Focus on finding friends not lovers

[mattyman]

Find your right crowd. That's what going abroad is all about. It's about expanding your social circle and finding what's right for you, as Winston's original articles say. Sometimes you don't have to even do that.

Wherever you go, focus on meeting people as people.

f**k bedding women, f**k that nonsense 'more notch counts=better' nonsense. f**k this one-upping rubbish.

Happier abroad is about finding a) places where it's easier to meet people without a massive clique and b) where people are more open (can be within your own country) & c) higher density of people who're a better match for you.

I was told by a member 'you're not abroad you have no right to contribute'. That implies people who're interested but haven't been abroad before are not allowed to say anything. One member thinking he OWNS THE PLACE. I have been abroad, done volunteer work abroad, made friends. I think Winston talks sense in his origin article.

[Tsar]

Finding friends is difficult for me. If I had to tell anyone if getting friends or getting a girlfriend was more difficult, in my opinion, both are extremely difficult with girlfriend only marginally more difficult.

[jerryrigged]

Finding friends is difficult for me. If I had to tell anyone if getting friends or getting a girlfriend was more difficult, in my opinion, both are extremely difficult with girlfriend only marginally more difficult.

Remember, Tsar, its almost impossible for a man to be "friends" with a woman. Work on your social skills with like-minded fellows first and women in the FSU etc will come easy to you later.

[Tsar]

Finding friends is difficult for me. If I had to tell anyone if getting friends or getting a girlfriend was more difficult, in my opinion, both are extremely difficult with girlfriend only marginally more difficult.

Remember, Tsar, its almost impossible for a man to be "friends" with a woman. Work on your social skills with like-minded fellows first and women in the FSU etc will come easy to you later.

I know that especially after all these years.

Besides, I am logical. If a female is indeed a "friend" then she will want favors, attention, a guy to listen to her complain or to cry on, and platonic friend dates (but probably still expect the guy to pay because she's a female). Females also think every guy that would "be their friend" is "interested in her sexually."

There's no real way to be friends with a girl.

Maybe there is for some people but I agree that most males cannot be friends with a girl.

[MarcosZeitola]

Find your right crowd. That's what going abroad is all about. It's about expanding your social circle and finding what's right for you, as Winston's original articles say. Sometimes you don't have to even do that.

Wherever you go, focus on meeting people as people.

f**k bedding women, f**k that nonsense 'more notch counts=better' nonsense. f**k this one-upping rubbish.

Happier abroad is about finding a) places where it's easier to meet people without a massive clique and b) where people are more open (can be within your own country) & c) higher density of people who're a better match for you.

Very solid advice, and very true. Especially if the aim is to get a good woman to be a partner, don't ever neglect great platonic friendships with other men. They may one day suggest you a woman, recommend some cute girl to look in your direction, set you up with someone... story as old as time. You can be the weirdo outsider getting girls locals don't want or that are seen as used goods, as they chuckle behind your back, or you can be a man who integrated himself into whatever society he lives in, blends in to some degree, befriends people regardless of gender or faith or what-have-you and often has good things coming his way.

It is commonly understood that in many cultures, to get the highest quality of partners, one would need a local family to 'vouch' for you. If all you do is chase ass without ever socializing with the locals, this is a tall order. You have legions of cheap and easy girls, which may appeal to some men. But those who seek that genuine connection with someone who shares their values, fits their criteria and will give them a stable family life and good offspring, may have to think 'outside the box' before getting 'into the box'.

[Winston]

Why do many of you say that men and women can't be friends? They can as long as they are not attracted to each other, or if one of them is, that he or she controls themselves and doesn't let it taint their friendship. It also depends on whether you have anything in common or vibe good. And are not just being polite or pretending to be friendly and going through the motions. Generalizations like that don't make sense. Besides, the best relationships usually have a solid friendship as a foundation. If that's there then there will be no fighting or enemies after a divorce or breakup.

Also if you enjoy her company then why not be friends with her? As long as you aren't spending much money on her and she's not keeping you from doing other more important stuff, nothing wrong with it. Female company can be ok if platonic as long as you like her as a person. I don't understand why friends can be male but not female, since the issue is with the individual involved, not the gender. You can't say "all women cannot be your true friend, only men can". That makes no sense, since this isn't a gender issue but an individual one.

Most likely those who say this simply do not connect well with women for whatever reason. So they assume the same must go for other men, since what goes for them goes for everyone, it's a classic human fallacy.

[mattyman]

RE Marcos, totally agree;

One thing we can both agree on is getting to know people as people, finding out about them, do you enjoy being around them? Focus on finding your crowd, that'll lead you to more friends and hopefully a lover.

I say the OP because, you'll simply find it easier when you're focused on meeting people as people, people of like mind. We've all heard 'don't go looking it'll happen when you least expect it'? All the best natters & further experiences I've had, I wasn't focused on chatting-up. The best advice I ever heard is 'don't focus on catting-up'.

[mattyman]

RE the idea 'men and women can't be friends
See below, a case example I'm going to destroy;

Remember, Tsar, its almost impossible for a man to be "friends" with a woman. Work on your social skills with like-minded fellows first and women in the FSU etc will come easy to you later.

This is only an issue if a) guy likes girl and b) girl doesn't see him that way, and guy doesn't accept that. The graceful thing to do is accept that. You can still remain friends if both of you are happy. The only thing that might cause awkwardness and distance is if you're continually focused on making that one your lover. It's that simple.

It might be easier if you have a bigger social circle &/or more options to meet new people. That will come.