The "normal" process to meet/date women in America - Is it worth it?

[IraqVet2003]

Hi all,
I think ive figured out now what the normal, appropriate, socially acceptable way to meet and date girls in america is now. Its not cold approach or pick up or PUA, thats for sure, because if you go outside you will see no one doing that in real life. No. The normal socially acceptable process is essentially like this:

1. You gotta improve yourself and work on yourself.

2. You gotta learn to look cool and act cool.

3. You gotta develop a social network and break into a social clique. If you are cool and you have social value then they should accept you and deem you worthy to be in their clique.

4. Keep repeating the above and improving yourself and developing your social image and social network so that u become more and more "cool" and popular and likable everyday.

5. Then at some point, in theory, some female who is connected to your social network or clique will take a fancy to you and drop hints to you that shes interested in you. Then at that point you are finally free and legal to ask her out for a date and begin dating her. Either that or someone in your network introduces you to some great girl and if theres a mutual interest then you start dating her.

I think thats probably the socially acceptable, normal, conventional way to meet girls and get dates in america. Am i right? Is my outline accurate?

If so then f**k. That sounds like a lot of f***ing work. And its like playing the lottery too. How do american men do all that? Are most of them able to do all that? Even in theory it sounds hard. Especially if you are introverted and not a conformist and dont fit into american culture and dont like having to act american with all the fake positivity that comes with american "coolness" etc.

So there are multiple problems with this "socially acceptable" way of getting women in america. Especially for me. The problems are:

1. You gotta be a conformist to do all that and fit into groups. You cant be an introvert or independent thinker.

2. You gotta fit into american culture or at least be compatible with it to a large extent. Your true self cannot be too different from the american mainstream or else it cant work.

3. You gotta be extroverted too. Or mostly an extrovert. You cannot be too introverted. You gotta be empty inside so that your outer self can adopt this extroverted personality. You cannot have a rich inner self or soul.

4. You gotta be into alcohol and beer and partying. And put up an act and conform to the crowd easily. But even then most people in your social network are just acquaintances. Not true friends.

So all in all, its a lot of friggin work to develop a social life and dating life in america and there are multiple problems with it, especially if you're not an extrovert and dont like acting fake, or you are too genuine. Etc.

Plus its also hard to go through all that if the social atmosphere feels too toxic or paranoid and stuck up, which to sensitive empaths like me creates a negative vibe that makes me feel shy and withdrawn. I hate paranoid uptight energy from people and cannot thrive in it or be myself. And as we all know the social vibe in the USA is certainly super duper paranoid, uptight and stuck up.

So if i cannot thrive in that or be myself or be in my element, then how can i go through all the above steps in the american social process to get a social life and dating life? Especially since the odds are still stacked against me because my looks arent considered appealing in America.

Hence its an uphill battle with low probability even if i did try hard to follow the social process above. Its a dismal situation and dealing with it feels like trying to walk UPSTREAM against the river, very unnatural and against the flow of the universe.

Hence its a no win situation unless a miracle happens, which i would not bet on since i do not have good luck or karma in american social life and never have.

So i gotta say f**k it. Better to go abroad where its a lot easier and more natural and where introverts feel more accepted and free to open up and be themselves and where people arent so cliquish but more down to earth, etc. And where women are more feminine and open to flirtation and cold approach. Etc.

What do you think? Have you too contemplated all the above steps in succeeding in american social life, and how achievable it is or if its even worth the effort?

Interesting and great post!!!

[Neo]

I think the problem is that the female gems are few and far between. They are rare. I am not just talking about beauty. I am talking about a woman who's not playing some twisted game, and who isn't trying to play the role of the man, and who isn't promiscuous, and who isn't unreasonable, who is down to earth and sweet, without some secret, underlying evil agenda, who is straightforward and honest. In other words, a woman who is morally upright.

And the women who are really evil will psychologically abuse you to the point where you're finally too exasperated to bother with women for a long, long time. It's these women that cause men to give up, and they outnumber the good by a wide margin.

The other thing is, one party wants a genuine relationship that includes bedroom activity. While it is often the case that the other party is not genuinely interested in a relationship for the pleasure of bedroom activity, but rather, is more interested in self-worship, using relationships as an opportunity to delight in inflicting psychological pain, manipulation, and to test the limits of their sexual power and control over the other gender, to prove to themselves in their egos how awesome (godlike) they are.

[Zambales]

I think the problem is that the female gems are few and far between. They are rare. I am not just talking about beauty. I am talking about a woman who's not playing some twisted game, and who isn't trying to play the role of the man, and who isn't promiscuous, and who isn't unreasonable, who is down to earth and sweet, without some secret, underlying evil agenda, who is straightforward and honest. In other words, a woman who is morally upright.

Otherwise known as a real woman. Status : Critically endangered.