Happier Abroad Forum Community

Hey guys I'm a long time lurker and have been reading game and travel forums like this one for a long time

I've always disliked living in a anglosphere country for numerous reasons and this is in part due to probably having a very mild form of autism. I've traveled a lot and have been to various European countries as well as China and recently the Phillipines and have noticed that I got on better with locals and expats abroad compared to my home country. While I have learned game to a certain extent and my social skills are vastly improved to when I was younger I still struggle sometimes with women but I do far better in Asia. Now that I'm in my late 20s and am in the position to live abroad permanently I'm considering a few places to eventually settle down in and find a wife and have kids. East Asian women are also my preference as they are higher IQ.


The Philippines

From my time there and what I have observed and read online it seems the Phils may be a good place to settle down as a white guy and have hapa kids and its arguably one of the most accepting places in the region of hapas and foreigners living there.

That being said while I like the place for shorter bang missions I'm not sure I could live there long term as outside of a few areas it's a 3rd world dump. The avg IQ there is low 80s and I personally prefer lighter skinned Asians which are relatively more scarce there. While some of the women there are wife material there's also a large amount of promiscuous women.


China:

China is a fascinating place but lately has become a lot more outwardly anti foreigner and it was never really a place you could live in long term and raise a family so I'm not going to consider it as a viable option outside of maybe getting a wife there and then moving to Taiwan or Kuala Lumpar which will pose its own new set of potential problems.


Vietnam:

While being known as a good destination to find a wife, it seems that at least in Saigon this is starting to change as the women and people in general have started becoming more anti foreigner as I'm getting reports that is not as easy as it used to be pre covid.

Supposedly Hanoi is better
and the girls are more my type there from what I've seen online but it's a very polluted place and Im not sure it's the best place to raise a family. I suppose I could find a wife there and move to Da Nang. The issue is I'm not sure if it's a great place to attempt to integrate well in due to the more anti foreigner sentiment there and hapa kids may not be viewed as well as in the Phillipines or Indonesia. The women are higher IQ there and as already mentioned lighter skin so that's a positive for me.


Japan:

Japan is an option I'm considering but it seems difficult to integrate well into that society and its a more expensive place compared to the others. Thar being said im a massive fan of Japsnese culture and food but I'm not sure how well hapa kids would be treated there. Another concern is the high taxes there once becoming a resident.
It might be better to just get a Japanese wife in a smaller city once im fluent in the language and take regular trips there instead/relocate to Malaysia with her.

One concern is that it appears that many Japanese often have sexless marriages after having kids with the wife attempting to control the mans assets and household and will sometimes run off with the kids. This is something that is unacceptable to me and I guess I would have to screen very hard to find a girl that would not attempt to pull this later on in the relationship as there's no way I am handing over my bank account to her and no sex is a non negotiable. Outside of these concerns I really like Japanese women and am strongly considering going there to check the place out.


Taiwan:

Taiwanese people seem to be the most open and welcoming of foreigners of any east asian country although it's still nowhere near the levels of the Phils or Indonesia but appears to better than Vietnam in that regard. I'm personally a fan of Chinese women so it's an ideal place as it's basically China without most of the negatives of the mainland and probably a place where one can live long term. It's probably one of my current top considerations.


TLDR:
I'm a bit of a misfit white guy in my late 20s. I have the option of living abroad permanently. I'm interested in asian women as I seem to get on better with them and like the lighter skinned ones better.
So far in terms of preferences its:

Japan>Taiwan>Vietnam>>>Philippines>>>>>China

As already mentioned I'm also open to finding a wife in one of those countries and relocating to Kuala Lumpar.

Factoring all of this in what would be the best country in SEA/East Asia to find a wife in and raise hapa kids while being relatively more accepted and being able to integrate well in?

Hi Doradus

Welcome to the forum. I do not have extensive experience of every single country in Asia. Settling in a country and a culture that is foreign to you, especially without the typical "support package" offered to an expat seconded for business, is very complicated.

Some vloggers on YouTube might portray living in an Asian country, say Vietnam, nice and sweet. Reality beyond their sweet narrative, perhaps to catch a few extra views, is usually not as rosy.

The way you formulate your question is open to interpretation. Are you planning to get a girl from Asian country A and move to country B, or the girl must hail from the same country? Are you planning to work in your Asian country of choice, or just live off your saving? And more on the financials: have you got a passive income to rely on while you look for financial stabilityy, or maybe you already have sufficient passive income that working will become a pleasure, not a necessity?

Wanting to be honest with you, your age and your self-confessed "mild autism" doesn't put you in the best possible position to successfully settle in an Asian country.

Japan

I have been to Japan several times, had a Japanese gf back in the days and love the culture.

Japan might be a lovely country to explore and enjoy for a while but, when the honeymoon period is over, what you will be left with is a relatively expensive place where you may end up lonely and depressed.

Japanese society is highly structured and defines its members by what contribution they give to the Greater Good of their community. You may enjoy being a tourist, and be see as such, for a while. However, at some point if you are serious about settling and you do not have a full-time activity, you won't get much respect from the locals.

And that's where the problem is: Japan does not have nearly as many jobs suitable for foreigners as one might think. If English is your native language you might end up as a private English teacher for kids in one of the online English schools. Those jobs pay minimum wage (for Japan) and often force you to work evenings and nights, which are the time windows where your pupils are free from school and extracurricular activities. For anything more advanced than that, e.g. teaching business English to adults and professionals, a degree and an advanced teaching certification are pretty much compulsory, as it is some prior knowledge of Japanese.

You might get by if you have an online job. Even then, unless you're literally living in a village in the countryside, you will need at least $2,000 a month just for rent, basic expenses and a fair bit of nightlife and travelling on the side.

People-wise, you probably know what to expect from Japanese: polite and friendly on the surface but essentially unable (and often unwilling) to entertain more than a passing interaction with you, unless you're literally a member of their "uchi" (inner family circle).

Dating wise: yes, you can stll find the occasional woman who is not too shy, speaks enough English not to run away in embarassment, maybe has been to your country and is interested in knowing more about your language and culture. Maybe she might like you enough to move her involvement with you into the sexual or the romantic. Just don't expect these kind of women to be young and attractive. You may be lucky to find a bored divorced mom in her mid to late 30, or a woman who never married, typically because either unattractive or career-minded.

China

From what I read and heard lately, Xi Jinping's China has chosen a path of isolation from foreign cultures and influences, especially post-Covid. You may enter and live there for a while yet, from what I can understand, friendliness and even tolerance of foreign faces is at an historical low. You may be lucky to find a few fellow foreigners to hang out with, especially in the large cities.

Job-wise, there might be more opportunities than in Japan, especially for those who speak some Mandarin and/or have STEM backgrounds that can help them with activities based on science, electronics or IT.

Lady-wise...I am personally not a fan of Chinese ladies. Chinese usually hate the idea of being with a foreigner. If they even are even lukewarm at the idea, their families will probably convince them that it's not a good idea. Plus, we all know that Chinese girls are cold, materialistic and easily do about-faces when you stop being a lovely, rich husband who takes care of all their whims. Again, it might be a stereotype but...I'm just not a fan.

I do not see a single benefit from purposely choosing to move to China right now.

Taiwan

I have been to Taipei a few time and, to a tourist eye, the city, the people, the culture looks absolutely lovely. If you know Asia a little bit, you will immediately realise how Taiwan culture is a bit of a hybrid between Japanese and the kind of "southerner", warmer Chinese culture.

I was in Tapei just a few days ago and I kept interacting with friendly, nice people who would go the extra mile to help. Just like in Japan, one shouldn't mistake politeness and professional courteousness with genuine friendliness. People help and like to help out of a sense of pride towards "doing their job right". When outside the business transaction bubble, you will probably go back to being a perfect stranger to them.

I met an Italian men who has been living in Taipei for almost 10 years, married to a Taiwanese woman, one kid together, the whole lot. He confirmed me that life is good in Taipei mainly because he was seen as part of his wife's family and ended up working at his brother in law's company. He also confirmed that, if that hadn't been the case, he would have found it a lot harder to settle in Taipei and would have probably given up.

Winston, the Taiwanese-American founder of HA, has strong negative opinions about Taiwanese people. He finds them cold an unapproachable, including the girls. The thing is, they are industrious people, just like the Japanese and mainland Chinese. Coming across as an eccentric, free thinking Asian, who has American personality traits despite his Asian apperance, is probably not the average Taiwanese's cup of tea.

Again, I have no idea about dating in Taiwan but, by impression, I would say that everything that applies to Japanese women might apply to Taiwanese. I actually happened to have an online fling with a Taiwanese girl back 20 years ago, when I was still living between Italy and the UK. She was pretty, quite open-minded and we had cam sex every time we saw each other online. Despite her invitations, I never visited her and she never visited me. With hindsight, she would have been a very good match for me. A miss...

Philippines

I have been living in the Philippines, continously, since 2015 and this is the Asian culture I know the most. I am married with a Filipina and run an IT company in Manila.

All things considered, I think the Philippines is the most approachable of the Asian cultures, coming from a Western/Anglosaxon cultural platform. You say you have been to the Philippines at least once, so there isn't a lot to explain to you.

The only thing that might stop you from settling in the Philippines is the lack of well paid jobs. Even if you were to find a job that is not barred for foreigners, where knowledge of Tagalog is not required, unless you are at executive level, the salary would be disappointing. You would be able to live like a Filipino, but hardly like a foreigner. A lot depends on your expectations and how easy you can adapt and endure lack of comfort, from not having a properly air-conditioned room to fighting with mosquitos and rats, to having to walk under torrential rain and through flooded roads to reach the nearest supermarket.

Girl-wise, I am a fan of Filipina. However there is a caveat. It's getting increasingly difficult to find a good girl who will like you "just because" you're white. Sure, you might find a woman who is desperate enough to see you as a passport to a better life, in the Philippines or abroad. Yet, the vast majority of girls nowadays have their smartphones and social media, they will have a very clear mind of what and who they expect. If they can be with a handsome Filipino, they will go for it. If they need money and they can hook up with an older but wealthy man, perhaps a local businessman or politician, they'll go for it.

Believe me, and I am not telling you this to rain on your parade: finding a good Filipina is still possible, but nowhere near as simple as it used to be, say, 10 or 15 years ago. You have to be someone and have something to show for.

Thanks for the advice
I'll add that I'm in decent shape and regularly go to the gym and am above avg in looks. I occasionally have trouble with reading body language and slip up sometimes and need to recharge after social events but otherwise you wouldn't be able to tell. Even a psychologist I saw in the past couldn't tell and thought I didnt have it.

I have an online job so while I'm not wealthy by any means I make high 5 figures usd wise and am location independent.

I would never move back to a western country like the US if I get married but otherwise am fine settling in the girls country or moving to somewhere else in the region like Kuala Lumpar w/ her.

I have to agree that Japan probably isn't the best idea given those issues. I think ill still check out Taiwan as again it seems like the best country in east asia for what I want having some of the positives of Japan and China without many of the negatives. I think I recall reading that Taiwanese girls don't change after marriage like Japanese girls but I don't recall where.

Anyways I agree with you that it may be that Winston was treated that way since he is Chinese and the same might not apply to a white guy with similiar traits. I do speak a little Mandarin but am far from fluent.
I think ill at least visit Hanoi and give it a shot as well for a few months and try dating/living there.

If all else fails I'll go back to the Phillipines but will screen hard with few expectations. I did overall feel more comfortable there than in China and foreigner Filipina couples were quite common at least in Manila.
Where in the Phillipines would you reccomend based off on my preferences and where there are more wife material girls? I've only been to manila which had some higher iq light skinned girls but they're not that abundant.

Peru!

Asian men have high status there, if I had a hapa son I would take him there (and the wife of course).

Malaysia or Singapore where they have historical Eurasian communities and where the Chinese communities there are more open minded and accepting.