What It Means To Be A Good Father

[Cornfed]

Why would it be wrong for first century Christian men to have sex with prostitutes but not for modern Christians. That doesn't make sense.

You would want to think of Paul as a salesman. To the gentiles he emphasized faith over works, even though that is stupid, because talking about works would be taken as meaning people had to adopt all Jewish laws and that would have been unsalable. To people who were already Christian and largely his fellow salesmen he said to be keep their heads down in terms of sex, drinking etc. to not embarrass themselves in front of the pagans. Those were contradictory positions, but they make sense in terms of selling the religion at that time. Neither position should be seen as a recipe for a productive society moving forward and in fact neither was.

Keep in mind that Paul was a pharisee scumbag who was converted and used by God probably because of his slimy manipulative skills. He is like many other characters in the Bible - the right man for the job at the time.

[MrMan]

@MrMan and @Tsar

I don't know, I feel like y'all are somehow being more autistic about this issue then I am. I mean, I am already a very "black and white" thinker so to speak. But I still realize that you just can't be so extreme about this. Y'all don't accept any middle ground between virgin and slut and Tsar, I'm sorry, but that rule is really really holding you back when it comes to dating. I can understand saying "I won't date a girl with a double digit partner count." But the whole "she must be a virgin" thing. I mean, if you date a girl who's only slept with one guy or two guys, its basically the same as dating a virgin. She's still really inexperienced, hasn't been jaded by frequent heartbreak, and the chances that her boyfriend was bad or mediocre in bed are really high.

And MrMan, you're basically saying 97% of women are whores who have defiled themselves and only 3% of women out there are good. Even my mother has defiled herself by your standards even though my father is the only man she ever slept with. I mean, I respect you for having followed through on your beliefs, but not everybody can do that.

I don't know the stats on who has defiled themselves in this way. But it could be 97% per marriage in US culture nowadays. There were much better stats several generations back.

What do you call a woman who has sex with a man for $1000? A prostitute, right? Her price is $1000?

What do you call a woman who has sex with a man for $5? A prostitute, right? Some people may think she is lower class.

What do you call a woman who has sex with a man for $0? In the 1800's, 'prostitute' referred to someone who had sex outside of marriage whether money exchanged hands or not. Since then it took on a legal definition that involved paying money.

But it is all the same thing. A woman who sleeps around for $1000 should not look down on the one who does it for $5. But there are a lot of women who strangely look down on the woman who does it for $5, when she sleeps with a man who is not her husband for free. It is fornication.

Many men and women in our culture have prostituted themselves. Btw, the stats are likely better in some other countries.

I believe God can forgive sin. Personally, I did not want to marry a non-virgin. Theoretically, I would have considered a widow who had only been with her late husband, but practically, as a young man, widows weren't really in my consideration set. If I were widowed (widowered?) I might consider that as an alternative. That would be the only situation in which I would consider a single mother, also. But I expect to grow old with my lovely wife, if God grants us the years of this life and the Lord Jesus doesn't come back and we put on immortality first.

If another Christian wants to marry a girl who slept around but repented, I do not oppose that. Personally, that was not what I wanted. I waited also.

It is also very normal for sincere Christians not to sleep around before marriage.

And I do consider it worse for a woman to sleep with lots of men than to sleep with only one man and marry him. Also, research showed that women who had had multiple sex partners prior to marriage had higher rates of 'marital disruption.' It's kind of old research (Teachman, 1990, Journal of Marriage and Family). Women who had slept with their husbands prior to marriage did not show the same tendency toward divorce and marriage problems as those with multiple partners.

What I don't get with you is if you want to be a Christian, why not go all the way in. If you read the words of Jesus, don't you get the idea that He wants you to take an 'extreme stance' in actually loving Him and obeying Him? Do you think He likes luke warmness? Have you actually read the Bible?

[Outcast9428]

What I don't get with you is if you want to be a Christian, why not go all the way in. If you read the words of Jesus, don't you get the idea that He wants you to take an 'extreme stance' in actually loving Him and obeying Him? Do you think He likes luke warmness? Have you actually read the Bible?

I have read some of the Bible, but I do not know it as well as you do. Its a long book, it will take some time to read through.

I see the basis behind all of the rules... Including the rules against fornication... I understand the intent behind them, and agree with them. However, I also think that those rules were created in a time period where the circumstances and social norms were extremely different from our own. If arranged marriages were normal, and socially acceptable in our society again, then I would agree with you that people should not have sex before marriage. But the fact of the matter is, we do not live in a culture where it is acceptable to have an arranged marriage where you may marry somebody you may have met a week ago, or a month ago or whatever. At the time that these rules were written, it was acceptable and nobody would've imagined life looking any differently. Back then, it really was a cut and dry case. If you were truly serious about the girl, then you would marry her before having sex with her. Fornication back then wasn't that different from having a one night stand today because people did not wait around for years and years before getting married like people today do. So insisting on fornicating when you could just ask her to marry you right there didn't make much sense for a serious, long term minded person.

But doing that today simply isn't practical. I really do believe my girlfriend is the one for me. If I was alive centuries ago, I would undoubtedly have asked her to marry me at this point. And I have no doubts that she would say yes. Even in our modern day in age, I still believe she would say yes, even as early in the relationship as this is. But our parents, our families, and even my friends would be like "wtf?" Everyone would tell us it was a bad idea, and doing something like that might cause her parents to view me with suspicion. I don't need that kind of drama going into our marriage.

Don't worry, I don't plan to wait around for years to marry her. But I certainly cannot ask her to marry me after one month of dating. She wanted to have sex though, she wanted it really really badly. And I already made her wait until we had been dating for a month. If I had told her "no we must wait until marriage." That would have hurt our relationship... A lot. This does not mean that she is a slut looking for a short term fling, she is absolutely, head over heels in love with me. She loves me more then I ever thought a girl would love me. Her intense love for me, and her trust in me, is exactly why it was so hard for her to wait any longer. And at some point, you just feel like "why am I doing this to us? Is there even any point to this? We are in love after-all."

The truth is, expecting people to wait 6-12 months even before having sex... Even that isn't realistic. When the floodgates of love open up, it doesn't trickle in, it rages through like a stampeding bull. Trying to obey any kind of timeline is virtually impossible, even for an autist like me.

Jesus wanted people to be in love before having sex, he wanted people to choose a partner for life and not to dump people they had sex with. His reasons for wanting this make perfect sense and I agree with them. At the time he was preaching to people, the way such behaviors would manifest itself would be by waiting until you were married before having sex. But that isn't really the case anymore because the culture has changed so much. People who wait until they are in committed relationships are waiting about as long as people in Jesus's time period waited to be married. So the mentality is pretty much the same, but people have to adjust, to some extent, to the culture around them or else functioning in life becomes really difficult.

[Pixel--Dude]

I wonder if the rich ex-husband's lawyers hired PIs who found out the ex was a prostitute, let the info out in court, and she lost custody for being a whore.

@MrMan
That isn't what she said, that's just something you made up. She told me that she was divorced back in Hungary and her ex husband used his money to hire the best lawyers to defeat her in a custody battle. She became a prostitute in the UK, despite having a boyfriend already, so she can save enough money to hire her own lawyers and gain visitation rights to her children. She might be making it up, there might be more to it, but I didn't bother to speculate and just took her at face value.

[Pixel--Dude]

They were more then just acquaintances. I had really close friendships with them for about a year. I've heard the exact same thing from several other "actual" acquaintances who were doing this. Basically, its sex and money for no work. I even met some girls back in high school who told me they wanted to be strippers when they grew up. Seeing them as victims is really silly and in my experience, there's a universal hatred among prostitutes for people who view them as victims.

I'd still prefer my daughter to get married, but I'd much rather her be a prostitute then a slutty sorority girl.

Why is it silly to see them as victims? Most of them are likely to face abuse from either clients, pimps or police.
https://prostitution.procon.org/questio ... the-world/
According to this source there are about 40 million prostitutes globally, 90% of which are dependent on pimps. There is a lot of abuse and exploitation. So a few friends who don't fall into this 90% do not reflect the entirety of the profession.

They could always make prostitution legal in some places, but then that just means that the state becomes their new pimp.

Aren't prostitutes also easy targets for serial killers? Jack the Ripper took a couple out and then there was the more recent attacks by the Yorkshire Ripper, most of the women he murdered were supposed to have been sex workers and nobody really gave a f**k that they had been killed. When he killed a girl who wasn't a sex worker the media said something like "real woman killed" or something along those lines, I remember seeing it in the documentary. You should give it a watch.

From the perspective of a father I wouldn't want my daughter becoming a prostitute or a sorority slut. Both are just as bad as the other. If you were to become a father to a little girl I sincerely doubt you would advocate for her to become a prostitute.

To be honest with you it baffles me completely how you consider prostitution something necessary and moral, yet playful spanking between a consensual couple utterly evil and degenerate and without needing explanation why you're all over the place, dude.

[MrMan]

I see the basis behind all of the rules... Including the rules against fornication... I understand the intent behind them, and agree with them. However, I also think that those rules were created in a time period where the circumstances and social norms were extremely different from our own. If arranged marriages were normal, and socially acceptable in our society again, then I would agree with you that people should not have sex before marriage. But the fact of the matter is, we do not live in a culture where it is acceptable to have an arranged marriage where you may marry somebody you may have met a week ago, or a month ago or whatever.

They had some degree of 'arranged marriage' in Biblical times, but a lot of people lived in villages and couples may have known each other in the community growing up. I don't know how common being arranged with a stranger was. Samson was old enough to marry, apparently, when he asked his parents for him to marry a certain woman he'd seen. So apparently they weren't all matched up as little children.

Generally, historically, Christians, to some extent at least, have taken instructions in the Bible directed to Christians as being for Christians. You can use the 'different culture' argument for anything. Like, "It says, thou shalt not kill, but that was before we could lovingly and painlessly put down annoying people with a lethal injection... or instantly with a shot gun."--- bam! There you have it, a cultural argument in favor of murder. You could use 'it's a different culture' to try to justify anything.

When it comes to marriage and sexuality, Jesus taught, based on Genesis, that two shall be one flesh. That was part of His argument in teaching against divorce. Paul also referred to this passage in Genesis in teaching against a Christian fornicating with a prostitute.

The Bible warns Christians that God judges fornicators and adulterers. It says that He gets vengence against fornicators. These passages are addressed to Christians. So this is not something to take lightly. You need to learn to love what God loves and hate what God hates.

And what happens if you find someone you love, and you love each other then have sex? So often, one of you decides, no, this relationship isn't for me. If two people are really committed, then they can get married. Having sex while you try to figure it out, then getting another partner and trying him/her out. You end up joining bodily with multiple partners who has done the same instead of 'two shall be one flesh.'

The Bible also says to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

My understanding is also that the stats on success rates for partners who live together first is lower than for those who do not and then marry. If you save sex for someone you really commit to for life, that says a lot more than, "Let's have sex with each other while we try each other out. If I don't like you, I can get rid of you, but you can do the same with me." That's not the same as, "I am committing to you for life."

Fornication is against the Biblical design for 'two shall be one flesh.' If we think about it ethically apart from that, children make babies. Would it be ethical to make a baby with someone when you had no intention of sticking around in the same home with that person to be a father? Would it be right to child to do so? Statistically, children raised without a father in the home do worse on a number of metrics-- more likely to get in trouble with the law, more likely to drop out of school, more likely to get pregnant as teens outside of marriage if they are girls. I don't remember all the stats. Higher chances of drug use might be in there, too. Birth control and aborting babies has lessened the perceived consequences of fornication. But condoms are 90-something percent effective, 92, the last I heard. Let's say you had sex with a girl with no condom. She could get pregnant, right? What if you had sex with a girlfriend 20 times or so? Aren't your chances of impregnating her higher?

And even if you wouldn't have slept with her without a condom, she still hasn't decided on you. If she is willing to sleep with a man she is not married to, there is no guarantee she is going to marry him if he gets her pregnant. You don't know if she has decided she wants you or not if you haven't proposed. And some women aren't going to be sleeping around unless in their minds they allow for aborting his baby as a possibility if they get pregnant.

This is not your life. You do not belong to yourself. All things were made for God's pleasure, including you. And Christians are bought with a price. Christ died for our sins to redeem us. The Bible says, "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality;" (I Thes. 4:3, NKJV). It is possible to repent of fornication and find forgiveness from God.

At the time that these rules were written, it was acceptable and nobody would've imagined life looking any differently.

At what point in time? Israelites were surrounded by fornicating Canaanites and other tribes that would engage in types of incest, the men having sex with men, having sex with animals, and all kinds of disgusting practices. Later, they were exposed to Greek culture which also had plenty of sexual perversion.

Back then, it really was a cut and dry case. If you were truly serious about the girl, then you would marry her before having sex with her.

It still is.

Fornication back then wasn't that different from having a one night stand today because people did not wait around for years and years before getting married like people today do. So insisting on fornicating when you could just ask her to marry you right there didn't make much sense for a serious, long term minded person.

My understanding of Jewish culture was that the man could take a long time to prepare to be able to marry his wife.

But doing that today simply isn't practical. I really do believe my girlfriend is the one for me. If I was alive centuries ago, I would undoubtedly have asked her to marry me at this point. And I have no doubts that she would say yes. Even in our modern day in age, I still believe she would say yes, even as early in the relationship as this is. But our parents, our families, and even my friends would be like "wtf?" Everyone would tell us it was a bad idea, and doing something like that might cause her parents to view me with suspicion. I don't need that kind of drama going into our marriage.

Then don't have sex with her.

Don't worry, I don't plan to wait around for years to marry her. But I certainly cannot ask her to marry me after one month of dating. She wanted to have sex though, she wanted it really really badly. And I already made her wait until we had been dating for a month. If I had told her "no we must wait until marriage." That would have hurt our relationship... A lot. This does not mean that she is a slut looking for a short term fling, she is absolutely, head over heels in love with me. She loves me more then I ever thought a girl would love me. Her intense love for me, and her trust in me, is exactly why it was so hard for her to wait any longer. And at some point, you just feel like "why am I doing this to us? Is there even any point to this? We are in love after-all."

You have a chance to repent yourself, but also to teach this young woman to prioritize obedience to the Lord over her fleshly desires. You both need to go into marriage with that attitude. Someday, the newness of the relationship wears off. If a good-looking man at work or elsewhere starts putting the moves on her, she might be able to rationalize that she could hide it from you. But if her priority is to do what is right before God, she can't hide it from God. The same applies to you. If you love a woman's body, and you couldn't have access to hers for some reason (for example healing up from childbirth), and you have a chance with another pretty girl, with a condom and three types of birth control, and she won't tell anyone, and your wife won't find out... if your heart is right before God on this issue, then you know God will know, even if your wife won't. In real life, it seems like the wife or husband usually finds out eventually, but people try to justify themselves.

My wife and I had intense love for one another while we were getting to know each other before marriage. But both of us believed sex before marriage was wrong, so we waited until marriage, and then we started having lots of sex after that. It was okay. We were married. Sex is for the married, not a season of getting to know one another.

The truth is, expecting people to wait 6-12 months even before having sex... Even that isn't realistic. When the floodgates of love open up, it doesn't trickle in, it rages through like a stampeding bull. Trying to obey any kind of timeline is virtually impossible, even for an autist like me.

I was a young raging bull, too, with a want-it-every-day sex drive, as demonstrated in my marriage after we wed. I've got a 5 in front of my age, and every day would still be fine with me, though my body doesn't seem to demand it as much. So I understand the raging bull thing. You need to not put yourself in a situation where you will fall. If you aren't committed to doing God's will on this issue and you are dating a woman who isn't, how are you going to withstand?

I broke up with a girl once because I knew I could just have sex with her if I wanted to. I found out she wasn't a virgin. I wanted to marry a virgin. If we stayed together, it was likely I would fall into sin. What was the point? I wasn't going to marry her, and this was just temptation. So I broke it off with her, quite amicably.

If you are going to marry this woman and have children with her, you need to be on the same page in terms of sexual ethics and many other issues... and you need to be on the same page with God on it as well.

Jesus wanted people to be in love before having sex, he wanted people to choose a partner for life and not to dump people they had sex with.

At the end of the Book of Job, God's wrath was against one of Job's friends for saying things about God that were not true. I think you should be careful saying Jesus wanted this or talking about Jesus' motivations. The Bible doesn't say 'Be in love before you get married' or 'Marry who you are in love with.' It does say, 'Husbands love your wives.' There may have been arranged marriages back then, probably with consent of both partners. But if they weren't 'in love' according to our modern western romanticized concepts, they were still supposed to love one another.

His reasons for wanting this make perfect sense and I agree with them. At the time he was preaching to people, the way such behaviors would manifest itself would be by waiting until you were married before having sex. But that isn't really the case anymore because the culture has changed so much. People who wait until they are in committed relationships are waiting about as long as people in Jesus's time period waited to be married. So the mentality is pretty much the same, but people have to adjust, to some extent, to the culture around them or else functioning in life becomes really difficult.

You are just making this up to justify yourself. Look at your own past? You really love a woman, have sex with her... then what? Did you marry the women you had sex with? It's slower partner trading than a play who does one night stands. You may have slightly better intentions, but you are still willing to sleep with the woman before making a serious commitment for life, before she makes a serious commitment for life, before getting her father's permission, and everything else involved.

So what happens? One of you decides to break up. There was no commitment anyway. What happens if a girl is willing to have sex with you, but not as serious, really, as she thinks she is, or as she makes you think she is, then she gets pregnant, and you end up just as a baby daddy, or the baby is aborted? Sex makes babies. It's not just for recreation. If you get married, you can enjoy really enjoy the recreational aspect, but after you have lots and lots of fun, the baby just might come along, and then you are in a marriage situation where you can raise the baby.

[Lucas88]

Exactly. And wouldn't having prostitutes so readily available only make it easier for men to cheat on their wives when they can have a discreet encounter for 60 euros? He'd already have experience with them in @Outcast9428's envisioned society, so it would be easy. And according to @Cornfed it wouldn't even be immoral either.

I'm not against prostitutes existing, but I don't agree they benefit relationships in any way at all. It's more of an easy way to make lots of money fast. The Hungarian prostitute I went to see was my only positive encounter with a prostitute and she told me over a cup of tea that she had a boyfriend and she was only doing what she was doing because it was the easiest way to make as much money as possible as quickly as possible. The reason she wanted to do this was so that she could fight her ex husband in court and get custody of her kids. Her ex husband was apparently some rich business man who hired top lawyers to win the custody battle, because like she said: "in this world if you have money you have a voice. If you don't have money you don't have a voice."

Just for the record, I'm not opposed to prostitution either. I know that I wrote that I believe that encounters with escorts probably made me more promiscuous since it exacerbated my addiction to certain forms of beauty and accustomed me to sexual variety (until for some strange reason @Outcast9428 just abruptly showed up and started hysterically going off in his typical douchebag fashion on men who don't like spending money on women ), but I certainly don't have any moral problem with prostitution itself as long as the girls aren't being exploited or abused and even believe that it is a necessary institution for a fully functioning society since it is there to take care of the sexual needs of men who don't have immediate access to sex.

Not all prostitutes are victims. Many of them are simply highly materialistic women who enjoy the good life and nice things and view selling sexual services as preferable and much more profitable than doing some boring low-paid slave job in an office or a warehouse. There are actually some prostitutes who don't want to get married because in their line of work they can make much more money than what the vast majority of potential husbands can provide. In this kind of scenario, I have no problem with prostitution. It is evidently a win-win situation for all parties involved. The woman can make hundreds in a day just for having sex while horny men have easy access to sex and lays with hot women and can thereby take care of their sexual needs discreetly. Legal and affordable prostitution also gives men more leverage against feminist women and their misandry and unreasonably high standards in the sexual market.

So, I actually consider prostitution a net benefit to society even though there is the risk of addiction on the part of the man.

As for the ethics of seeing a prostitute, ideally it would be best to seek out independent escorts. These often advertise themselves through escort websites like destacamos, erosguia and nuevoloquo and you can arrange a "date" through WhatsApp. Some girls actually work for a madame who owns the apartment brothel and who takes a cut of the money. This is not ideal in my view but if you encounter a situation like that you can give the girl a tip so that she makes more money if she treats you well.

[WilliamSmith]

This is just a quick one which I plan on elaborating on at a later time. @WilliamSmith and I had a conversation about having kids and what it means to be a good father. I've decided to make the thread so we can discuss this until he returns from his trip to the Bermuda Triangle.

@Pixel--Dude
Thanks for the thread! I haven't had time to read it all yet, but popped in anyway to say I appreciate this topic! This subject means a lot to me too, because a lot of us who didn't have a father figure and are only familiar with a bunch of men failing in their marriages want to study how to do it in a more positive way, and it's the same for almost all my girlfriends who tend to have also been raised by single Moms.

I talked this over with some men who have credibility as good fathers (also ladies' men as opposed to traditionalist hodlers, who I respect in theory but literally have never personally even seen one successful case of in my life), and they had some interesting things to say about the importance of leading by example.
Unfortunately, I know more about what parents shouldn't do and the results that can cause (even if the parents did their best and aren't blameworthy) because of my studying women and hypnotherapy, so know about some of the issues with women who were brought up in single mother-led households with no positive male figure around. I'll read what everyone else said first before I get into it, but thanks.

[Pixel--Dude]

This is just a quick one which I plan on elaborating on at a later time. @WilliamSmith and I had a conversation about having kids and what it means to be a good father. I've decided to make the thread so we can discuss this until he returns from his trip to the Bermuda Triangle.

@Pixel--Dude
Thanks for the thread! I haven't had time to read it all yet, but popped in anyway to say I appreciate this topic! This subject means a lot to me too, because a lot of us who didn't have a father figure and are only familiar with a bunch of men failing in their marriages want to study how to do it in a more positive way, and it's the same for almost all my girlfriends who tend to have also been raised by single Moms.

I talked this over with some men who have credibility as good fathers (also ladies' men as opposed to traditionalist hodlers, who I respect in theory but literally have never personally even seen one successful case of in my life), and they had some interesting things to say about the importance of leading by example.
Unfortunately, I know more about what parents shouldn't do and the results that can cause (even if the parents did their best and aren't blameworthy) because of my studying women and hypnotherapy, so know about some of the issues with women who were brought up in single mother-led households with no positive male figure around. I'll read what everyone else said first before I get into it, but thanks.

No worries, buddy! Glad you like the thread. It should make for interesting reading, even though the conversation segways into a discussion about prostitutes and traditionalism. Still relevant to the main topic, I would say. But yeah, enjoy the thread and as always I'm looking forward to seeing what you make of it.

Was your father not around growing up? That's the impression I got from your message. If so, I'm sorry to hear that. I clash with my father a lot, but I genuinely love him and he loves me. I owe him quite a bit and I'm grateful to him for what he's done for me.

Unfortunately my relationship broke down and became extremely toxic. I tried to stick around for the sake of my daughter, but in the end it was doing more harm than good and I didn't want my daughter growing up thinking that toxic dynamic is normal in a relationship. My daughter is much happier now, as am I and the ex as well.

I try to be the best father I can be, despite living hundred or so miles away. I call my daughter often and I am even prepared to travel the hundreds of miles to pick her up and bring her to my parent's for the weekend or something. Everyone who knows me reckons I'm a very good father. I just wish I could do more and be there for her more. It makes me sad when I think of all the bits of her life I will miss out on.

[Pixel--Dude]

Is there such a thing as a good father? Really? Sure, there might be some fathers who are financially supportive or who try to instill their values onto their children, but I guarantee that ALL parents inexorably end up also passing down all their psychological problems onto their kids as well. All their anxieties, prejudices, neuroses and all the rest of it! It's not something that they realise they are doing half of the time. Parents f**k up their kids. That's a fact. My dad's father passed all his bullshit onto my dad and my dad has passed all his bullshit onto me and I will undoubtedly contribute to the decline of my own daughter's mental health as well with all my bullshit! If you want to be a good father then don't bother having kids!

[Jonny Law]

A "Good Father" leaves America.

And raises his children either in a patriarchal society overseas or in some patriarchal religious community in THE USA

The American dream is over. The Jewish Gays have taken over completely. So enjoy the Decline while it lasts.

[Natural_Born_Cynic]

Don't get married then you won't have to be a father. Being a father is hard work with marginal return of investment.

[WilliamSmith]

I spotted a good post from @Lucas88 that I thought was worth reposting in here :

I overwhelmingly favor a balanced development for men, one that results in the cultivation of various different virtues. This should be no different for Asian or half-Asian males.

A father should encourage his sons to pursue development in various areas: intellectual, creative, social, physical and combative.

Instill into your sons a love for reading and learning. But this need not be overly "academic". Teach them a lot of practical skills. At the same time, encourage them to take up certain creative activities. Art and music will be good for their development. Teach them valuable social skills from a young age and encourage them to socialize with other kids. Yes, social skills are important and give you a significant advantage in life. Encourage them also to develop their bodies, physical strength and athleticism from a young age. Get them doing sports, exercise and physical training. Things like gymnastics and eventually weight training. Finally, make sure that they learn how to fight. Get them into kickboxing, wrestling or MMA. Knowing how to protect oneself and one's loved ones (and especially one's woman) is part of what it means to be a man. Fathers must instill martial virtue into their sons.

What is best for your sons is that they become well-rounded men with all of the virtues that I have described above. They don't have to be one-dimensional socially inept, nerdy, semi-effete dweebs studying mathematics all day just because they're Asian. Lol! That idea is f'n' ridiculous!

Like you, I also believe that too much emphasis on "academics" can serve to stunt a kid's growth in other areas. I also believe that "academic intelligence" is overrated (I say this as an intellectual person myself) and that practical and more organic forms of intelligence are more valuable.

But I don't know why you are even asking this question in the first place. You lived in Asia for 5, 6, 7 years (I don't remember the exact number of years) and have fathered multiple half-Asian kids. You already know what Asia is like and how Asian people are and so you have no reason to care about the opinions of certain delusional folk who've never even set foot in an Asian country.

But what do I know? I'm just a paid government agent spreading misinformation as I type on my computer with my mutilated pecker, a tefillin strapped to my head, and a copy of the Zohar open on my desk beside me!

[Jonny Law]

NEWSFLASH!

A "GOOD FATHER" HAS CHILDREN WITH A GOOD WOMAN!

And that may involve knowing how to spot Good Motherly Qualities. And going Overseas.

[MrMan]

Don't get married then you won't have to be a father. Being a father is hard work with marginal return of investment.

Financially, it might be better if you instill in them the idea of taking care of their parents. But compared to never marrying, single men tend to live shorter lives. Having marriage and children puts people in your life to care about and to care about you. The west is a culture where people tend to be socially disconnected. You can try to have lots of friendships, but your friends marry off and get busy with family or move away. If you don't have a family, it puts you at a disadvantage socially.