How do normal men find wives or girlfriends in America?

[BlackKnight]

I have another theory and explanation:

My friend Rock told me that he finds white American girls to be intimidating and scary, which causes him to feel withdrawn. But when he is in Asia, he can easily be social and talkative with Asian girls and be himself. So he's not like that with all girls, just with white girls. This might contain an important clue here.

It seems that if you are a HIGHLY SENSITIVE guy, you won't vibe well with white American girls for some reason. You cannot talk to them on the same channel and wavelength. They rub you the wrong way. Even if they are friendly and like you, it's still hard to feel comfortable around them. It's hard to explain in words. But I feel the same way. Besides being fake and not down-to-earth, there is something about them that "pushes our buttons" in the wrong ways that causes us to feel uncomfortable and intimidated. We simply can't be ourselves or feel comfortable around them or even have a decent conversation with them.

The thing is, when I talk to Rock in person or on the phone, I feel that he and I are on the same "radio station" or "frequency". It's like we are tuned in to the same wavelength on the same channel. But white American women seem to be on another wavelength in some bizarro world.

It's kind of like a shy timid cat trying to vibe with an extroverted dog. That's the best way I can put it. An extroverted dog is going to intimidate a shy timid cat. They aren't going to be attracted to each other and will not have any chemistry. Both will think the other is WEIRD and rub each other the wrong way. It's like oil and water trying to mix.

Do you guys understand what I mean? Do any of you feel the same way?

So the point is: If you are HIGHLY SENSITIVE, withdrawn and introverted, you just won't feel comfortable socially in America and especially around white American girls. They are like on some white trash frequency that we don't know how to vibe with or connect with at all. Know what I mean?

I said it before: A lot of men are frustrated in dating because they lack MALE testosterone

[blueshogun96]

I said it before: A lot of men are frustrated in dating because they lack MALE testosterone

In this regard, getting laid is easy. Finding an LTR worth pursuing while not dealing with all the bulls@#% is not.

Shogun.

[GoingAwol]

Black Knight,
I disagree. People are pretty unfriendly all across the U.S. I was born,raised,and still live in the south (Tennessee). I live in the mountainous eastern portion of the state right outside the most visited national park in the country so I am exposed to people that visit from all over the country. One thing that always makes me laugh is how people always say that we (people in the south) are so friendly and nice. This always puzzled me because I never saw people here as really nice. It used to puzzle me but now I have got it figured out.You see..... People in the south are friendly in a very superficial way. They will smile at you,exchange pleasantries, the women will call you pet names like honey and baby,and it's not uncommon for strangers to wave at you when they pass you on the road in their cars. But that's as far as it goes usually. What I'm trying to say is people are friendly in a superficial way but you still don't make many meaningful connections here. People from other parts of the country don't even see superficial friendliness where they live so when they come here (the south) and see our superficial friendliness and think we are the nicest people ever. The fact that people get excited about the superficial friendliness in the south proves that America is a social desert.

[BlackKnight]

I said it before: A lot of men are frustrated in dating because they lack MALE testosterone

In this regard, getting laid is easy. Finding an LTR worth pursuing while not dealing with all the bulls@#% is not.

Shogun.

Idiocy.

A real man doesn't worry about BS because testosterone makes him SMART and unbreakable. In other words, BS is just a problem he'll solve. A p***y male deals with BS because he is STUPID and SOFT.

[BlackKnight]

Black Knight,
I disagree. People are pretty unfriendly all across the U.S. I was born,raised,and still live in the south (Tennessee). I live in the mountainous eastern portion of the state right outside the most visited national park in the country so I am exposed to people that visit from all over the country. One thing that always gets me is how people always say that we (people in the south) are so friendly and nice. This always puzzled me because I don't see people here as really nice. It used to puzzle me but now I have got it figured out.You see..... People in the south are friendly in a very superficial way. They will smile at you,exchange pleasantries, the women will call you pet names like honey and baby,and it's not uncommon for people to wave at you when they pass you on the road. But that's as far as it goes usually. What I'm trying to say is people are friendly in a superficial way but you still don't make many meaningful connections here. People from other parts of the country don't even see superficial friendliness where they live so when they come here (the south) and see our superficial friendliness and think we are the nicest people ever. The fact that people get excited about the superficial friendliness in the south proves that America is a social desert.

And what do you look like? Post your picture.

[GoingAwol]

What do my looks have to do with anything? I'm an average looking guy.

[Teal Lantern]

I don't need 100 percent anything. A 5 or 10 percent hit rate would be good enough. But that's very hard in the US. You are talking fantasy here. Your reality is in TV sitcoms, not in real life.

So it doesn't happen for you, it doesn't happen for anyone else?
If that's your idea of fantasy, fine, relocate to a friendlier town. I don't watch sitcoms.
I watch interactions between people with and around me, though.

Women in suburban neighborhoods are married and do not chat up single guys in the neighborhood who are outside doing stuff.

It depends on if he's doing something she has an interest/use for. Maybe you never do anything useful?
Anyway, there are more unmarried than married women in my area. (2010 census)

Even if you have friendly neighbors who will chat with you or say hi, it's just superficial chat. They don't invite you over and stuff like they do on TV.

"... like they do on TV." So what? Should some 20-y.o. HB-7/8 with an interest in NWO and space aliens sashay over and start fondling your little crinkle fry, too, right there on the sidewalk? All for the princely cost of "Hello"? Turn off the stupid TV.
Hoping for "as seen on pr0n/sitcom" interactions with strangers, near home, is reckless.

Home improvement store? Excuse me, but women rarely go to Home Depot or Ace Hardware, and if they do, they are getting stuff for their family because they are married.

Many are. Some are out hunting for a new Mr. Fix-it. How do you think they found their first one? Oh, that's right, you asked how NORMAL people find their s/o, not hook-ups.
Women go to the same places men go. Sometimes a conversation happens and builds from there. If not, they keep moving.
No one personally promised you pQQn in the paint section.

There are more women in Walmart. But women there do not talk to strangers.

Then it doesn't matter if there are more of them there, does it? I already said odds were better elsewhere, for a reason.


tl;dr - Midgets will never believe the crowded elevator doesn't smell the same to the rest of us.

[Teal Lantern]

Lol, that really depends on WHAT city/state you're talking about pal. Also your looks, race and class play a part...

Touche. Fly-over country. Town is ~45% white, 40% black, then latino. <1% are Asian.
W asked how "normal" people meet. They ignore enough of those "rules", that's how.
If he'd asked how Asian guys find wives, I'd have told them "around here, they import them from other places."

[momopi]

This forum is titled "happier abroad" not "relive your college era rejection angest". You will never be 18-22 again so move on with your life.

Once about a time there was a young guy in love with a girl. They dated for a year but she broke up with him to date someone older and married him instead. The young guy tried to move on and dated other girls but something just felt wrong. She was the one who was always on his mind and he knew he would never get over her and the wounds would never heal.

Three years later she was still on his mind every day until he went to a local hobby convention and bumped into her and her husband. Since they got married both had let go of trying to look their best and she looked like she had tripled in size horizontally (and I don't mean preggo). The husband looked like he sucked down a basketball. When their eyes meet the former BF her face showed panic and she and her husband quickly made a 90 degree turn toward another isle.

There was no greeting and nothing needed to be said. The girl and her husband looked too embarrassed anyway. Suddenly the guy realized had he married her he would have woken up next to a hippo every morning. What was that about never getting over her and wounds of the heart never healing? All bullshit. He quickly moved on and never bothered to look back.

Do yourself a favor and look ahead and abroad, not backwards.

[Winston]

Great points Adama. That's getting to the heart of the matter. Welcome back by the way. Nice to have you back again.

Thanks. You guys are making me feel like Don Draper from Mad Men.

So what brought you back? And why do you have a Papa Smurf avatar now instead of that Roman Emperor one you had before? What a downgrade. lol

Are you white or asian?

Did you name yourself Adama after Commander Adama on Battlestar Galactica? lol

He's the one on the left below.

[Winston]

Question for everyone:

Most of you have had American girlfriends or wives right? If so, where did you meet them? How did you hook up with them? How did you win them over to become your partner?

I met my first American girlfriend online on AOL in 1996. The second one I met at a Wiccan group in 2001.

Also what about my initial question? Where do most American men meet their girlfriend or wives? Any studies on this?

[Winston]

Black Knight,
I disagree. People are pretty unfriendly all across the U.S. I was born,raised,and still live in the south (Tennessee). I live in the mountainous eastern portion of the state right outside the most visited national park in the country so I am exposed to people that visit from all over the country. One thing that always makes me laugh is how people always say that we (people in the south) are so friendly and nice. This always puzzled me because I never saw people here as really nice. It used to puzzle me but now I have got it figured out.You see..... People in the south are friendly in a very superficial way. They will smile at you,exchange pleasantries, the women will call you pet names like honey and baby,and it's not uncommon for strangers to wave at you when they pass you on the road in their cars. But that's as far as it goes usually. What I'm trying to say is people are friendly in a superficial way but you still don't make many meaningful connections here. People from other parts of the country don't even see superficial friendliness where they live so when they come here (the south) and see our superficial friendliness and think we are the nicest people ever. The fact that people get excited about the superficial friendliness in the south proves that America is a social desert.

Ignore BlackKnight. He's just a poser. He was here under PaloAltoGuy before, and everyone knew he was full of it back then. So he's not an authentic down to earth credible source at all, far from it. He exaggerates, makes up stories, has megalomania obviously, and thinks he's rich and successful. We saw his photos. He is nowhere above average in appearance and looks like a poser with that "full of it" look on his face. lol

Anyway, yeah I noticed the same about Washington state too. People always say it's so friendly. But it turns out they are just referring to superficial politeness. To me, friendliness means being social and engaging and having meaningful conversations with others. When I go to hostels in Russia or Europe, the backpackers there are very social. They talk to me about deep things and ask me a lot of "get to know you" type of questions. And they enjoy meeting people from other cultures. That's just part of hostel culture though. You can socialize like that in hostels in America too.

I've never understood why Americans can be so polite superficially in some states, but they have no need for social connection with others. It's odd. Don't they get lonely? Why do we feel more alienated than the average American?

[Adama]

Black Knight,
I disagree. People are pretty unfriendly all across the U.S. I was born,raised,and still live in the south (Tennessee). I live in the mountainous eastern portion of the state right outside the most visited national park in the country so I am exposed to people that visit from all over the country. One thing that always makes me laugh is how people always say that we (people in the south) are so friendly and nice. This always puzzled me because I never saw people here as really nice. It used to puzzle me but now I have got it figured out.You see..... People in the south are friendly in a very superficial way. They will smile at you,exchange pleasantries, the women will call you pet names like honey and baby,and it's not uncommon for strangers to wave at you when they pass you on the road in their cars. But that's as far as it goes usually. What I'm trying to say is people are friendly in a superficial way but you still don't make many meaningful connections here. People from other parts of the country don't even see superficial friendliness where they live so when they come here (the south) and see our superficial friendliness and think we are the nicest people ever. The fact that people get excited about the superficial friendliness in the south proves that America is a social desert.

I can say that I agree with you on that. I am a northerner, but I've always seen this for what it is, and I've always said it. Southerners are not more friendly. Northerners simply have a warped concept of friendliness.

Most northerners will simply ask you "How are you?" when they greet you. They won't even wait for the answer before they start talking about something else.

Many southerners will ask How are you, and then they will ask, "SO how's your day going?" That is ONE extra question, just one. But to the northerners, oh my goodness, those people are so friendly. I want to move to the south to meet some really friendly people.

Umm no, you idiot. They simply asked you one more question than the ones you get here. That doesnt make them more friendly. It just means their tradition is to ask people one more question, and that's it.

My best friend moved down to GA from the north east years ago in order to find himself a southern damsel. She never materialized. He met another northerner there. Those southern girls must not be all that friendly if you havent gotten one. (I've never said any of that to him though, but it is ironic when you think about it.)

[Adama]

I've never understood why Americans can be so polite superficially in some states, but they have no need for social connection with others. It's odd. Don't they get lonely? Why do we feel more alienated than the average American?

Because we are in competition. My D is bigger than yours and I get more vag,ina than you do. Here are all my stories proving it.
By the way, I think you are a loser. Here's my list of reasons why...

Here's a fart joke and a poop joke. Let's talk about football.

The women are looking for reasons why they'd never consider having sex with you. Either you are too much of this, or too little of that. In other situations (or if it wasnt you) she might even like those particular things. So anything they say doesnt matter. But they are actively looking for reasons to dislike you from the beginning. If everyone else is beneath me, then by default, I win.

This is how Americans rationalize.

[Adama]

Great points Adama. That's getting to the heart of the matter. Welcome back by the way. Nice to have you back again.

Thanks. You guys are making me feel like Don Draper from Mad Men.

So what brought you back? And why do you have a Papa Smurf avatar now instead of that Roman Emperor one you had before? What a downgrade. lol

It saddens me that you do not approve of Papa Smurf. I decided the software is too much trouble to bother uploading a different picture, and I don't really care that much about it at the moment.

This forum seems much more lively than before I left, and some of the jerks are gone. There is some real discussion here. I particularly like that most of you are open to alternative theories about life.

And this forum isnt about opposing feminism (although all feminism is female supremacy regardless of the wave), as far as I can tell. It is about finding happiness. There is some focus on the positive.