Happier Abroad Forum Community

I don't post on here as much as I used to. But I'm having a much better time now than in the summer. And in fact, I'm dating someone I met through two mutual friends last week. She's a cute indomestiza (60% Amerindian) girl who's my age and works as a hostess/waitress at a restaurant-bar in Jardín Union. And she is very sweet, humble, and very feminine. So far, we went on three dates, all of which were after she got off of work. During the dates we would discuss topics like travel and what we enjoy doing. Her highest education level is preparatoria (high school) and has only traveled to other cities in Guanajuato state. So we didn't exactly have deep conversations like we would if she had a bachelor's degree and traveled at least to other regions in Mexico. But she and I did mention that we enjoy traveling, and also what we liked about Guanajuato such as the rich history and culture.

Unlike those two girls I dated a year ago, she doesn't appear to be digging her claws into me, especially since we're only friends at the moment and still getting to know each other. But I think she could be a keeper if we become more than friends. She's also quiet and introverted like myself, although I can be extroverted at times. And best of all, she smiles and giggles a lot, particularly on dates. She also doesn't have a Facebook or any social media, so we only communicate in person and by phone (social media alone doesn't corrupt women; most middle class Mexican women have smartphones but they most often don't use social media to be attention whores). Sound familiar Falcon?

MattHanson1990 wrote:I don't post on here as much as I used to. But I'm having a much better time now than in the summer. And in fact, I'm dating someone I met through two mutual friends last week. She's a cute indomestiza (60% Amerindian) girl who's my age and works as a hostess/waitress at a restaurant-bar in Jardín Union. And she is very sweet, humble, and very feminine. So far, we went on three dates, all of which were after she got off of work. During the dates we would discuss topics like travel and what we enjoy doing. Her highest education level is preparatoria (high school) and has only traveled to other cities in Guanajuato state. So we didn't exactly have deep conversations like we would if she had a bachelor's degree and traveled at least to other regions in Mexico. But she and I did mention that we enjoy traveling, and also what we liked about Guanajuato such as the rich history and culture.

Unlike those two girls I dated a year ago, she doesn't appear to be digging her claws into me, especially since we're only friends at the moment and still getting to know each other. But I think she could be a keeper if we become more than friends. She's also quiet and introverted like myself, although I can be extroverted at times. And best of all, she smiles and giggles a lot, particularly on dates. She also doesn't have a Facebook or any social media, so we only communicate in person and by phone (social media alone doesn't corrupt women; most middle class Mexican women have smartphones but they most often don't use social media to be attention whores). Sound familiar Falcon?

Now that you are achieving some traction and are a serious HAer as per your actions, I wish you would post more on here, not less.

Values trump education. If her values are largely in line with yours and if you guys have good natural chemistry and seem to be on the same wavelength, that is a very strong sign of better things to come, irregardless of what your current language barrier with her may be.

By the way, how is your Spanish progressing? I'll let you in on a little secret. Becoming fluent in the new language of my host country is largely what enabled me to become a confident and natural verbal communicator. Before that, I was perhaps even stiffer and more awkward than you.

My hypothesis is that I subconsciously associated all the mean spirited rejections and social failures I had suffered growing up with the English language, especially when spoken with one of the North American accents. So when I picked up and started using Chinese, it kinda cleaned my mental slate so to speak. Once I had decent conversational skills, I was able to cold approach in Taiwan, something I never even dared to do back in the States. And since the social environment in Taiwan was and still is so much softer, even when I did get rejected, they were almost always polite ego preserving interactions (I don't give my number out to strangers but wow your Chinese is good or I have a boyfriend but it's ok to make friends or giving digits but not allowing things to progress due to being busy, etc.).

Once in awhile, I would inadvertently approach a girl who turned out to be an ABC (American born Chinese) and as soon as she would respond to my Chinese opener with that annoying American English, my confidence would immediately plummet. I would pretty lose my train of thought and give up right then and there. After one or two of those accidental ABC approaches, I put 2 and 2 together and figured out how a new language can actually facilitate overcoming extreme social awkwardness. One of my friends, Monkro takes it further. He would try to filter for local girls in Taiwan who didn't even know much English as a second language. So it seems verbal skill in a new language also helped him to escape the mental baggage he carried from having grown up in the USA.

Perhaps you are like me Matt. I've seen you on video. You are very stiff and speak with a high pitched voice which lacks confidence, masculinity, and conviction. It so reminds me of me before. So try using Spanish as your ticket to overcoming all that. Eventually if you succeed, you can slowly transfer your new found communication and social skills back to English if and when needed (say if you are in a third country which uses English as a second language). It's a kill 2 or 3 birds with 1 stone process. And in the shorter term, get a speech and body language coach to practice with in English, perhaps Tapatio. Great luck!

I would just like to say a big well done, congratulations and I hope you have continued happiness with your girl.

Rock wrote:

MattHanson1990 wrote:I don't post on here as much as I used to. But I'm having a much better time now than in the summer. And in fact, I'm dating someone I met through two mutual friends last week. She's a cute indomestiza (60% Amerindian) girl who's my age and works as a hostess/waitress at a restaurant-bar in Jardín Union. And she is very sweet, humble, and very feminine. So far, we went on three dates, all of which were after she got off of work. During the dates we would discuss topics like travel and what we enjoy doing. Her highest education level is preparatoria (high school) and has only traveled to other cities in Guanajuato state. So we didn't exactly have deep conversations like we would if she had a bachelor's degree and traveled at least to other regions in Mexico. But she and I did mention that we enjoy traveling, and also what we liked about Guanajuato such as the rich history and culture.

Unlike those two girls I dated a year ago, she doesn't appear to be digging her claws into me, especially since we're only friends at the moment and still getting to know each other. But I think she could be a keeper if we become more than friends. She's also quiet and introverted like myself, although I can be extroverted at times. And best of all, she smiles and giggles a lot, particularly on dates. She also doesn't have a Facebook or any social media, so we only communicate in person and by phone (social media alone doesn't corrupt women; most middle class Mexican women have smartphones but they most often don't use social media to be attention whores). Sound familiar Falcon?

Now that you are achieving some traction and are a serious HAer as per your actions, I wish you would post more on here, not less.

Values trump education. If her values are largely in line with yours and if you guys have good natural chemistry and seem to be on the same wavelength, that is a very strong sign of better things to come, irregardless of what your current language barrier with her may be.

By the way, how is your Spanish progressing? I'll let you in on a little secret. Becoming fluent in the new language of my host country is largely what enabled me to become a confident and natural verbal communicator. Before that, I was perhaps even stiffer and more awkward than you.

My hypothesis is that I subconsciously associated all the mean spirited rejections and social failures I had suffered growing up with the English language, especially when spoken with one of the North American accents. So when I picked up and started using Chinese, it kinda cleaned my mental slate so to speak. Once I had decent conversational skills, I was able to cold approach in Taiwan, something I never even dared to do back in the States. And since the social environment in Taiwan was and still is so much softer, even when I did get rejected, they were almost always polite ego preserving interactions (I don't give my number out to strangers but wow your Chinese is good or I have a boyfriend but it's ok to make friends or giving digits but not allowing things to progress due to being busy, etc.).

Once in awhile, I would inadvertently approach a girl who turned out to be an ABC (American born Chinese) and as soon as she would respond to my Chinese opener with that annoying American English, my confidence would immediately plummet. I would pretty lose my train of thought and give up right then and there. After one or two of those accidental ABC approaches, I put 2 and 2 together and figured out how a new language can actually facilitate overcoming extreme social awkwardness. One of my friends, Monkro takes it further. He would try to filter for local girls in Taiwan who didn't even know much English as a second language. So it seems verbal skill in a new language also helped him to escape the mental baggage he carried from having grown up in the USA.

Perhaps you are like me Matt. I've seen you on video. You are very stiff and speak with a high pitched voice which lacks confidence, masculinity, and conviction. It so reminds me of me before. So try using Spanish as your ticket to overcoming all that. Eventually if you succeed, you can slowly transfer your new found communication and social skills back to English if and when needed (say if you are in a third country which uses English as a second language). It's a kill 2 or 3 birds with 1 stone process. And in the shorter term, get a speech and body language coach to practice with in English, perhaps Tapatio. Great luck!

I am glad you aren't being politically-correct with Matt. I hope Matt will take heed to your advice. :0)

Glad you've joined the club. Good to have you with us. Best of luck to you both!