact that you aren't tied to one place. You would be able to rent a much nicer apartment for a much lower price in many other countries.

Also, I really don't think your Atheism or the fact that you don't want kids is going to cause you problems anywhere except certain extremely religious areas. You would have a problem being an Atheist in Iran or Saudi Arabia. But elsewhere in the world I think you would be fine.

Maybe I am overanalyzing this?

Yes you are. You are also exaggerating the problem. You can probably find a woman who would accept your Atheism and your desire to not have kids in many different countries. You need not limit yourself to Denmark and its very high cost of living!