The Myth and Fallacy of Social Skills (with Women)

[Winston]

Why is there this talk about "social skills" when it comes to meeting women? Social skills doesn't really apply unless the other person meets you halfway and is willing to engage you into conversation. Otherwise, it's a non-factor and a mere shaming tactic used by victim-blaming people.

Oprah is known to have the best social skills for example. She is engaging, personable, asks her guests good questions, is a good listener, is comfortable to be around, etc. But that's if her guest wants to talk to her. If they don't, then her social skills are a non-issue.

So why do some people act as though you can use social skills to break the ice and cold approach women who DON'T want to talk to you? It doesn't work that way.

Only if the girl is open to talking to you and giving you a chance, does it come into play. Otherwise, it's a non-factor.

Therefore, if every girls is antisocial or gives you the cold shoulder, it doesn't mean that you have no social skills. That's a myth and false assumption. You're either not her type, or she is anti-social, not in the mood, busy, or you are in an environment/culture where people don't like to talk to strangers.

Just wanted to clear that up. There are so many false assumptions out there, often used to blame the victim.

[WuFan]

Social skills are okay for making friends. However if you´re unattractive and have great social skills the attractive people may respect you, but they still won´t want to hang out with you in their free time.

This guy could be socially retarded with aspergers and women would initiate conversations with him and they´d compliment him on how he is such a great conversationalist and funny.

[green1976]

It's a lot better to have small social skills in a country where people, especially women, are open and friendly and not in a paranoia mode, compared to having amazing social skills in a place where everybody is in a defensive attitude.

Let's take a guy who will exhibit an approaching and smiling behavior, he will be automatically targeted as a weirdo or a perv.

Developing social skills in a country like the US is unnatural, this is why there's plenty of dating coach and personal development sessions.
Everything is fake without substance.

It doesn't take too long for a dude who's been rejected over time to become bitter, hateful and having a retreated attitude.

Take the same guy in a place where it's the opposite, where women like to flirt and are not rude, this same guy would have been rewarded and would have a girlfriend quite easily without being condemned to wank on porn or take his obvious suffering surfing the web looking for anybody in some ridiculous dating website full of scammers and hookers.

[DarrenFW]

Why is there this talk about "social skills" when it comes to meeting women? Social skills doesn't really apply unless the other person meets you halfway and is willing to engage you into conversation. Otherwise, it's a non-factor and a mere shaming tactic used by victim-blaming people.

Oprah is known to have the best social skills for example. She is engaging, personable, asks her guests good questions, is a good listener, is comfortable to be around, etc. But that's if her guest wants to talk to her. If they don't, then her social skills are a non-issue.

So why do some people act as though you can use social skills to break the ice and cold approach women who DON'T want to talk to you? It doesn't work that way.

Only if the girl is open to talking to you and giving you a chance, does it come into play. Otherwise, it's a non-factor.

Therefore, if every girls is antisocial or gives you the cold shoulder, it doesn't mean that you have no social skills. That's a myth and false assumption. You're either not her type, or she is anti-social, not in the mood, busy, or you are in an environment/culture where people don't like to talk to strangers.

Just wanted to clear that up. There are so many false assumptions out there, often used to blame the victim.

Well, exactly Winston. Quite often this is used in the place of good common sense. So instead of thinking, the guys automatically default to the 'Social Skills' explanation.
You get a woman, you have good social skills. If you don't, you have no social skill and thus we need to coach you.
And that of course means spending $$$.

[PeterAndrewNolan]

Well there is such a thing and being comfortable around women and being able to "chat them up" and having pleasant personal interactions with women. This does lead to more dating etc if that is what a man wants.

I was one with "good social skills" in general but "poor social skills" when it came to women. At school I figured if I leaned about women more I would be able to find a potential wife more easily. I had such good/poor social skills that the girls I went to school with considered me "like a brother" and so no further interest in me. I was lied to by my mum about how girls like "nice boys". Such is life!!

So I was a man who could walk into any situation, was a great public speaker even as a teen, and had what you would call "social skills" to die for. Consider I have been able to "fit in" to the local cultures all over Asia for work and made friends all over asia in my work. Not normal for an Australian white man. Most of my colleagues could not do the same.

But with women I was not "successful" because I was not a "bad boy" and I had no money as a "poor starving university student". Jennifer was a family friend so there was no "dating" involved.

Of course once "taken" I had zero reason to be anything other than "just a social friend" of women I met. Any attempt by a woman to chat me up made me very uncomfortable and, over time, I became very uncomfortable dealing with women in anything but a sort of detached business like manner. Further, the more beautiful a woman was in my eyes the more intimidated I was by her and the more uncomfortable I was around her.

When I was doing the Landmark Forum my coach picked up on this. That I was uptight and could not “beâ€￾ with women and the more beautiful the more up tight I was. So he gave me an assignment. I was to go on dates with the 10 most beautiful women I knew. And by “datesâ€￾ it was meant a lunch or dinner and platonic as I was married with children and loved my wife.

The first two women I asked were like pulling teeth. I did it so badly they actually laughed at me but were so pleased to be asked that they were very nice about my terrible performance. After a while word got around as to what I was doing and the women I knew were really interested to find out who I was going to ask out. After about 4 or 5 dates I was starting to settle down a bit and could relax more while with a beautiful woman.

By this time the women were almost in competition with each other as to who was going to make my list. A few even started flirting with me to angle for a date to be able to say they made my list. Some of there were very surprised to be asked.

After 10 such dates I was FAR more comfortable around beautiful women. It was a nice experience all up. I think it helped for when I divorced.

Nowadays I am so relaxed around women some of them are quite put out how their “charmsâ€￾ and efforts to attract my attention have so little effect on me.

Being alpha and being in a buyers market makes for a lot of confidence building. But I have to say I was a disaster trying to find a date early on after separation because the women on match.co.uk were all crazy. The woman I started dating seriously was very much like myself in cultural views so she was simple to talk to. No "social skills" needed.

[Ned Zeppelin]

Social skills are okay for making friends. However if you´re unattractive and have great social skills the attractive people may respect you, but they still won´t want to hang out with you in their free time.

This guy could be socially retarded with aspergers and women would initiate conversations with him and they´d compliment him on how he is such a great conversationalist and funny.

I would really like to know how many pictures of male models you have saved on your computer lol.

[boycottamericanwomen]

Social skills are okay for making friends. However if you´re unattractive and have great social skills the attractive people may respect you, but they still won´t want to hang out with you in their free time.

This guy could be socially retarded with aspergers and women would initiate conversations with him and they´d compliment him on how he is such a great conversationalist and funny.

I would really like to know how many pictures of male models you have saved on your computer lol.

LOL! Good question. Come on man, we all know you like wanking off to male model's pics.

[S_Parc]

[WuFan]

Social skills are okay for making friends. However if you´re unattractive and have great social skills the attractive people may respect you, but they still won´t want to hang out with you in their free time.

This guy could be socially retarded with aspergers and women would initiate conversations with him and they´d compliment him on how he is such a great conversationalist and funny.

I would really like to know how many pictures of male models you have saved on your computer lol.

Even women that have never seen him dream of that guy. He´s the reason why women reject guys in their league. They all hope to get f***ed bareback by him and get impregnated with his superior genes.

If you don´t look like this you are completely invisible to women. You´re basically Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense.

[davewe]

Social skills are okay for making friends. However if you´re unattractive and have great social skills the attractive people may respect you, but they still won´t want to hang out with you in their free time.

This guy could be socially retarded with aspergers and women would initiate conversations with him and they´d compliment him on how he is such a great conversationalist and funny.

I would really like to know how many pictures of male models you have saved on your computer lol.

Even women that have never seen him dream of that guy. He´s the reason why women reject guys in their league. They all hope to get f***ed bareback by him and get impregnated with his superior genes.

If you don´t look like this you are completely invisible to women. You´re basically Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense.

AW may be screwed up but even they realize this picture is a gay fantasy more than a female fantasy. I am worried that many Western men not only think that this is what they are supposed to look like but that they are helpless because they don't look this way. Is it any wonder that Western men are so confused. They are either supposed to look and act like this guy or look like "Ahnold."

Going abroad reminds you not only of what women are supposed to be like but what you as a man are supposed to be like. And it aint this picture!

[davewe]

It's a lot better to have small social skills in a country where people,especially women,are open,friendly,not in a paranoiac mode compared too have amazing social skills in a place where everybody is in a defensive attitude.

Let's take a guy who will exhibit an approaching and smiling behavior, he will be automatically targeted as a weirdo or a perv.

Developing social skills in a country like the US is unnatural,this is why there's plenty of dating coach and personal development sessions.
Everything is fake without substance.

It doesn't take too long for a dude who's been rejected over time to become bitter,hateful and having a retreated attitude.

Take the same guy in a place where it's the opposite,where women like to flirt and are not rude,this same guy would have been rewarded and would have a girlfriend quit easily without been condemned to wank on porn or take his obvious suffering surfing the web looking for anybody in some ridiculous dating website full of scammers and hookers.

Exactly! Having social skills in a culture where men are disrespected may be meaningless but having reasonable social and or communication skills in some of the 3rd world countries we are all fond of works wonders.

The problem is some men are so damaged by their unhealthy upbringing that they go to those countries and still have troubles cause they never learned how to relate to women as an actual man should.

[Billy]

no I think social skills are very important anytime and anywhere. It´s like being able to read the mind of the people. This is a clear advantage. It´s like you know in advance what will happen. You can create a big social circle through this. Don´t forget you also have a higher chance to know who you are.

[momopi]

http://www.succeedsocially.com/index.html

Savoir-faire will open doors and expand your social circle. If the person you're meeting is not interested in you, move on to the next person.

[FREEDOM1]

Winston , i could not agree with you more

you are spot on

In Australia, women expect you to do all the work and 'entertain' them and make them laugh

they just want to sit back and judge and asses- this is why i ignore them totally now

Awoman has to meet me half way, and willingly do so, if not i move on, i do not bow down to, kowtwo or kiss womens asses anymore. An why should i/we. I only treat women with respect if they show me respect, if they give me the cold shoulder or play hard to get, i do the same, i only want to have a relationship with a mentally stable, emotionally stable and mature women who wants a man and appreciates and respects him. Western women dont understand if they showed men abit more respect and good attitude, that they also would be treated even better. But they are so thick they cannot see this, im not sure if they are even capable of showing a man respect as they have been so thoroughly brainwashed and are damaged goods for life and poisonous for a man.

[PrisonerOfLife]

American men are told that they need to improve their social skills because frivolous American women reject them.

The term "social skill" means nothing to AW since they have men doing all the socializing for them without reciprocating it in any way. Any man who's been on a date and asked a woman 8 questions in a row (answered all by short-winded responses) and not have the female ask you a single question back knows exactly how the paradigm works.

It's similar to when people use the term "man up"; it's completely trivial because nobody can tell females to "woman up".