I found this catch earlier today :
My self-summary
So I'm back to see if I can attract somebody with something to say and exciting other than a boring birdwatcher called Norman.
I'm a self confessed freak I want someone who will look after me when there is a zombie apocalypse. SO I can play the damsel in distress chick like in the movies. But also I want someone to climb trees and drink lager with me
I got told today that I'm having a quarter life crisis WTF. My 'lovely' best friend today decided to say I remind him of Jess from New Girl. Not impressed!
I'm not into fashion which guys find weird for a girl but I just find it incredibly boring. As long as my clothes are clean and ironed I don't give a damn.
I hate the word 'quirky' with a passion it's just stupid.
I've only ever exercised 7 times in my life so far. I don't enjoy it makes me go all emo.
All this straight edge lark is ridiculous if you call yourself that please go away! IDGAF
I'm a cunt. I laugh at the most inappropiate times and at all kinds of shiz.
Not a sensitive girl, if you're a sensitive guy we won't get along, princess.
What I’m doing with my life
Messing up everyone elses
I’m really good at
Being a smart arse but I'm as dumb as dirt
The first things people usually notice about me
I would love to say my eyes but that would be a lie they notice my tits
Facial piercings
Shit loads of make up and my ridiculously long fake eyelashes. Go big or go home. Right?
I'm "tall for a girl" :/
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I love hardcore, post-hardcore, grindcore dubstep, electro blah blah loads. From First to Last, Job for a Cowboy, I,The Breather,BMTH, A wilhelm Scream, Trash Talk, The Amity Affliction, Harbours,iwrestledabearonce, Rolo tomassi,Atmosphere, Tobacco, De La Soul, Uffie, MF Doom, Hyro da Hero, Architects, Face of Christ, Lower Than Atlantis, System of a Down,Aesop Rock, Self Scientific, H2O.....f**k it that should be enough so you know what I'm into.
I pick at food and follow weird diets. I actually hate food to be honest.
Kung-Fu with really bad dubbing..I'm a classy bird
The six things I could never do without
People to shout at
Men
Ipod
Zombie spongebob t-shirt....it's epic
water
Make up and all kinds of fakery
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Where I can find a dwarf to arm wrestle Or old adventures.
Also why sooo many guys around my age or younger look so bloody old. It's ok to moisturise guys I won't think you're gay.
On a typical Friday night I am
Studying, jakers! It's all I bloody do now I'm back in education. Grrrr. Want my life back asap
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm the best and worst thing to happen to anyone who dares to get involved with me. I'm a bit of a headf@ck
I used to be obese. Proper piggy.
I’m looking for
Guys who like girls
Ages 24–32
Near me
Who are single
For short-term dating, casual sex
You should message me if
You got to the end of my profile without sleeping or throwing up on yourself.
P.S If you send me a message saying nothing but "hi" you get blanked automatically. Break yo self fool!
I sent her a message, it goes like this :
I found your profile very interesting, but sadly, for very ironic reasons. Let's take a look...
Picture #1 :
Weave. RED FLAG!
Writing "You prick" on your hand. RED FLAG!
Picture #2 :
Tattoo. RED FLAG!
Picture #3 :
Piercings. RED FLAG!
Saying "Hot damn". Nope, I don't really think so. RED FLAG! And more tattoos. RED FLAG!
That weird ring through your nose. RED FLAG!
You've got more red flags that China. So far, not a good impression. Now let's take a closer look at your profile itself...
My self-summary :
I'm a self confessed freak.....I want someone who will look after me.....SO I can play the damsel in distress chick like in the movies.
So you're a freak and you want looking after. Hubba hubba, where do I sign up?
I don't give a damn.
I'm a cunt.
Not a sensitive girl, if you're a sensitive guy we won't get along, princess.
Let's sum that up. A insensitive cunt who just don't give a damn wants a date. I sincerely wish the the very best of luck. Let me know how it works out for you now, ya'hear.
What I’m doing with my life : Messing up everyone elses
So far you sound like a real catch, cupcake. Will you please, please, please date me?
I’m really good at : Being a smart arse but I'm as dumb as dirt
Amen.
The first things people usually notice about me : I would love to say my eyes but that would be a lie they notice my tits
Maybe if you put those airbags away I could focus a little bit more on your lovely, erm, you know, erm...shit, can I get back to you on that? I'll think of something, I swear.
Facial piercings. Shit loads of make up and my ridiculously long fake eyelashes. Go big or go home. Right?
Hmmm, sounds so appealing. You're 26, right? How much fakery can the male population expect to enjoy seeing from you when you're 40?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food : .....f**k it that should be enough so you know what I'm into.
Oh yes, I've certainly seen enough. Oh but wait, it doesn't stop there...
I pick at food and follow weird diets. I actually hate food to be honest.
A girl who follows crazy diets and doesn't really even like food. I thought only white chicks had crazy ideas about food. Hey, why don't you just give up food altogether, and take a picture every day so we can see how you get on (just get a friend to take the very, very last one).
Ironic interlude : I'm a classy bird
Moving on...
The six things I could never do without : People to shout at...Make up and all kinds of fakery
It just gets better and better. Will you marry me?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit : I'm the best and worst thing to happen to anyone who dares to get involved with me. I'm a bit of a headf@ck
If you delete the 3rd and 4th word in that first sentence, then I'm with you all the way, honey.
I used to be obese. Proper piggy.
Yeah, food has a habit of doing that. Good job you're on a diet now, eh?
I’m looking for : For short-term dating, casual sex
What??? But I want a relationship with you!
You should message me if : You got to the end of my profile without sleeping or throwing up on yourself.
It's ok, I swallowed most of it.
P.S If you send me a message saying nothing but "hi" you get blanked automatically. Break yo self fool!
Oooh, ghetto talk. Just when I thought it couldn't get any classier.
So yeah, do you want to go out with me? Please please pleeeee he he he hease say yes.