Happier Abroad Forum Community

Posted: **November 24th, 2010, 4:48 pm**

Why are people in my family so boring, square and no fun? Do any of you have families like that?

Most of my relatives do not usually go out for fun or adventure. They only go out to do errands. If they are not at home, then they are not at work. It's like they don't believe in enjoying life. They have no interest in trying new things or places, or in having new experiences. My parents especially are like that. Whenever we go somewhere together, they are totally repressed against whatever I want to do. It's like their "current" flows against mine.

How can some people be like this? I can't believe it.

When I go to the supermarket in my parent's town in Taiwan, for example, I am able to find all sorts of things that they never knew existed, such as cheese, frozen pizzas, pastries, french bread, etc. just by looking! But if I ask them to get those things for me, they will merely say that those things don't exist in Taiwan and not bother to even look. (probably cause they hate junk food and don't want to get it)

It's like they are so narrow that when they go to the supermarket, they can only look for the same few things that they always get and are familiar with, which is a very small percentage of what's there. And when they go to a city, they will only explore a tiny percentage of it. Conservative people are like that. They don't look for new venues to explore. They just like the same things everyday and will stick to going to a few familiar places in a city. It's like they have NO CURIOSITY at all!

Momopi tells me that his family is not like mine, and that they will go to nightmarkets, karaokes, and stay out late. So how come mine are so no fun at all? Why? In small cities and towns in Taiwan there's not much to do of course, so I would guess that a large percentage of Taiwanese are like my family, though not as extreme. Is it cause his family is from Taipei and mine are from the south?

My parents also go to the same 5 or 6 places to eat everyday. They are totally adverse to trying anything new. They thrive on routine and familiarity and hate trying new things. And they hate eating dinner past 5pm too. Eating at 7pm or later upsets their routine and makes them uncomfortable. Dang is that anal or what?! Why are they like that?! It doesn't make sense.

How can someone who thrives on new experiences like me, come from such a conservative no fun, no thrills, no adventure family that thrives on routine and familiarity? Weird!

It's like I'm the only one that's TRULY ALIVE in my family!

Even my cousins, the ones I've seen at least, are pretty bland and square. They have good careers yeah. But their life consists only of working and taking care of family, like billions of other people. They have no independent thoughts. They have no blog or website. No creativity or passion to express. No uniqueness. Etc.

Why are they all like that?! They don't call me up and invite me to do things, like the cousins I see on TV.

And when I meet them, they don't have any meaningful discussions with me. All we can talk about is the weather and whether we are hungry or full (typical Taiwanese greeting is "Have you eaten yet?" rather than "How are you?"). Dang.

I mean they are nice and kind and all (except for one of my aunts who has a very difficult personality), but you can't get more square than the way they are. They are squarer than a table!

I do have one uncle that likes to talk about alternative subjects, and one older cousin in LA who is interested in New Age things, but even they are both workaholics who have had the same routine everyday for decades, and like it that way. Dang.

There are no true adventurers or freedom lovers in my family. Everyone is a pure square conformist.

So how the hell can someone like me be related to them, when EVERYTHING I write is alternative, outside the box, and challenges the system and establishment?!?!?!?!?!?! How can someone who writes so many controversial taboos come from the squarest family in the world?! Is that bizarre or what? lol

Check out these quotes from others about me being very unique. Can you believe that someone like that comes from the most square and conservative family in the world? lol. Strange huh?

Anyway, do any of you have families like that? Are any of you close friends with your cousins? Do they ever call you or invite you out? Or even email you?

Sorry for the rant. I'm just constantly shocked and in disbelief at how square and super conservative my family and relatives are.

Posted: **November 24th, 2010, 5:19 pm**

You are not like them because you were exposed to another culture at an early age. Had you grown up where they did, you would have probably been just like them.

Posted: **November 24th, 2010, 5:26 pm**

theyoungagegroup wrote:You are not like them because you were exposed to another culture at an early age. Had you grown up where they did, you would have probably been just like them.

That's only partially true. First, I am not like most people in American culture either. Second, Momopi and Rock told me that the Taiwanese they know are not like my relatives at all. Third, I have cousins that grew up in the US too, and they are still nothing like me. They may be more open minded and cosmopolitan, but they are still generally square and conservative, not as much as my older relatives of course, but within the same ball park range. Finally, no culture on Earth (except maybe Holland) encourages anyone to think for themselves or challenge the establishment.

Posted: **November 24th, 2010, 6:19 pm**

Btw, I just sent the above rant to 6 of my cousins and one uncle. lol. It should be interesting what they will say in response. Maybe they will see it as kind of rude and confrontational, but oh well. lol At least it's true and I'm just asking questions.

Posted: **November 24th, 2010, 7:01 pm**

One thing that really surprised me about the dynamics you have with your parents - you can completely open yourself up to them. I mean, your dad knows all about your skeletons and dirty laundry through this website and you are not able to talk about everything you do in front of both of them, even visiting all those working girls in Angeles and posting photos and vids for the world to see. You are also able to openly complain about them in front of them to a visitor without them getting openly offended.

In my case, I don't consider my family particularly square. But I could never pull-off the kind of stuff you do.

When I was free to date serially around the world, I couldn't share that sort of info with my parents or show them photos. I don't think they would like it. Instead, I would write them about other aspects of the countries I visited and perhaps make some general comments about the people. However, when they visited me in Bangkok, I took them out one night to show them a couple go-go bars and they did seem to get a kick out of that. But that's as far as I would ever take it.

They also would not tolerate me not making money. And if I asked for a handout (not that I would ever consider that) they would tell me that I am perfectly capable of supporting myself (healthy and educated). If I got fired, I would tell them I resigned. Generally, I don't feel comfortable sharing things with them for which I feel any shame. I would rather present a successful face and secretly suck-up any shortcomings or set-backs.

When I visit home (usually no more than 2 weeks in a year), I make financial contributions for things like food and when I drive their cars around, I fill the tank and get car washes.

If I openly complained about them, especially on their turf, they would not tolerate it and invite me to leave. Likewise, I would not tolerate them openly complaining about me and if they did so, I would move-on. But they don't and neither do I.

Your situation, at least with your parents, seems a bit out of the ordinary to me. Some Taiwanese families I've seen are a lot stricter than yours. On the one hand parents smother their kids, pay for education all the way through PhD level, let them home well into 20s while providing free room, board, and maid service. In many cases, especially for sons, real estate and other assets get transferred to their name while they are still young. But the price for all this 'love' is that they are expected (psychologically forced) to live a life which falls within the bounds of the parents' values - work and/or study hard, achieve academic and/or career/business success, marry a suitable mate at an appropriate age, produce a next generation, have filial piety, visit and bai ancestors, etc. On many of these counts, you have not lived-up. Yet your parents seem to accept you with open arms. Correct me if I am wrong, but haven't they given you the full freedom to 'become yourself'. Perhaps they are more open than you realize.

Posted: **November 24th, 2010, 7:45 pm**

Wow Rock I can't believe you have to be so formal with your parents. They must be very judgmental and uptight?

Can't you tell your dad more when it's you and him in private? He isn't a truth guy like you?

They must put on an act their whole lives rather than being themselves?

Are they spiritual in any way at all? Or philosophical? Those types are the easiest to talk to.

You are right that my parents are more tolerant and less strict than most Taiwanese parents are. Others have said that, including our family friends.

But still, what I said about them not liking new things and experiences, and not going out for fun, etc. is still true.

And what I wrote applied to my relatives too, not just parents.

Btw, I don't tell my parents face to face about this site and the stuff on it. My dad reads some of it. But we don't discuss it much. If we do, my dad will downplay it and my mom will get very annoyed cause she hates hearing about the cultural comparisons that we make on this site. To her they are boring and useless.

Perhaps God, or my pre-birth higher self or whatever, knew that the kind of person I would become in this world would not be compatible with the typical strict Asian parents at all, so they gave me more tolerant parents?

Posted: **November 24th, 2010, 9:18 pm**

Here is my cousin Roseanne's response to my rant above:

Glad to see you are 'Alive'.
Do you ever invite me to any of your event? Everything is bi-directional.

If you find Taiwan is so suffocating... time to move on. How about Tibet this time? Winking smile

Roseann

Posted: **November 25th, 2010, 6:53 am**

I have found that people who come from two (or more) different cultures often end up challenging the establishment. People from a single culture often lack independent thought in terms of understanding the world as they have no reference point to judge their culture from.

Posted: **November 25th, 2010, 7:20 pm**

Well... My family isn't full of extensive travelers either, unless they were in the military.

They go to Vegas or a Christmas Party but they aren't interested in seeing the rest of the world.

In fact I'm the only one that's been to Europe besides my actual father who's been twice since 1980 (RIP). That's where I got the idea from, especially after his tails of adventure in Germany, Portugal and Netherlands.

Posted: **November 26th, 2010, 3:17 pm**

Winston wrote: When I go to the supermarket in my parent's town in Taiwan, for example, I am able to find all sorts of things that they never knew existed, such as cheese, frozen pizzas, pastries, french bread, etc. just by looking! But if I ask them to get those things for me, they will merely say that those things don't exist in Taiwan and not bother to even look. (probably cause they hate junk food and don't want to get it)

It's like they are so narrow that when they go to the supermarket, they can only look for the same few things that they always get and are familiar with, which is a very small percentage of what's there. And when they go to a city, they will only explore a tiny percentage of it. Conservative people are like that. They don't look for new venues to explore. They just like the same things everyday and will stick to going to a few familiar places in a city. It's like they have NO CURIOSITY at all!

Momopi tells me that his family is not like mine, and that they will go to nightmarkets, karaokes, and stay out late. So how come mine are so no fun at all? Why? In small cities and towns in Taiwan there's not much to do of course, so I would guess that a large percentage of Taiwanese are like my family, though not as extreme. Is it cause his family is from Taipei and mine are from the south?

Understand that unless if there's a customer base for the products (pizza, french bread, pastries, etc), the store wouldn't carry them.

My mother's side of family, from grandfather down, are foodies. Even when my grandfather was 90 years old and couldn't chew, he still insisted that we buy all kinds of stuff and throw it in the blender, so he could suck it through a straw. His daughters (my mother and her sisters) were the pretty school bimbos who dated bad boys, and his son (my uncle) was a womanizer. Your friend Elizabeth meet my uncle once in Diamond Bar and she immediately got the player vibe (feel free to ask her about it). Back when he was in school, he had a GF from every college in the area.

So, ya, my family is not like yours. You're likely to find more jerks in my family than yours. However, I do hold respect for my grandfather, who told me "eat and enjoy good food and drink today, before you get too old and can't eat anything", and (by his generation's cultural standards) "happiness for man is to marry a Japanese wife, live in a big American style house, and eat a variety of good Chinese food". His son married a Taiwanese girl educated in Japan and bought a house in America. I was one of the legal guardians for his 2 kids (my cousins) when they were under 18.

Posted: **December 9th, 2010, 5:34 am**

It sounds like your family is a lot more fun and interesting than mine Momopi. You are lucky. How would you feel if your family was like mine? Thoughtless and no fun at all? And all they say to you is "Have you eaten yet?" and can't hold any conversation beyond that?

Posted: **December 9th, 2010, 5:48 am**

Here is what my Uncle Chen (my dad's close friend) said about my rant about my family being too boring and conservative:

Winston,
See my note in red.
I did this before Thanksgiving but was sidetracked for days.
Taylor's e-mail reminds me.
Hope you get a better perspective now.
Life style won't change just for change.
Try to accept what around you.
uncle Chen

If you understand the grew up experience of your parent's generation, you won't be as surprised of their life style. You may say that they don't know how to enjoy life. But "enjoy life" is different for every person. Some people traveling around thew world to "enjoy" life, some may never leave their birth place still enjoy life. John likes to see movies and Mike just enjoys reading.

Again, life style can be quite different from one person to another. Another factor is that
it wasn't easy just to get enough food for three meals when we grew up. So we tend to
to satisfy with simple meal and goods and may not think about new adventures as much.

City life is not like in the country site. When I was little, all we did was sitting outdoor and chat into the night during summer time. In the winter time, there was little activity after dark. By the way, "Fun" has different meaning for each person.

Eating out may not as enjoyable as everyone thinks. Especially there are concerns about cleanness and contamination. When you have been a place you like you tend not to think other uncertain places. You feel more secure by doing so.

So no two persons are alike. It's true that our generation are more conservative in general only because we experienced different environment including a very oppressed society.

And here is my reply to him:

Thank you for your answers Uncle Chen. May I share them with my forum?

The thing is, being from the country side doesn't mean that you become boring. In the US rural areas, people go to Rodeos and Barn Dances and still have fun, and they have saloons and bars too. They are nothing like in my family where no one has fun and stays home or goes to work and that's all. 100 percent conservative is boring and lifeless. Not all people from small towns are like that. It's more a personal thing, not a background thing.

My cousins are not from small towns either. Some grew up in Taipei, but they are still the same 100 percent conservative and not fun, and no ideas or thoughts to talk about. The cousins of mine that you met are all like that. Why? There are no intellectuals among my cousins, not even the ones that grew up in America, except me. None of them have any websites or blogs. They can't make any intelligent conversation. Their life is just make money and take care of family, like everyone else. Why is that?

It can't be all about background. Many people transcend their backgrounds, like me for example.

Look what my friend Momopi said about his Taiwanese family. It is nothing like mine or yours. His seems a lot more interesting and fun.

viewtopic.php?t=9071

"My mother's side of family, from grandfather down, are foodies. Even when my grandfather was 90 years old and couldn't chew, he still insisted that we buy all kinds of stuff and throw it in the blender, so he could suck it through a straw. His daughters (my mother and her sisters) were the pretty school bimbos who dated bad boys, and his son (my uncle) was a womanizer. Your friend Elizabeth meet my uncle once in Diamond Bar and she immediately got the player vibe (feel free to ask her about it). Back when he was in school, he had a GF from every college in the area.

So, ya, my family is not like yours. You're likely to find more jerks in my family than yours. However, I do hold respect for my grandfather, who told me "eat and enjoy good food and drink today, before you get too old and can't eat anything", and (by his generation's cultural standards) "happiness for man is to marry a Japanese wife, live in a big American style house, and eat a variety of good Chinese food". His son married a Taiwanese girl educated in Japan and bought a house in America. I was one of the legal guardians for his 2 kids (my cousins) when they were under 18."

Posted: **December 9th, 2010, 8:31 am**

My family friend Taylor, who is an ABC (Taiwanese American) about a year or two older than me, and is a Radiologist in Tucson, AZ, had this to say about my complaints about my family being 100 percent conservative and boring.

Everyone is different. Some people like having a routine whereas others are more spontaneous. There is definitely a cultural component, but only to a certain degree. Just because one doesn't stay out late at night, does not mean he or she is square or boring. People enjoy life differently. They don't have to become a world traveler or party all night to enjoy life. Some enjoy life by spending time with their family or going for a run at a park. Some people have a passion for their work. So what if you like going to the same restaurant every week...as long as you enjoy it! People also change based on their age and situation. Obviously, it is easier without a family or other responsibilities like a job or school to be more spontaneous. People tend to have more responsibilities as they get older. Who knows....as you get older, even you, Winston may want what you consider a "square and boring" life.

Personally, it is all about balance. What is wrong with working hard and playing hard? Adventure, fun and traveling aren't free. Ever go on a long trip and feel happy to come "home"

Bottom line....if one believes in "freedom," then one can do what he or she wants (obviously as long as they don't harm or affect others or break laws). At the same time, he or she should also believe to let others do or live how they wish.

Having said that...it is always good to hear what's up with your life.

TC

What practical words huh? Is that very typical of conformist Asian mentality?

Anyway, here is my response:

Yeah but my family is too extreme. They are boring and conservative from birth on. And never change. Why are there no intellectuals in my family who can hold intelligent conversations like the kind I have with my friends and on my forum? Even my ABC cousins are the same.

Question: Do you think it is a good thing to work hard for many hours a week so you can retire near the end of your life, and lose all your precious years, simply cause the system brainwashed you into doing so and following this rat race? Many people see that this is a foolish thing to do. Come to my forum. People there have woken up and seen that this will lead to a waste life of REGRET. Do you think that is a good thing Taylor, simply because you've been programmed to?

Listen to these passionate words by a Silicon Valley guy in my forum. You can feel that he is right and woken up from the illusion that you are under.

viewtopic.php?t=8912

Btw it is not true that fun and adventure are not free. Nature is free. The Native Americans lived for free too. A life where you have to pay to live is not natural or normal. But totally artificial. I know plenty of people who have adventures and travel for almost free. Andy of Hobotraveler.com lives on 5 dollars a day. And a woman I stayed with before traveled the world for 5 years starting with 600 dollars. It is definitely possible. It's just that the people in your circle aren't those types of people.

Taylor, why don't you come to my forum and talk to the bright people there who are awake and think outside the box? You will learn a lot from them, starting with the guy in the link above. If you only stick with the people who conform and follow their programming of workaholic life and consume, you will never learn anything new. And if you only take two weeks of vacation a year, you will not see the 99.9999999999 percent of the world out there.

Sure we live in a practical world. But some people rebel and are much happier and do not wish to be in your shoes. You don't have to conform to it, but you do cause it feels safer and most Asians by nature are conformists and followers.

Taylor, check out my eye opening essay "Why the world is a global enslavement machine". It is very interesting.

viewtopic.php?t=8757

Also, look what my friend Momopi said in the link I just sent you. His Taiwanese family is nothing at all like mine. His grandfather is a player like Hugh Heffner.

Yes balance is good in life. But my family has no balance. They are 100 percent conservative, that is very extreme, and boring too. I can't believe it. It's frustrating to be around that vibe. None of my friends are like that. Why can't my cousins be fun too?

Posted: **December 9th, 2010, 9:12 am**

Winston wrote:Also, look what my friend Momopi said in the link I just sent you. His Taiwanese family is nothing at all like mine. His grandfather is a player like Hugh Heffner.

My grandfather was not a player. He married early and had 7 kids. His son (my uncle) was a player when he was in college, back when he was young and immature. But he did grow up, got married, and raised 2 kids. He was popular back in college not because he was a jock. He's shorter than average height and average-looking. But he could play the guitar, sing, and serenade/charm the ladies better than his peers. If you wish to follow his footsteps, you may want to consider picking up a musical instrument.

Winston wrote:It sounds like your family is a lot more fun and interesting than mine Momopi. You are lucky. How would you feel if your family was like mine? Thoughtless and no fun at all? And all they say to you is "Have you eaten yet?" and can't hold any conversation beyond that?

*cough* Back when we lived in Changhua, my father's idea of entertainment was to dig a fish pond in the yard, wait for the neighborhood cats to come by at night to steal fish, then throw a lit firecracker out the window to see how high the cats jump.

If you think your family is boring and want a taste of the other side, try watching the 2010 Taiwanese movie 艋舺 (Monga):

You can see the movie for free online from services such as pps.tv, but be warned that these "free" movie sites from China will probably install random spyware and such. So use a dedicated media computer (preferably connected to your TV) that you use to watch shows only and don't use that PC to check your e-mail or log on to your bank's web site.

http://kan.pps.tv/movie_region/%CC%A8%CD%E5_1.html

Monga is listed 2nd on the right. You need to install the PPS software (spammy adware?) to watch the movie.

Those outside of East Asia looking to get Chinese TV can also check these services:
http://www.mychoicemedia.net/index.htm
http://www.gektv.com/
http://tc.kylintv.com/chn/index.asp <--- warning: these guys are quick to collect your $ but slow to provide services

Posted: **December 9th, 2010, 4:30 pm**

Winston wrote:Why are people in my family so conservative, square and boring? Do any of you have families like that?

Most of my relatives do not usually go out for fun or adventure. They only go out to do errands. If they are not at home, then they are not at work. It's like they don't believe in enjoying life. They have no interest in trying new things or places, or in having new experiences. My parents especially are like that. Whenever we go somewhere together, they are totally repressed against whatever I want to do. It's like their "current" flows against mine.

How can some people be like this? I can't believe it.

When I go to the supermarket in my parent's town in Taiwan, for example, I am able to find all sorts of things that they never knew existed, such as cheese, frozen pizzas, pastries, french bread, etc. just by looking! But if I ask them to get those things for me, they will merely say that those things don't exist in Taiwan and not bother to even look. (probably cause they hate junk food and don't want to get it)

It's like they are so narrow that when they go to the supermarket, they can only look for the same few things that they always get and are familiar with, which is a very small percentage of what's there. And when they go to a city, they will only explore a tiny percentage of it. Conservative people are like that. They don't look for new venues to explore. They just like the same things everyday and will stick to going to a few familiar places in a city. It's like they have NO CURIOSITY at all!

Momopi tells me that his family is not like mine, and that they will go to nightmarkets, karaokes, and stay out late. So how come mine are so no fun at all? Why? In small cities and towns in Taiwan there's not much to do of course, so I would guess that a large percentage of Taiwanese are like my family, though not as extreme. Is it cause his family is from Taipei and mine are from the south?

My parents also go to the same 5 or 6 places to eat everyday. They are totally adverse to trying anything new. They thrive on routine and familiarity and hate trying new things. And they hate eating dinner past 5pm too. Eating at 7pm or later upsets their routine and makes them uncomfortable. Dang is that anal or what?! Why are they like that?! It doesn't make sense.

How can someone who thrives on new experiences like me, come from such a conservative no fun, no thrills, no adventure family that thrives on routine and familiarity? Weird!

It's like I'm the only one that's TRULY ALIVE in my family!

Even my cousins, the ones I've seen at least, are pretty bland and square. They have good careers yeah. But their life consists only of working and taking care of family, like billions of other people. They have no independent thoughts. They have no blog or website. No creativity or passion to express. No uniqueness. Etc.

Why are they all like that?! They don't call me up and invite me to do things, like the cousins I see on TV.

And when I meet them, they don't have any meaningful discussions with me. All we can talk about is the weather and whether we are hungry or full (typical Taiwanese greeting is "Have you eaten yet?" rather than "How are you?"). Dang.

I mean they are nice and kind and all (except for one of my aunts who has a very difficult personality), but you can't get more square than the way they are. They are squarer than a table!

I do have one uncle that likes to talk about alternative subjects, and one older cousin in LA who is interested in New Age things, but even they are both workaholics who have had the same routine everyday for decades, and like it that way. Dang.

There are no true adventurers or freedom lovers in my family. Everyone is a pure square conformist.

So how the hell can someone like me be related to them, when EVERYTHING I write is alternative, outside the box, and challenges the system and establishment?!?!?!?!?!?! How can someone who writes so many controversial taboos come from the squarest family in the world?! Is that bizarre or what? lol

Check out these quotes from others about me being very unique. Can you believe that someone like that comes from the most square and conservative family in the world? lol. Strange huh?

Anyway, do any of you have families like that? Are any of you close friends with your cousins? Do they ever call you or invite you out? Or even email you?

Sorry for the rant. I'm just constantly shocked and in disbelief at how square and super conservative my family and relatives are.

Yea my mom is this way but it was due to the fact that bad things happened to my mom when she was younger and so when she grew up she was very strict with me and did not go out unless she knew where she was going and what was going to be going on when she got there.

To be honest, I'm this way myself because I find that getting into all kinds of things is not necessarily a good thing because bad things can happen when you go outside your environment.

For example, there are many stories about how a couple went camping and was later found killed. Sorry, but this world is not a safe place where you can go around free spirited thinking that everything is about fun and entertainment.

Happier Abroad Forum Community

Why is my Taiwanese family so boring, square and no fun?

Why is my Taiwanese family so boring, square and no fun?

Re: Why is my family so conservative and no fun? R any of ur

Re: Why is my family so conservative and no fun? R any of ur