Happier Abroad Forum Community

I have been in an incompatible relationship with a Costa Rican girl for just over 2 years now despite knowing from day 1 we weren't compatible.

I stayed because she gave me so much unconditional love that I had never really received before. And that love continues now. We have great chemistry in all areas...except sexually. She just doesn't do it for me. I also want to travel and meet other women and she cannot handle that.

I have told her I don't want a girlfriend anymore but we can be friends (which I legitimately meant) and that I would help her with true emergencies but not send a monthly allowance. She changed for awhile but it wasn't long before she treated me like a boyfriend again as if we never had this conversation.

I can't get myself to leave despite being incompatible with her because I'm overwhelmed with the guilt of leaving behind someone who loved me and is getting older and will likely be poor forever if I don't stay with her.

Anyone been in this situation?

What do you do, psychologically, to break off from a bad relationship knowing that the woman being older and in a third world country will likely spend the rest of her days poor and alone?

If you've been in this situation I'd be interested in hearing how you did it. But I'm mainly talking psychologically. The logistics of leaving are simple, but how do you not let it bother you? Does it just come down to caring too much?

Did you take the woman's virginity, spoiling her for men who wanted a virgin, use up her viable dating years, and now want to dump her?

If she was a virgin, and you took that, I think you'd have a heavier ethical obligation there. Do you have a child with her? Is she pregnant? You should raise your own kids.

I took a different route in life. I'm a Christian. I waited until marriage to have sex, not wanting to become 'one flesh' with someone outside of marriage. I married a virgin. We committed for life.

I think men ought to be considerate, not to spend years dating a woman they won't marry, taking her off the dating market when she has a decent chance to find a husband.

WakingUp wrote: ↑

January 21st, 2023, 7:33 pm

I have been in an incompatible relationship with a Costa Rican girl for just over 2 years now despite knowing from day 1 we weren't compatible.
.....
If you've been in this situation I'd be interested in hearing how you did it. But I'm mainly talking psychologically. The logistics of leaving are simple, but how do you not let it bother you? Does it just come down to caring too much?

I can only say, what I read here, you cannot change her, she cannot change you - therefore no future for both of you living together and you should leave her. The first step is always to get away physically from any person you feel you do not fit together.

Anything else, how still to be supportive to her nevertheless comes after - think about it when you are finally alone without her next to you.
My guess is you will soon forget about her, and she will soon forget about you too.

WakingUp wrote: ↑

January 21st, 2023, 7:33 pm

I have told her I don't want a girlfriend anymore but we can be friends (which I legitimately meant) and that I would help her with true emergencies but not send a monthly allowance. She changed for awhile but it wasn't long before she treated me like a boyfriend again as if we never had this conversation.

Monthly allowance? Dump her. I do believe in sending financial support if you are truly in a relationship. You are not.

Move on.