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I need your two cents worth

Postby Ava Paige » Thu Sep 26, 2013 7:32 am


I know I should post this on the gentlemen's forum to get advice from men's point of view, but I'm still thinking about it. Anyway, I just wanna know, how long should a couple be in a "dating status" before actually getting into an official relationship? Another question I'd like to ask is, how would you know if he is even planning to get into a relationship with you, or just keeping you hanging?

I just need your opinion about it because I'm really confused and I don't know what to do and feel.
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Re: I need your two cents worth

Postby Renata » Sat Sep 28, 2013 2:11 pm


In my experience if a guy really wants you he'll be in full pursuit & he will make that very clear & you won't have any lingering questions in your mind about him. Men are conquers by nature unless he's a shy guy then the ball is in your court.
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Re: I need your two cents worth

Postby Winston » Mon Sep 30, 2013 3:58 am


There are no strict rules, but I would wait a few weeks at least before calling your relationship "official".

As to the second question, I would agree with Renata. A man who wants a commitment will make it clear. Otherwise, he either isn't sure what he wants, or still wants to date other women.
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Re: I need your two cents worth

Postby Ava Paige » Mon Sep 30, 2013 7:39 am


Winston wrote:There are no strict rules, but I would wait a few weeks at least before calling your relationship "official".


Yeah but we've been dating for 3 months. We're intimate and most of the time we act as gf/bf.

Winston wrote: As to the second question, I would agree with Renata. A man who wants a commitment will make it clear. Otherwise, he either isn't sure what he wants, or still wants to date other women.


I don't think it's the latter. I trust him and he seems to want to keep me long term. Well I guess he's just not sure what he wants, or he's got other valid reasons. As you see I'm just trying to comfort myself with that thought. I REALLY HOPE I'M RIGHT. LOL. If he ever dates another woman, I'd be really angry and walk away without a second thought.
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Re: I need your two cents worth

Postby Winston » Mon Sep 30, 2013 5:27 pm


Ava Paige wrote:
Winston wrote:There are no strict rules, but I would wait a few weeks at least before calling your relationship "official".


Yeah but we've been dating for 3 months. We're intimate and most of the time we act as gf/bf.

Winston wrote: As to the second question, I would agree with Renata. A man who wants a commitment will make it clear. Otherwise, he either isn't sure what he wants, or still wants to date other women.


I don't think it's the latter. I trust him and he seems to want to keep me long term. Well I guess he's just not sure what he wants, or he's got other valid reasons. As you see I'm just trying to comfort myself with that thought. I REALLY HOPE I'M RIGHT. LOL. If he ever dates another woman, I'd be really angry and walk away without a second thought.


Oh I see. That is complicated. But the thing is, just because he wants to keep you long term, doesn't mean he doesn't want to date other women. The two aren't mutually exclusive. Some guys like having multiple long term girlfriends or lovers. I mean, you simply can't rule it out. Know what I mean?

Did he say that he won't date other women or doesn't want to? Maybe he just fears commitment and doesn't want to feel tied to someone?

Look at his lifestyle. Does he enjoy variety and freedom a lot in other areas of life? Or is he settled down into a stable job and routine? The latter type is more likely to be monogamous than the former type. That's my experience.

Why are you afraid to ask him these questions? I would imagine that there must be a reason.
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Re: I need your two cents worth

Postby NinjaPuppy » Mon Sep 30, 2013 6:33 pm


All excellent advice. One clue about a guy is if he wants to make sure that you're his Saturday night date. Guys hate it when a girl goes out on a Saturday night and usually if he is really interested in her, he will make sure that she is out with him.
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Re: I need your two cents worth

Postby Ava Paige » Mon Sep 30, 2013 8:21 pm


Winston wrote:
Ava Paige wrote:
Winston wrote:There are no strict rules, but I would wait a few weeks at least before calling your relationship "official".


Yeah but we've been dating for 3 months. We're intimate and most of the time we act as gf/bf.

Winston wrote: As to the second question, I would agree with Renata. A man who wants a commitment will make it clear. Otherwise, he either isn't sure what he wants, or still wants to date other women.


I don't think it's the latter. I trust him and he seems to want to keep me long term. Well I guess he's just not sure what he wants, or he's got other valid reasons. As you see I'm just trying to comfort myself with that thought. I REALLY HOPE I'M RIGHT. LOL. If he ever dates another woman, I'd be really angry and walk away without a second thought.


Oh I see. That is complicated. But the thing is, just because he wants to keep you long term, doesn't mean he doesn't want to date other women. The two aren't mutually exclusive. Some guys like having multiple long term girlfriends or lovers. I mean, you simply can't rule it out. Know what I mean?

Did he say that he won't date other women or doesn't want to? Maybe he just fears commitment and doesn't want to feel tied to someone?

Look at his lifestyle. Does he enjoy variety and freedom a lot in other areas of life? Or is he settled down into a stable job and routine? The latter type is more likely to be monogamous than the former type. That's my experience.

Why are you afraid to ask him these questions? I would imagine that there must be a reason.


Well if I analyze it hard enough, he seems monogamous. I hope I'm right. As for asking him questions, I'm just not comfortable about it. I already asked him once if he ever wants to commit to me and based on his answer, it seems like he wants me to be with him not because he's my boyfriend but because we like each other. It's either kind of lame and not very logical, or my 19-year-old brain just can't grasp that kind of concept. :D

Btw, I also asked him if he's ever dated anyone else since he met me and he said no. So I take it as a good sign because I want to trust his word as much as I can.
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Re: I need your two cents worth

Postby Ava Paige » Mon Sep 30, 2013 8:26 pm


NinjaPuppy wrote:All excellent advice. One clue about a guy is if he wants to make sure that you're his Saturday night date. Guys hate it when a girl goes out on a Saturday night and usually if he is really interested in her, he will make sure that she is out with him.


Yes, I should look out for this sign too. So far we only ever miss a Saturday date if he's not in my country and last week because he was sick (probably culture shock because he was sick for a whole week). We also go out whenever I'm free from school and he happens to be not so busy.
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Re: I need your two cents worth

Postby Winston » Tue Oct 01, 2013 3:36 am


NinjaPuppy wrote:All excellent advice. One clue about a guy is if he wants to make sure that you're his Saturday night date. Guys hate it when a girl goes out on a Saturday night and usually if he is really interested in her, he will make sure that she is out with him.


That might be true in the US. But in the Philippines (where she's from) I don't think they deem Saturday night as any more special than any other night. People go out on any night, not just on weekends. Is that true Ava Paige?
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Re: I need your two cents worth

Postby Winston » Tue Oct 01, 2013 3:40 am


Ava Paige wrote:Well if I analyze it hard enough, he seems monogamous. I hope I'm right. As for asking him questions, I'm just not comfortable about it. I already asked him once if he ever wants to commit to me and based on his answer, it seems like he wants me to be with him not because he's my boyfriend but because we like each other. It's either kind of lame and not very logical, or my 19-year-old brain just can't grasp that kind of concept. :D

Btw, I also asked him if he's ever dated anyone else since he met me and he said no. So I take it as a good sign because I want to trust his word as much as I can.


It sounds like he doesn't want to label your relationship as either "officially a couple" or "not". It sounds like he prefers to avoid such labels or classifications, and just wants to go with the flow. Perhaps it's a way to be with you but not make promises or commitments. In other words, "have his cake and eat it too" as we would say in America. lol

19? Wow you are young and inexperienced. :P

I like your new avatar by the way. Are you as fierce as that Japanese girl in "Kill Bill"? lol
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Re: I need your two cents worth

Postby Ava Paige » Tue Oct 01, 2013 7:51 am


Winston wrote:
NinjaPuppy wrote:All excellent advice. One clue about a guy is if he wants to make sure that you're his Saturday night date. Guys hate it when a girl goes out on a Saturday night and usually if he is really interested in her, he will make sure that she is out with him.


That might be true in the US. But in the Philippines (where she's from) I don't think they deem Saturday night as any more special than any other night. People go out on any night, not just on weekends. Is that true Ava Paige?


In my case, weekend is the most ideal time for me. No school and work so I can spend the whole day the way I like it. It's the day when we mostly have the chance to see each other but since I only have classes twice during weekdays, we also meet if we're both free.
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Re: I need your two cents worth

Postby Renata » Tue Oct 01, 2013 11:28 am


I've never been in a relationship or dated a guy who was dating other girls. When did that become normal?? WTF!? That would be a sad, confusing & stressful experience.
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Re: I need your two cents worth

Postby Ava Paige » Tue Oct 01, 2013 6:51 pm


Winston wrote:
Ava Paige wrote:Well if I analyze it hard enough, he seems monogamous. I hope I'm right. As for asking him questions, I'm just not comfortable about it. I already asked him once if he ever wants to commit to me and based on his answer, it seems like he wants me to be with him not because he's my boyfriend but because we like each other. It's either kind of lame and not very logical, or my 19-year-old brain just can't grasp that kind of concept. :D

Btw, I also asked him if he's ever dated anyone else since he met me and he said no. So I take it as a good sign because I want to trust his word as much as I can.


It sounds like he doesn't want to label your relationship as either "officially a couple" or "not". It sounds like he prefers to avoid such labels or classifications, and just wants to go with the flow. Perhaps it's a way to be with you but not make promises or commitments. In other words, "have his cake and eat it too" as we would say in America. lol


Well I guess I'll just go with the flow as well and ask him again after a few months. :?
I'm not used to this kind of situation because in our culture, the guy waits for the girl to make him her boyfriend. But in our relationship it's the other way around. LOL

Winston wrote:19? Wow you are young and inexperienced. :P


Yes I'm turning 20 in a few months.

Winston wrote:I like your new avatar by the way. Are you as fierce as that Japanese girl in "Kill Bill"? lol


That's Gogo Yubari, a character of my favorite fight scene in Kill Bill haha. I think I'm more lady-like than fierce though. :lol:
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Re: I need your two cents worth

Postby Ava Paige » Tue Oct 01, 2013 6:53 pm


Renata wrote:I've never been in a relationship or dated a guy who was dating other girls. When did that become normal?? WTF!? That would be a sad, confusing & stressful experience.


I agree. That kind of relationship is just unhealthy. I despise womanizers. They make women feel bad about themselves. I hope my man is not like that. :?
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Re: I need your two cents worth

Postby NinjaPuppy » Wed Oct 02, 2013 4:47 am


Ava Paige wrote:
Renata wrote:I've never been in a relationship or dated a guy who was dating other girls. When did that become normal?? WTF!? That would be a sad, confusing & stressful experience.


I agree. That kind of relationship is just unhealthy. I despise womanizers. They make women feel bad about themselves. I hope my man is not like that. :?

But that is the basic description of 'dating'. Going on 'dates' is how we get to know each other. It's a social thing that gives us some insight about the other person. Being 'exclusive' is taking that relationship to the next step. Why would you want to be in a situation that requires you to be exclusive (socially not intimately) to one person when you are looking for a mate?

Not to mention that if the guy is serious about you, he will be quicker to make sure that you are exclusive if he thinks that there is a chance that you might meet someone else. Men tend to be lazy about this sort of thing if there's nothing standing in his way.
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