A question for those who are married to a foreigner?

[Capster78]

How did your friends and family react when you told them you were marrying a foreign woman? I am curious if others have had the same expirience I had when I made the announcement. My mom immediately went on defensive mode and told me in so many words to watch my wallet and she probably only wants a green card. When I told friends or others, I got kind of a dirty look. They either were thinking I wanted a maid, or thought I was only marrying one because I was not good enough to get an american woman... or both...

Just curious how many others have run in to this blatent racism I have expirienced...

[have2fly]

I can tell you - most people did run into the same problems. Another problem is that MOST American men would never consider marrying a foreign woman just because of those reactions they would get from other Americans once he brings her here.

Another one is overinflated sense of pride and entitlement that American men have. They would rather deal with fat dumb ugly American woman, but be proud that she is "American" and not some "stupid illiterate immigrant", although little does he know that many of foreign women that come to America have much better degrees than American women do.

[All_That_Is_Man]

What's so wrong with just not marrying in general?

[xiongmao]

Oh my mom thinks all Thai women are hookers, and maybe she thinks all Asian women are the same. My brother thinks all Asian women have cocks.

My friends think me dating a woman 12 years younger than myself is pretty heroic though - I guess at sometimes they'll ditch their Western wives and go Asian.

Oh, and my Chinese girl does have a degree, and she speaks better English than half the girls in my English town.

[***JP***]

You keep your head up and do what makes you happy. To AW is a slap to the face when an american man marries a foreigner because they are starting to realize that most men won't put up with their fat asses anymore. Basically they can't handle the fact that they lost and couldn't trap another sucker. I am marrying a foreigner too and to be honest it makes me proud to see the look on AW faces when they see they lost.

[fschmidt]

Those with an opinion were all against it. They all said the marriage wouldn't last. That was 21 years ago and I'm still married while my American friends who opposed the marriage and married Americans themselves are divorced.

[Capster78]

You keep your head up and do what makes you happy. To AW is a slap to the face when an american man marries a foreigner because they are starting to realize that most men won't put up with their fat asses anymore. Basically they can't handle the fact that they lost and couldn't trap another sucker. I am marrying a foreigner too and to be honest it makes me proud to see the look on AW faces when they see they lost.

I have noticed this as well. I do get the scoweled look from many of my friends wives after they hear I have married a filipina. Kind of like, "oh, your one of those guys", look. As if I had commited some form of crime against humanity. I have grown accustomed to it, and find it amusing now more than anything else. Then when they meet my wife, they see how wonderful she is, it makes me feel great! It's that initial reaction that angers me the most.

[S_Parc]

The only negative response I had, towards my prior Brazilian GF, was from the Femi-Nazis of Northampton MA/Smith College. Yes, they made both her and I feel like a cross product of criminals, human traffickers, & evil hetero-international stalkers.

As a result, I'll never stop in that town, off I-91, ever again. No sleep till Vermont

For the most part, the ordinary folks don't seem to care all that much and I've successfully weaved AWs out of my day to day life over time.

If someone harasses you, show 'em the middle finger

[***JP***]

Some women I know here hate the fact I'm marrying a lithuanian yet their ignorance goes as far as they don't even know where Lithuania is. I have even told them to buy the rarest book in america which is called an atlas and to read some history cause some even go as far as saying Lithuania is Russia. My personal satisfaction is when I get to see the look on their faces because most of them didn't give me the time of day and now that I am with a woman that is 10 times more beautiful and with a wonderful personality all of the sudden they try getting my attention. They will no longer get any attention from me and at the end of the year I will be moving to Lithuania to be with my woman. I honestly had enough of this ignorant and extremely shallow society so pretty much I'm out of here.

[Raja]

How did your friends and family react when you told them you were marrying a foreign woman? I am curious if others have had the same expirience I had when I made the announcement. My mom immediately went on defensive mode and told me in so many words to watch my wallet and she probably only wants a green card. When I told friends or others, I got kind of a dirty look. They either were thinking I wanted a maid, or thought I was only marrying one because I was not good enough to get an american woman... or both...

Just curious how many others have run in to this blatent racism I have expirienced...

Racism isn't the problem anymore, it is the first attitude that you wanted a sex slave/maid and that she is a green card hooker. Race only comes up because she is easier to identify at a distance before a Eastern European accent can be detected, if you are white. There is never any problem if she is perceived to be from the so-called First World. Given that the general society's impression will be negative your friends and family know you so they won't see you as the subject of special broadcast on the Oprah Network, unless you are the stereotypical sex tourist who brought home a living souvenir of his travels. However they still may see her as a green card hooker to your nice but unable to get a girl sap.

If that is a problem get out now. You can only change opinions one at a time and the negative thoughts will follow you until she reaches the grandmother generation.

[pete98146]

All of your problems will be solved IF you marry a gem. Yup, here is another one of my mini soap box lectures but if you are going thru the effort of marrying a girl from abroad, make sure and hit the ball out of the park. You, the western male, can afford to be choosy.

So assuming you do get married to a gem, your parents and friends will accept her VERY quickly. Need proof? When my parents call, the average phone call might last half an hour of which time I talk 5 minutes on the phone. My wife gets the other 25 minutes. That's how much they love her.

Choose wisely and it will NEVER be an issue. They'll want to know why you didn't do this 5 years earlier!!!!!!!

[Falcon]

I did too (girlfriend in my case, not wife). Since I'm still very young and am not considered unattractive, people don't think I'm trying to get a maid or can't get a woman in the U.S. But the blatant racism against her Mexican background is just abhorrent.

See viewtopic.php?t=12397 (Prejudice Against Foreign Girlfriend)

[momopi]

How did your friends and family react when you told them you were marrying a foreign woman? I am curious if others have had the same expirience I had when I made the announcement. My mom immediately went on defensive mode and told me in so many words to watch my wallet and she probably only wants a green card. When I told friends or others, I got kind of a dirty look. They either were thinking I wanted a maid, or thought I was only marrying one because I was not good enough to get an american woman... or both...
Just curious how many others have run in to this blatent racism I have expirienced...

The double standard here is if the girl is from a richer or higher socioeconomic status country, versus poorer country.

Few parents would say the girl is a green card hunter if she's from Tokyo or Paris.

[targetguy]

There are so many foreign marrages and black and white couples these days that marrying a foreigner is not a big deal to me. The ones with the biggest age differance may not last that long in my opinion and the ones that have a lot of similarities in loooks and hobbys seem to last the longest. There is cultural differances between us and say mexicans and a lot of the women value their culture and may not want to intermarry and then there are a few that dont care. 2 cents worth.

[ladislav]

Just curious how many others have run in to this blatent racism I have expirienced...

If you brought home Princess Diane would your friends and family be against such a FOREIGNER?

This is not racism, this is nationalism.

And economic at that. Say if you told your parents you were bringing home a Canadian girl or an Australian girl. Or a British or French or Swedish girl.

Or a Swiss girl. Watch the smiles, nods of approval and winks- right on man!

All those people listed above are foreigners, aren't they?

So why would most Americans approve or even encourage such unions? Because they are from countries which are as rich and which are white and which are not enemies of the US.

Now, if you marry someone from poorer or darker/other race countries or enemies of the US, then you will have a problem.

But before you start getting on your friends and hating American racism, keep it in perspective. Most countries are the same. No one likes poorer people, present or former enemies or those who are of a different religions or races that are seen as inferior. But the economic reasons are first and foremost.