DateinAsia.com Filipinas, legit or not?

[lavezzi]

Over the past several days, I have discovered dateinasia.com and been using it almost without stoppage. The relentless messages of "u so cute" and "u so handsome", along with the scores of Filipinas trying to chat with me on yahoo messenger at once had me in a joyous daze. Until a well-educated Indonesian women wrote this to me:

"hmmm some indonesians are gold diggers, but filipinas? almost all of them are, not only on this site, filipinas are looking for foreign spouses so that they can get visas. Im sorry to break this, but you shouldnt trust someone who havent even met yet. and come on, love? i know someone who met a girl off this site, they never met each other but the girl already told him she loves him? that sounds like a total BS to me"

The moment I read this, my buzz disappeared and I was left filled with shattering doubt. I consider myself a skeptical person but my judgement had been completely blinded by the joy of female attention. Which is bound to happen when you live in a country where women do not even glance at you in the street and dating sites are so that you have to send 100 messages to get one back which turns out to be an escort selling sex.

I mean, a site specifically for Asians to meet Westerners is obviously going to attract gold-diggers. But is all this talk of love and romance really just an act? Is Filipino women's interest ultimately due to the hope of obtaining a visa/money?

I'm just really hoping I can somehow get back to feeling and believing how I did yesterday, and that the recession keeps worsening so that I can never get a job and afford to travel and find out for certain what I already suspect, that women are hard-wired not to give a shit about men unless they want something from them.

[Mr S]

Some will be looking for money and others a husband. You gotta know how to screen them and also don't put all your eggs in one basket. You need to converse with multiple girls and willing to meet them eventually. There are scammers everywhere but not all Filipinas are like that, only a minor percentage. Only fools with no common sense get taken for a ride so I'm assuming you just haven't fallen off the cart...

BTW, why you believe an Indonesian chick? I'm in Jakarta now and the women to me seem more dodgy here than in Philippines. At least in Philippines there is some cultural similarities to the West, in Indonesia we Westerners are infidels you know. The women are kinda cold here in comparison to Filipinas...

[davewe]

Over the past several days, I have discovered dateinasia.com and been using it almost without stoppage. The relentless messages of "u so cute" and "u so handsome", along with the scores of Filipinas trying to chat with me on yahoo messenger at once had me in a joyous daze. Until a well-educated Indonesian women wrote this to me:

"hmmm some indonesians are gold diggers, but filipinas? almost all of them are, not only on this site, filipinas are looking for foreign spouses so that they can get visas. Im sorry to break this, but you shouldnt trust someone who havent even met yet. and come on, love? i know someone who met a girl off this site, they never met each other but the girl already told him she loves him? that sounds like a total BS to me"

The moment I read this, my buzz disappeared and I was left filled with shattering doubt. I consider myself a skeptical person but my judgement had been completely blinded by the joy of female attention. Which is bound to happen when you live in a country where women do not even glance at you in the street and dating sites are so that you have to send 100 messages to get one back which turns out to be an escort selling sex.

I mean, a site specifically for Asians to meet Westerners is obviously going to attract gold-diggers. But is all this talk of love and romance really just an act? Is Filipino women's interest ultimately due to the hope of obtaining a visa/money?

I'm just really hoping I can somehow get back to feeling and believing how I did yesterday, and that the recession keeps worsening so that I can never get a job and afford to travel and find out for certain what I already suspect, that women are hard-wired not to give a shit about men unless they want something from them.

I have had the same experience on Cherry Blossoms and there are several discussions on the forum about men's experiences there. There is in my experience a percentage of out and out scammers who will just chat with you and ask for money. But most of the girls legitimately want to get married to a Westerner.

Does that mean they are only green card chasing hos? I'm sure some are but you will find that the dynamics are more complex. Of course they want a better life which they hope will happen with a foreigner. And many genuinely want to get married, believe that by their 20s they are getting old, and find the local guys to be cheaters who cannot support a family.

As to the love thing, well I agree that falling in love over the Internet is silly but it does happen. Many of these girls are young and emotional and are looking for love and a better life. So don't be surprised if you are chatting with someone for a while and she does in fact fall for you.

OTOH, I certainly agree with the strategy of chatting with lots of girls. Do not put all your eggs in one basket.

[Taco]

Until a well-educated Indonesian women wrote this to me:

"hmmm some indonesians are gold diggers, but filipinas? almost all of them are, not only on this site, filipinas are looking for foreign spouses so that they can get visas. Im sorry to break this, but you shouldnt trust someone who havent even met yet. and come on, love?

What this Indonesian women didn't tell you is there is low demand for Indonesian women compared to Filipinas, it makes sense that she would be jealous. Filipinas basically outcompete all other women in just about any category. Theres dishonest women in any country but if you know what to look for and you trust your gut instinct you can easily pick them out. As a group, I think Filipinas are the most loyal women I've ever met.

You can send this link to your Indonesian friend, she won't be happy about it.

http://naughtynomad.com/2010/06/27/top- ... -s-e-asia/

[Winston]

I just put up a new profile on DateinAsia. Wow I got replies right away. Most are from Filipinas that aren't that good looking. But a few are cute as a button. You guys should try it too. Put up a profile and see. You will get replies from Filipinas right away.

Btw I wrote this in my new profile. Does it sound too negative? Would it turn off any girls? If so they are probably petty and shallow and not worth my time anyway right? Girls who hate honesty aren't the kind of girls I'd vibe with anyway right?

My profile:

"Hello, I am an Asian American writer, traveler, and expat. I grew up in California and am traveling around. I run an internet business which gives me the freedom to travel. I am visiting family in Taiwan. I don't know anyone here, and people are not very open to meeting strangers unfortunately and do not even make eye contact with others, unlike SE Asia where I usually hang out, or most other countries I've been to. Even my Taiwanese relatives are all business and do not have fun or try to be social with me, they just work and go home and only see me for an occasional dinner with my parents. Very boring.

Not to offend anyone, but people here are very repressed and cold to the extreme, almost inhuman in a sense, not just shy or reserved as they like to think. They are never soulful or lively or open or passionate. It's like you are required to constantly repress your soul and personality here, which is awkward and suffocating to be honest. This makes Taiwan even less free than China in some ways. It's hard to explain in words. You know what I mean? Are there any exceptions out there? If so, I'd love to hear from you.

I would like to meet a cool girl to hang out with. I am very sweet, charming and adventurous if you get to know me. Never boring. I am passionate, romantic and freespirited (which is rare for an Asian as you know), and try to live life to the fullest. I love to travel, see new cultures and places, have fun, experience new things, have meaningful conversations, etc. I am not uptight, rigid or overly serious like the typical NE Asian at all. My friends say my soul is more Latin, Italian, Spanish, or Russian than Chinese or Taiwanese. That may sound kind of weird or unusual, but I am what I am. I am very honest and sincere and never fake or shallow or superficial. I say what I mean and have high integrity.

I speak four languages - English, basic Mandarin, basic Taiwanese, and basic Russian. I've been to 14 countries and have lived in 3 foreign countries long term (besides USA)."

[MrMan]

Over the past several days, I have discovered dateinasia.com and been using it almost without stoppage. The relentless messages of "u so cute" and "u so handsome", along with the scores of Filipinas trying to chat with me on yahoo messenger at once had me in a joyous daze. Until a well-educated Indonesian women wrote this to me:

"hmmm some indonesians are gold diggers, but filipinas? almost all of them are, not only on this site, filipinas are looking for foreign spouses so that they can get visas. Im sorry to break this, but you shouldnt trust someone who havent even met yet. and come on, love? i know someone who met a girl off this site, they never met each other but the girl already told him she loves him? that sounds like a total BS to me"

The moment I read this, my buzz disappeared and I was left filled with shattering doubt. I consider myself a skeptical person but my judgement had been completely blinded by the joy of female attention. Which is bound to happen when you live in a country where women do not even glance at you in the street and dating sites are so that you have to send 100 messages to get one back which turns out to be an escort selling sex.

I mean, a site specifically for Asians to meet Westerners is obviously going to attract gold-diggers. But is all this talk of love and romance really just an act? Is Filipino women's interest ultimately due to the hope of obtaining a visa/money?

I'm just really hoping I can somehow get back to feeling and believing how I did yesterday, and that the recession keeps worsening so that I can never get a job and afford to travel and find out for certain what I already suspect, that women are hard-wired not to give a shit about men unless they want something from them.

I'm a middle aged man who got married before it was a common thing to try to find dates online, back just before the turn of the century, so I cannot tell you the legitimacy of this site. I am married to an Indonesian and lived overseas, and I have read some stuff on expat-related sites.

I have read about Filipinas who sit around on a computer all day in an Internet cafe/room where they rent time on a computer, who have lots of online boyfriends and try to hit them up for cash. There was a man interested in an online prospect, and he sent a local investigator who found the place she went to use the Internet who struck up a conversation with him. She told about her many boyfriends and how she got money from them.

I used to go to church in the US with a lot of Filipinos, and I do not know as much about the actual culture(s) there as I do about the culture(s) in Indonesia, but I think they are both similar cultures in that they are very marriage oriented. The women want to get married. Marrying age is the early 20's. If they go past that, they may feel the social clock ticking if not the biological one. In some people-groups in Indonesia, if you are single in your 30's, they try to match you up with a cousin or your relatives cousins.

From this forum and elsewhere, I get the impression that there is a subculture of sex workers and 'free prostitutes' who sleep around with expats in certain cities. I would imagine these girls might find it hard to find husbands after they have been 'spoiled.'

I have no idea what the percentages are, but I suspect on a dating site with a lot of Filipinas and expat men, there are probably girls serious about finding a husband and some who are trying to scam lots of men out of electric bill payments and payments for mom's emergency heart surgery. I have no idea if it is normal for a Filipina to say, "I love you" in the third or fourth message she sends you if she is __trying to__ be sincere, but that seems super weird to me and it would turn me off. I saw a video of a guy who got messages about getting married, and he started to push for meeting her parents really soon so they could talk about marriage to see how she reacted.

If you are young and the women find you attractive, online fan mail might be legitimate. You might be sort of okay looking in your home country, but if a girl likes white guys, she might really think you are good-looking. Filipinas might have a different taste in white men.

I cannot tell if men are good looking. (I can tell if someone is odd-looking.) So I could not look in the mirror when I was young and give much of an evaluation of my looks. My mom said I was. Occasionally, a girl indicated interest in me, unsolicited. But in Indonesia, I met a girl for a few seconds at a bus stop and she gave me a business card. I was picking up on signals left and right that young women liked me. A couple of women I knew from church sent home gifts to my mom when I went home for Christmas. (I did not get this, but someone later explained that they might be hoping to warm up the mother-in-law.) I was at prime marrying age, too, so that was probably part of it. Some percentage of girls there like white men. After I got married, young women would ask my wife, "How did you find your husband?" or "How did you find a man like that to be your husband." They could also see that I was a Christian and a devoted husband, not a wild party animal, so that was probably part of it.

Some of the attention might be from women are serious about finding a man to marry. If finding a well-to-do white man is a rare thing, maybe they chase you. I've seen bits and pieces of 'The Bachelorette.' Somehow, the girls get convinced that this quasi-short-term-celebrity potential husband is the bees knees. So they throw themselves at the one high status male they are all competing for, in ways that might be self-degrading in other settings, quickly telling their feelings, etc. Women trying to get that rare foreign husband in some cultures might be more willing to do this than in others. You could ask Filipinos whether a woman's behavior is normal.

Some women can be 'gold diggers' in that regard. But if they are looking for a well-to-do man, but with an aim to be a good wife and stay together for life, I would put them in a different category from the scammers. Still, greed is a bad characteristic, and I did not want to marry a materialistic woman. It would have messed up how we used our money, how much we give and stuff like that.

[Taco]

I met my wife on DateinAsia.com and 11 years later we're still married.

[publicduende]

I'm a middle aged man who got married before it was a common thing to try to find dates online, back just before the turn of the century, so I cannot tell you the legitimacy of this site. I am married to an Indonesian and lived overseas, and I have read some stuff on expat-related sites.

I have read about Filipinas who sit around on a computer all day in an Internet cafe/room where they rent time on a computer, who have lots of online boyfriends and try to hit them up for cash. There was a man interested in an online prospect, and he sent a local investigator who found the place she went to use the Internet who struck up a conversation with him. She told about her many boyfriends and how she got money from them.

I used to go to church in the US with a lot of Filipinos, and I do not know as much about the actual culture(s) there as I do about the culture(s) in Indonesia, but I think they are both similar cultures in that they are very marriage oriented. The women want to get married. Marrying age is the early 20's. If they go past that, they may feel the social clock ticking if not the biological one. In some people-groups in Indonesia, if you are single in your 30's, they try to match you up with a cousin or your relatives cousins.

From this forum and elsewhere, I get the impression that there is a subculture of sex workers and 'free prostitutes' who sleep around with expats in certain cities. I would imagine these girls might find it hard to find husbands after they have been 'spoiled.'

I have no idea what the percentages are, but I suspect on a dating site with a lot of Filipinas and expat men, there are probably girls serious about finding a husband and some who are trying to scam lots of men out of electric bill payments and payments for mom's emergency heart surgery. I have no idea if it is normal for a Filipina to say, "I love you" in the third or fourth message she sends you if she is __trying to__ be sincere, but that seems super weird to me and it would turn me off. I saw a video of a guy who got messages about getting married, and he started to push for meeting her parents really soon so they could talk about marriage to see how she reacted.

If you are young and the women find you attractive, online fan mail might be legitimate. You might be sort of okay looking in your home country, but if a girl likes white guys, she might really think you are good-looking. Filipinas might have a different taste in white men.

I cannot tell if men are good looking. (I can tell if someone is odd-looking.) So I could not look in the mirror when I was young and give much of an evaluation of my looks. My mom said I was. Occasionally, a girl indicated interest in me, unsolicited. But in Indonesia, I met a girl for a few seconds at a bus stop and she gave me a business card. I was picking up on signals left and right that young women liked me. A couple of women I knew from church sent home gifts to my mom when I went home for Christmas. (I did not get this, but someone later explained that they might be hoping to warm up the mother-in-law.) I was at prime marrying age, too, so that was probably part of it. Some percentage of girls there like white men. After I got married, young women would ask my wife, "How did you find your husband?" or "How did you find a man like that to be your husband." They could also see that I was a Christian and a devoted husband, not a wild party animal, so that was probably part of it.

Some of the attention might be from women are serious about finding a man to marry. If finding a well-to-do white man is a rare thing, maybe they chase you. I've seen bits and pieces of 'The Bachelorette.' Somehow, the girls get convinced that this quasi-short-term-celebrity potential husband is the bees knees. So they throw themselves at the one high status male they are all competing for, in ways that might be self-degrading in other settings, quickly telling their feelings, etc. Women trying to get that rare foreign husband in some cultures might be more willing to do this than in others. You could ask Filipinos whether a woman's behavior is normal.

Some women can be 'gold diggers' in that regard. But if they are looking for a well-to-do man, but with an aim to be a good wife and stay together for life, I would put them in a different category from the scammers. Still, greed is a bad characteristic, and I did not want to marry a materialistic woman. It would have messed up how we used our money, how much we give and stuff like that.

Great observations, @MrMan. The culture around marriage and having a stable relationship with a "well-to-do man" in Indonesia and the Philippines sounds quite similar. I can imagine that, perhaps, the Islamic background of many Indonesian families gives casual dating and fooling around a stronger stigma than in the Philippines. Here is where young women are supposed, in fact expected, to "shop around" to find the best possible man for them, one who fits their desires and - sadly - the material requirements of a better life for themselves and their families.

As soon as I arrived here in 2013 and then in 2015, I also bought the delusion that we white foreigners, whether in their 30s or 50s, never married or single again, were some sort of hot commodity in the local dating market. I was convinced that being taller, whiter, with a defined face structure and a pointy nose, earning a multiple of the Filipino average salary and well educated/spoken, would make all the difference.

In short, I thought I ticked all the boxes to be the hottest catch in town. The facts that the town was Davao City, much less cosmopolitan than Metro Manila and even Cebu, and that I was on a mission to start a business and build a stable life here...all of this would, in my naive mind, play a role in making me somehow special.

While I did get a lot of interest from girls, mostly girls I contacted via Date in Asia or Filipino Cupid, and the odd acquaintance in a mall, they were all girls with one or more of the following:

1) from poor backgrounds, unable to support themselves and their families (often their kids) properly, stuck in an exhausting, underpaid job with no perspective of escape or redemption
2) dark-skinned, thin and with strong Malay or native features, which makes them undesirable to most local men, but not to most of us foreigners
3) from families of bad reputation: dad in jail, overwhelmed with debts, all sisters are single moms in need, etc.

These are what someone called "excess" or "leftover" girls. They would do anything for the chance of a better life, including sleeping with an out-of-shape 50-yo at the first date. Some of them will have learned how to endear themselves to their male catch: they're sweet talkers, they're good at sex, often both. They are also the ones who, when dumped or double-timed by a man looking for the next adventure in bed, shed no tears and get ready for the next chap in their contact list.

Remember that most Internet scams, like entertaining multiple men, only work when said men are far, abroad and on a different timezone, unable to meet them for several hours and see how they are really like. That's why it's much, much easier to get "love" from these girls once they come here and start living here, possibly for several months instead of the canonical 10 days.

When the men are here, these Filipinas have no choice but to put up their best behaviour and see if anything sticks. If not, no heartbreak, if the city is big enough there wlll always be someone else to meet.

Having said that, I also found women who were happy to have sex with me on a NSA/Fubu arrangement. Many more than I would have though initially, actually. The issue is that, bar few notable exception, all of them were bored single moms in their late 30s, with no immediate financial need but little hope of a sex life, as local men always prefer to hook up with, young attractive girls given a choice.

Back in 2015 I even met an Indonesian woman who worked for the Indonesian consulate in Davao. Interestingly, Davao has a somewhat overlarge Indonesian consulate, which acts as a diplomatic outpost for the muslim community living in Mindanao and the Indonesian fishermen who often trespass into Philippine waters. Anyway, woman was a bit on the chubby side but sweet, a mom of 2, divorced...and she liked sex. We lasted a couple of weeks, then I got bored and we parted ways. Talking to a foreign friend who lived in Davao, I learned she had been in bed with him, too. And this is a morbidly obese American man, nothing to write home about.

Most men, especially those from the Anglosphere and Asia, are happy with relationships they know are functional in nature (you take care of me, I take care of you), so long they get the benefit of being with a girl 20, 30 years younger, whom they consider hot and desirable, with some good character to keep the relationship strong once the sexual attraction fades.

To some men, like me, especially those who live in the Philippines long enough to see the bricks behind the curtains, so to speak, it soon becomes a tired old carousel. All that meandering among girls who can say "I love you" to a man one day and another man the following day, so long they are given the chance to stick around and have their lives changed, stops beind exciting and adventurous and becomes the parody of itself.

As many of my old post show, my honeymoon only lasted a year, maybe 18 months. At that point I made my priority that of finding a good girl for a serious relationship. It took me an additional 18 months and quite the luck to find C, my wife. Even after I decided to give my heart to her, having sex with so many different girls had me rotten spoiled and it took a few painful months to adjust to having her as my exclusive sexual partner. She is an absolutely wonderful girl, she is worth platinum and I love her to bits.

She gave me all the meaning I needed to have, to justify my life here, indeed my life, my existence tout court. As wiseman says, you can live without knowing why you're living, but you can't live without knowing for whom you're living.

[Gali]

publiceduende winning in life dance:

Dirty Dancing - The Time Of My Life (HD)- Dança Final
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ovb1zA2rWZo

[publicduende]

publiceduende winning in life dance:

Dirty Dancing - The Time Of My Life (HD)- Dança Final
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ovb1zA2rWZo

I wouldn't call it winning...just hedging my bets, mate.

[Gali]

publiceduende winning in life dance:

Dirty Dancing - The Time Of My Life (HD)- Dança Final
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ovb1zA2rWZo

I wouldn't call it winning...just hedging my bets, mate.

So how happy are you from 0 to 100? When you have the money where are you going to be?

Anyway the rest of us are like:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPWfydIeeHc
ABBA The Winner Takes It All HD Lyrics (Sub-Español Ingles) —.flv

[MrMan]

I met my wife on DateinAsia.com and 11 years later we're still married.

Can you tell us the story of how that went down? Were you visiting? Did you live there? Were you 'wife hunting' or just dating and you two clicked? Did you online chat with or meet in person a lot of girls you met on the site before you found your wife?

What do you say when other couples ask you, "So how did you two meet?"

[Taco]

I talked to my wife for two years on dateinasia.com and then I went to Philippines and married her. We live in the Philippines.

My first 10 days on dateinasia.com I got 1000 messages. When it comes to women, Philippines is one stop shopping.

[publicduende]

My first 10 days on dateinasia.com I got 1000 messages. When it comes to women, Philippines is one stop shopping.

I don't know how many years ago this was. Dating on DIA or FC is about quantity, not quality. They say you can find the occasional gem. By personal experience, I didn't find any. I found better all-around girls on Tinder, actually.

The only saving grace is that, by already living in the Philippines, I avoided 99% of the "distance relationship boyfriend" scammers outright.

[Winston]

Holy cow, look at this profile on DateinAsia by a girl in Manila. I've never seen any Filipina have such a long list of strict requirements. Dang. She must be uptight and picky and perfectionistic. Very unusual for a Filipina. What do you think @publicduende? lol. See her profile below.

https://www.dateinasia.com/simply_cute