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How to deal with an open relationship.

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How to deal with an open relationship.

Postby Dianne05 » Thu Jul 18, 2013 2:32 am


My boyfriend of almost 7 years decided that because he has had only a few girlfriends in his entire life that he needs to get out there and experience sexual relationships with other women. This provoked him to want to end our relationships. I suggested having an open relationship.. maybe out of fear of losing him. But i am not so sure i want this. I mean the idea of him sleeping with other women makes me sick to my stomach. I am however not going to be with other men. I am not that kind of person. I love him very much. I want him to be happy. But also the thought of him finding someone else that will mean more to him also has crossed my mind. I have no one to discuss this with... I won’t dare tell anyone i know. I need support on either how to accept it, ideas for getting through it, or some rules that have worked for you.
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Re: How to deal with an open relationship.

Postby NinjaPuppy » Thu Jul 18, 2013 7:56 am


Dianne05 wrote:My boyfriend of almost 7 years decided that because he has had only a few girlfriends in his entire life that he needs to get out there and experience sexual relationships with other women. This provoked him to want to end our relationships.

It's commonly called "the seven year itch". There is really no proof of this theory but there have been a few studies:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer- ... 43171.html

Rest assured that it doesn't have much to do with anything you do or have done. It seems to be nothing more than human nature when it comes to relationships.

Dianne05 wrote:I suggested having an open relationship.. maybe out of fear of losing him. But i am not so sure i want this.

That was a very brave and admirable choice or, should I say the lesser of two evils since it's obviously upsetting to you? Would it bother you less if he were doing it behind your back?
About 70 percent of married men admitted to cheating on their wives! Another study found that 2/3 of women are not aware of their husband's affair.


One thing for sure is that you at least have open communication in your relationship. Your husband was honest about his feelings and you did what you felt that you needed to do at the time to make things work.

Dianne05 wrote:I mean the idea of him sleeping with other women makes me sick to my stomach. I am however not going to be with other men. I am not that kind of person. I love him very much. I want him to be happy.

Once again, that is a very brave and admirable decision on your part.

Dianne05 wrote:But also the thought of him finding someone else that will mean more to him also has crossed my mind. I have no one to discuss this with... I won’t dare tell anyone i know. I need support on either how to accept it, ideas for getting through it, or some rules that have worked for you.

There are no 'rules' when it comes to personal decisions between consenting adults. Except for perhaps insisting on him using proper protection against sexually transmitted disease. That's where it is up to him and him alone to either always use protection or at least get tested on a regular basis before spreading anything to you or his next partner. You also always have the option to insist that he use protection to keep you from catching anything he may have unknowingly picked up on his journey.

As for him finding someone else that will mean more to him? She would have to be pretty darned special to replace you. Besides, it's more than likely just sex with those other women. Guys like sex and they're not very fussy about the other woman's qualities or her great personality. To most women out there, my feelings and comments may sound REALLY crazy but the important thing is that he always comes home to you and it's important that he treats you as you expect to be treated when he is with you. If he doesn't realize what a special woman he has in his life, then he needs an major attitude adjustment.

You need to be comfortable with this arrangement that you have made between each other. If you have feelings of insecurity about it, either calmly discuss this with him or start to believe how wonderful of a wife you really are. I do hope that he realizes that he has been blessed with someone who is one in a million. Most men would give their right arm to have a spouse who is so loving that they would understand.
Indecision may or may not be my problem - Jimmy Buffett
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Re: How to deal with an open relationship.

Postby Renata » Sun Jul 21, 2013 8:53 am


Gone are the days when boy meets girl, they get married & live happily ever after ...

Since sex has been easier to get, true love has been harder to find.

I know what I would do in this situation, :ugeek: but for everyone the circumstances are different. Take very good care of youself and your health.
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Re: How to deal with an open relationship.

Postby Sunshine » Sun Jul 21, 2013 10:56 am


Renata wrote:Since sex has been easier to get, true love has been harder to find.

The way I see this is, if someone was only interested in easy sex, they weren't your true love anyway. If anything, it helps to filter out more of the users.

--------------------------------------------

I could never tolerate an open relationship. Without getting too personal, I am open to a very wide array of things in the bedroom, but sharing is not one of them.

No one can tell you how your heart and inner self should feel, so this is a decision that will be entirely up to you; but please make sure that you look very deep within yourself before you make any decisions. It is always better to hold on a bit longer (assuming it isn't abusive) to make absolutely sure that you are ready to let go, than it is to let go when you aren't quite ready since you would likely end up regretting your decision and taking him back later.
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Re: How to deal with an open relationship.

Postby curious1234 » Fri Jul 26, 2013 8:04 am


The most beautiful thing you could do to him is to shock him by saying something like 'Thank you fro your honesty. I appreciate it. Off you go. You're a free man now. Enjoy your freedom while I enjoy mine.' And...move on with your life. Show him that you have dignity and self-respect. This will turn him on big time, and he might want to c0me back, but you have already moved on, and it is not so easy. Reverse psychology it is called. Guys are attention seekers, and you will deprive him of attention. Naughty boys don't get your attention, remember! You do not reward men for bad behaviour.
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Re: How to deal with an open relationship.

Postby Sunshine » Sat Jul 27, 2013 4:02 pm


curious1234 wrote:The most beautiful thing you could do to him is to shock him by saying something like 'Thank you fro your honesty. I appreciate it. Off you go. You're a free man now. Enjoy your freedom while I enjoy mine.' And...move on with your life. Show him that you have dignity and self-respect. This will turn him on big time, and he might want to c0me back, but you have already moved on, and it is not so easy. Reverse psychology it is called. Guys are attention seekers, and you will deprive him of attention. Naughty boys don't get your attention, remember! You do not reward men for bad behaviour.


Excuse me for saying so, but I think this is terrible advice. So many women are so fond of "mind games" and more often than not, these games backfire and leave you looking like an idiot...

The most beautiful thing you could do to him ... is to be honest about your feelings and thoughts, and try to understand how he must be feeling as well. I still stand by my earlier post that I could not tolerate an open relationship, but playing mind games to try and "win him back" is foolish.
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Re: How to deal with an open relationship.

Postby curious1234 » Sun Jul 28, 2013 6:39 am


You didn't even try to get what I was saying. It is not a mind game. You would do this for yourself, your sanity, and to maintain your dignity as a woman. If he wants to go, you can't stop him. Later, he will resent this, and he might stay, but try to sleep with other women, too, and you would end up being frstrated and unappreciated.

You're completely missing my point. If you do this to get him back, this might backfire, true, because then it is a game, and you might fail. If you do this for yourself, it won't.

WHy keep a man who wants to sleep with other women? It is difficult and heartbreaking, and so not fair, especially that we, as women, stay loyal and are not interested in sleeping with other guys, but you can't keep a man if he wants to go.

The most important thing now is to maintain your identity, self respect, dignity. Not easy, but possible. I have done it myself. He was trying to get back with me, but I was not interested. WHo needs a man like that? Most of the time he wanted to be free and be with other women. If he wanted his freedom, I gave it to him, but I knew what I was doing. I was doing it for myself, not to get him back. It worked, for me off course, which was my intention. It wasn't supposed to work for him.

Guys need to be more careful what they wish for...
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Re: How to deal with an open relationship.

Postby Renata » Sun Jul 28, 2013 9:07 am


I'll walk away from it all ... I don't like toxic relations. I don't like having rubbish on my arm either.
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