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Why wasn't I liked in school? What did I do wrong?

Discuss personal development, self-improvement and psychology.

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Winston
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Post by Winston » March 29th, 2012, 4:09 am

Sorry but that's a narrow view. Our past makes up who we are. That's a fact. I just want a logical explanation for bizarro things that never made any sense. That's all.

Understanding our past helps us understand who we are.

If everyone followed your logic, there would be no history taught in school and no History Channel either, because according to you, the past isn't important or worth discussing.
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ph_visitor
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Post by ph_visitor » March 29th, 2012, 5:41 am

Winston wrote:Sorry but that's a narrow view. Our past makes up who we are. That's a fact. I just want a logical explanation for bizarro things that never made any sense. That's all.

Understanding our past helps us understand who we are.

If everyone followed your logic, there would be no history taught in school and no History Channel either, because according to you, the past isn't important or worth discussing.
Whenever someone points out something to you that you disagree with, you use the fallacy of 'that's a narrow/unenlightened view' to dismiss it without reason, logic, facts, or the experiences of others, such as myself, who have moved on.

You can leave it behind. That's a fact. If you believe that what occurred in the past will always be with you, then it will.

I can think of nothing more pathetic than a 'man' in his 40's who is still hung up on what happened in High School.

I can honestly say that no one I have ever met in my life, and I have met ten's of thousands of people in a very high people contact life, has EVER mentioned high school in their 40's and been concerned about the negative effect it has had on them.

Everyone else has moved on decades ago, Winston. They formulated adult personalities, took their lumps, set aside decades-old hurts and injuries and slights, and they moved on with their lives.

You should, as well.

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Winston
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Post by Winston » May 11th, 2012, 10:43 am

I've come to realize something.

In high school, social cliques are composed of zombies/slaves (obedient nerds who only care about grades and studying), a-holes (teens who act depraved, hostile and put others down to prop themselves up without regard for other's feelings) and fake people (pretty much everyone). This means that if you are a teen who is sincere, authentic, nice, down to earth, sane, rational and logical, you simply have no place or clique to fit into. Who ever heard of an "authentic/sincere/genuine/down to earth" clique in high school? lol Thus high school becomes the most lonely, invalidating and alienating existence, if you are authentic and sane.

Now since high school teens behave in a highly illogical manner - like insane emotionally immature raving beasts, the key problem is that a logical person cannot simply force himself at will to "act illogically" to fit in with others who are "acting illogically". To do so would be "illogical" and hence, ironically there is no "logical" solution to this "illogical" problem. lol

Likewise, a sane person cannot simply "act insane" to try to fit in, and an authentic person cannot just "act fake" to fit in. It just doesn't work that way. If you are rational, sane or highly conscious, you can't just lower yourself like that to fit in with others. That would not be in accord with what you are, and would be a form of de-evolution as well.

As a teen, I could never find a logical solution to the problem of how to "act illogically" to fit in with others who were "acting illogically". There simply is no place in school cliques for an authentic sincere down to earth rational teen. Where could I fit in? You can't just walk up to each clique and ask to join. It doesn't work that way. You either get invited into a clique because you know someone, or because they think you're cool, or you don't at all. Teachers don't assign cliques to students. There is no orderly system you can follow to figure out which clique you belong to. Students form cliques on their own in accord with "like attracts like". The main problem is that if you are authentic, sane and nice or down-to-earth, there is no group "like" you to attract you into.

This is the insanity and sad state of affairs in high school. And there is no logical solution to it.
Last edited by Winston on May 29th, 2012, 8:51 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Winston
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Post by Winston » May 11th, 2012, 10:45 am

ph_visitor wrote:
Winston wrote:Sorry but that's a narrow view. Our past makes up who we are. That's a fact. I just want a logical explanation for bizarro things that never made any sense. That's all.

Understanding our past helps us understand who we are.

If everyone followed your logic, there would be no history taught in school and no History Channel either, because according to you, the past isn't important or worth discussing.
Whenever someone points out something to you that you disagree with, you use the fallacy of 'that's a narrow/unenlightened view' to dismiss it without reason, logic, facts, or the experiences of others, such as myself, who have moved on.

You can leave it behind. That's a fact. If you believe that what occurred in the past will always be with you, then it will.

I can think of nothing more pathetic than a 'man' in his 40's who is still hung up on what happened in High School.

I can honestly say that no one I have ever met in my life, and I have met ten's of thousands of people in a very high people contact life, has EVER mentioned high school in their 40's and been concerned about the negative effect it has had on them.

Everyone else has moved on decades ago, Winston. They formulated adult personalities, took their lumps, set aside decades-old hurts and injuries and slights, and they moved on with their lives.

You should, as well.
I'm not in my 40's you fuckface. Why do you keep rounding up my age to try to use it against me? What an insecure bully you are! f**k you! Why don't you try being logical and accurate, instead of trying to portray me in the worst light possible by rounding up my age and exaggerating to make me look bad? That's not objective or helpful.

At least I don't hide behind another screen name and deny who you are - Globetrotter. You unhappy deceitful prick.
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Contrarian Expatriate
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Post by Contrarian Expatriate » May 11th, 2012, 12:50 pm

You likely were in the wrong school.

My experience was similar as a black kid in a suburban Catholic school. Do know that the few other black students were more brutal than the white kids, who I did not relate to either.

I managed to get myself dismissed from the school so I was put in a private school within the city boundries. The new school was diverse, friendly, and I became the cool new guy for my senior year.

The lesson is that no school is "one size fits all." If you would have been placed in a school with other kids of your disposition, you may have flourished socially.

Let that baggage go. It was not you; it was the environment that was a poor match.

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Post by krnshorty213 » May 20th, 2012, 3:02 am

i was hated on by other koreans because i was bisexual growing up. didn't hang with koreans. didn't talk in korean. i hung out with mostly blacks,mexicans, n whites. didn't give two shits for asians. in ways they are all about sticking to themselves so dumb. talking shit like always.

and plus i was a big rebel :) i was LOVED in the baddest way <3 but i was popular in many dope ways also.
Korean shorty. To live and die in LA.

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Post by Someone » June 16th, 2012, 10:03 pm

In response to your question "What did I do wrong?" the answer is likely simple: it has to do with looks. You did not have the looks necessary to fit into the mainstream popular cliques. To some extent this is true of all societies around the globe. Good-looking people receive more attention than less attractive ones.

But America introduces additional cultural constraints you must satisfy. Height for males is far more important than in other places and so is a nice smile with two rows of straight white teeth. Culturally, it's important to be friendly and extroverted rather than honest or intelligent. But the first test is looks and this is where most of the problems lie. Actually, one of the members on this forum ("WuFan") constantly hones in on this topic.

Cliquishness is a huge problem. It's much different in collectivist/socialist countries where there's a sense of community. But America is a "rugged-individualism" country and people form alliances here based on cliques rather than an inclusive community that takes care of everyone.

Intelligence/IQ is another huge problem, people in America are by and large dumb and have lower IQ than in other countries, they don't travel a lot and are sheltered and isolated. In Europe, the average person is more intelligent, it's as simple as that. Lack of intelligent people -- and the resulting soap-opera lifestyle, of which Facebook is just one example -- is another huge issue many of us have to face in the US, who would prefer to deal with more intelligent, normal people.

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Post by jamesbond » June 17th, 2012, 4:15 pm

Someone wrote:In response to your question "What did I do wrong?" the answer is likely simple: it has to do with looks. You did not have the looks necessary to fit into the mainstream popular cliques. To some extent this is true of all societies around the globe. Good-looking people receive more attention than less attractive ones.

But America introduces additional cultural constraints you must satisfy. Height for males is far more important than in other places and so is a nice smile with two rows of straight white teeth. Culturally, it's important to be friendly and extroverted rather than honest or intelligent. But the first test is looks and this is where most of the problems lie. Actually, one of the members on this forum ("WuFan") constantly hones in on this topic.

Cliquishness is a huge problem. It's much different in collectivist/socialist countries where there's a sense of community. But America is a "rugged-individualism" country and people form alliances here based on cliques rather than an inclusive community that takes care of everyone.

Intelligence/IQ is another huge problem, people in America are by and large dumb and have lower IQ than in other countries, they don't travel a lot and are sheltered and isolated. In Europe, the average person is more intelligent, it's as simple as that. Lack of intelligent people -- and the resulting soap-opera lifestyle, of which Facebook is just one example -- is another huge issue many of us have to face in the US, who would prefer to deal with more intelligent, normal people.
This is very well put! Your right about the ridiculous "cliquishness" of Americans, especially in high school. I was just thinking about this today as a matter of fact. The kids in my high school basically fitted into 3 categories, the nerds, the jocks and the kids who were neither nerds or jocks.

I was part of the group that was neither a nerd or a jock. I wasn't super smart in high school, got average grades (my grades were a lot better in college, all A's and B's in college). So, I had no social group in high school. Didn't go to any dances, only had 4 dates, no girlfriends and only a few friends.

Things improved dramatically when I went away to college. I did not sense the cliquishness in college like I witnessed in high school. I was more free to be myself in college. I had a few girlfriends in college and made lot's of friends. This was a far cry from the way things were in high school.

I wouldn't go back to my high school reunion if someone paid me to. I have no desire to see those people ever again, I don't keep in touch with any of them either.
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"

"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."

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Post by Someone » June 17th, 2012, 6:54 pm

Yeah, same here. I think it's very common.

But I want to ask Winston, has life gotten better for you at all as you've gotten older? Are you able to get more women now, and command more social respect and attention from people, now that you're older?

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Winston
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Post by Winston » June 17th, 2012, 7:38 pm

Someone wrote:In response to your question "What did I do wrong?" the answer is likely simple: it has to do with looks. You did not have the looks necessary to fit into the mainstream popular cliques. To some extent this is true of all societies around the globe. Good-looking people receive more attention than less attractive ones.

But America introduces additional cultural constraints you must satisfy. Height for males is far more important than in other places and so is a nice smile with two rows of straight white teeth. Culturally, it's important to be friendly and extroverted rather than honest or intelligent. But the first test is looks and this is where most of the problems lie. Actually, one of the members on this forum ("WuFan") constantly hones in on this topic.

Cliquishness is a huge problem. It's much different in collectivist/socialist countries where there's a sense of community. But America is a "rugged-individualism" country and people form alliances here based on cliques rather than an inclusive community that takes care of everyone.

Intelligence/IQ is another huge problem, people in America are by and large dumb and have lower IQ than in other countries, they don't travel a lot and are sheltered and isolated. In Europe, the average person is more intelligent, it's as simple as that. Lack of intelligent people -- and the resulting soap-opera lifestyle, of which Facebook is just one example -- is another huge issue many of us have to face in the US, who would prefer to deal with more intelligent, normal people.
But I didn't fit in with the ugly nerdy kids either. I simply didn't fit in period. And didn't know how to.

In Junior High and Freshman year of High School, I was already 5ft6 and fairly tall compared to other guys my age. I was the same height as I am now when I was 13 and 14, so I was not short at all.
Yeah, same here. I think it's very common.

But I want to ask Winston, has life gotten better for you at all as you've gotten older? Are you able to get more women now, and command more social respect and attention from people, now that you're older?
Yes and no. It depends on location. I'm wiser and more confident now, but more importantly, free of the prison environment and persecution of school. But of course, the older you get, the less women become available to you. But it all depends on location. I can't get any real dates in the USA or Taiwan, but I can in other countries. It all depends on location. I'm like two different people in two different countries - in one I feel worthless and unwanted, and in another, I'm desired and valued.
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Post by Someone » June 18th, 2012, 2:24 am

The bloggers below claim that a lot of dating opportunities open up for men after 35. According to them, mid-30s are a demarcation point where suddenly there's a lot more single women around and the ratio tilts in men's favor. Care to comment? This is contrary to what you're saying, which is that you're still having trouble getting dates. Their claim is, the older you get, the more women there are available to you.

http://www.the-spearhead.com/2011/05/03 ... e-changes/

http://theprivateman.wordpress.com/2011 ... n-sort-of/

Your thoughts/experiences?

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Re: why don't I fit in anywhere?

Post by ILoveBlackAmericanWomen » February 20th, 2013, 11:48 pm

Winston wrote:
Jackal wrote:
Winston wrote:I have a question I'm wondering about.

Why do I not really fit anywhere? I mean, I am sane, honest, authentic, coherent, nice, friendly, open, sociable, communicative, etc. so what logical reason could there be for me not fitting in anywhere?

Is it because ALL groups and cultures are fake to some extent? Is that why? Or am I missing something here?

Or is it because people who think outside the box can never fit in anywhere or conform to anything, hence they are misfits everywhere?

Any ideas?
I think you didn't fit in because you didn't put the same amount of effort into conforming as your classmates did. You were standing back and using your brain and thinking, "Hmm, this is stupid. Why should I bother conforming to such a stupid system?" Whereas your classmates would answer, "OF COURSE you have to work hard to conform! It's the MOST IMPORTANT part of American life! Without doing so, you will be an OUTCAST!"
Actually, I was a conformist in my teens and twenties. I tried to conform. But for some reason, I never felt accepted. I badly wanted to be liked. But people just sensed that I was different, or that they didn't want me as part of their group. I don't know why. Something was just out of balance. Perhaps it was subconscious.

Maybe I kept seeing myself as a failure cause reality didn't match up to the "party lifestyle easy to get laid" persona that I saw on TV, so because of that, I didn't feel accepted, since my standards weren't being met?
Winston it seems like you didn't accept and love yourself and you based your worth off how others viewed you and if people didn't view you in a good light then you didn't view yourself in a good light. Maybe you saw your peers as superiors that you must imitate but people in cliques and in crowds are no one to try to impress or get approval from.
To be white or black - is to not be a human, but a living definition and label. To be a slave to definition, to fashion, to the industries that market us like cattle, emptying our pockets like the udders of the cow, being paid to cut our bodies for cosmetics, benefiting off of putting harsh chemicals on our heads, making money off of us choosing to live and participate in the reality they created. Don't be "black", don't be "white", don''t be "Asian", don't be "Latin." Destroy the illusion, become human.

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Post by ILoveBlackAmericanWomen » February 20th, 2013, 11:50 pm

People in cliques and in crowds are all fraudulent people who would do anything to be accepted. They act like they are confident and happy but inside they have esteem issues. For example in my teen years ALL the kids would have the same shoes on which were white air forces. They would all say the same lingo "hey bro" even the girls would call each other bro.The girls all had red or black baby phat coats and the guys dressed similar to each other. There was absolutely no individuality. They always conformed to what everyone was doing. Now I find it odd that ALL teens in the neighborhood happen to like all the same things..they didn't..they were just a bunch of self conscious people wanting to fit in.
To be white or black - is to not be a human, but a living definition and label. To be a slave to definition, to fashion, to the industries that market us like cattle, emptying our pockets like the udders of the cow, being paid to cut our bodies for cosmetics, benefiting off of putting harsh chemicals on our heads, making money off of us choosing to live and participate in the reality they created. Don't be "black", don't be "white", don''t be "Asian", don't be "Latin." Destroy the illusion, become human.

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Re: why don't I fit in anywhere?

Post by Devil Dog » February 21st, 2013, 6:15 am

ILoveBlackAmericanWomen wrote:
Winston wrote:
Jackal wrote:
Winston wrote:I have a question I'm wondering about.

Why do I not really fit anywhere? I mean, I am sane, honest, authentic, coherent, nice, friendly, open, sociable, communicative, etc. so what logical reason could there be for me not fitting in anywhere?

Is it because ALL groups and cultures are fake to some extent? Is that why? Or am I missing something here?

Or is it because people who think outside the box can never fit in anywhere or conform to anything, hence they are misfits everywhere?

Any ideas?
I think you didn't fit in because you didn't put the same amount of effort into conforming as your classmates did. You were standing back and using your brain and thinking, "Hmm, this is stupid. Why should I bother conforming to such a stupid system?" Whereas your classmates would answer, "OF COURSE you have to work hard to conform! It's the MOST IMPORTANT part of American life! Without doing so, you will be an OUTCAST!"
Actually, I was a conformist in my teens and twenties. I tried to conform. But for some reason, I never felt accepted. I badly wanted to be liked. But people just sensed that I was different, or that they didn't want me as part of their group. I don't know why. Something was just out of balance. Perhaps it was subconscious.

Maybe I kept seeing myself as a failure cause reality didn't match up to the "party lifestyle easy to get laid" persona that I saw on TV, so because of that, I didn't feel accepted, since my standards weren't being met?
Winston it seems like you didn't accept and love yourself and you based your worth off how others viewed you and if people didn't view you in a good light then you didn't view yourself in a good light. Maybe you saw your peers as superiors that you must imitate but people in cliques and in crowds are no one to try to impress or get approval from.
^This. Don't worry about what happened in High School. It doesn't matter, just get over it. Intellectually examine it, then discard it.

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Post by Maker55 » March 18th, 2013, 2:18 am

God puts us through tough situations for us to "learn" something.

Pain is purification for the soul.

But that victim mentality that you're still keeping is going to keep you from living a fulfilling life.

You better figure it out soon, or you're going to die bitter and old.

You're afraid to see this through because it would force you to take a long hard look at yourself.

The more you energy you use on negative things, the more negative things you will attract.

Until you realize that YOU'RE the problem, you will never grow in a healthy manner.

I had to realize, my problems were MY FAULT.

I had to stop blaming western women, the government, my parents, my location, feminism, the illuminati ect.

You have an addiction to your problems, which is really no different than being addicted to alcohol.
You're where you're at in life because of your thoughts.

What you think about the most is what you will eventually manifest in your life.

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