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Due to all the so-called violence transpiring in bordertowns in N. Mexico., i said "f**k it...im still going".
I got to El Paso 2am this morning from f**k-ass Dallas. It didn't want to go to Juarez until light/break of dawn due to corrupt
cops ("policia municipal") shaking Americans down for dollars and Mexican pesos at nighttime.

You would think that usually the matones and ladrones (thugs and thieves) are the ones violating American tourists in N. Mexico.

So i walked to the Santa Fe bridge international crossing shortly after getting off the greyhound bus.
Right before the crossing, I saw a chica and asked her (a short Mexican broad) in English "where
do I go to buy pesos with dollars?"
She couldnt speak a lick of English.
We had a conversation on Spanish.
She said she knows no such money place and that juarez is so dangerous;
I said i dont care. Lol so i waited til "la madrugada" to make my way into juarez mexico.
So at 6:30am this morning, i had gone First
To valuta, which does money exchange. I bought 260USD dollars worth of pesos. Right outside the exchange place, I was looking for assholes trying to vic me but there weren't any. I TUCKED away all my 500MXP bills in my socks and only left a couple of 20MXP bills in my wallet.

So now im off to Mexico for the first time

At the u.s. side, there was a booth that I had to pay 8 pesos to cross into juarez from the u.s. side. Seven minute walk across the bridge and at the Mexican side of the bridge, the Mexican authorities didnt f**k with me and let me enter Mexico seamlessly.

Man! Most the city looks like a run down section of the Philippines: stray dogs (i saw two stray pitbulls in the middle of the street i strayed off into about a half of a block away so i saw a bus coming and i was frantically waving la linea 10 bus down. I got on before they noticed me. Menos mal!!! Close call!!)...
Cheap adobe brick clay homes decaying...garbage everywhere....old vehicles parked as well as some of them driving by.

...Then when i got off the bus a few blocks later, i checked into a hotel...un sencillo (basic room) for $280 MXP for one night. The temperature was so cold and brick in the room so i turned the heat on. TV sucked....a Mexican feminist old hag was on T.V. singing "No Me Pregunta "Con Quien"" she sung the shit out of el coro (chorus) for TEN f**k ass minutes!!!!! The song was about her man shouldn't question who she was spending time with. I couldn't change the channel because there were no other channels!!!! Then death metal music en espanol came on with that lucifer singing voice special f/x and shit lol. Just asinine ass shit lol

I fell asleep until noon and jumped in the lukewarm shower. Ran out on la avenida 16 de septiembre and there was a carnival biggggg one going on in downtown Juarez. I saw the BEST LOOKING real Mexican women in my life!!!! Fat asses like Black American women but ALL of them had their boyfriends handcuffed to them. #$@#!!!!!!

There were hardly any super-brown cholas - mostly beige and white looking mulatto women. ITS THE UGLY POOR MEXICANS THAT COME TO THE US OF GAY.

Sad part is that the Juarez prostitutes in the whorehouses i have been to that i have seen looked
WORSE than most of the non-prostitute girls in juarez today that had a man accompanying him!!!

Approx. I went to un parlor de masaje called Luxzor by taxi. The cab driver was cool as shit. All we talked about was p***y on the way to Luxzor. I came in and two whores were standing there.

Here's the mamasan's (female overseer of her whorehouse sluts) pitch:

"Buenos dias. Aqui hay dos bellezas listas para usted. Cual escoge usted?" (Good day there. There are two beautiful women which one you want?)

I said,"Sin falta de respetar, no me interesan ellas. Hay que estar mas." (No disrespect but i dont like them. There have to be more girls to choose from.)

"Que bueno", dijo la mamasan. (Its all good, she said)

"Yo me podria sentar hasta haya mas chicas [to choose from]? Por 30 minutos ok?"
(May I sit down here for thirty minutes until more women show up?)

She obliged.

About 10 minutes later, two more came out and they had that Ameri-hispanic Nicole-Bitchie look and i was good...at the point of leaving. Mamasan said in spanish that that was the last one that i need to choose now. Wao really? :-/

Then one of them kept locking eyes with me and she was smiling at me with glee and shit.

So i chose her and went to the back room. She wanted 500MXP for an half an hour (before when we were in the front, it was 500MXP for AN HOUR!!!!!!).

"Chinga tu madre. Uds. me tratan de engañar!!! Me voy!!" (f**k your mother. You all are trying to rip me off!! I leave!!)
They had this curious look on their face like they respect my level of Spanish or something as i vacated the premise. Sick (mentally ill) bitches.

Then I walked back downtown and ran up to another cab and asked if he knew where another whorehouse was. We went.

They opened the door after we drove up to this new place.I sat on the car for a minute while the cabbie and one of the whores were speaking right outside. I didnt hear him but at end of their conversation she said, "Quien? El moreno?" like she wasn't too found of me. I didn't pick her lmao lol

So i entered and about ten whores lined up with lingerie. Very professional as they introduced themselves to me one-by-one, all were light skinned.

I said, "Diablo! Mira a toda de esta panocha disponible que está hay aquí!!! Ya hay que ser Navidad hoy!" (Damn! Look at all this p***y here! It must be Christmas already!)

Everybody started laughing hard. Lol

Then i asked, "Hay alguien con pelitos abajos?" (Do any of you girls have a hairy p***y?)

ALL OF THEM EXHORTED "No" (red flag).

I said, "Todos son calvos?" (Bald p***y only???)

"Sí!!!" (I was horny at this point due to not getting any p***y yet for today)

Then i said to the two best ones, "Voltéelo..a la vuelta una vez" (turn around one time)

They did. Then i said, "La-la-la-la-la-laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa escojo" (I choose her.)..pointing at the one with the p***y hanging off the bone but tucked inside the panties.

We went upstairs...first, I paid 600MXP for an hour. She asked me, "Quieres a bañarte primero?" ( First do you wanna bathe?)

I said, "Solo si te unas conmigo.(Only if you join me in the shower)

In the shower, she asked me in spanish if i am married and if i had a girl....i said no to both questions.

I was playing with her fat ass Bald p***y like a rubix cube neophyte trying to focus to enjoy her. Then we only dried ourselves off, she didnt offer to dry me off.

"Acuestate" (she told me to lay down on the massage bed)
.. "Quieres aceite?" (Do you want me to put baby oil on ya?) She rubbed oil on my chest (felt good) So she jerked me off with oil and it felt good as hell. Then i asked,"Quiero la mamada" (i wanted her to give me head). She paused and was like, "por una propina...es aparte." (only a tip she would do it)...

Man, so i suggested her to play with herself. She did for a couple of minutes and then like a "12 years a slave" called Platt, i sucked her feet. I only did that so i can get her open to going raw with me. She said, "No lo dejas!!" (Dont stop!!)....but then she was erratically laughing from being ticklish on her feet after i was sucking them all foot in mouth.

So she got the condom, i was semi-flacid..i hate condoms. She put it on. We did missionary for a minute. I got bored already and said, "Que te parece hacerlo como perritos?"
(Lets do it doggy?)....she got in that position.

She put me in and got wet like whoa. After two minutos of hitting, I purposely threw out a hip so my dick fell out, rolled the condom down to the head only, and put it back in in a little over a second.

We continued and the condom fell inside of her and the p***y got crazy better. She was moaning EVEN MORE and 90s Sean Michael the pornstar music was playing inside my head for awhile.

Disclaimer: I am adding some satire to the real life events by the way. After five or so minutes, I think it had gotten so good to her that she had to check to see if the condom were still on or not. Long and behold, she turned around and looked at my dick as she felt no condom on it and gotten sad-as-f**k. It had taken had a minute to reach on to pull it out....that's how deep i was f***ing her.

She stared into space for almost a minute. I asked her, "Cual es el problema bb?" (What's the problem?). She ignored me. Then she pointed to my dick like a feisty little kid.

Then i told her i have a vasectomy and don't have AIDS in Spanish. Then she was like, "Vas a terminar?" (Are you going to be finished..now i guess).

I said, "Vamos a seguir" (we are going to follow through). She checked the condom every ten seconds for the next five minutes.

I lost total interest at this point. all on spanish I said 30 secs raw and i pull out..she didnt agree....20? No ten no?

Then we showered separately. Got ready...almost leaving, I got my 100MXP change back.

She started talking shit to the mamasan as i left.

I recorded some videos i will post later that day.

I swallowed over 15 grams (ap prox. 24 tablets of penecillin i got for 30MXP only!!!....i am not overdosed.

Now i am typing this to you guys!

Conclusion: Juarez is probably not good for mongering as even some White guys said Medellin is way better, which I agree at this point. I had better experiences in Medellin in 2009. I know the Dominican Republic has to be 10 to 20x's better. If i ever go back, then i might try the world-reknown Tijuana or Punto Peñasco (Rocky Point). I am not quite at the SkateboardStephen point of saying "f**k Mexico" but today's experience pushed me almost halfway there.

Don't judge Mexico by Juarez. I am right next door and I never bother going there. The drug war wrecked the place.

Yea if you are in Dallas why the heck would you drive to Juarez of all the border towns you could visit. You should have driven south on 35 and then taken a bus to Monterrey or something. Lots of hot chicas there and Monterrey is getting cleaned up and becoming more safe again (inside the city).

This whole report was pretty depressing if anything. For whatever reason I've heard Chihuahua has some real cuties but I don't suggest busing it, driving it, or flying in. Maybe run an advertisement there and meet them at the border in Arizona or something. I see no reason to go near Juarez and it doesn't really tell you anything about Mexico.

Well, at least I can assume don't bang Juarez lol .

Well if anything, you get props for making your stories simple to read, one line at a time with minimal filler!

zacb wrote:Well, at least I can assume don't bang Juarez lol .

#RooooooooooooooooooooooshVvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv ROTFLMAO

Very entertaining writing style.

E Irizarry R&B Singer wrote:

zacb wrote:Well, at least I can assume don't bang Juarez lol .

#RooooooooooooooooooooooshVvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv ROTFLMAO

To answer your PM IDK anything about the monger scene. The chicas in Monterrey are very hot and there are also some real upscale girls (that kind that travel to San Antonio to shop at the mall).

Interesting...

I'm near El Paso now. I'm heading to El Paso tomorrow. Should I go to Ciudad Juarez? Is it worth it?

Can you just walk to the red light district or brothels there? I heard that the cabs charge rip off prices.

djfourmoney, when you were there, did it feel safe or dangerous?

LOL El Man Irizarry, siempre me haces partir de risa! You've got the C(omedy) factor dude. Next up the narcos might leave your ass to roast in the sun in some patch of Chihuahua desert and you'll still have a chance to crack us up

The only bitter sweet thing is, you spent about $50 for a woman who made you feel like a criminal for forgetting your johnny in her root canal. You'd be better off, much better off, taking your chances on a non-pro girl in Medellin.

Winston wrote:I'm near El Paso now. I'm heading to El Paso tomorrow. Should I go to Ciudad Juarez? Is it worth it?

Can you just walk to the red light district or brothels there? I heard that the cabs charge rip off prices.

djfourmoney, when you were there, did it feel safe or dangerous?

In TJ or Mexico City? Neither. I feel threaten at all. Walking around late at night in either area. Police presents in tourist areas is fairly heavy.

Yesterday, me and fschmidt went to Ciudad Juarez, Mexico, which was right across the bridge from El Paso TX. It was interesting, but it was a third world dump and very ghetto. Even the Philippines is more modern than that town. But the people were relaxed. If you looked at anyone, they would look at you back. They did not have that paranoid uptight vibe like in America. There was normal eye contact like in most foreign countries. The food we ate also tasted natural and less toxic than in America. The area felt safe too.

There were cab drivers wanting to take us to brothels or whatever. But I didn't want to check them out because most likely they were gonna be dumpy too with no hot girls. The trip report in this thread seems to indicate that too.

What's interesting was that there were no white American tourists there at all. We did not see a single one. And definitely no white middle class families walking around. lol. Obviously, due to the gang wars and violence of the last few years, Americans are too paranoid to go there. You don't see a single one there. We found that refreshing. lol

fschmidt is a very intelligent, wise and sensible guy with a lot of knowledge and is no-nonsense. If any of you ever come to El Paso TX, you should try to meet up with him.

Mr S was right when he told me that the southern New Mexico towns were dumpy. They are. The infrastructure looks old and worn and there's nothing to do. It's no wonder why there aren't any tourists in the area. Now I see why. Plus the terrain in southern New Mexico is bland, not colorful or spectacular like in Arizona. That's why everything is cheaper as well. If you want to go to an upper middle class area, you gotta go to Santa Fe.

The Mexicans in New Mexico look relaxed and laid back, but the white Americans in the area look the same as anywhere else in America. However, the hot Mexican girls here have that snobby unapproachable look. Only average looking women look friendly.

El Paso TX is kind of a weird town. The downtown area is just a bunch of corporate buildings with very few people walking around. Around the downtown area are a bunch of Mexican shops on streets that look worn down and dumpy. You won't see any chain motels there unless you go to the suburban strip malls outside of town. The city is confusing too. When you enter, you don't know where to go unless you know the area. There aren't any signs to follow that tell you where to go. Some of the freeway entrance ramps do not even tell you where they are going or the name of the freeway. Gee whiz. When you get into town, there is not even a "Welcome to El Paso" sign so I didn't even know if I was in El Paso yet. I had to stop at a gas station to find out. Weird. The town does not seem to be geared toward tourists at all, and thus, not surprisingly, you do not see any tourists around either. I seemed to be the only one. lol

Today I'm headed back to New Mexico toward Carlsbad Caverns to see caves and bats. Then I'll head to Roswell to see the UFO museum there. Then I'll drive through the forest to Albuquerque to see the Pueblo Cultural Center Museum. From there, I'll head to Chaco Canyon which reputedly has the best Native American ruins. I'll try to visit Los Alamos too. Then I'll head to Phoenix to visit a friend and maybe the AFA office too, which are our sponsors.

I enjoyed talking to Winston. It really showed me how much better it is to meet people in real life than to just chat on a forum. I hope we can eventually all meet in person at a Happier Abroad meet-up.

Ciudad Juarez just went through a war, which is why it looks like a dump. But the people are typically Mexican. I would rather walk around Juarez than walk around America.

El Paso certainly isn't a tourist destination. I like it because it is relatively free of Americans.

God that was some of the funniest shit I've read in awhile haha. Awesome story! Thanks for that.