Going " back to Russia"

[ladislav]

One guy from NJ, in a feat of anger, told me to "go back to Russia".

He was actually not the only one American patriot who let me know that I belonged in Russia.

I remember one ex Marine squinting his eyes at me and hissing through the teeth:
"You're a Russian, commie, pinko fa^^ot!"

I thought about it. Actually, why not? Great food, great nature, beautiful girls, rich culture.

So, after some time, I actually decided to try to " go back to Russia". But I had to get a visa to go there. Strange!
So, I paid $380 for a one month tourist visa and had to fill out a long form telling them what cities I was going to visit. I also had to swear that I had never been in the US military, otherwise, no visa!

I took an LA to Moscow flight a couple of days later.

When I arrived, I was forced to register with the police as a foreign national. Some " back" to Russia that was!

I then visited a local lawyer there to find out what the hell was going on. An angry American had told me to go back to Russia, and here I was.
The lawyer told me that I was the first foreigner who had ever visited his office. Foreigner? Wait a minute? That dude from NJ ordered me to go back to Russia, so how could I be a foreigner in Russia?

The lawyer took $800, but had no experience with "foreigners". The man had to take me to the immigration office and represent me. He asked them what to do because he did not know. They said that I was born in Ukraine, therefore, I was not eligible for automatic Russian citizenship. Because I was not born in Russia. Darn!

I emailed back that mean dude who had told me to go back here, and asked him if he could maybe call them and convince them? He never replied to my email. So mean! I then emailed those other red-blooded all- American guys who had called me a " Russian commie". I asked them to please, please get in touch with the Russian immigration here in the city of Orel and tell them that I was one. No reply!

Eventually, the lawyer got some info. He said I needed to apply for this and that visa, and after one year, I could apply for a temporary one, then, it would become a permanent one, and after three years, I could apply for citizenship. He was talking about my country, America and comparing Russia to America.

I tried to date a local girl, and she said, " Americans are disliked in Russia. Very, very much disliked", while smirking and looking at me scornfully. Some local people also sulked when they found out I was from America.

Eventually, the 30 days were up, and I left on the next flight from Moscow back to LA.

Yup! Such an adventure!

Some years later I met another guy who said that Polish people were " Catholic Russians". And then, I met a Romanian girl who was dating an American guy and she was fuming. The guy said that Romania was part of Russia. And one Ukrainian girl said, "I no longer date Americans, they tell me I'm from Russia".

What have they been smoking?

[rudder]

Sounds like a great waste of time.