European Woman here..happily married..need advice

[ambient]

It's me once again..Winston, that opinion page blew my mind. I was sitting here crying my eyes out and I only read it halfway so far. Some of the opinions are almost 100% the same of what I used to try to explain to Room Temp when we talked about the differences and my frustrations. All I can say is, thank you, million times for creating these pages. I never imagined that others feel this way. I thought I am the only one and it took humongous strength to not to give in to start to take anti-depressants over the years. How can anyone survive here without going insane slowly. I am determined to do this move, away from here. Of course it has to be a joint decision with Room Temp..but he sounds just as eager as I am. I've always told him he has a much more european type of personality and probably that's why he never really felt good here in the US. He's too honest..

[clearbluesky]

Clearbluesky, thank you!!!! That is an idea we haven't even thought of! We live near two army bases in AK and still it has never occured to us. Thank you! I've forwarded the info to my husband who's at work right now. Let's see what he thinks. I think it is a brilliant idea. I will start to look into it today!!

Ambient,

Here is the military website for the European Regional Medical Command:

http://ermc.amedd.army.mil/landstuhl/faq.cfm

Scroll to the bottom and you will find a link to civilian jobs in Europe. There are millions of jobs for Americans at every level of experience and specialty. All this is mostly invisible to the average american civilian. Unless you have military experience...It's a huge website that links you to other huge govt sites. Don't be intimidated with the sites. That's just how the military does things. Always harder than it looks...navigate carefully and read every fine detail or you could miss a good opportunity.

Good luck. Let me know if you need help?

[ambient]

Thank you Clearbluesky, I am looking - do you think it's worth putting in his resume even if there's no job opening listed in his field? He always tells me that lab positions are rarely posted on hospital websites (even within the US) and I was wondering if it is the same over there too. He is really enthusiastic about this from the sounds of it.

[clearbluesky]

Thank you Clearbluesky, I am looking - do you think it's worth putting in his resume even if there's no job opening listed in his field? He always tells me that lab positions are rarely posted on hospital websites (even within the US) and I was wondering if it is the same over there too. He is really enthusiastic about this from the sounds of it.

Yes, submit the resume...turnover is very high in the military since most people get moved every 1-3 years, so spouses also leave which can open up positions quickly. Also do searches for DoD job in Europe, which will also list other sites as well. I'm not a civilian, but to my knowledge, the best jobs are hired when you are applying from the US and asked to come here. Do not become a local hire. The jobs will suck...Just in my urology clinic, we have lost 4 front desk clerk in 2 years because they have all moved with their military husbands. We have just hired a new civilian lady today. So something you may also be able to do if your husband found a job here.

[ambient]

One more question - I will let Mr. Ambient take over at this point but I was wondering how they conduct interviews for example at the Landstuhl regional medical center for civilian positions for those that come from the US. There is a severe shortage in the lab where my husband works and no chance to take off a few days anytime soon. It must be a stupid question but does he have to travel there in person or can an interview and drug testing etc be conducted at a military base locally? I was just wondering..and like I said my husband will know what to do from here on out far better than I could.
We are still looking for other options too but this sounds like the easiest and most fusible options at the moment. You all have helped me so much already. I was so scared to post on these boards as a woman. I did not even imagine that you all would be so so helpful. I humbly thank every one of you.

[Room Temp]

Wow! Sometimes you forget that people can be helpful! THank you all for the advice.

[have2fly]

Ah, I absolutely love you Ambient! I am a fellow East European I moved to the U.S. being an adult, I had tried every possible way to adjust and "be American", but I just can't stand shallow and superficial culture. I am OK to live in the U.S., but I AM SO SO SO scared for my children because every immigrant child I have seen grows up as a messed-up American, who was fed GMO/hormone-filled foods, taught to love shitty pizza-cheap beer and dumb sports! I can't stand the way people look, no one seems to ever dress up besides office workers and nightclub goers! I have also gained weight, lost some when I was heavily exercising, but now gained some that I do work a lot and have no time left for the gym. I have same issues with student loans. In general, what do you even do in the U.S. if you have no kids? There are no places to go, really! It makes no sense to "go out" in general because people do not socialize! I am sick to see American girls go to a nightclub all dressed up, but they come - get drunk - and go home. WHAT'S THE POINT? I am used to going out to meet new people, I always loved to meet new people because my parents always taught me - "you never know who you meet, it could be a great friend or future wife or an enemy, so choose carefully, but stay open to new folks out there" and I so agree to that. But no! Not in the U.S.

Don't get me wrong, I do like many things here in the U.S., but social life negates all the good stuff. American girls often make fun of you for anything she can find, they are not nice, they are not sweet, they don't even care who you are or what they can learn from you! It's insane! I totally feel you, I wonder how I didn't fall for anti-depressants, it seems the only way to calm-off this nonsense lifestyle.

I am OK to live in the U.S. with a decent wife, but I feel I absolutely must raise my children abroad with healthier foods, better families, better relationship in schools etc. I bet there not as many fat people in Hungary as there are in the U.S.

I can also point out people wearing pajamas and Uggs to school thinking it's cool and hip. When I dress up into Italian jeans and shirt - everyone thought I am gay. When I listened to other music besides what is playing on the radio - everyone thinks I am creep or gay. Conformism of American society is terrible! Everyone consumes what is given to them! Many people don't even know there is an unlocked iPhone being officially sold on Apple website now!!! They get one from AT&T and pay 3 times more for service than I do just because I did some research etc. And it's only one of the examples!

I do admit that community of East Europeans get very bad in the U.S. I visited many clubs in Chicago, as you know there are tons of Polish people there. They get so fake and "American" it's not even funny! Girls are over-confident and bitchy, every car on the parking lot is a BMW or Cadillac etc. Money-money-money. Some Polish guys are great, but only a few don't change and usually those are the ones who moved while being adults. High school makes kids truly "American", if kids did not go to high school in the U.S. - 75% chance they will stay who they are, changing very little.

Please feel free to write more. Many older East Europeans do not speak good English and just don't think it's proper to integrate in the American society, while their kids have no clue where their parents came from, some country called Yurop! We are only a few that see these issues and address them. High five to your husband for supporting you and seeing what is really happening as well. I truly hope you guys will find a way to reach your goals!

[ambient]

Have2fly,

Thank you!! It was a very touching message. I completely understand and agree what you've written. Once again it's so much relief to see that I am not alone with how I feel. For years I've been trying to suck it up thinking it's all my fault. If this makes sense at all, blaming myself -while made me feel worse of course - made me feel better too. I felt if I really really really tried even harder, THEN things could be better. I always perceived it as ME not REALLY wanting to change so in a way I thought my miserable-ness is the direct consequence of me being stubborn and refusing to change.
Now I know I was wrong. Now I know I can do nothing, may I live here for 50 more years..nothing will ever change nor get better, no matter what I do. What a relief this is. First time in years that I am not waking up with self-condemning thoughts and I don't cry inside secretly when I go to sleep.
And yet - I feel much much much worse all of a sudden.
It's like I woke up from a coma, a nightmare, I became enlightened and I can see clearly again. And I am scared because every cell in me screams to get out ASAP with my husband and precious children..and I don't know how to
Sounds like there isn't an easy and simple solution...We even started to look into my husband immigrating as a skilled worker to the EU but even with his work experience and diploma and international shortage of workers on his field, he would have to jump through unimaginable hoops to get it done and I feel intimidated. Then again, we're lucky because I am an EU citizen and through me the kids are as well, so really it's only him who needs to find the small door to enter and I and the kids can go freely.
I would even love to live in Asia at this point but that's not an option for Room Temp, he does not care for that idea.

Thank you again for your support Have2fly. I wish you much luck finding your place here (heck, what am I talking about..we both know now that it's not possible..)..or finding the way to get back to the Old Continent..I am not sure which country you are from but I think we can agree that even a "russian style" apartment complex- nothing but grey concrete all around- is a better way of life than this..Heck, a cardboard box in the thirld world is a welcome change if it brings REAL life, REAL struggles, REAL relationships....

I wanna leave the Matrix.......( Like right now........(

[Free]

Ambient, Room Temp - I know you know already, just wanted to re-emphasize it, please please please remember to be extremely grateful that you two have each other and have 4 children! There are still a lot of UNNECESSARILY very lonely people in this world just nearly literally dying to meet another and many, desiring, longing just to have at least one healthy child.
I am aware you guys are pursuing to better things as naturally most humans do, but just wanted to offer that smidget in.
I know you desire a more healthy environment for yourselves and your children. I know you desire better social activity as most people do. I guess I'm just saying, in this period of your lives where you are bothered by these other things, I would suggest is the time to kick up the gratitude for the precious things in your life just a few more notches. I'm sure you do fine currently, just saying, a few more notches up in these whirlwind times would be beneficial.

America, as an organism is very sick, a long term developing cancer. We don't know if it'll be turned around. What you guys, and many others are sensing is very real.
I'm bouncing around the globe a lot, and even though surely there are better levels of places, there's still seems to be something in the air the recent years that's hard to explain.
Possibly something IS coming and considering that humanity as a whole is connected by way of its underpinnings (mass consciousness), it's as if mostly subconsciously, people are sensing something.
Either way, there has been and will be more to come, some large changes globally.

In closing, I wish you guys well whichever path you take. The internet helps us connect, share ideas and experiences, sooth even - then which, we can weigh out decisions in our individual lives. I'd offer that that the final answers are to be found in what truly calls to you when you relax, get quiet and know.

Best to you.

[Winston]

And, of course, Winston, please feel free to add my comments to the immigrants' opinions page if there's anything worthy of being added. I'm growing more and more honest in this fake and dishonest society. I am alienating more and more people with it, how odd - my honestly is what used to help me to make friends in the past in Hungary and Europe. I can't fathom how fake people are being accepted even with their obvious fake behavior around me, and I am being pushed away more and more because I am not afraid to be real and authentic. So by all means, if there's anything useful in what I write, please add them to the page. This is the only place -besides my husband's arms- where I could open up and say what I think. Thank you.

(I still have to read the page with others' opinions, which I will be trying to do now).

Wow you are very aware and not afraid to speak what you see in your awareness. Few people have attained that. You should be proud.

You are exactly right. The US is a bizarro world in that the more fake and artificial you act, the more accepted you are by the lowest common denominator of people, while the more authentic, genuine and sane you are, the more of a misfit you become.

That is the key rule and pattern in the US. But it is not talked about because it is taboo. Many feel the way you do, but they do not talk about it on the internet or vocalize it to others out of fear of ridicule and condemnation, and because they also have self-doubt and wonder "Is the problem me?" Plus it is not socially acceptable to talk about such things either. For example, if you are in the coffee break room at work with coworkers, or at a party socializing with others, etc. the conversation is supposed to be kept polite and consist of lighthearted humor. That is what is socially acceptable. Deep topics are kind of taboo, especially when they reveal something wrong with society or people.

Ambient, here is a quote by Swiss Psychologist Eric Fromm that you might like:

"The sick individual finds himself at home with all other similarly sick individuals. The whole culture is geared to this kind of pathology. The result is that the average individual does not experience the separateness and isolation the fully schizophrenic person feels. He feels at ease among those who suffer from the same deformation; in fact, it is the fully sane person who feels isolated in the insane society - and he may suffer so much from the incapacity to communicate that it is he who may become psychotic."
- Eric Fromm, Swiss Psychologist (The Anatomy of Human Destructiveness)

Some more you might like:

“The object in life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane.� - Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor

"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society." - Jiddu Krishnamurti

"The men the American public admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth." - H. L. Mencken

"Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule." - Friederich Nietzsche

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself." - Friederich Nietzsche

"Men have been taught that it is a virtue to agree with others. But the creator is the man who disagrees. Men have been taught that it is a virtue to swim with the current. But the creator is the man who goes against the current. Men have been taught that it is a virtue to stand together. But the creator is the man who stands alone." - Ayn Rand

"Honesty is such a lonely word. Everyone is so untrue..." - Billy Joel, in his hit song "Honesty"

"We are in the process of creating what deserves to be called the idiot culture. Not an idiot sub-culture, which every society has bubbling beneath the surface and which can provide harmless fun; but the culture itself. For the first time, the weird and the stupid and the coarse are becoming our cultural norm, even our cultural ideal."
- Carl Bernstein, U.S. journalist. Guardian (London, June 3, 1992)

"In a mad world, only the mad are sane." - Akiro Kurosawa

"A time will come when the whole world will go mad. And to anyone who is not mad they will say: 'You are mad, for you are not like us.'" - St. Anthony the Great (attributed to)

[Think Different]

The full quote from St. Anthony the Great (one of the Desert Fathers) goes like this:

"Here comes the time, when people will behave like madmen, and if they see anybody who does not behave like that, they will rebel against him and say: "You are mad", - because he is not like them."

This guy lived c. 251–356, just to show you how there's nothing new under the sun.

[ambient]

Ambient, Room Temp - I know you know already, just wanted to re-emphasize it, please please please remember to be extremely grateful that you two have each other and have 4 children! There are still a lot of UNNECESSARILY very lonely people in this world just nearly literally dying to meet another and many, desiring, longing just to have at least one healthy child.
I am aware you guys are pursuing to better things as naturally most humans do, but just wanted to offer that smidget in.
I know you desire a more healthy environment for yourselves and your children. I know you desire better social activity as most people do. I guess I'm just saying, in this period of your lives where you are bothered by these other things, I would suggest is the time to kick up the gratitude for the precious things in your life just a few more notches. I'm sure you do fine currently, just saying, a few more notches up in these whirlwind times would be beneficial.

America, as an organism is very sick, a long term developing cancer. We don't know if it'll be turned around. What you guys, and many others are sensing is very real.
I'm bouncing around the globe a lot, and even though surely there are better levels of places, there's still seems to be something in the air the recent years that's hard to explain.
Possibly something IS coming and considering that humanity as a whole is connected by way of its underpinnings (mass consciousness), it's as if mostly subconsciously, people are sensing something.
Either way, there has been and will be more to come, some large changes globally.

In closing, I wish you guys well whichever path you take. The internet helps us connect, share ideas and experiences, sooth even - then which, we can weigh out decisions in our individual lives. I'd offer that that the final answers are to be found in what truly calls to you when you relax, get quiet and know.

Best to you.

Free, I thank you for your insight and inspiring words. You are most definitely right. Being grateful is something that is so easy to forget when things don't go the way you hoped they would. We have what most people desire in this life, a wonderful partner and a lovely family. It's easy to not to feel grateful when you are tired, worn down and have no family to help you and a society that pushes you to the edge without acceptance and caring and love. This is not how I imagined raising a family and it is hard to remember the good things. I suppose it's true not only to our situation and to everyone's - there's a LOT to be thankful for just merely for the fact that you are alive. From where I sit at the moment there's a lot to be thankful even if you're single and independent, because you don't have to deal with the tremendous heartache that comes from having to raise children in this culture and society and etc. We all have something to be thankful for and we all have burdens that are hard to bear..But like I said I am very thankful for your words because lately I've been pondering a lot over the gratefulness in life in general and your words were exactly fitting to my thoughts on it.

As someone who's been interested in metaphysical since early childhood (was raised catholic but had my own very unique path from there..) I completely understand what you talk about the awakening of the global consciousness to something far greater than we humans have ever seen. I know it is coming - though I have been selfish and pushing it out of my mind just to not to have to accept the possibility that things will change (for better or worse..) before I get the chance to move back home. It's not right though. I know we -those who are aware- were placed on Earth for a very specific purpose at this time and I know no matter where we go we won't be able to run away from it. So in a way I know we might live in Europe and we still have to fight the coming battles..you can only retreat so much, at some point you have to turn your face towards the battle and just do it. I think it's true for all of us who are so blessed/cursed that we see reality behind the matrix..

Thanks again!

[ambient]

Winston, thank you so much for those quotes. I don't think I have heard any of them,I found them fascinating and painfully true. They give hope and explain what I see in the US but at the same time they remind me that no matter where we live we still have to face this disease of the human society in general there's no running away from it, it is coded within us Things might be a lot better elsewhere still, but there is no ideal society and it's so easy to forget this and idolize the culture you grew up in, especially if you haven't been home for several years like myself. I am going to have to put these quotes to my growing collection of favorites to remind myself to this constantly, especially when I am homesick. Thank you again Winston and Think Different too!

[Dogboy86]

Love your posts ambient!

[oiltradingacademy]

Hi All I am not sure if there are many other women on this site at all or not but I thought to post a new thread with a few questions. First off I have found this website a few days ago for the first time, I showed it to my husband and last night we also watched many of the videos on youtube. It was such an awesome experience and literally I felt as if a stone was lifted off my chest for the first time in seven years, after watching it.
I am eastern European, I am married to my wonderful american husband for seven years. We are very happy indeed, we have children and we could not ask for a better partner for life in any way.
I am however not "happy". We live in the US because he could not find a job in the EU and his field of expertise is literally a mess in my country (healthcare). We figured we would be able to have a large family here without the severe financial strain that we would have to face in my home country.
Anyhow, we settle in the US initially. Unfortunately I have to say that in the past seven years I have barely made any friends. I am becoming more and more depressed about it. I obviously miss my home country, my family and my culture above all, however I feel it would be easier if I could fit in here. People think I am not trying hard enough. I have tried for years..To the point of almost becoming an american. (Well, I did, I am a citizen now which I am honestly proud of..I've grown to love the spirit of this country very dearly.) Anyway after several years of trying I have snapped. I can't fit in here and I don't even want to anymore. I am tired of it and I am sick to my stomach. Women here are so shallow, so empty, so un-cultured. I can't have an intelligent conversation with any of them. I get blank stares every time I try. I am married and I don't want to give the impression to anyone that I am flirting..so I don't talk to guys either. There are only a few people that truly accepts me in my husband's family, oddly mainly the guys..! And my husband's mother, who is such a sweetheart - but she lives accross the country. We have no extended family, no social life. I hate raising my children like this. This is so foreign to me and so depressing. I can't get along with women in my husband's family either, I tried my hardest but I was ridiculed and then shut out completely, given the cold shoulder for years. I think they think I am inferior to them..they are shocked that I have strong opinions and I am not accepting their superiority in anything. I don't know.
Anyways I need help. I have given up on making true American friends but I have not given up on finding friends amongst foreign wives. I found this site and I immediately thought maybe some of you are already married and perhaps your own wives struggle with similar issues more or less (if you live in the States.)

My other issue would be - we really would like to get out of the US. I want to move home. Anywhere in the world would be great compared to this but ideally home. I am wondering if there's anyone who was able to find a job in the EU as an american citizen. How long did it take and what does the process take. I have studied informatics in the past but since I've been home for so many years with my children, my knowledge is extremely outdated and I don't think I could find a job at this point to support our family till my husband gets a chance to work.
How did others solve this problem? Is there a legit online work that is reliable? I am afraid to go back in the midst of this economic crisis when we have a reliable income here from my husband.

I am not sure really if anyone can help me, I guess I am just hoping to talk to some people in similar situation or with insight to our/my problems. Anything would be welcome really. Thanks so much for reading and wishing the best of luck to everyone I would've never believed the grim truth about women in America if I did not see it with my own eyes and did not have to live amongst them for this many years. I hope everyone will find true happiness here!

Wish I knew how to help, but I don't. But for laughs I'll offer the following. A friend of mine from Prague came over to the States in a far less backward state than you're in (sorry) and he told people, "I'm from the Czech Republic", and they would reply, "did you drive here?"......

He would reply, "yep, I drove here".....

ROTFLOL.....

Americans have been purposely dumbed down for many years now. I'm afraid there is no real solution, at least not that I'm aware of, the only answer is to leave the USA as far as I know.

But I would like you to consider this for a moment ok? Consider yourself very lucky, you have a husband who loves you, and children who love you, take pleasure in them, for many of us, like myself, are not that lucky and are all alone in this world, please try to remember that, and cleave to your husband and your children....