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Last edited by odbo on Mon Mar 21, 2011 3:26 am; edited 1 time in total

Repatriate wrote:

Think about when you were two to four years old. I have a pretty good memory and I don't remember much of anything except fragments. So that's how everyone is when they are at that age unless you have some kind of abnormal ability to recall things. Toddlers just don't have the capacity to reason yet and are self centered by nature. They've done experiments where kids don't understand the concept of "self" or empathy until a certain age.

Some kids are naturally quiet though and that's just how it is. You play with the hand you are dealt, but at least with young kids the cards get reshuffled down the road and you end up with a different personality.

The fact that Winston is flipping out now and punching his kid doesn't bode well for the future though.

I remember more from that age than most people do. The world seemed like an intimidating place and I felt very weak and fragile. I do remember many fragments though, more than most. I have many memories of my kindergarten teacher too, whereas most people have no memory of that. Some have no memory of anything even from their junior high years, believe it or not.

I understand that toddlers are self-centered by nature. But the thing is, NONE of the other toddlers I know here are like him. NONE! Dianne even admits that. Filipino kids are actually pretty quiet and easy going compared to American kids. Dianne's sister's infant only cries for a while every day, the rest of the time he is quiet as a plant and isn't even disturbed by noise.

The only toddler I've seen who acted up all the time here was the child of the first girl I dated here, Mary, if you remember. Her daughter acted up every minute and it made being around her very stressful and no fun, especially since she was not even giving me sex. I told Mary that I did not want to put up with a relationship where I was not getting anything I wanted and only enduring stress, but she didn't do anything to change it. She was totally dense and obstinate and didn't mind that she was wasting my whole trip to the Philippines, which originally was supposed to be only 3 weeks.

I guess I'm not cut out to be a parent of a bad toddler who acts up. I don't have the patience or tolerance for it. I tend to get along much better with little girls than little boys anyway.

But trust me, if you came here and I slapped you semi-hard repeatedly, you would NOT keep turning the other cheek like Jesus. No way. You'd react and hit back. Admit it. Stop pretending to be idealistic.

Truth be told, my parents hardly ever spanked me either. I was very spoiled as well. But my disposition is gentle by nature and I am a calm reflective type most of the time, even though I have a fuse that can blow quite easily intermittently. Being interested in philosophical and intellectual things helps keep me that way. So not being spanked didn't make me turn out to be bad. I was always different from others and did not care about following everyone or authority, and no amount of discipline would have changed that as it is a deep part of who I am.


_________________
Happier Abroad Grand Ebook
Meet Foreign Women

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World

"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act." - George Orwell

Winston wrote:

I remember more from that age than most people do. The world seemed like an intimidating place and I felt very weak and fragile. I do remember many fragments though, more than most. I have many memories of my kindergarten teacher too, whereas most people have no memory of that. Some have no memory of anything even from their junior high years, believe it or not.

I remember a lot from around kindergarten onwards as well. That's not exceptional. I'm talking about the really young age range of 2-4. That's when a lot of concepts of identity, self, and empathy are not developed yet. All that is a part of reasoning. You can't expect the kid to fully grasp negative conditioning. Matter of fact hitting your kid is socializing him with violence and subordination.

Quote:

I guess I'm not cut out to be a parent of a bad toddler who acts up. I don't have the patience or tolerance for it. I tend to get along much better with little girls than little boys anyway.

Being a parent is like this. Most of my relatives went through hard times with their kids. If you can't deal, then you shouldn't have had a kid to begin with.

Quote:

But trust me, if you came here and I slapped you semi-hard repeatedly, you would NOT keep turning the other cheek like Jesus. No way. You'd react and hit back. Admit it. Stop pretending to be idealistic.

If you were 2-4 years old i'd deal with it in an appropriate way and not haul off and deck you repeatedly.

Quote:

Truth be told, my parents hardly ever spanked me either. I was very spoiled as well. But my disposition is gentle by nature and I am a calm reflective type most of the time, even though I have a fuse that can blow quite easily intermittently.

winston are you a man? you're like the moms who kill their baby by shaking them too hard because they get all hysterical about how the baby doesn't appreciate everything they do. have you ever had a pet? you can't get mad at a dog for barking. you can't expect them to see the world through your psychology. you have to discover how their minds work, and if there's a habit you don't want them to have you have to train them.

fschmidt wrote:

Winston wrote:

And no, in real life, hitting him or letting him cry while ignoring him doesn't change his personality, as fschmidt claimed. If it was that easy, then there would be no problem. You can't change someone's personality that easily.

It's not just ignoring him. It's making sure he understands that tantrums will not produce the effect that he wants. You can only effectively do this when the mother is not around because women instinctively react to tantrums. So basically, spend time alone with him and only give him what he wants when he behaves. When he doesn't behave, just ignore him and let him scream, but make sure that there is no one else around who will respond to his bad behavior. Tell him that he will get what he wants only when he behaves. When he does behave, then give him attention and give him what he wants.

I already do that. But he doesn't like to be alone with me unless we're at home and Dianne goes to work. Other than that, he is attached to Dianne 24 hours a day and won't even let her cook or go to the restroom. He will not go out with me alone unless she is there.

Hey let me ask you this: Suppose your kid is staying up all night on the computer and won't go to bed. And if you tell him, he'll just say "No no no" and shake his head. Would you:

1) Argue with him all night.
2) Grab him and force him to bed physically.
3) Or raise your voice and use threats to make him comply?

I don't think there is any peaceful way to resolve that. Do you?


_________________
Happier Abroad Grand Ebook
Meet Foreign Women

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World

"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act." - George Orwell

Repatriate wrote:

Winston, your toddler DOES NOT HAVE THE CAPACITY TO REASON YET just like how my dog isn't going to sit down and have a candid discussion about the philosophies of Immanuel Kant. Toddlers can only roughly follow your directions based on early socialization/cues only.

Do you not understand this? Good god read a book on child rearing at least before you keep punching your son to try to prove you're the "alpha" of the family group.

Oh btw, since you're pretty much an absentee parent I would look at what your in laws are doing with the kid too. I wouldn't trust Filipino parenting skills for shit.

I have a huge book on child rearing. Nothing in theory works in reality. Didn't you learn that in economics?

Filipino parenting skills may not be worth shit, but for Filipino kids, it's usually adequate since most Filipino kids are pretty calm and easy going and non-confrontational. It's not because they are Zen masters. It's more like they prefer being "happy and dumb".


_________________
Happier Abroad Grand Ebook
Meet Foreign Women

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World

"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act." - George Orwell

Repatriate wrote:

Winston wrote:

I remember more from that age than most people do. The world seemed like an intimidating place and I felt very weak and fragile. I do remember many fragments though, more than most. I have many memories of my kindergarten teacher too, whereas most people have no memory of that. Some have no memory of anything even from their junior high years, believe it or not.

I remember a lot from around kindergarten onwards as well. That's not exceptional. I'm talking about the really young age range of 2-4. That's when a lot of concepts of identity, self, and empathy are not developed yet. All that is a part of reasoning. You can't expect the kid to fully grasp negative conditioning. Matter of fact hitting your kid is socializing him with violence and subordination.

Quote:

I guess I'm not cut out to be a parent of a bad toddler who acts up. I don't have the patience or tolerance for it. I tend to get along much better with little girls than little boys anyway.

Being a parent is like this. Most of my relatives went through hard times with their kids. If you can't deal, then you shouldn't have had a kid to begin with.

Quote:

But trust me, if you came here and I slapped you semi-hard repeatedly, you would NOT keep turning the other cheek like Jesus. No way. You'd react and hit back. Admit it. Stop pretending to be idealistic.

If you were 2-4 years old i'd deal with it in an appropriate way and not haul off and deck you repeatedly.

Quote:

Truth be told, my parents hardly ever spanked me either. I was very spoiled as well. But my disposition is gentle by nature and I am a calm reflective type most of the time, even though I have a fuse that can blow quite easily intermittently.

It is exceptional cause everyone else I know does NOT remember their kindergarten years. Anyone can say "don't have kids then". But you forget that Mother Nature TRICKS us into having kids in order to propagate the species. Poor Filipino families with no money shouldn't have kids either, but they do. They do not care about what they should or shouldn't do. Do you live in reality? People are not logical.

How would you deal with a toddler hitting you? By telling him to stop it? lol That's all? lol

The problem isn't just that I have low tolerance. I'm just not that interested in that I do not like making another person the "center of my world" because I have far too many other interests that are more "interesting" to me. Kids are not my passion. They are cute and fun to play with, but I wouldn't want to devote all my attention to them. That's why I don't have pets either. And if I did, it would be a cat, since they are independent and don't give a shit about you most of the time.


_________________
Happier Abroad Grand Ebook
Meet Foreign Women

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World

"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act." - George Orwell

Winston wrote:

Hey let me ask you this: Suppose your kid is staying up all night on the computer and won't go to bed. And if you tell him, he'll just say "No no no" and shake his head. Would you:

1) Argue with him all night.
2) Grab him and force him to bed physically.
3) Or raise your voice and use threats to make him comply?

#2. You don't argue with a 3 year old. You just firmly (without violence) pick him up and put him in bed.

Winston wrote:

Filipino parenting skills may not be worth shit, but for Filipino kids, it's usually adequate since most Filipino kids are pretty calm and easy going and non-confrontational. It's not because they are Zen masters. It's more like they prefer being "happy and dumb".

Exactly. So what would you prefer, a happy and dumb son, or a son that has the will power to travel to the other side of the world to find happiness?


_________________
ActBiblically.org

fschmidt wrote:

Winston wrote:

Hey let me ask you this: Suppose your kid is staying up all night on the computer and won't go to bed. And if you tell him, he'll just say "No no no" and shake his head. Would you:

1) Argue with him all night.
2) Grab him and force him to bed physically.
3) Or raise your voice and use threats to make him comply?

#2. You don't argue with a 3 year old. You just firmly (without violence) pick him up and put him in bed.

Winston wrote:

Filipino parenting skills may not be worth shit, but for Filipino kids, it's usually adequate since most Filipino kids are pretty calm and easy going and non-confrontational. It's not because they are Zen masters. It's more like they prefer being "happy and dumb".

Exactly. So what would you prefer, a happy and dumb son, or a son that has the will power to travel to the other side of the world to find happiness?

Agreed. I'd say there's no need to raise your voice either. That is only a sign that you've lost control of your anger. Besides that, you dont want to instill control by fear, and you don't want your child to grow up thinking the way to get things done is through yelling or intimidation.

Winston wrote:

It is exceptional cause everyone else I know does NOT remember their kindergarten years. .

I remember a twinkling of preschool, but kindergarten I can pretty much remember very well.

Winston wrote:

Words are easy to say. But if I suddenly strike your face without warning a few times, no doubt you would hit me back. It'd be your reaction or instinct. Trust me on that. If you don't believe me, come here and see how many times I can hit you without you reacting. Stop pretending to be idealistic. The reality is, if you hit someone stronger than you, he will hit back. I too have a temper and short fuse, besides. And if I hit him hard, I am hoping he will learn not to hit again, but he doesn't learn. What do you expect me to do, playfully slap him back like Dianne does? If he acts like shit, you should treat him like shit.

If you ask my mom, she will tell you that I was nothing like that. I was much more calm at his age. So no Repatriate, he didn't get his personality from me, at least not all of it.

He got to expend his energy by playing with other kids. But Dianne's family doesn't live there anymore, or they are too busy. There are not recreational activities around here. Dianne now feels like she wants a second child, but I don't want to go there and double my trouble...

Without being too cruel, I think your son has picked up some of the traits of your woman's family. It's a shame. Probably another reason to vet the family before getting too deeply involved.

I also wonder how deeply genes influence behavior in these situations.

fschmidt wrote:

Winston wrote:

And no, in real life, hitting him or letting him cry while ignoring him doesn't change his personality, as fschmidt claimed. If it was that easy, then there would be no problem. You can't change someone's personality that easily.

It's not just ignoring him. It's making sure he understands that tantrums will not produce the effect that he wants. You can only effectively do this when the mother is not around because women instinctively react to tantrums. So basically, spend time alone with him and only give him what he wants when he behaves. When he doesn't behave, just ignore him and let him scream, but make sure that there is no one else around who will respond to his bad behavior. Tell him that he will get what he wants only when he behaves. When he does behave, then give him attention and give him what he wants.

Another good point. Basically by giving in you reinforce bad behavior. Rewarding good behavior is a much better idea and (hopefully) reinforces more good behavior.

Winston wrote:

he doesn't like to be alone with me unless we're at home and Dianne goes to work. Other than that, he is attached to Dianne 24 hours a day and won't even let her cook or go to the restroom. He will not go out with me alone unless she is there.

I think we found the source of the problem!

Case in point. LinuxOnly called me a "fat bastard", yet I didn't react at all to such crude words, cause they are just words and we can choose how we take them and respond to them. Therefore, I have a lot more tolerance than most people. So someone has to be really bad to make me lose it.

The Arab, please do not post sick fake press releases like that. Fabrications like that are not allowed, even on a forum of free speech. How would you like me to post your full name and call you a pedofile on here, under the notion of "free speech"? Stuff like that crosses the line. I'm removing your post. Please don't do it again.

Btw, when I hit my son, it's usually on his butt in a safe area. Sometimes I've slapped his face back a few times too. I'm no Jesus or Gandhi. If someone hits me, my instinct is to hit them back. Most here would do the same. Even my dad used to hit me on the back of the neck when he lost his temper. I think that's part of classic Chinese parenting.


_________________
Happier Abroad Grand Ebook
Meet Foreign Women

"It takes far less effort to find and move to the society that has what you want than it does to try to reconstruct an existing society to match your standards." - Harry Browne, How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World

"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act." - George Orwell

i thought it was humorous, nothing serious

why so serious