Winston wrote: ↑February 18th, 2020, 8:31 pm
A few years ago? Shouldn't you have been wiser than to do that? Why would you leave a gem or a sexy Chinese lady that actually likes sex (which I think is a rarity since many of them are prudes) just to get a Masters degree so you can make more money?
Well, I didn't know I was going to meet the woman I was going to marry as soon as I hit China, how did I know what was going to transpire? You are making out that hindsight is a common concept within in us all. In fairness to your question though, the reason I needed more quals/a better job was because her family forbade her to see me - they made her break up with me but after about three days she disobeyed them and kept on seeing me - don't think there were any easy choices here, there weren't.
As for her liking sex, I was her first, she lost her virginity to me and I made sure she was satisfied, I am sure if she would have gone with some little Chinese blurt who she would have met at university - like a lot of them do - she would have got the 2 minute drillhammer - he would have probably put it in her bellybutton
- I am not bloody surprised they're not interested in sex when most of them are going with the most clueless youth on the planet when it comes to lovemaking. Without going into it all - when she came - she would want to do it again and again - so she never said no because it was pleasant for her - if the whole of Chinese womanhood went with me their first time, they would like sex a lot more than they do now, trust me
I can't imagine a more stupid thing than to do that. No offense.
No offence taken because you haven't clue what happened so I am going to tell you what happened so you are more in the picture.
But it seems totally dumb and nonsensical. There's no way I would risk losing a woman I really wanted just to get a masters degree so I can earn more money. That makes no sense. Money cannot replace a woman who is a keeper. There's no comparison. Two years is too long. I would have at least married her first.
She was only going to marry me AFTER I got her families approval - she spent the time we were together getting piecemeal approval off various aunties, cousins etc - she would come and see me all excited when she told me about Auntie xyz approves of us being together - if it was up to me, I would have married her on a beach in Thailand (which is my dream wedding venue anyway...) oh I forgot, her father had her hukou so getting a passport would have been difficult if not impossible.
I think the going away for an MA must have just been an excuse. Deep down you probably felt the relationship wasn't right for some reason. And you needed a polite way to get away and hope it would fizzle out, rather than have to break up. That would make more sense.
Yes and no - the whole affair was taking its toll on her, being with me was hard for her and now if a Chinese girl who I know likes me refuses me - I know why because they go through this, they were going to send her to the countryside, her auntie beat her up during the new years party, her parents wouldn't speak to her for two years blahblahblah... she will look back on that as a terrible time in her life - you know what these young Chinese girls think of their family and to go against them like that?
I too have been accused of violating Chinese manners and customs and nuances. But each time I do, what's annoying is that they refuse to explain what exactly I did wrong. They just tell me I should have known better and that if I don't know what I did wrong, then it's hopeless to explain and leave it at that. Chinese women are notorious for that, telling you you did something wrong but not elaborating on exactly what so you can avoid the mistake next time. Instead, they expect you to know by yourself. It's very annoying and illogical when they do that. Bad communication too. They aren't articulate or specific. That's sort of the Asian way which is why I dislike Asian cultures and manners. They don't get specific or articulate or logical. They just expect you to know and read their mind, and they forget I'm not part of their hive mind. And they refuse to explain it too so I can learn from it and not repeat the same mistake next time. It's kind of stupid. But Chinese women are notorious for doing the guilt trip on you and telling you "you know what you did wrong, I don't need to explain it" when you actually really do not know. So stupid part of Chinese culture.
The thing is Yick, as a foreigner you should not be expected to know anything about Chinese culture or mannerisms or etiquette or the "saving face" thing, whatever it means. But as an Asian they expect you to know. So I don't get why they would hold you accountable to it? Usually they do not hold white people accountable to understanding Chinese ways, such as that "saving face" crap, which I never got. In my book as long as you are honest, true to your word, loyal, not a hypocrite, keep your promises, and don't do bad things, then "saving face" shouldn't matter. They never define what that means anyway, nor do they explain how it works in logical detail. It's just something you're "supposed to know" without explanation, as if you are supposed to be plugged into their hive mind or something. lol. Really weird.
Yeah, but she would tell me what was going on and why, she wouldn't not tell me - she would say 'this is whats happening and this is why and this might be a way forward' the plan behind my MA was there was an excellent job on offer in a Tier one city where we could have gone, had a nice life and she could then say 'Hey - look at us, we're doing well' she was a qualified teacher and she spoke great English and she is now a successful English teacher (as far as I know, last time I spoke to her she was...) it wasn't - I'll do the MA to get away from her - I loved her, this was a plan that could have worked and it needed a gamble, it needed us to try a plan F or a plan G - I thought she might have waited but she didn't - it wasn't her fault - I was asking for a lot in hindsight - what descions wouldn't you have made if you had hindsight? Easy, isn't it?