Join John Adams, world renowned Intl Matchmaker, Monday nights 8:30 EST for Live Webcasts!
And check out Five Reasons why you should attend a FREE AFA Seminar! See locations and dates here.
View Active Topics View Your Posts Latest 100 Topics FAQ Topics Mobile Friendly Theme
Discuss and talk about any general topic.
13 posts • Page 1 of 1
I think this is what Steve Hoca has been talking about with his "True Forced Loneliness" movement
July 24, 2001
Stacie Sutton, 404-651-3576
For many, sexless lifestyle is not a choice
Involuntary celibacy contributes to depression and negative self-image
ATLANTA - For nuns and monks, celibacy is part of a divine spiritual path. But for many others, the lack of sexual intimacy is an embarrassing fact that affects their self-esteem and self-perception. For them, celibacy is not a choice.
"It's an interesting paradox, in a society that discusses sex so much, that we don't talk about this," said Denise Donnelly, a Georgia State University associate professor of sociology whose latest research on involuntary celibacy is published in the current issue of the Journal of Sex Research. "We preach abstinence to our high-school students, but at some point abstinence becomes deviant."
In a study of 82 people who identified themselves as involuntarily celibate, Donnelly and co-author Elisabeth Burgess concluded that unwanted abstinence often results from events that occur over a person's life. Most study participants felt their celibacy stems from a lack of sexual experiences at key transition points in adolescence, young adulthood or even in their adult lives.
The majority of respondents reported feeling as if opportunities had passed them by and their sexual development somehow had stalled in an earlier stage of life. Participants reported suffering from depression, and many celibates were dissatisfied, frustrated or angry about not having sexual relationships.
In the study, the researchers defined an involuntary celibate as a person who wanted to have sex but had been unable to find a willing partner at least six months prior to being surveyed. The researchers examined why respondents became celibate, how long they had been celibate and their feelings on celibacy.
The study was initiated in 1998, when a member of an online discussion group for involuntary celibates approached Donnelly about current research on the subject. Donnelly and Burgess began gathering data after finding that little information existed.
Participants in the study filled out a confidential questionnaire over e-mail or on a Web page. The questionnaire delved into demographic characteristics, as well as past sexual experiences, current relationships, sexuality and celibacy.
Since the data-gathering took place online, the majority of respondents had characteristics typical of people who have access to computers - young, male, white, well-educated individuals who hold professional jobs. Overall, 60 men and 22 women participated in the study, which included responses from heterosexuals, bisexuals, homosexuals and transsexuals.
Although the study's findings stem from a small sample population, Donnelly argues the findings are significant. "We may not have captured all the demographics, but we did capture the major issues for involuntary celibates," she said.
Respondents generally fell into three categories - virginal celibates, single celibates and partnered celibates. Virginal celibates were defined as people who had never had a sexual experience. Single celibates weren't in current relationships, but they had past sexual experience. Partnered celibates were either married or in long-term relationships but no longer had sex with their partners.
The researchers found that teen-age experiences with dating and sex played a significant role in virgin and single respondents' state of involuntary celibacy. The majority of virgins and singles never dated as teen-agers, and many of the singles expressed dissatisfaction with past sexual encounters.
Both singles and virgins said they had difficulty finding and maintaining relationships, and they felt that barriers to future relations included shyness, negative body image and sex-segregated work environments.
Unlike the virgins and singles, partnered respondents were more likely to have had dating relationships and past intimate experience. Partnered respondents described becoming celibate as a slow process. Most started out with sexually active relationships but slowly stopped having sex over time.
"In most people's minds, it's harder for married couples having intimacy problems to talk about it," said Burgess, a Georgia State assistant professor of sociology. "Married people often perceive their situations as permanent, which is a frightening realization for them."
For partnered respondents, barriers to leaving their current relationships or establishing intimacy with other partners included children, commitment to marriage, and finances.
In their paper, the researchers suggest that most industrialized societies have expectations about when sexual transitions occur. People begin to date in their teens or early 20s, later experiment with sex and eventually commit to a long-term, sexually active relationship. Family, friends and the media reinforce those expectations, said Donnelly.
Participants in the Georgia State study used society's expectations to measure their own progress, judging themselves as either "on time" or "off time." Most respondents viewed themselves as "off time" -- and when a person begins to feel different from others, it becomes harder for him or her to establish intimacy, said Donnelly.
In a previous national survey of U.S. residents, Donnelly found that 16 percent of married couples hadn't had sex for a month. Other research showed that 14 percent of men and 10 percent of women in the United States hadn't had sexual activity for a year, and 3 percent hadn't had sex since their 18th birthdays.
How does that invalidate it? It's safe to say current stats would be fairly similar, if not worse.
"Other research showed that 14 percent of men and 10 percent of women in the United States hadn't had sexual activity for a year"
Wow, that really makes me feel like shit. I'm not only in that 14%, I'm even worse off. It's been just over 5 years for me. 5 very long years.
My flight for the Philippines leaves in less than a week, so this bad luck streak will hopefully be ending very soon.
Involuntary celibacy sucks.
I agree that even though the study is some years old, if anything its gotten worst not better.
Women are seldom rejected for sex, if she really want to have sex she can. She doesn't even have to drop her standards as low as men often have too. Also and its been said in other threads that many American men seem to be above prostitution and think its not for them. Then they believe places like Mexico are unsafe, especially with all the talk of drug related murders and violence.
So I think most men just choose to be sexless and make excuses.
I think the figures are higher than that. I think well over 14% of men are involuntarily celibate in the US. Sex should just be a natural part of life but here in the United Sex Prison Camp of America, it's VERY difficult for guys to get laid.
"When I think about the idea of getting involved with an American woman, I don't know if I should laugh .............. or vomit!"
"Trying to meet women in America is like trying to decipher Egyptian hieroglyphics."
5 fukin years!!!???? are you serious? wowwwww
why didnt you jump on some desperate fat AW or go to the PI earlier or visit an AMP or escort etc???
yes, america sux for decent dudes to score but there are always options out there too
marriage is a 3 ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and then suffering.
My fellow Americans .... please do not wait 5 years to get laid.
If anything, that'll cause some brain damage unless you're a full time Franciscan monk.
Just make a short trip to Canada and get a GFE escort. Yes, it'll be well worth it, esp if you can do it, at least once every 6 mos.
This way, you can separate this whole stateside dysfunctional dating scene from your biological needs.
I'm sure many of you can schedule a weekend trip up north, w/o even having to use your vacation time.
there is a big difference between celibate men and women;
women have choice to end it today if they really want to, men usually dont. There are reasons why we have PUA industry and huge porn industry that is geared towards men.
I dont think going to a hooker will cut it, it will be cold, mechanical sex with truckloads of lubricant used, lot of restrictions.
Dude, you've got the wrong idea; it's called the "Girl Friend Experience" GFE and it is available in Canada, Australia, and other 1st world nations, not just South America and Asia.
There are both cold/mechanical styles and GFEs available, you have to know where to look and don't be shy, ask others who've run the circuit.
If anything, my GFE experiences have beaten prior stateside girlfriends.