djfourmoney wrote:aozora13 wrote:90 Days? That is pretty soon. I am not even sure that a women that I talked to everyday and connect really well with over those months would want to tie the knot with me that quickly. I would say probably a year but 3 months is really short.
I have tried the IR websites. However, I am not sure if I am ugly (I have been loosing weight probably by late August I will be a good weight), write boring introductions, and/or the fact I am far away.
If I was able to find a nice European women in Germany (really tried) while I was in Vienna, I think possibly I could have stayed in the country.
Aozora several things here...
1) Are you absolutely sure about what you want? Do you convey that clearly?
What I want is marriage which means a confirmed, committed long term relationship. This is what MOST woman want. Some people around tend to forget that. They want to believe they are just out to rob you. I say it would be much easier to get you in a compromising position, put a gun to your head and demand all the access codes to your accounts... Alot less complicated, some men give too much credit to women...
You also aren't sure about having children. Most women want children, unless you make it a point to find another wishy-washy person you'll find that you being unsure about anything is problematic with women.
By putting financials at the top of the concerns list, you convey to women you worry about money issues. Not saying you need to be an enterprising soul to survive but if you feel you have the best chances to earn enough money to support a relationship then come to the US. Despite all the tails of woe around here, you can still do what you need to do and have an escape plan and most people unless you watch alot of media have no idea how dire the US situation is.
2) Why can't you seal the deal in 90 days and have a 6-9 month engagement? What in the world are you going to find out two or three years down the road? If you're shocked by something two or three years later that means you didn't ask enough questions in a matter that doesn't sound like an interrogation. One of the many things I agree with from Patti Stanger the Millionaire Matchmaker is not to turn a date into an interrogation or job interview. Most things will come out in the wash as they say, just listen to what she's saying. If you find something troubling confront her about it and don't think about "she'll be mad and withhold sex from me" that's unlikely to happen. If it does... Then I would drop her anyway because that means anything that would upset her would cause her to withhold sex from you = not good.
Any person with a high comfort level about any subject, meaning they don't believe your judgmental, will tell you all sorts of things. But honestly there are some things that should be left covered. For example you do really want to a woman to re-tell she was raped or something? If she is otherwise unaffected by it, its best left unsaid.
The truth of the matter is, there is no "standard" you should follow when it comes to love and commitment. It happens when it feels right, there is no time table and in that sense I would like the woman control when that happens. If she's ready to commit and you're decent at reading signals and body language, she'll let you know and when you pop the question you won't get an awkward response that you see and fear found on You Tube.
Its pretty obvious, when a woman starts talking about "We" constantly (without being prompted), that's is a pretty big hint.
Final Thoughts -
I can't predict how women react to you. While I have horrible luck inside America and frankly most of it is self-imposed: If I look long and hard enough I can likely find a woman here that accepts everything about me including where I live, no car and no job. Now with women overseas that automatically negates that argument to a certain degree until its established where you are going to live and shouldn't be discussed until you get to that point.
I am not sure why you had difficulty in Austria. I can say I don't find many profiles from native Austrian women looking for Black Men. I think people forget Austria was an Eastern Bloc country until the fall of the wall. It was accepted into the EU fairly quickly and is not what I would call a popular destination for Americans. When Americans think Europe, they think Paris and London firstly... Anyway I am not shocked the women that you actually connected with are in fact Germans.
You are not darker than some of the men I've seen on the success story part of the site, so I know that's not it. Now that your back in the US, I guess you can look for women overseas and since you have work experience in Europe its likely easier for you to get work once your a resident. You can become a resident on your own if you can find a job in the country you're in, its not hard. What I want is that EU passport, if a great woman comes with it, so be it but that's by far the EASIEST way to get one. We can exchange passports, she can get a US Passport as well. There are clear advantages to having BOTH.
By marrying a local give me residency. Are you concerned some morons on here would poo-poo that because you're not "Going Your Own Way" and you are somewhat dependent on the woman to give you residency? For me I have no moral problems with that because I wanted to marry a European woman anyway. I don't openly talk about these things with woman anyway, besides Why would an American be looking for residency status???? Don't we live in the greatest country on earth????
So again, 90 days to lock her in is plenty of time. Mark found Anna first trip, married her roughly a year after they met but that's because of INS and not them so much, she knew right away. This is not impossible and frankly only Anglo culture woman want to play games because the are encouraged to do so by the media...
